Chapter 47 - Mrs. Potts - Beauty and the Beast
Mrs. Potts is kind and consoling, but can be stern when the situation calls for her to be. She is very motherly.
A little more than a week after Edward leaves for camp …
"Hey, Bella, I was thinking about making chicken parmesan for dinner. Does that sound good?" Maggie asks as she pokes her head into Mom's room.
I look from the book I'm holding in my lap, the one that I haven't turned a page on in more than fifteen minutes truth be told. My mind's definitely not on Elizabeth and her Mr. Darcy today.
"Sure, that sounds great," I tell her, my stomach suddenly making itself known at the mention of Maggie's chicken parm - it's to die for. "Do we still have any of the bread left from yesterday?" I ask before she can turn away.
"We sure do," she answers with a knowing smile.
We've been cooking and baking a lot together this week, trying out some new recipes. It's been fun, if not a little bittersweet. Mom loved to bake. Cooking wasn't really her thing, not that she was horrible at it, but she really loved to bake. I like that cooking and baking makes me feel closer to her somehow, instead of like moving on without her.
The day after Edward left, I promised myself that I would use the time he was gone to really try to be ready to do more than just be. I want to do.
For him, because of him … I want to do.
She starts to walk off, but I call her back. "Hey, Mag?" She looks back, eyes widened in question. "How about we sit outside on the deck? It's a nice night out."
If eyeballs could fall out of heads like they do in cartoons, Maggie's would be on the floor and rolling away, all the way out the door right now.
"Ah, sure, sweetie, that sounds really nice." She stands still and gazes at me, and I know she's trying to figure out what I've done with her Bella … or maybe she's wondering if I've been taken over by an alien.
Whatever she's searching for, she obviously doesn't find because she waits just one more moment before turning around again and going down the hall toward the kitchen.
I close the book and look across at the hospital bed. The low hum of machines hooked up to keep a constant record of Mom's blood pressure and pulse fills the room as always, as does the aura of sickness. No matter how many times the windows are opened or how many candles are lit in the room, the scent never goes away. I sometimes wonder if I'll always smell it.
"Okay, Mom, that's enough of Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth for today. I'll be back in a little bit. It's about time Maggie and I have a nice long talk," I whisper, and wince a bit at the twist of my stomach and the sharp pang of longing in my heart. "Love you, Mom, so much."
I bend down to kiss her papery thin cheek that's soft like it's always been, but the sunken skin and ashen color is a stark reminder that though she still looks like my mom, in most ways at least, the mom I remember is long gone.
I make my way to the kitchen and step beside Maggie. Seamlessly we get dinner ready; chatting a little while the heady aroma of tomato and garlic wafts through the kitchen making my mouth water. Since I've lifted my self-imposed exile and started spending more time out of my room … and Mom's room, I've found that Maggie's a lot of fun to be around. She loves to sing while she cooks, she watches every reality show on TV she can find and talks about the people on them as if they're her long-lost best friends – she watches so many it's next to impossible to keep track of them all. I usually just nod and respond every few minutes while she goes on and on about what Kim is doing and how that Adam is a nice-looking young man. She's been trying to get me to agree to let her teach me how to knit, which I have to say looks pretty relaxing, but I don't want to tell her that. She loves to play Bejeweled on the computer and she always has a pencil tucked behind her ear because she's forever making lists. Lists of what I have no idea, but she's constantly writing stuff down.
All of which makes her a pretty wonderful woman and one that I've come to appreciate a great deal.
Once the food's done, we fix our plates, grab the basket of the bread we baked yesterday, our drinks, and take everything outside. The sun's just begun to set making the sky a soft lavender color that's streaked with blues and pinks. The day's been clear and warm making it so that sitting outside in shorts and a t-shirt is comfortable. Crickets chirp, there's a very gentle breeze, and I can't help but wonder if the night's as nice in Eugene and whether or not Edward's enjoying it as much as I am.
Thinking of him causes me to grab my phone, the one that's never out of reach these days, and flip it over to see if there's a message from him. I huff when there's not and flip it back over.
When I look up, Maggie's studying me, closely … too close judging by the tightness of her mouth and the slight narrowing of her eyes.
Shit.
I sigh, figuring it's about time to get this out of the way. We've been avoiding it all week. Ever since Edward left, I know she's noticed the way I carry my phone with me everywhere I go. Up until he started texting me, I'd get a text or two from Phil a day, maybe, and every now and then some forward that one of my friends from Phoenix sent. Now, it's like it's permanently attached to my fingers and she's caught me more than once typing furiously on my laptop, not to mention writing in my notebook.
So, yeah, this conversation has been a long time coming.
"Have you met a new friend?" she asks as she cuts her chicken.
The smile that spreads across my face when I think of Edward speaks for itself. A new friend … a best friend. I gasp, slapping a hand over my mouth at the sudden realization. Of course he's my best friend; I wonder if he knows that? My hands start fluttering, the need to tell him, to let him know that besides all the other stuff, like the fact that he's the most amazing person I've ever met in my life and makes me feel all warm and squishy inside, that he truly is my best friend.
Maggie reaches over and places her hand on top of mine to still it. "Okay, now what's going on? You look like you're about to jump out of your skin, and don't think I haven't noticed that you've smiled more this past week than you have in the entire time I've known you. Talk to me, Bella."
I take a deep breath as I look at her and I can see how much she cares about me … and not because she's being paid to do so, but because she honestly and truly does. She may have been brought into my life in the most horrible circumstance imaginable, but there's no denying how good of a person she is.
Besides, I need to talk to someone … like really, really badly.
"Yeah, I have a new friend." I can't help but press my free hand against my stomach to try to calm the riot of butterflies currently bouncing around inside just from the thought of Edward.
"That's great, Bella! Where did you meet her? What's her name? Why don't you have her come over? When do I get to meet her?" she asks excitedly. I feel bad for a brief moment because she's so excited for me …
I've made her so worried for so long.
"Um," I begin as I try to figure out how to word what I need to say. "It's not a she, it's a he." With that her eyebrows lift to her hairline. "His name is Edward."
The breathy way his name comes out can't even be helped because finally being able to say his name out loud is so nice.
"He, ah … well, he can't come over because he's away right now, soccer camp, but he's, well … he's been here, but not here inside the house here," I clarify but from the confused look on her face I can tell I'm not making any sense as I keep rambling. I tend to do that when I'm nervous. Right now, with Maggie's mouth pursed and her hand continuing its pat pat on top of mine, I'm not sure I've ever been so nervous … so as I'm apt to do, I speed through the rest, the most important part. "And well … you see, I've never, what I mean is, I've talked to him, but um … I've never actually, ah … um, met him."
I puff my cheeks and blow out a large, cleansing breath, so happy to have that out of the way.
At least I was until Maggie asked the one question I'd been dreading but knew was coming. "How exactly is he your friend if you've never met him? I don't understand."
So, I start from the beginning, cringing when her mouth opens and her jaw hits the table. I keep going though, and tell her all of it. Slowly but surely her mouth closes, though her grip on my hand tightens. She doesn't look exactly upset, but she sure as hell isn't smiling either.
I guess I can't blame her because even I got a little freaked out describing everything that's happened over the past weeks. How this ever managed to turn out as perfectly as it did, I'll never know, but it doesn't matter now, anyway.
I got the guy … and he's perfect and wonderful, and even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else, it makes sense to the two of us.
She continues to look at me, the silence weighted and tense before she leans back just a bit. Her shoulders relax and she tilts her head.
"Bella Swan, I don't know whether to shake you for doing something so dangerous, or give you a hug for finally doing something for yourself for a change." She huffs, but when the corners of her mouth lift, I know that while she's a bit peeved at me, she's not really all that mad, so I grin back at her and push my luck, just a little bit.
"Hugs are always good, Maggie. I'm too big to shake anyway."
"Don't sass me, little girl," she says with a sigh and I know she'll be okay. She takes a drink of her iced tea and stares off in the direction of the backyard. I don't think she's really taking in the picturesque scenery, so I don't say anything while she's obviously figuring out what to say to me.
"You've been so different for weeks now, I knew something had happened. This," she grunts with a wave of her hand between us and in the general direction of my phone, "isn't even close to what I thought it was, but I can't deny that you are most definitely not the same girl that moved here the beginning of summer."
"Edward's been a really good friend," I say quietly, but surely, and meaning it with my whole heart. The boy might make my insides rock and roll, but beneath all the flirting and CDs and cookies and silly pens, we're friends, best friends, first and foremost. I know he has Jasper and Emmett, and even Alice and Rose, but I know what we share is different from what he gives them. I don't know how I know, I just do.
She sighs again and shifts a little in her seat like she's trying to get comfortable because what she's about to say is liable to be anything but. "Bella," and the way she says my name I know it's not going to be anything I want to hear. "I'm not your mother, I'm not even family, but I love you as much as if you were my own and have almost from the moment Phil asked me to take care of you as well as Renée. I know you're almost eighteen but you have to know how incredibly dangerous what you did truly was. I can't even begin to think what Phil would say if he knew how you've been spending your nights, well early mornings, for the past month and a half." She shakes her head a little bit, as if trying to keep herself from saying something she's not sure she should say. "I hate to ask this when you seem so happy, but are you even sure this Edward is really who you think he is?"
I want to huff and slap my hands down on the table and tell her it's none of her damn business, and as sad as it is to say, two months ago I probably would have done just that, but instead I breathe in and out through my nose. I cringe and I get so mad at myself when I think about how closed-off I was just a few short months ago, refusing to talk to anyone, and wallowing as if I was the only one affected by what happened to my mom. Never mind Phil, who lost his wife and the love of his life. It was all about me, me, me.
Ugh.
I roll my eyes at her and say, "I know this all seems incredibly strange, and I suppose it is, but give me some credit, Mag. I Googled the Forks High Soccer team as soon as he told me his number and saw his name in the search, along with his best friends, whose names he also told me."
"So," she pokes the back of my hand and grins at me, "what does he look like, is he cute?"
And just like that, she's doing exactly what I need her to do. I get where she's coming from, and to be really honest, it's nice to know she just wants me to be okay, but I need to talk. "I don't know, I didn't look at the picture of the team. The page was loading and it was just about to come up, but before it did, I closed it."
"Bella! Why? Don't you want to know what he looks like?" she asks and I scoff because want to know doesn't even come close.
Ache.
Need.
Crave.
And even those don't really convey just how much I want it.
"Of course I do." I huff, frustrated because I don't even know if I can explain this so that it makes sense. "At first, it was kind of exciting, you know, not knowing what he looked like. I could make up this picture in my mind based on the things he told me and the way he described himself. Then as we talked more, it was almost like knowing what he looked like was almost too much. I'd told him all about Mom and Phil and Dad, but there was still that little barrier, that little piece that still let me hide."
My voice becomes softer and I reach for my phone and curl my fingers around it, feeling closer to Edward somehow because now, he's only the push of a button away … or a tap on the screen I suppose. "And once Phil left and I finally stopped thinking about only myself and I really started talking to Edward, it was almost time for him to leave for camp and he was so worried about not being ready that I couldn't distract him, no matter how much I wanted it. I could Google him, I could look on the Forks High website and find him, but when I see him for the first time, I want it to be him and me and not through a computer screen. I want to see his eyes and the crazy bronze-colored hair he keeps complaining about. I want to see him smile and know that when he looks at me, he sees the Bella I want to be."
"Oh, sweetie." She sniffs and then wipes beneath her eyes with the tips of her fingers. "Do you care what he looks like? I mean what if he has a crooked nose or bad teeth or wears that horrible black eyeliner every day?" I think she's teasing but my answer's serious.
"You might not believe this, but I don't care." She tilts her head and arches one eyebrow indicating that she doesn't believe me. "I really don't. Don't get me wrong, if he's cute, and I'm almost positive cute doesn't even come close, that's just icing on the cake. He's beautiful inside, and he makes me feel that way, too; that's what matters more than anything."
I could feel embarrassed about gushing like that, but I don't. I mean every word.
"Well, please tell me you at least looked at his last name!" She laughs.
I nod and take a drink of my ice water. "I did, but he told me anyway. It's Cullen, Edward Cullen."
Maggie gasps and then coughs because apparently she's swallowed her tongue for some reason.
"Did you say Cullen?" she asks, eyes wide and watering and her mouth open. I nod and her grin rivals the cat that swallowed the canary. "Oh, dear, I'd say you don't have anything whatsoever to worry about when it comes to your Edward."
I must look at her like she's lost her ever-loving mind which only makes her laugh harder. "Sweetie, I might be old, but I'm not blind. His dad's a doctor I bet." When I tell her yes she gets this dreamy look on her face. "I've met Dr. Cullen when I had to talk with him about your mom's case. Girl, the man is the epitome of a hottie. If your Edward looks anything like his father, you are one very, very lucky girl."
Your Edward … My Edward … oh, I like the sound of that.
I like it a whole hell of a lot.
We chat for a few more minutes, and then she gets up and takes the dishes back into the kitchen, telling me to go ahead and text him because I look like I'm about to go crazy.
I turn the phone around in my hands a few times, thinking about the conversation Maggie and I just had, and I'm really glad that everything's out in the open now. Talking about it makes it seem almost more real in a way. Of course I didn't tell her everything. After all, a girl's gotta have some secrets, right?
Needing to talk to him in the worst way, I type out a quick message, relishing in the fact that being able to talk to him whenever … well, when he's not busy anyway, pretty much kicks ass.
Just wanted to say hi. How did the game go?
I have no idea if he's done yet, but I giggle and let out the girliest sigh when he sends a message right back.
I'm so crazy about him it's not even funny.
I was just thinking about u! It was good I started and played the whole game so that's good. I'm tired as fuck though. How was ur day?
I snort at the curse word, only because I sometimes wonder if he even realizes how often he does it. I don't think it should turn me on as much as it does either, but it always does something to me. He's so sweet most of the time, I can't help but really, really like when a little bad boy slips in.
Are u done for the night? Day was fine … spent some time with my drums today and had a nice dinner w/ Maggie. Told her about u
I hope he's not drinking anything when he sees that message, because he's liable to spit it all out. Poor boy.
Ohhh, and just what were u practicing? Bet I know ;) Told her everything ...do I even want to know how that went
It was fine … she said ur dad was a hottie though, is he?
Ugh, Bella! I can't believe u asked me that! Just no, ok? And jsyk … I'm way hotter than he is. He's old.
And there's the Creeper I know.
Hmmm, well I suppose I'll have to see you both and judge for myself
Soon baby and I can't fucking wait. I gotta go. I'll send an email later, k? I miss you xoxo
Soon … I sigh. I really freaking hope so.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
From: Bella Swan bellaswan at gmail . com
To: Edward Cullen ecullen18 at yahoo . com
Edward,
So you remember last week and we were talking about your dad? Um, can I just say that your dad is not old and I'm thinking Maggie's right about the whole Dr. Cullen's a hottie thing.
I met him today. He came by to check on Mom and to discuss a few things with Maggie. He's so nice, Edward, you're very lucky. And ah … you know when you called earlier and I didn't answer? That's when he was here. Well, he heard the phone ring and mentioned that it was your favorite song, so, yeah, talk about a little awkward. I didn't know what to say! I couldn't exactly say 'well, you know, Dr. Cullen, the entire month you were gone he sort of spent most every night standing outside watching me until all hours of the morning', now could I?
Do you ever think about how you'll tell them we know each other? Or will you even do that?
I don't want them to think badly of me … although I guess you were the watcher and I was the watchee so maybe I'm good. Who knows?
He's really great, Edward, and so, so nice. It's been such a long time since a doctor talked to me like I was a person and really cared about what I was feeling. He gave me a lot to think about, but he did it in a way that wasn't hurtful or that made me feel like he was wasting his time by talking to me.
How was your day? Was the game good tonight? I'm sure you did great. How are Emmett and Jasper doing? I laughed at the forwarded email you sent earlier from Alice. I think I'm really going to like your friends, I just hope they like me. It's been a long time since I've had to meet so many new people.
I'm nervous but really excited, too, and of course I'll have you and that's really all I need.
I miss you.
I still go outside every night, but it's just not the same without you here. I still feel you, though, and I like that … a lot, but it's still not as good as having you close by.
I hope things are going well for you, Edward. I know how hard you've worked and how much you want this. And no matter what you say, I know I've kept you from being as focused as you've probably needed to be. I feel bad about that but I can't lie and say I'm not really happy about the way things have turned out. Who would've thought it, huh?
Just goes to show you what can happen when you take a chance on something, right?
Anyway, I need to go shower and stuff … It'll be time to go outside soon. The moon's bright tonight, I like thinking about us looking at it at the same time, makes it seem like you're not so far away.
Night …
Yours,
Bella
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
"Please be good news, please be good news," I chant and squeeze my eyes shut.
I take a deep breath and carefully, slowly, open one eye just enough to peek.
Holy shit, I made it! Coming home 2morrow, can't wait. Miss you baby so fucking much xoxo E~
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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