Chapter 45 - Nala - The Lion King
Cookies … check.
Notebook … check.
Freshly washed hair … check.
Butterflies the size of kittens … check.
Missing Edward already … check and double check.
"God, you are such an idiot, Bella," I grumble to myself as I look at my reflection in the mirror.
I showered way too early. Like hours too early.
Crap.
I'm so nervous about tonight, I couldn't help it. I spent the day in the kitchen, ignoring pointed looks from Maggie, especially when she spied the jersey-shaped cookies with specific numbers on them. She and I are definitely going to have to have a talk while Edward's gone. It's not like I'll have anything better to do anyway. Besides, I really need someone to talk to about everything.
There's a lot of everything.
I sigh and try not to think about the fact that I wish I could talk to Mom instead. I can, and I will talk to her like I always do, but as much as I want it to be, it's not the same.
I pick up a brush and pull it through the wet, peppermint-scented strands of my hair. I try to ignore the stutter step of my heartbeat but it's impossible. In a few short hours Edward, Creeper, will be close enough for me to talk to.
I still can't quite believe it.
A glance at my bed and the clothes I have laid out, flip-flops included, lets me know that indeed it's about to happen. I picked out the Nala t-shirt with him in mind, just like always … picked out the black shorts, too, because I look pretty good in black. He might not see me, but that doesn't mean I don't want to look good for him either. Thus the reason for the extra dollop of peppermint-scented shampoo and the fact that I'm going to use the flat iron on my hair and then put it up in a ponytail.
Yeah, I might not know a whole lot about boys, and I might not have a whole lot of experience with anything like this, but I'm not stupid. I know Edward likes it when I wear my hair up, he has mentioned it a time or five or six, and I know my legs look good in a pair of shorts. I'm not a tease, well not too much of one and sure as hell not to anyone but him, but I'm also not going to lie and say I don't like knowing he likes to look at me.
Because I really, really do.
He makes me feel special, important, and really pretty.
Dressed, hair fixed, and toenails painted because they were looking a little ragged, I pace and think while keeping an eye on the clock. It's moving so slowly and I know watching is making time move even slower, but hell, I just want it to hurry up and be time already.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
What is it they say, when one door closes another one always opens? I might not be ready to close the door on my mom, I'm not sure I'll ever be, but I do know I'm ready to open another one that might lead me someplace else.
Someplace wonderful and scary and … right.
So with an admonishment to the now cat-sized butterflies in my stomach to chill out for a little bit, I turn the doorknob and walk out into the night. I look up to the sky as soon as I close the door behind me and find the moon first thing. Big and bright, a silvery ball that somehow always manages to make me smile. It may be hard to see here with all the clouds and rain, but when you can, it's so beautiful. It was hard to see it in Phoenix, though most every night was clear and free from clouds, but there were always so many lights.
My knees knock as I walk down the steps and then across the driveway and toward my building. Every hair on my body feels like it's standing on end, and I have the most insane urge to laugh. I walk closer, closer, my breath coming in short little choppy bursts of air. The cats inside my stomach have morphed into full-grown lions now, ready to roar as if I need a reminder they're there.
As soon as I pass my drum set, I suck in a sharp breath. Some noise comes out of my mouth, something that sounds a hell of a lot like a squeak and I stop. Electricity everywhere. Sparks of it fill the air and it's like there are millions of tiny fireworks exploding all around me.
He's here.
Oh, God, he's really, really here.
Oh, shit, he's really, really here.
Edward.
And then, because it bubbles out of my throat before I can even think about it, I say his name out loud.
"Edward."
Oh … I like the way that sounds.
I like it a lot.
"Bella."
I hear his voice for the first time and I have to close my eyes.
The warm desert air, the smell of cotton candy at Disneyland, the way my dad's flannel shirts felt against my cheek when I'd cuddle next to him on the couch, the sound of my mom humming when she worked on a project. Edward's voice is all that and about hundred other things.
Comfort.
Warmth.
Happiness.
Mine.
So, so, mine.
I giggle because this is, without a doubt, the strangest, most exhilarating thing that's ever happened to me and because well, he's here!
I move forward, though I'm not sure how my legs are functioning at this point, and sit against the wall. He has to be on the other side because the moment I get situated the sparks change into flames and the fireworks are now cannons.
Holy shit.
The smile on my face has to rival the Cheshire Cat's but damn if I can help it. I open my mouth, my throat's dry, so I clear it before I say, "Um … hi."
Brilliant, Bella.
Just brilliant.
"Hey."
Completely unable to stop myself, I sigh again. I can't even wrap my mind around what's happening right now. A few inches, maybe less than, I have no idea how thick the wall is, but it feels as thin as a piece of paper separating us. This moment, well the one that's come and gone already, it's the one that changes everything.
"You're here," I breathe out, still struggling with that fact.
He snorts and it's kind of adorable … well, it's really adorable actually. "I'm here almost every night, Bella. I'm just closer."
My name sounds like every beautiful song ever played and all I want to do is hear him say it again. So I ask him to do just that and he does. It's even better the second time. So good in fact that a soft sigh escapes once again and emotions I've never felt before spread through every part of my body like drops of ink in a bowl of water, filling every nook and cranny inside of me.
After the most ridiculous first conversation ever in the history of boys and girls, I seriously think that Edward must have some strange addiction to sugar cookies or the most developed sense of smell of anyone I've ever met. Especially when he mentions my peppermint shampoo.
It's incredibly cute.
"Your voice sounds exactly like you," I tell him slowly, though I'm not sure exactly how I know that's true. I know it is though. His voice is soothing and gentle and it's like warm hot fudge sauce poured over a brownie right out of the oven, the middle one, too, all gooey and delicious and mouthwatering … and if I'm completely honest, it's also hot as hell.
Red chili pepper hot.
Tingly, fluttery feelings in my stomach and farther down hot.
Keep me awake at night thinking of kisses and fingers and lips and tongues hot.
Jesus.
"So does yours, though I heard it that day in the grocery store" he answers back after a moment.
I still can't believe he saw me there, and though it freaked me out just a little bit when he first told me he'd seen me in town, I suppose in the grand scheme of things, that's probably the most normal thing that's happened between us so far.
"I can't believe you saw me that day," I tell him.
"I can't believe I let you go that day."
Oh my.
I close my eyes and try to imagine what my reaction would have been had he approached me that day, even for something as innocuous as to say a simple hello. Unfortunately, I have to admit that I probably would have run off in the other direction as fast as I could.
A lot can change in a few weeks.
Especially when notebooks and silly pens are involved.
What I want to say to him is Thank you for finding me and deciding there was something worth taking a chance on … what I say instead is, "I'm so glad you're really here."
Listening to him say the word 'suck' makes me want to laugh. He sounds like such a boy. A super sweet, amazing and slightly strange boy, because let's face it, creeping through the woods almost every night and watching someone for hours is a tad weird no matter how you look at it … but a boy nonetheless.
But he's here, and that's really all that matters.
God, the urge to hop up and just peek around the corner is so strong. I mean one look, what could it hurt right? I wonder if he's really as okay with not talking face to face as he says he is.
"Can I ask you something?" The question slips out before I can close my mouth.
I smile when he says I can ask him anything, and file that away for future reference. Never know when that might come in handy down the road. Because there most definitely, assuredly is going to be a road. I hope a very long one.
When I start to ask him if it's as hard for him not to give in and just get the first meeting over and done with as it is for me, nothing comes out but a garbled half word, then another.
"Spit it out, Drummer Girl," he prods.
God, what that name does to me. He has no idea. None. The first time I saw that name written in his still way too pretty handwriting I thought I'd fall over. I love my name, but I've always been Bella.
Not Bells or Bell or Isabella, always just Bella.
Seeing Edward use Drummer Girl was unexpected and I liked it. I still do. It somehow makes it seem like it's something special between just the two of us, something he won't call anyone else but me. I like that, too.
"Is it as hard for you to wait to meet face to face as it is for me? Because I have to tell you, having you right here, this close, is making this whole decision to wait to meet seem really foolish."
It's such an unfair question, I know it is, and as soon as the words are out I kind of want to take them back … but I know I won't. I really want to know the answer, but only because I hate the thought of Edward being upset.
Thankfully, he's not, he just sounds as confused as I do. That makes me feel better, even though I'm not sure it should. And when we sit for minutes, and then a few more minutes listening to each other just breathe I know we made the right decision … at least I think that right now, because I still don't even want to think about telling him goodbye.
A few more minutes go by and the container on my lap sticks to the top of my leg. I decide to see if I can have a little fun with Edward and maybe test out that superpower sense of smell he has. Carefully, I pull up the lid and peel it off the storage bowl and even I have to give myself a second to let my eyes roll back in my head.
Damn these cookies sure do smell delicious.
I can tell the second he smells the cookies because there's this low, rumbling sound that I doubt very seriously he even knows he makes. Holy crap is Edward ever fanatical about his sugar cookies.
"Bella," he begins and there's no doubt in my mind he's trying to keep a straight face, even if I can't see it. "Can I ask you a question now?"
I slap a hand over my mouth to keep from laughing because, really, could he be any cuter? I feel like I'm about to melt like cheese over nachos.
"Yeaaaaaah?" I reply back. I have to sit on my hands because I have the most ridiculous urge to hold them against my cheeks. I have a feeling they'd be warm from blushing so badly.
"Did you by any chance, happen to make some more of your delicious sugar cookies, maybe as a going away present for little old me?"
And now, I'm like the inside of a s'more, an ooey, gooey mess of sappy, swoony, girly emotions. I've never felt like this, like laughing for no other reason than the boy of my dreams, before I even knew to dream of someone like Edward, wants my cookies.
When I tease him back, he demands I hand them over. Not one to want to make him suffer too much, because someone as obsessed as him probably shouldn't be tempted so much, I scoot the container toward the corner.
God, the urge to just lean over and look, super fast, is so strong. I mean, really what could blame me? As soon as the thought comes, I push it away though, because I know one look won't be enough. I'll want more and he needs to focus on soccer right now.
I push the cookies as far as I can, sort of around the corner and then I hear Edward when he pulls the lid off. The groan that rumbles through his chest makes me smile and it's worth the few hours it took to roll, bake, and frost each and every one.
"Oh, hell, Bella." He moans and it makes my toes curl.
I can't help but think about him saying those words about something very different than sugar cookies … but about something every bit as sweet.
First kisses are always supposed to be sweet, aren't they?
After, unsuccessfully I'm sure, admonishing Edward that he needs to share, he surprises me when he says, "I have something for you, too."
My breath hitches. I gulp, trying to force more air into my lungs, even though every time I open my mouth a sound comes out. I look down and watch as the edge of a clear plastic jewel case comes closer and then closer still. I watch my own fingers reach out, fingertips tingling like they've been holding an ice cold Coke for too long when suddenly, they're not cold anymore.
Well at least one's not, in fact it's very, very warm because now Edward has his index finger wrapped tightly around my index finger. His very long, perfect finger.
Holy mother of pearl.
Wow.
The sparks from before pale in comparison to what I'm feeling right this second. It's the final song at a concert, the big finish of a fireworks display, and the arrival of Santa Claus at the end of a Christmas Parade all rolled into one magical moment.
"Edward." It's all I can think to say, but really, it says everything.
He rambles. I smile because he's irresistible.
Like there's no point to even try to stop because it's impossible.
"Wow," he whispers, kind of shocked, but in the best kind of way.
I repeat his sentiment then reach for the CD. Letting go of him isn't easy and the second we're apart, I already miss the connection I feel to him.
"I made you a CD of me playing the piano," he tells me and my heart, it expands, more and more and more with each word he continues to speak, filling to overflowing with so much I can't even fathom it all.
He made a CD … for me … of him playing … for me.
I try to take a breath, a very uneven one at that, and a sob escapes before I can close my mouth. I sniff as tears fill my eyes.
"Baby, no," he says and his voice shakes with what has to be the same emotions I'm feeling right now.
Awe.
Excitement.
Fear.
Love.
His hand reaches for me and I don't even hesitate. I slip my fingers between his and I'm flooded with a peace and contentment I'm not sure I've ever felt. His hand is so much bigger than mine, but it's like it's supposed to be that way. His hand is strong, and I feel safe … and wanted, and it's pretty damn wonderful.
Just like he is.
He explains what songs are on the CD and as I listen to his voice and his hand grips mine, I realize that even though my life is full of a lot of sadness and pain and loneliness, there's also a lot of good in it, too.
Being here, with him, like this, is about as close to perfect as we could get.
Face to face might be the icing on the cake, but just knowing that next step is coming soon, makes this moment right here, right now, that much sweeter. We sit for a long time, holding hands and just enjoying finally being close to each other.
It's nice.
Like I don't want to ever move or let him go nice.
I yawn. I try to stop it because I know when Edward hears it, that means he's going to leave. I sigh. There really aren't words for how much I'm not looking forward to that.
"Bella," he says slowly and my heart twists a little bit.
"You have to go," I answer back and lay my hand over my chest, because right now it feels like I can't breathe.
His notebook is still in my lap so I slide it toward him. He picks it up with his free hand and then gives me mine. I smile and laugh a little bit. We both got each other new notebooks. Apparently we both had the same idea that an almost month-long separation requires lots and lots of blank pages.
He makes me promise to write and email and text and knowing that we'll be connected so closely while he's away eases the ache in my chest enough to tell him, "I'm going to miss you, but I hope you and your parents and friends have fun. I know you're worried about camp, but I know you'll do great."
There's no way he'll be anything but amazing.
I'm not sure what will happen once he gets back or what exactly this thing between us will be when he does, but I do know for a fact that he'll knock them dead at camp.
I feel our hands lift in the air and then there's his lips on my skin and there's toe curling and heart racing and tummy dropping and heat and want and need spreading everywhere.
Our first kiss is going to be incredible.
And I want it. I want it so badly.
Soon.
"Promise me you'll call me if you need me, Bella. I mean it, please? If you need for anything, just call me, okay. I don't care what it is or what time it is, just promise me you'll call."
Oh, Edward.
It's an easy promise to make. Silly boy. Doesn't he know he's not getting rid of me now? Like ever?
The goodbye takes a long time. Not that I mind and it helps knowing he doesn't want to leave anymore than I want him to. He has to, of course, but it doesn't mean I have to like it.
After making me promise, again, to call him if I need him, or Rose and Alice, I say, "Edward, I'll be fine. It's okay. It's really nice of them to want to help and all, but well …" I stop and take a deep breath before I can go on. "I can't wait to meet all your friends, but I don't want to see anyone until I can see you."
I so don't.
I'm not going to lock myself away, but I have plenty to keep me busy for the next few weeks. I have a song to finish after all, and I plan on doing just that. I'm not going to hide anymore, but there's no one I want to see more than him.
"I really want to kiss you right now," he says and his voice, God, his voice just washes over me and I don't ever want to move. I just want to stay right here and have him keep saying those sweet words in that perfect voice and never, ever stop.
"Soon," I tell him, meaning so much more than just a kiss.
It's a promise to try and hope and believe again and it's all because of him.
After another round of see you laters, because like him, I don't really want to say goodbye and see ya soon sounds ever so much better, I lean my head back against the wall and listen as his footsteps get farther and farther away until they fade completely.
My insides feel like mush, my legs feel like Jell-O, and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much and so big. I clutch the CD to my chest, anxious and nervous and so damn excited to hear him play for the first time.
Notes and words are swimming in my head, fast and furious, so much so I almost miss the vibration of my phone.
I let out a high-pitched squeal, not caring in the least that I probably sound ridiculous. After all, who the hell is going to hear me and I just got my first text message from Edward … I'm allowed a squeal or two I think.
I sigh at his first message. I giggle at his second.
Without hesitating I answer back.
I miss you, too, but you'll be back soon. And the shirt … Nala tonight. Does that make you my Simba? Kick ass, Edward. I know you'll do great. B~
I head toward the house and turn and look out into the forest before I open the door. I hope the next few weeks go fast because I really want him to kiss me.
Soon, I think as I open the door.
I like the sound of that.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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