Watching Her Chapter 46 - Buzz Lightyear

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Chapter 46 - Buzz Lightyear - Toy Story 2
He's on a mission!

"Yellow, number 18," the center ref calls as he raises his hand with the stupid yellow rectangle in his stupid hand.

I turn without a word, my jaw so tight I know I'm going to have a headache, not that I won't have one from that fucker's elbow anyway.

"Cullen!"

"Fuck," I mutter angrily when Coach calls me from the sideline. I see red when I notice that asshole Matt Baker standing at the center stripe next to the line referee.

"Sub." The center whistles and waves Matt onto the field.

I wonder if I can get away with tripping the dickhead. He saunters past me, whispering a smug, "Enjoy your breather, Cullen," as he goes by.

Jasper gives me a look, which I ignore, and stalk off the field and throw myself down on the bench. I rest my elbows on my legs and hang my head, sweat dripping down my face and the sun beating against my back, but I don't pay much attention.

God damn motherfucking sonofabitch bastard

A shadow falls over me and I take a deep breath before raising my head. I know Coach is going to have smoke coming out of his ears when I look up. I lift. Oh yeah … smoke, lots and lots of smoke … eyes narrowed, arms crossed, and he's so mad his face is practically purple.

Fuck me.

"You mind telling me what in the world is the matter with you today?" he bites out angrily. He's so pissed, he doesn't even raise his voice. That's never a good thing. I cringe because I know I fucked up, big time.

He stands in front of me, just waiting for me to argue with him, but I won't. I can't. This is all on me.

"Edward." He sighs after an excruciating few minutes of making me squirm. He takes a seat beside me and tells our assistant coach to take over for a few minutes. "Now, what in the hell is going on with you?"

We're playing the first game of the day and it couldn't be more different from the one I played last night. In that one I was on fucking fire. Everything was perfect: perfect passes, perfect headers, two perfect goals … it was one of the best games I've ever played in my life. This morning, it's like I'm running through quicksand with my shoes untied and I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn if I was standing right in front of it.

Camp has gone well. Really, really well as a matter-of-fact. Our team's performed at the top of our game when it's really counted. The workouts have been hard, exhausting, but after every session I feel like I did the best I could. I've heard some of the coaches talking and my name's been brought up more than a few times. At night during the showcase games, I always get to start, and I always get to play the entire ninety minutes. My free kicks have been rock solid and I've even managed to impress myself a few times with some of my shots on goal.

All in all, I'm really happy with the way things have gone so far … up until right now that is.

"Did you see that guy? He was all over me, Coach, and then that stupid ref didn't even call it. I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do?" I throw my arms up in the air and look at him, daring him to argue with me.

"What you're supposed to do is act like the Captain of this team and keep your head, Cullen. You're lucky all you got was a yellow card and not a red for that blatant foul, or else your ass would be sitting the bench tonight, and you and I both know you can't afford that. Especially not tonight."

"Fucking hell," I mutter and hang my head again.

There's a few beats of very heavy and very awkward silence. "Sorry," I tell him quietly when I look up at him and his eyebrows raise. He usually lets the bad language go, up to a point … and I've already past it and then some.

"Edward," he begins and his voice has changed again and it almost makes me feel worse.

I'm aggressive and intense when I play, I always have been, but I usually keep my cool, mostly anyway.

"It won't happen again," I tell him and take a deep breath.

My entire body is tense, and I feel like I'm just about to explode if something doesn't give. I am lucky the refs have let us pretty much just play so far because even I know that call should have been a red and not a yellow. Jesus. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.

"Look, I know you're nervous about the game tonight, but you really don't need to be. You've got this, trust me. You've worked hard and it shows. You've got talent and the coaches can all see that. So you had a bad game, it's not the end of the world, but you can't let a few shoves in the back …"

I huff and he grunts but keeps going. "A few shoves in the back and an elbow or two in the gut get to you so badly. Pressure's a part of life, Edward, and a part of playing this game. If you want this, and I know you do, you need to be able to handle this better."

"I know," I answer him back quietly.

All I want is for this game to be over so I can go take a shower and maybe call Bella. I need to hear her voice.

"Now, drink some water and I'll put you back in," he says as he stands up. "One more foul though, and you'll sit the bench for the rest of the game, and you won't start tonight either, got me?"

I nod.

My mind's moving at about a hundred miles an hour but I try to take a few deep breaths and clear it, just enough to get me through the rest of the game. I stand up and drink some water. I bend over and stretch, not that I really need to since I didn't sit long enough for my muscles to get tight and it's not the least bit cool out, but the movement helps me to focus. I look up and scan the field, watching my team move the ball up the field and I start to bounce on my feet. My fingers twitch and I can feel the adrenaline starting to flow again.
I'm ready to go back in.

The rest of the game finishes on a high note, a set piece that resulted in a beautiful pass to Jasper that he headed into the goal.

"You okay?" Jasper asks after we shake hands with the other team and walk back toward our bench.

I shrug and do some sort of half nod shake of my head thing because at this point I don't really know how I am, besides missing and needing Bella.

"Coach mad?"

I sit on the bench and push my socks down and undo my shin guards, feeling the breeze cool the sweat that's gathered along my legs. "Disappointed more than anything," I tell him and cringe because that's a hell of a lot worse than if he's pissed at me.

In the grand scheme of things, the card isn't that big of a deal, and besides the asshole deserved the elbow for hanging all over my back like he was. Though, if Jasper wouldn't have pushed his way between us, I know I would've hit the guy. The urge was there. I'd been fighting it since the first whistle to just do something to release all the pent up energy I have inside and his face would have made an excellent outlet because kicking the ball wasn't doing it for me.

"Edward," Jasper says as he sighs.

Emmett sits down beside me and thumps me on the back just once and then he's up again, but not before raising his eyebrows to check on me. I give him a quick nod and then he's off to talk to Coach.

I finish taking all my gear off and slide my bare feet into slip-on sandals and hike my soccer bag onto my shoulder. "Jas, chill, okay? I've just got a lot on my mind; it's no big deal."

He gives me a level stare and I roll my eyes and smirk a little bit. It'd be really fucking nice to be able to bullshit him … just once, but now's not the time apparently. "Okay, fine, tonight's a big deal. I'm just …" I shift from foot to foot and run a hand through my damp hair.

He gives me a slap on the back, though from him I don't feel like his hand's going to come out the other side like it does from Emmett. "Take your own advice, my friend, and chill. You've got this. Everyone knows this … everyone but you, apparently."

I snort, and say nothing. I'm not giving him the satisfaction of telling him he's right again.

He nudges me with his knee and then stands up. "Call Bella; you'll feel better. And tell her I said hi." He grins as he walks off and I see him reach for his phone, texting Alice I'm sure.

Gotta say, it's really fucking nice to have my own someone to talk to for a change.

We have to meet with Coach to go over some plays for tonight's game so I don't have time to call, but I do have time to send a quick text.

You know what would be fucking awesome right now? Sugar cookies.

I make it about four steps before there's a message back. Nice. I wonder if that means she was thinking about me?

Will any do or do you mean mine?

I snort and roll my eyes. As if there could be anyone else's anything … ever.

Of course yours. World Peace DG, I'm not kidding. I really want some now damn it

You always want sugar cookies Edward. Any particular shape? How was the game?

Only yours, I tap out immediately and try to ignore the twisty turny thing that still happens all the damn time. I huff when I think about the game and the foul and tell her, got any drumsticks? I could use them to beat some sense into my dumb ass

Ouch guess that answers my ? about the game. You ok?

I am, for the most part anyway, and I don't want her to worry so I answer, Yeah, I'm fine just one of those days I guess. Gotta get to team mtg but can I call you later?

Her answer is immediate.

Of course. Maybe I can beat some sense into you long distance?

I laugh because my girl's all kinds of fucking awesome. I feel better already.

I should prob let you after today. I'll call before the next game … later baby
later xoxoxo

And now, cue the twisty turny thing again. Plus, three hugs and three kisses … I usually only get two. I like it.

I make sure my phone's on silent and then drop it into my bag before taking my seat in the locker room. We have another training session in the afternoon and then I shower before dinner, knowing as soon as I'm done, I'm going to spend a few minutes on the phone with Bella.

"I'll catch up with you guys in a little bit," I tell Em and Jasper when I grab my bag and put my warm-up jacket on over my practice shirt.

"Say hey to Bella, loverboy." Emmett snickers. I flip him off before I head out of the cafeteria and toward the quad.

The University of Oregon campus is really nice, not that I've had a lot of time to look around. We get up at the asscrack of dawn, eat breakfast, train, play the first match of the day, eat lunch, train again, dinner, then another game, so there hasn't been much time for sightseeing. I find an empty bench and throw my bag on the ground before slouching against the back and stretching my legs out in front of me.

There aren't a lot of students out at this time of night, and I guess the summer sessions are always less crowded than the regular fall and spring semesters. I look at the few people I do see walking around and try to picture myself a few months later than this only next year, and I wonder where I'll be. I know where I want to go to school, but there's a lot still left to decide before I make any of those kinds of decisions. A lot can happen to change where I end up: what happens tonight, what happens if I get held over, what Bella's going to do, what happens with her mom.

It might be kind of crazy to already be thinking in terms of after high school and include Bella in that picture, seeing as how we haven't even so much as gone on a first date yet, not to mention that whole she doesn't even know what I look like thing, but I know what I want, and I want her.

All of her.

All day, every day for a really, really long fucking time.

I've needed to step back a bit these past few weeks no matter how much I didn't want to. If tonight goes like I hope it will, then it was worth it, but once I get back and we start school, there's not going to be anymore holding back.

The trip to Seattle was fun, not gonna lie. My parents took us to a Sounders game one night, my dad took me and the guys to a Mariner's game the next night (Phil was not pitching, thank goodness because that would have been just plain weird) and then the night after that, Em, Jas, and I got to go see the UFC fight. It was fucking awesome. Mom and Dad had arranged with Ali's and Rose's parents to let the girls come up for the rest of the week so we could all hang out by the pool at the hotel and go to Six Flags. It was a lot of fun, but it made me miss Bella so much. Seeing them all together and knowing that Bella was home alone was like torture, and I vowed never again.

It's a promise I intend to keep.

She's been amazing the whole time I've been gone, which literally feels like for fucking ever. We've emailed every day, sometimes just a short hello and sometimes long, long messages where I find out new things about her and she finds out more about me, more than I'd probably like her, too, but I can't help myself. Last names have been shared, which wasn't too hard to figure out since her email address is an unoriginal bellaswan at gmail and my ecullen18 at yahoo isn't any better. I didn't have much choice about telling her mine because she asked if my dad was Dr. Cullen. Apparently he's been by her house check on her mom while I've been gone.

I've written to her every night I've been away; in fact, my notebook's almost full. It definitely will be by the time I get home, and sending text messages has become my new favorite thing to do … well, besides think about her of course.

But I always do that, so nothing new there, unless you count the fact that now that I've touched her, kissed her … albeit just the back of her hand, but still it was lips against skin so it totally counts as a kiss … been close enough to tell that yes, indeed, she smells even better than sugar cookies, my thoughts aren't always so sweet. In fact, some are downright dirty. Part of me feels a little guilty for thinking of Bella that way, but then I think about the way her voice sounds all raspy and breathless, and with that soft, lilting accent that comes out when she doesn't even know it, and I can't help myself. Her voice, her body, her face … just her, from her toes all the way up to the top of her head drives me fucking insane and all I can do sometimes is think about seeing her naked, kissing every inch of her body, and wrapping those sexy as hell legs around my waist while I fuck her up against the wall of her building, or bent over the arm of her loveseat, or my favorite fantasy, spread out on the hood of her fuckhot car.

I'm a guy - hot girls and hot cars is always a winning combination.

Even though thinking about Bella that way always makes me hard, honestly what gets me going even more is just talking to her, so I pull my phone out of my bag and hit the speed dial, #1, for her number. My knee bounces as the phone rings and as soon as I hear, "Hello," a huge smile breaks out over my face and once again, all is right in my world.

"Hey. So, are my cookies done yet?"

"Oh, you meant you wanted some today?" she teases and I immediately forget what I'm supposed to be worried about as soon as I hear her giggle.

"I told you, Bella, I want some every day."

"It's a good thing you have to run while you play soccer or else you'd have a problem on your hands."

I groan a little bit at the mention of soccer and my nerves start again. "Yeah, good thing," I say sort of absently, thoughts of the imminent game settling heavily over me.

"Hey, what's wrong? Tell me what happened at the game this morning," she says softly and I sigh, but tell her what happened. Saying it out loud to her makes it sound even more stupid than it was at the time, but she doesn't make me feel that way. "Edward, you're allowed to have an off day, you know? Don't be so hard on yourself."

"I know." I huff and pick at the peeling paint on the bench, and watch as I flick the flakes off with my fingernail. I'm trying to put into words what's really bothering me, but as has become increasingly clear, Bella knows me almost too well already.

"You're worried about the game tonight, aren't you?" I nod and then roll my eyes at my dumb ass because duh, she can't see me, but it doesn't matter because she goes on. She already knows the answer is yes anyway. "And that guy, the one you told me about, he's on the team you're playing, right?" Again, she already knows the answer.

"Bella, this game tonight is everything." I groan and slouch on the bench even more and tip my head back to look at the sky streaked with pinks and grays as the sun begins to set.

"Um, no, it's really not," she says softly, but very, very surely.

I open my mouth to argue with her and tell her she doesn't understand, but before I can get a word out she goes on. "I know you're nervous and it makes sense you are, but you can't treat this game any differently than you would any other game. You just need to go out there and do your thing, and not worry about who's watching or what they're saying about you."

"But," I begin but she cuts me off.

"But nothing, Edward. I might not have ever seen you play, which I'm dying to do by the way." With that the twisty turny thing is like a rollercoaster full of loop de loops and I feel warm all over because I want that, too. So, so much. I can't wait to share that part of myself with her.

"But I know you're ready for this. And that guy, the one you think is so much better than you …" She kind of growls and I like the way she sounds all fierce and protective and shit. I like it a lot. "He's not."

She says it so matter-of-fact, so sure, that I feel kind of stupid for even thinking of doubting her.

I get lost in my head for a few moments, thinking of the game and the coaches that are going to be watching and all the things I've heard about David Rivera and seen with my own eyes. The guy's good. He's really good, but as I try to be objective about it, I know he's not any better than me. We may play the same position and be trying to win the same spot on the same team, but that doesn't mean I can't beat him.
Besides, they haven't even picked the team yet; tonight's announcement is just to let us know who's being held over to be looked at. The really hard work comes next week … if I'm still here.

"Fine, maybe he's not," I concede slowly and I can practically see her nodding her head and giving me a look. Obviously she's never given me a look before thanks to the no seeing each other before I left for camp thing, but she's a girl … and all girls have the look.

I have a mom and she gives my dad the look all the time. Ali gives it to Jasper, and Rose … good God, the poor girl's eyes are going to permanently stay that half narrowed half glare thing she gives Emmett if she's not careful because she uses it so much. Not that the idiot doesn't deserve it, but Rose is too pretty to be stuck looking like that forever.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair, feeling a hundred times better just from talking to her. It's not that she's told me anything I didn't really already know myself, but hearing her tell me that I can do what I need to do helps more than I can tell her. I do say softly, "Thanks, baby. I needed that."

"Well, I can't beat you over the head with drumsticks from here, but I can talk to you if you need me. I'm glad I could help, now, are you ready to kick some ass and take names?" She giggles and it's the best fucking sound in the world … next to her saying my name that is.

"Yep, I'm ready. So tell me about your day, what did you do?" I ask, needing to forget about soccer for just a few minutes.

I listen as she tells me what she's done and I have to tease when she talks about going outside to play for a little bit. "Better make sure my song's perfect … you were practicing it, right?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" she sasses right back and I know she's enjoying the torture she's putting me through. Evil, evil tease that she is.

I fucking love it, too, which she very surely knows.

We talk for a few more minutes until I look down at my watch and realize I need to be at the field in ten minutes.

"I gotta go. Thanks for knocking some sense into me," I tell her as I stand up and pick up my bag.

"Well, if you need someone to beat you over the head, I'm your girl." She laughs and I stop walking, curling my fingers around my phone.

"Damn straight you are." I take a deep breath and I smile when I hear her breathing a little faster on the other end. "I miss you," I tell her, but my heart says, I love you.

And, God, do I ever. Every day it's more and more and more.

"I miss you, too," she says as she sighs. "Being outside isn't the same when you're not there." Fuck me if I don't love hearing that.

"Soon, Bella. Soon."

Soon can't come fucking soon enough.

"Soon."

"I'll text you when I'm done and let you know how it went, okay?"

"You've got this, Edward. You can do it, I know you can. Now kick their asses, got it?"

"Got it."

I hear her breathe and it sort of wraps around me and fills me up. "I wish I was there to cheer you on."

And because she makes me feel things I've never even imagined I tell her, "You're always with me." I look up and I'm at the locker room. I have no idea how I managed to get here without paying attention, but now that I'm here, I can feel my muscles tense and my blood start pumping.

It's time to do what I came here to do.

"Okay, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

I take a deep breath as I stare at the door, letting the adrenaline spread and take a few minutes to clear my mind.

"You can do this, Edward," I tell myself before I push open the door.

A few hours later I send Bella a text, Soon's gonna have to wait a little longer baby cause I'm staying another week! XOXO! E
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