Watching Her Chapter 40 - The Three Caballeros

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Chapter 40 - The Three Caballeros - The Three Caballeros

"Man I swear you drive slower than my Nana McCarty." Emmett huffs from the front passenger seat.
I snort and Jasper catches my eye in the rear view mirror and raises his right eyebrow like no one else I've ever seen. It makes a perfect arch and I swear it has a mind … and a voice of its own. Jasper can say just about anything he wants to say with that damn thing. I should know, it's told me plenty over the years, and probably more so in the last six weeks than the entire time I've known him.

Just to be an ass, and because he can get away with it because he's driving and we don't have any choice, he slows down, just enough so that it seems like the cars on either side of us are flying by.

"You are such a dickwad." Emmett huffs again, and tries to turn his body so that he's facing the window, but half his ass hangs off the seat and he looks ridiculous.

Jasper barely taps the breaks but it's enough to jostle Emmett and the gear shift almost makes best friends with Emmett's much-adored behind, or adored by Rose at least. I try not to laugh, but really I don't try very hard because that shit is funny as hell.

"Edward, you're sitting in the front on the way home," Emmett says with a scowl and I swear he's about five seconds from blowing steam out of his ears … maybe even closer since his face is almost purple.

I snort and shake my head. "If you weren't always such a little bitch about getting to ride shotgun maybe you wouldn't have just gotten a gear shift shoved up your ass."

Emmett throws himself back in his seat and crosses his arms tightly over his chest. "Getting back there is damn near impossible and I have to fold myself up like a fucking pretzel. Why the fuck do you have such a tiny car anyway?"

Jasper and I laugh again, because Emmett's been bitching about Jasper's Prius since he got it a few months ago. I stretch, well as much as I can and silently agree with Emmett about the pretzel thing, not that I'd ever tell him that.

"Well someone has to offset that beast of truck you drive. Besides, Alice loves my baby. She says I look good in blue," Jasper says, in that voice that I really don't like to hear because it's the one he usually uses when he talks to Alice.

After a few more minutes of grumbling by Emmett and egging on by Jasper, things calm down once more. I put my ear buds in and lean against the window, listening to some Eminem to get in the mood for the scrimmage. Normally I like to listen to something a bit mellower, but this scrimmage is really important. I need to be pumped and I damned sure need to be on my game.

We're less than three weeks until camp starts and with each passing day, my anxiousness grows. At the scrimmage last weekend I could tell, even though Coach and the guys on my team told me differently, that there are plenty of things I need to improve on before camp. My timing's off, my ability to read the field is rusty, and I'd have sooner died than to admit out loud - to Jasper especially - that my legs felt like Jell-O by the time the game was done. All things that I can work on, but it makes me nervous just the same. I'm my own worst critic, always have been, but I'm not deluding myself, there's still work to be done in the next few weeks.

"So do you think Coach will have us play in the new formation he showed us last weekend?" Jasper asks as he taps his fingers against the steering wheel.

I'm about to answer him in the affirmative when Emmett lets out a loud snore, mumbles something about Rose, cheeseburgers, and baby oil - a combination I don't even want to think about how they go together - then settles back in his seat, still fast asleep. Emmett and road trips are a … well a trip. He grouches and complains, whines about not having snacks, what music is playing on the radio, all within the first fifteen minutes mind you, then promptly falls asleep as soon as we hit the highway. He's just as bad when he drives, minus the falling asleep of course, but we've done this for such a long time it's like clockwork.

"Yeah, I do."

Jasper chuckles when he glances at Emmett and then he relaxes in the seat, resting his palm on the steering wheel and bobbing his head with the radio. "Me, too," he says, picking up our conversation. "I think it'll take a little getting used to having Sam on the wing instead of up top with me, but he can keep up with you, so it'll be fine."

We talk strategy for a bit, going over what we know about the players from the other team. This game, while supposedly a friendly match, is liable to be anything but. They're in the same division in the league Jasper, Emmett, and I play in and we beat them by one point for first place this past spring season, so they're bound to be still a little pissed.

More than likely a lot pissed.

Our ODP team is made up of players from all over, but the Premier League in Seattle is the best one around, so most of our ODP team is spread out among the teams that play in that league, plus a few others from surrounding areas. Because we've all been playing so long, we have years of history. From little boys just starting out as Under 7's and then moving up through Rec Leagues, and then Club Leagues, camps, and now into ODP, we've all been playing with and against each other for a long time. I don't think there's many like Jasper, Emmett, and me though, guys that have been on the same team for so long. I have friends and guys from all over that I keep in contact with on a regular basis, thanks to Facebook and email, but of course none of them mean as much to me as Jas and Em.

I sigh. That sick, nervous feeling I get when I think about the upcoming changes in the not so distant future is, as always, an unwelcome guest.

Fuck.

Part of me wants to fast forward to May and graduation so that all of the decisions I'm going to have to make are already over and done with, but the other part of me wants time to stand still, so that I don't have to do anything.

Well, nothing except think about Bella, because that's a fucking no-brainer. Even when I try not to think about her, she's always there, every minute of every day. While the future is still up in the air and there a lot of unknown variables at this point, the one thing I know for sure is that whatever I do and wherever I go, I want Bella with me.

I reach up and rub my fingertips across my chest, right above my heart and try not to count my chickens before they hatch, because there's a whole hell of a lot that can happen between now and May. To be completely morbid, Bella's entire world can implode in pretty much the blink of an eye if her mom dies. The thought of that hurts but the thought of Bella being destroyed, of her going back to being that girl I saw the first night, the one that thought she was completely alone and that no one would understand makes me want to scream and yell and hold on to her and never let her go.

"Hey, man, where'd you go?"

"Nowhere. I'm good." I answer the arch of his eyebrow as I turn from the window. I hold his gaze for a moment before he nods and starts singing to the radio. I know he knows I was thinking about Bella, but thankfully he lets it go.

I try to clear my head but it's just impossible at this point so I give in and let all my thoughts have free rein. Closing my eyes, mostly so Jasper doesn't try to make me talk to him, I go over the impending game in my mind, envisioning passing and shooting, dribbling, directing the plays as we move up the field. I'm confident that if we're on our game, we can win … even though the point isn't to win or lose in a friendly match because it's more for practice purposes … but we're guys and we always want to win.

Always.

It doesn't take long though for the gears to shift from soccer to Bella. I wonder how she's spending her day and if it's been a good day or a bad day for her. It seems lately, there have been more good than bad, but then again, I don't really know for sure because all I can see is when she's outside with me. The urge to just tell her that I'm done with the notebooks and I'm ready to stop being a damned vampire wannabe or something, only coming out at night, is so fucking strong, but then I think about how hard it would be to leave her when it's time for camp and I just can't do it.

I'm probably in love with her, but my entire future could be decided at camp.

Not literally of course. It's not like I can't ever play soccer again if I don't get held over and I don't get picked to be on the Regional Team … but it's been my dream for as long as I can remember. From the very first time I laced up my cleats and kicked a soccer ball, all I've ever wanted to do is play. As I got older and watched the World Cup for the first time, I knew I wanted to be a part of that. Playing at that level, against the best players in the world, in front of tens of thousands of people … it's what I've always wanted. I want to play on the National Team. I want to go to college and compete against the best, then I want to play professionally for as long as I can.

I won't say I've wasted time by being so preoccupied with Bella, but I also can't lie and say that my whatever you want to call it, obsession probably comes pretty damn close I suppose, hasn't left me slightly panicked about blowing this chance.

Okay, a whole hell of a lot panicked.

She's worth it. I know she is and she's needed me … every bit as much as I know I've needed her. I've never had this. That one person I want to share everything with and talk to until I lose my voice … someone that's mine alone. Jasper has Alice, Emmett has Rose, and my parents have each other, and even Ben has Angela, and God help me even Mike has Jessica, but me, I've always been the one to just watch from the sidelines.

I want what they have and I want it with Bella.

And that's why I can't be with Bella now.

She deserves every ounce of my attention, and I just can't give it to her right now. I want to, fuck do I ever want to, but I've worked my ass off for way too long now to let up even a little bit … even though I've done plenty of that already. I can't afford to do it anymore though.

Jasper and Emmett don't have the same dreams I do, they never have, but I love them for helping me try to achieve mine. They've given up a lot, too. Extra practices, time away from Rose and Alice, no going out on Friday nights when we have to go to Seattle on a Saturday morning, those and more are all things they've willingly done for me. Oh, they love to play, too, and they haven't ever done anything they didn't want to, but once we're done with high school, the chances of either of them playing after are pretty damn slim. Jasper maybe more so than Emmett, but it's not really what either wants to do for the rest of their lives.

The outskirts of Seattle come into view and I turn my music up as loud as it will go. I have a game to play and I need to focus.

A few more weeks. I just have to make it through a few more weeks and then … then nothing will keep me from realizing my dreams.

Bella and soccer … there's nothing I want more.
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