Watching Her Chapter 34 - Prince Eric

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Chapter 34 - Prince Eric - The Little Mermaid
He wants to kiss the girl … 

"Holy hell." I chuckle, but only because there's every possibility if I don't laugh I'll start crying.

I stare down at her words and trace her name with my fingertip, sighing at myself for acting like such a sap. I swear, if I were feeling any mushier, I'd be a dollop of marshmallow fluff.

Not that I care, at least not too much, because no one but me knows that I'm about three seconds away from jumping up and down and yelling, "she likes me, she really likes me," at the top of my lungs.

I want to wallow in this feeling I have right now, like I want to just roll around and let it soak into my skin, but the need to write her back is even stronger. I take a few deep breaths and as I do, I focus on the other parts of her letter, especially the part about her dad. Fuck, how much should one person have to deal with? She's so much stronger than I ever even thought she was. I wonder if she truly understands that.

A crack of thunder makes me jump in the chair, and when I see lightning zigzag across the sky, I figure it's time to go inside. The air's heavy; the storm that's coming is going to be a doozy … I just hope it passes by the time I need to go to Bella's. Nothing will stop me from going, especially tonight, but I'd rather not trudge through mud and get soaked if I don't have to.

After a healthy meal of frozen burritos, Doritos, and a Coke, which I eat standing up, I get comfortable on a stool at the island in the kitchen. Lightning continues to flash, thunder continues to rumble, but it barely registers.

I open the notebook fully, her letter on the left, a blank sheet of paper on the right. Glancing down, I see her name, written in her handwriting and shiver at the chills that sends racing up my spine. Putting pen to paper, I begin to write …

Bella, 

Yeah, you'll always be Drummer Girl, but there's something about being able to call you, or well write, your name that I can't quite get enough of. I suppose that might come from weeks of not knowing your name. Glad to hear you like Edward, wait, you haven't exactly said you liked it, did you, just that it fit me. Is that a good or bad thing? 

I can't tell you how sorry I am about what happened to your dad. He sounds like he was a great man, and it's obvious you still miss him a lot. I miss my dad and he's only been gone a few weeks; I can't even wrap my head around him all of a sudden not being here … and you've had to do it twice. How do you do it? I know I've asked you that already, and I don't mean to ask you questions I know will make you upset, but I really want to know. Do you have any idea how amazing I think you are? 

By the way, thanks for bringing up the t-shirts. I was going out of my mind trying to figure them out. Now that you've explained them though, they do make perfect sense … even the ones you've worn for me. Can I tell you that I um … well, I think that's probably one of the coolest things that I've ever seen. Knowing, now, that those shirts came from your dad or even your mom, and that you thought of me specifically when you put it on, it's just, yeah, pretty fucking great. You were talking to me and I didn't even know it. I felt it though, I did. 

And in case you can't tell, I absolutely do NOT think it's silly to wear them or use them to feel close to your dad. Bella, he's your dad, he always will be, even if he's not here anymore. I hate it that you have to be without him. It hurts if you want to know the fucking truth, and it makes me hurt … for you. 
You lost your dad, and now with all of this happening with your mom, and Phil.You haven't said a lot about him and your relationship with him, but I can tell, or I think I can, that though you care about him a lot, he's not exactly giving you what you need. 

A loud crack of lightning zips from the sky and the wind and rain pelt the sliding glass door that leads from the living room out to the deck. I drum my fingers on the notebook, the thump, thump slow and steady. After a few moments I realize what I'm doing - tapping out the notes of my song. Jesus, I wish she'd play it for me again.

Soon, I hope, really fucking soon.

Speaking of soon …

Bella, do you ever think about what it'll be like when we see each other for the first time? Does it make you scared to picture it, or does it make you excited … and not in a dirty way either, but in that 'your stomach rises then drops like it does when you go on a roller coaster' way. I've imagined it a lot and I really can't fucking wait, but I like what's going on right now, too. I can talk to you in a way that I've never been able to talk to anyone else, not even my best friends, Jasper and Emmett, or my other friends, Alice and Rose. You can stop right there. Ali and Rose are madly in love with Jasper and Emmett, and I've known them almost all my life. There are times they all annoy the hell out of me, and honestly, I feel out of place because they each have someone, but it's been that way for so long (they've all been together so long I can hardly remember a time when they weren't) I've had plenty of time to get used to it. Doesn't mean it's not hard to deal with sometimes, and it doesn't mean I don't wonder if I'll ever have the same thing. 

I want you to meet them, when you're ready. They'll all like you, don't worry about that. Alice and Rose will probably want you to hang out and do whatever girl stuff they do, paint their toenails and watch movies on Lifetime or some shit. Jasper and Emmett will probably ask you a million questions about Phil and if you know anyone else famous (do you?), but they'll all like you. I know they will. 

No one knows about your mom or Phil or your dad; I haven't told anyone, I promise. I hate that you're so alone, but I also want to keep you to myself. Does that make me sound like a selfish asshole? God, I hope not, but do you understand what I'm trying to say? I want you to have friends and be able to hang out with us and go to the movies and the football games (not that they're anything to write home about, but it's something to do) but I want to be the one you do those things with. 

Please don't get freaked out by that. I'm honestly not trying to push you or anything like that, but damn, Bella, you have to know what you do to me. I want to kiss you, like really kiss you. It's all I think about sometimes, when I'm not thinking about what you look like when you play, which is really fucking hot by the way. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. It's not just because I feel sorry for you about what's happened to your mom and dad, though I hate it for you. 

It's just you. 

I'd probably never, ever, be able to come right out and say this to you face to face, so maybe we can keep up writing for a little longer, or forever, or at least until I don't feel like a total tool for just blurting that out, but we promised not to hide things from each other, so there ya go. Probably not exactly what you had in mind, was it? 

Okay, I'm going now. I think I need to go throw up or something … 

I'll see you later, 

Edward
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