~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
Chapter 13 - Assist
EPOV
"Say hi to Phil for me and I'll call you later to say good night, okay?" I ignore Jasper's snort and flip him off as I start the car.
"Love you, too. Bye." Emmett coughs "pussy-whipped" into his hand and I slam on the brakes, grinning when his head bounces against the headrest. Fucker's lucky the seat belt kept him from kissing the dashboard. On second thought, the dashboard's probably luckier.
I keep my foot firmly pressed on the brake and look from Em to Jasper. "I'll be happy to go to Port Angeles by myself if you two assholes don't shut the fuck up. You're both ten times worse than I am when it comes to Rose and Ali and I've had to listen to you both for a hell of a long time, so what's it going to be?"
Neither of them is brave enough to speak after my outburst, but they do nod. It takes about two minutes, maybe less, before Emmett starts laughing, which causes Jasper to join in, which of course makes it impossible for me not to as well.
"Dude, you totally sounded like my dad just then with your 'so what's it going to be?'" Jasper says once he stops laughing. "He used to say the exact same shit to me and Peter when we were younger."
"Well …" I huff, and still try to sound pissed off, which is stupid, because I wasn't even pissed off in the first place.
"Man, chill. You know we just like giving you shit. Bella's awesome and it's pretty fucking cool to see the two of you so happy with each other. Granted, if you two could stop sticking your tongues down each other's throats every five seconds when we're all together, I'd really appreciate it," Em says, shivering like he just got a chill, but the smirk on his face lets me know he's not nearly as bothered by mine and Bella's PDA as he says he is.
I raise my eyebrow in challenge and he grins back, shameless and proud. Dude knows there's no contest. He and Rose beat everyone, hands down; it's not even close.
In the five minutes it takes to get to the highway, Emmett tries to change the stations at least three times. "My car, my radio - you know the rules," I say, flicking his hand when he tries to change the station for the fourth time.
"You listen to the weirdest shit, I swear, man." Emmett huffs and slouches in his seat.
I roll my eyes. "The Violent Femmes are not weird, they're classic. You just have no taste."
We bullshit for a little while, talking about the soccer team, which girl Alec's trying to get with this week, and the big test we have in Pre-Calc next week. It feels normal. I love hanging out with Bella, but I miss spending time with Emmett and Jasper, too. The closer we get to Port Angeles, the more nervous I get, which is totally ridiculous considering all I'm doing is picking up Bella's birthday present and checking on the arrangements I've made for Saturday night. I can't help it though; I want everything to be perfect. My fingers drum on the steering wheel and I sigh.
"Edward, she's going to love it," Jasper says from the back. He's not looking at me; in fact, he's playing a game on his phone.
God, I fucking hate it when he does that shit.
He must hear the grunt I make because he lifts his head and catches me looking at him in the rear view mirror. And then that damn eyebrow rises. I swear, one night when he's sleeping, I'm going to sneak into his room and shave that fucker off. I hate that thing. I mean, I don't really, but it's so annoying sometimes how Jasper always knows what's going on with me … even when I don't always know myself.
I sag in my seat and run a hand through my hair. "I sure hope so. Bella's not one for presents and she doesn't wear any jewelry besides earrings. I just wanted to give her something special."
"Trust me, she'll flip."
He sounds so certain, and I want to believe him. I mostly do, but with Bella, you can never quite know for sure.
"So, Mama C's making plenty of food, right? I'm dying to pig out on some Esme's cooking. Fuck, my mouth's watering just thinking about it." Emmett groans and I'd be scared of the sounds coming out of his mouth if he weren't sitting right next to me.
"There will be plenty." I chuckle and shake my head. Food and Rose - they're pretty much all Emmett thinks about.
He rubs his hands together and I figure he's thinking about food, but he's not. "I'm glad you're doing something for Bella, Ed. She deserves to have a day just for her. She needs to have fun and act like a teenager every now and then, and she definitely deserves to be spoiled a little bit. Shit, when I think about her being at home, by herself … it makes you stop and think, you know? I don't know how she does it, I really don't. Sometimes it pisses me off and others, it just makes me fucking sad."
I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes are narrowed and he's frowning. I know how much he cares about Bella and the feeling is mutual. She and Jasper get along great and it's always amusing to watch them tease each other or debate some obscure musical fact or another, but her relationship with Emmett is very different. Maybe it's Em's size or the way he's so protective of everyone around him. I don't know for sure what it is, but it's very plain to see that he has an exceptionally soft spot for my girlfriend. He adores Alice and Angela, but Bella is special. Of course I already know this, but I'm glad she has Emmett … and Rose. It's good for her to have solid friendships and people she can feel comfortable with besides me. No one can ever know her like I do, but she needs her own friends to talk to and vent to when she can't talk to me. I might not like it at times, but I do understand.
"Yeah, me, too," I answer him quietly.
The car is silent except for the music thumping from the speakers. After a few minutes pass we start talking about soccer and our game next weekend. Things worked out perfectly - we have a weekend off, but things will definitely be picking up after right after. Not only do I have club games, but I also have a mandatory Regional Team practice the weekend after that. My Regional Team schedule was in my email last night. I need to talk to Bella about what's coming up. I'm going to be out of town a lot over the next few months and then with high school soccer starting right after Thanksgiving with tryouts and the season starting after Christmas, things are really going to be picking up. I really need to start making some decisions. Coaches from all over the country have started sending me emails; I get a few every week seems like. I've been putting off thinking about everything, but I can't do it for much longer.
Even if part of me wants to pretend like I can stay in Forks forever.
Pushing those thoughts to the side because I really can't think about them now, I spend the rest of the trip just joking around with my two best friends.
"She's really going to love it," Jasper says as he stands next to me in the jewelry store thirty minutes later. I nod and nervously watch the salesgirl wrap Bella's present.
"I fucking hope so. I know you've done this shit before, but this is a big deal for me," I tell him as I bounce on my feet.
My whole body vibrates. I want her to like her present so much. It's nothing really … I mean, it is, but it's not like I got her diamond ring or anything. Not gonna lie, I did look at them, I couldn't help it. There was even a brief flash where I pictured sliding one on Bella's finger at some point in time in the very distant future, but for now I just want to give her something that will remind her of me and how much I love her. She's not much of a jewelry person, but seeing as how I've never given a girl a birthday present before - not counting gift certificates or bath stuff for Rose and Ali - I want Bella to be the first. The only, if I have my way. So, I spent an entire Sunday afternoon two weeks ago picking out what I hope is the perfect present. I hope she doesn't think it's too cheesy. I don't think she will. I had to special order part of it so that's why we're here on a Thursday night picking it up. That and the fact that if I'd gotten it two weeks ago, I probably would have caved and given it to her already. Her surprise Saturday night is one thing, mostly because that's as much for me as for her, but I'm horrible about giving gifts. I hate to wait.
Finally, I have the perfectly wrapped box in a bag and I feel a hundred times better for some reason. I guess maybe because now all that's left is to see Mr. Molina about the arrangements for Saturday night. Rose is the only one I've talked to about my plans for Bella after we're done with dinner at my house. I needed her advice … and her help. It's not that I don't trust anyone else, though Em and Alice both have a hard fucking time keeping secrets, but much like our notebooks and her building, I want Saturday night to be only for her, for us.
"Hey, why don't you go get us a table at the restaurant and order our food. I'll catch up with you guys in a few minutes," I tell Jasper as we leave the jewelry store.
He quirks that damnable eyebrow at me but I hold his gaze. I know he's trying to figure out what I'm doing, but I also know he'll drop it, too. He'll wait for me to tell him. He always does. Emmett opens his mouth to argue but when Jasper tells him they can get potato skins while they're waiting on me, he's off like a shot. "You owe me," Jasper drawls before he jogs to catch up with Emmett.
I take a deep breath and turn toward the music store. A little bell jingles above me when I open the door and Mr. Molina's head pops up from behind the counter.
"Ahhh, Mr. Cullen, I've been expecting you," he greets me.
I smile and I can feel my stomach bouncing around inside of me. I have no idea why. I'm not doing anything but verifying that everything is set, but it's one step closer to Saturday. One more thing I can cross off my mental list of what I need to do to make Bella's day the best ever.
"We're still good to go on Saturday night?" I ask, drumming my fingers on the glass case.
"Sure, sure. Felix will be expecting you about nine o'clock or so and you'll have two hours before he has to move to a different building. That still works for you, yes?"
I nod, my stomach now turning flip-flops instead of just bouncing. It's like a party in there, or a mosh pit.
Jesus.
I try to swallow. My throat's dry and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, but finally I'm able to force the words out.
"Thank you, sir, so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate this and all your help. I never would've been able to do this without you," I tell him sincerely.
Thank God for Rose. When I told her my idea, she suggested contacting Mr. Molina about what I wanted to do. Once I explained, he remembered me buying the drumsticks for Bella way back at the beginning of summer.
"Not too many people come in and stare at the drumstick display … all five options of them." He'd laughed good-naturedly. "Seems like this young lady is a bit more than a friend now, son," he teased and I felt the tips of my ears burn hot, thanking the stars that he couldn't see me through the phone.
I sort of coughed, choking at the same time, and answered back, "She's much more than a friend, sir. She's everything."
The words. Forever true and as always, so easy to say, even to a virtual stranger.
He chuckles and brings me back to the present. "Well, you should be all set, Edward. Just make sure to find Felix when you're done and that's it."
We shake hands and I turn to walk out the door. He calls to me and I look back over my shoulder, my hand on the door handle and the little bell above my head jingling once again. "Next time you come in, bring the girl, okay? I'd love to meet her."
"You got it, Mr. Molina. I'll see you soon."
Leaving the store and walking to the restaurant, I can't help but imagine Saturday night. I hope it's a night neither of us will forget.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
I smile as I set my phone down on my nightstand after sending Bella a text. 12:00 … and a few seconds. It's officially her birthday.
A knock on my door. I'm tired, but sitting in bed, sleep pants and a black wife beater on with Bella's notebook on my lap. I close it, but leave it where it is.
"Come in," I call and smile at Mom when she pokes her head in.
"You busy?"
I yawn and shake my head, which makes her chuckle.
"It's late. I figured you'd crash as soon as you got home from the game." Her eyes dart toward the notebook and then back at me.
"I'm going to bed in a little bit. Too much soda at the diner I guess, so I'm not really all that tired."
She grins and rolls her eyes. "Bet you had some apple pie and ice cream to go with all that soda, didn't you?" I don't even have to answer, she already knows I did. "How did Bella enjoy the game? Did she have fun?"
If I didn't think it'd make me look like a lovesick fool, I'd sigh. Instead, I nod. "Yeah, she really did. It took her about twenty minutes to completely relax, but once she did, she was cheering just as loud as anyone. She even led the cheer for Emmett when he sacked the quarterback."
Mom laughs. "I wish I could have seen that!"
A quick flash and I can still see her standing in the bleachers, clapping and laughing with Rose and Alice, the tip of her nose red, her cheeks flushed and her eyes big and bright and shiny. She was so pretty, so happy, and I'd spent more time watching her than the game … not that I'll tell Emmett. He'd be crushed to know I missed his tackle.
Mom waits a few moments, I think to let me indulge in my thoughts a little longer. "Are you excited about tomorrow?"
This time I do sigh. "I am, nervous, too, a little bit. I hope she likes everything."
"Oh, sweetheart, you know she will. Try not to worry so much. She'll love everything you've planned just because it was you who made it all possible."
"Well … I just wanted to do something nice, special for her, you know? She told me that last year she spent her birthday in the hospital, by herself and that's just … I get it, but I hate it. I hate that she was alone."
I have to swallow a few times because thinking about Bella sitting beside her mom, with no one around, no one to tell her happy birthday, hurts. I know Phil didn't let the day go by without recognizing it, but no one else mentioned it. No family, no friends, no one but Phil. It makes me want to hit something because it's just so wrong.
"She has you now, Edward, and your father and me, and your friends. She's not alone anymore," Mom says quietly and I hang my head and nod.
My hand spreads on top of Bella's notebook and I feel the words written on the pages flow through me.
"She'll always have me." I speak the words without any embarrassment or hesitation. It's the truth, totally and forever. I know it. I feel it. It's scary and big, so big, but it doesn't change the fact that I believe it with all that I am.
"I believe you." I look up at Mom. She's staring at me and her eyes, while not worried per se, are full of emotion and it makes it hard to breathe all of a sudden.
"Is that for Bella?" she asks and points toward the notebook in my lap.
"Yeah … we … ah, we write to each other sometimes. She has one, too, for me, so we trade back and forth. It's kind of our thing." This time I feel the tips of my ears burn, but it's only because anytime I talk about Bella, especially about this, it makes me hot all over. Damn it all. Stupid bodily reactions. I don't mind it most of the time, but sitting with Mom, late on a Friday night, it makes me feel a little silly.
She clears her throat and I brace myself. I know that sound; it means to get ready because she's about to say something that I probably don't want to hear … or that she's nervous about saying.
"Writing letters is a nice way to get to know someone," she begins carefully, as she watches, waiting for my reaction.
This is it, I know it is. The moment I can answer those unasked questions I know have been burning ever since Bella came to the house for dinner. Mom and Dad have both been mostly silent. There have been a few veiled questions and some that haven't been quite so subtle. I've managed to skirt them. It's not that I want to hide anything, well a few facts I do, but really the thing that's kept me from answering what they both want to know is the chance that they might tell me I'm making a mistake.
I know they love Bella, how could they not, but I'm not stupid either. What Bella is dealing with is some heavy shit. It's hard and painful and anyone close to her is bound to get caught up in the tidal wave when it comes. And it will come. I know it and more than that, she knows it. She lives every day in an agonizing holding pattern, clinging to the past but wanting so desperately to move forward. Hopefully with me. God, please with me. And logically, objectively, what parent really wants their child subjected to something like that? Parents want their kids to be happy, mine tell me that all the time, so the fact that I'm purposely, even for someone like Bella, putting myself in a position to possibly get hurt … I know it makes them worry. I honestly don't think they'd ever ask me to turn my back on Bella, they love her too much for that and they know I do, too, but that doesn't mean they don't wish things were easier for her … and for me.
Since Dad's quiet but pointed questions a few weeks ago and the talk Bella and I had after school last week, I've done a lot of thinking, planning … dreaming about the future. I have decisions to make, goals to achieve, places to go, but I want Bella with me. Always. I wasn't lying to her when I told her every vision I have of five years, ten years down the road always has her by my side. Some dreams I have are fantasies, silly nonsense wishes, but others like going to college and graduating, making the World Cup team, playing in the MLS or even better, the English Premiere League, all include Bella.
I want forever with her.
"Sometimes it's easier to write things down than to say them out loud. Writing gives you a sense of freedom because it lets you be yourself," Mom says in that quiet, knowing way she has.
She's not blind and she misses nothing. I know she's seen me carrying around the notebook; she's seen me writing in it plenty. She's never asked, but I've always felt like she's known the whole time I was writing to Bella.
"I tell her things I can't tell anyone else, or I guess things I don't want to tell anyone else. We've talked about a lot the past few months," I say and watch her eyes as recognition dawns.
"Hmmm," she hums. "Do you want to share how that came about? I'm trying not to pry here, but I'd really like to know."
My stomach's a mess, all twisted and knotted, but it's not in a bad way, at least not wholly. I want her and Dad to know and see how much Bella means to me … and has from the very beginning. So I tell her, leaving out things they don't need to know like the time of day when the watching took place or the fact that seeing Bella in those tiny shorts and tight t-shirts made me want to do very, very bad things to her … those good bad things that kept me a crazy mess most of the summer. Yeah, I'm definitely keeping those facts between just Bella and me.
"I don't know, Mom," I say as I stare down at the notebook in my lap, flashes of shared words flickering in my mind like a slide show. "She needed someone … and I wanted, needed it to be me. She was so sad and in so much pain and it just hurt so much to see her that way. I can't even explain it, from the very first time I saw her, I just knew I wanted to help her."
"Oh, Edward," she says and sniffs. "So you started leaving her notes? She must have been quite shocked the first time?" She's fishing but I only smile.
I've shared pretty much all I'm going to share. The specifics? Well, those I might tell her someday … after Bella and I are happily married and she and Dad no longer have the power to ground me until I'm thirty.
But I do say, "It took a little time before she felt like she could trust me, but in the end, I think things turned out pretty damn perfect."
She pats me on the knee in that way only moms can do and I can't help but smile. That went so much better than I thought it would. I mean, I've always pretty much known that by leaving out a few facts while explaining how Bella and I met, even if it wasn't exactly run-of-the-mill, it's not all that shocking either. A little out there, yes, but like I just told her, it all turned out okay.
"Bella's going to introduce me to her mom tomorrow," I blurt after a few moments. I don't know why, but I do.
My words are met with silence. My heart slams against my ribs and my stomach is twisted so tightly, it makes me want to bend over.
I look at Mom and she's as still as a statue … everything but her eyes, which are staring out of my bedroom window. I have no idea what she's looking for or what she hopes to find but I wait, silently, for her to say whatever it is she needs to say. "Are you prepared for that?"
I shrug. "I have no idea. All I know is it means a lot to Bella, so I'm going to do it."
"Son …" Mom begins then coughs a little, though I know this is only because it's hard for her to get words to come out right now. "That's just … wow, I'm not sure what to say."
I laugh, but it's a nervous one and I kind of want to hurl to be honest. When Bella first mentioned it earlier in the week I was fine with it, but now, with the whole thing just around the corner, I don't know what or how I'm supposed to feel. Meeting Phil the next time he's in Forks will be one thing, but this … meeting her mom is huge.
Gargantuan.
"She's going to have quite the weekend, isn't she?" Mom wonders aloud and not for the first time do I ask myself if it's all too much for Bella.
The football game tonight, having me meet her mom, the dinner at my house with everyone, her present, then my special surprise … holy shit.
"She's going to freak, isn't she? She is, I know she is. Shit. I knew it was a lot, but it's too much isn't it? Damn, damn, damn …" I mutter and then hop up out of bed and nearly topple Mom over in the process.
I pace. I pull at my hair. I freak out.
Son of a bitch.
All my plans, my wish for a perfect day for her … poof … gone, just gone.
"Hey," Mom says and I jump when I feel her hand on my shoulder. "Edward, stop, you silly boy." She smiles and shakes her head and now I kind of want to crawl under my bed and stay there for oh … I don't know … a week maybe.
She laughs softly again and the lifts her hands and places them on my cheeks. "If Bella has asked you to meet her mom, it's because she's ready. She didn't have to say yes to the football game tonight, but she did. She knows we're having a special dinner and she's fine with that and I'm going to assume you've at least let her know you have one other thing planned for her and she's agreed to that, too, so just relax. It's a lot, but I don't think it's too much, not at all. In fact, I think it's all just perfect for her."
I take a deep breath. "Yeah?"
She nods once. "Yes. Trust yourself. You know Bella better than anyone else. You'd know if it was too much."
I want to believe her. I do. When I don't agree with Mom right away she pinches my cheek. "Knock it off and stop overthinking. I swear you're just like your father that way." She rolls her eyes and then grins impishly. "So romantic, but you drive yourself crazy just getting to the big event. Stop. Breathe. And then think about the smile on her face tomorrow. You're going to give Bella a memory she'll be able to keep with her forever. When she has a bad day or she's missing her mom, she can think about being surrounded by all her friends and her family and it will make her smile. Trust yourself, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you and so, so happy for you. I might not fully understand what happened between you two, but watching you at dinner with her, listening to you talk about her and how much she means to you, and seeing all the effort you put into making her day one she'll never forget, it's a beautiful thing to see, Edward."
I swallow my tongue. I can't speak. I have to take a few deep breaths so that my heart doesn't beat right out of my chest and run away.
"Family?" It's the one word that's bigger than all the others.
Mom runs the back of her hand down my cheek. "Of course family. That amazing girl is stuck with us now."
I open my mouth. I close it. I open it again. "Sometimes I feel so guilty, Mom."
The words are barely louder than a whisper but in my head they're as loud as thunder as they roar and rumble. "I have you and Dad and she has no one. I mean, yeah, she has Phil and he loves her and she has Maggie … but they're not her family, you know? She doesn't like to talk about it, and I try not to bring it up, but I get really scared thinking about what might happen if her mom, you know, dies, and we're still in high school."
Suddenly Mom's arms are around me. Ripe peaches and the subtle scent of the coffee I know she and Dad had with dessert a few hours ago fill my nose. Mom's hugs are warm and comforting and so strong. I shake as she holds me. I can't believe I just told her that. I've held those feelings so close to my heart because it hurts so much to admit them. I don't ever, ever, want to make Bella feel like I'm pitying her. It's the one thing I know with one hundred percent certainty she loathes more than anything.
I sniff, not quite crying but pretty damn close.
"Oh, sweetheart." She pulls back and her eyes are just as glassy as mine. This is so not how I planned on spending my Friday night. "You have such a big heart and you love her with every bit of it. I see it. I feel it. I know it's hard to watch Bella suffer and be sad, but all you can do is love her and be there for her. We all will. No one knows what will happen; we just have to have faith that whatever, whenever something does, we're all there to love and support her. I know it may not seem like much, but believe me, Bella knowing you're there for her gives her more comfort than she can explain to you. Trust me."
I narrow my eyes and tilt my head and think back to the moment in the kitchen a few weeks ago between Bella and Mom. I don't ask, but I know that Mom is telling me something without telling me everything.
"You're okay?" Mom asks as she takes a step back. I nod. She pats my cheek, kisses my other one and looks at me for just a moment.
"I love you, Edward. Now, get some rest. Tomorrow's a big day."
I gulp and swallow over the lump in my throat. "Love you, too, Mom. Thanks for … well, just thanks," I mumble the last little bit, because that shit's just awkward as hell, but I want her to know I appreciate her talking to me … and for everything else, too. She's a pretty fucking awesome mom.
She turns to look back for just a brief second and then she walks out.
"Holy shit," I breathe out as I flop onto my bed.
Bella's notebook bounces beside me and I hear the pages flutter as it falls back to the bed. Suddenly, just sending her a text isn't enough. I need her and since I can't see her or touch her, I do the next best thing.
Our thing.
Hey, Baby ...
It's after midnight, so I can officially tell you Happy Birthday. I already sent you a text so hopefully mine was the first wish … gotta beat Rose and Em you know. I am the boyfriend, I get dibs. Besides, while they may love you, they sure as hell don't love you like I do.
It scares me sometimes how much I love you and how much I want you to always be mine. Is it wrong of me to want that? I don't think so, it feels right to want it, so that has to mean something, doesn't it? Does it ever scare you, this thing between us? I'm probably not making sense, but you should be used to that by now. It's just that Mom and I were talking earlier. Don't freak out, okay, but I kind of told Mom about what happened over the summer … I know what you're thinking, so stop right now, Drummer Girl. Everything's fine. I didn't tell her all of it, just the basics, only enough to show her how important you are to me.
Because you are … so very important to me - the most important person to me. You know that, right?
When I think back to those very first nights watching you, it's almost like you're a whole different person now. Still as gorgeous, still driving me just as crazy, but baby, you've changed so much since then. I know you still hurt, and God that fucking kills me. I know you still get scared and angry and sometimes it probably feels like the world's going to crash down around your feet some days, but I will always, ALWAYS, be right beside you to protect you. Do you remember when we started talking, you know when I was being my totally charming, to-die-for self that you couldn't resist? Well, I was reading back through some of our old letters to each other (damn we're some wordy people, do you realize that?) and I noticed something … something that I need to correct right the fuck now.
I told you, a lot, that I wanted to be there for you, and that hasn't changed in the least in case you were wondering, no, that's just gotten stronger, if you can believe it. I also talked a lot about being whatever you needed … that hasn't changed either. But what I didn't say and should have said from the very beginning is how much I need you.
I need you, Bella.
I need your smile. I need the way you look at me. I need the way your nose scrunches up when you get excited and the way you sound when you laugh. I need the way your breath hitches in your throat when I kiss you. I need the way you feel in my arms and the way you move against me, so good and so perfect that I feel like I might go crazy.
I need the way you love me and make me feel like I can do anything.
I need you to be mine. Always.
Forever.
Beautiful girl, I hope I can make today the best day ever. Not because I want to make up for anything. Not because I feel bad for you. Not because I want to take the place of anyone else. I want it because, for one day, I want you to feel like the center of the universe, that there is no one, anywhere, as special and amazing as you. I think that about you every day, but today is all about showing you that it's not just me who adores you. Today is about celebrating you.
I know it's going to be a hard day for you in lots of ways, but I hope that even though you're missing so much, you'll see that you have a family that loves you.
I love you, Bella … with all that I am.
Edward
Before I can talk myself out of it, my clothes are changed, my shoes are on, and I'm down the stairs and out the door. The moment I step into the woods, there's this pull, the one that always happens whenever I go to Bella, and my chest expands as my heart fills with her. Always her. My steps are slow, even though I want nothing more than to be in her place, our place, so that I can feel closer to her. It's been too long since I've traveled this familiar path and for some reason I want the walk to last. The night's clear when I look up. I stop and get lost in the glittery stars sprinkled in the inky black sky. I wish on one, feeling a little foolish, but I can't help it.
"I wish for Bella to have the best day ever," I whisper into the night.
I move again, closer, closer to her. Leaves rustle overhead and beneath my feet, twigs snap deep in the darkness, and the sounds of animals, small and smaller, fill the air. The night is cool, traces of the warmth of the day linger, but when the wind blows, I shiver. My feet go faster the closer I get to her house. Slivers of silvery moonlight slip between the branches above me casting shadows on the ground. I move through them, from light to dark and back to light again.
Always closer, always to her.
Light shines in the distance. Her building. Our building.
I pass my tree and I can't help but brush my fingers along the rough bark, finding the worn grooves with ease, even in the dark. I don't stop though. Never again do I have to be that far away from her. Not gonna lie, I miss watching her. I still dream about it from time to time, those first nights that seem like forever ago. The want, the pull, the desire to be near her. That hasn't stopped. God, I hope it never, ever stops. It's just morphed, because now I know she's no further than a phone call away and it's never any longer than a few hours until I can touch her, see her, kiss her again.
And kiss her.
And kiss her some more.
She gives the best damn kisses. Slow and soft but hot and wet all at the same time and when she does that little squeak/moan thing, I die. And then I want to throw her down, rip her clothes off, and slide inside of her and never move again.
I don't slow as I reach the driveway. The doors are closed, of course they are, so I move to the side, find the key beneath the little plant beside the door and go inside. Bella. Peppermint and sugar cookies, my favorite combination in the whole world. There's a little light, it's barely enough to cut through the dark, but it's enough to keep me from tripping and busting my ass as I make my way to her drum set.
My skin tingles and the twisty turny thing in my stomach explodes to life, like one of those magical flowers that goes from nothing to full blooms with the flick of a wand. Warmth spreads, filling every part of me. She was here. Not long ago, maybe just minutes. The air is full of her, all sweet and delicious and electrified.
I smile.
She was just here.
She knew I'd come.
Of course she did.
My notebook is on her stool and fuck me running … a plate of sugar cookies.
My girl's fucking amazing.
I laugh this time, every worry evaporating in an instant.
Today's going to be a very good day.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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