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Chapter 13~
"You rang?" the angel asked with a smirk when he appeared.
Seth took in the scene in front of him and tried to hide his smile, but he obviously didn't do a very good job since almost instantly he heard Edward growl at him. Edward looked positively green and his eyes were darting furiously, as if he were looking for the quickest way to make a break for it.
"It's not funny, damn it. I'm dying here," Edward said pitifully and then...well, Seth couldn't help but laugh at the dramatics.
"Really, Eddie? It's just dinner with your family, I hardly think you are dying. Cut the crap. Now, what has your Underoos in such a twist?" Seth asked, though he was pretty sure he knew what the answer was.
He'd been paying close attention as the events unfolded throughout the day and he had to grudgingly concede that Edward had handled himself phenomenally well so far. He had exceeded his expectations by miles in all matter-of-fact. The day hadn't been an easy one, Seth knew, but Edward seemed to be holding his own. How long he managed to keep doing so remained to be seen however.
It quite amazed him, in all honesty, that Edward had been able to interact with the children the way he had. Given his own childhood and the way he'd always kept to himself, it was surprising that Edward was such a natural with Emma and Jack. Of course, children being children, they accepted him with open arms and that went a long way, Seth knew.
He also knew that it was because of Isabella that Edward had managed as successfully as he had all day. Ever since he'd told her he loved her, you could almost see him soaking up her love and belief in him. It was quite a beautiful thing to witness.
But, in the immediate future there were other more pressing matters to attend to, and ones that wouldn't be as enjoyable as the lovely Isabella either.
Edward slouched down in his chair, really fucking thankful for the brief respite the insufferable angel brought with him. He needed a few minutes to get his shit together. Whatever 'forgetful dust' mumbo jumbo the otherworldly creature used when he appeared was mind-boggling as hell, but right then he was pretty damn grateful for it.
What the hell had he been thinking when he agreed to talk to Carlisle? he cursed himself. The day had gone so well, better than well actually; it was damn near perfect and he didn't want to end it by talking to Carlisle. If he was being honest, he wanted to end it in bed with his wife, naked. To be one hundred percent, no holds barred honest, there was little, lately, he wanted to do besides make love to Isabella. It was pretty much all he thought about.
He let out a frustrated sigh and stared up at the ceiling. As much as he was not looking forward to speaking with Carlisle, he couldn't deny how much better he felt after moving forward with Emmett and Rose. Things were still a bit awkward, which was totally understandable considering how things were before, but they had definitely improved. He would take any improvement he could get as far as Carlisle was concerned.
"Edward, are you going to sit and stare at the ceiling all night or do you want to tell me what you need? I've told you plenty of times, I can do many things, but reading your mind is not one of them. What has you so troubled?" Seth patiently asked.
"I don't know where to start. I mean where the hell do I even begin? It's been twenty years...long fucking years. How do we even get past that?" Edward hopelessly questioned.
The gap between them seemed so wide, so unmanageable and Edward was more than a little daunted by the whole thing. Over the years he may have acted like an ass, he may have been on the outside looking in, but at least he and Emmett had some common ground between them. Working together at the office at least kept the door from being firmly closed. Edward may not have walked through it, but he'd always known he could if he had wanted to.
He tried not to think about all the wasted time since there wasn't any point. He needed to focus on the here and now...and now meant Carlisle...no matter how much he wanted to avoid it.
"Edward Anthony," the angel sighed, shaking the windows. "You make it seem like the two of you have spent the last twenty years hating each other. You know as well as I that isn't the case at all. There have been mistakes made, on both your parts, but you must believe, that at the very least, he cares about you...just as you do him. Am I wrong in assuming that?" Seth prodded.
If Edward couldn't do this, if he couldn't at least listen to Carlisle, then there was little hope of either one of them ever putting what had happened behind them. If Edward wasn't willing to move past everything and forgive...and ask for forgiveness himself, then Seth feared he would fail in his mission.
Sure Edward had found his way back to Isabella, and Emmett and Rose as well, but when the time came, if things stayed as they were, there would be so much lingering pain and sadness that none of them would recover.
Seth refused to allow that to happen.
"Well, he sure never went out of his way to let me know that but yeah, I guess he does. I suppose Esme does as well. Contrary to my behavior, I care about them, too. This is all such a mess," Edward moaned and there was little Seth could say in response to that.
"No joke, but you have time to fix it, Edward. You must," Seth implored.
"Why?" Edward asked. "I know you say it is for my own good, but why is it so important?" When he shrank back from the menacing glare the angel gave him he held his hands up. "I'm not saying I'm not going to try to fix things so stop looking at me like that. I'm just asking. I told you I had questions," Edward huffed in annoyance.
"Boy, I swear you have the most impeccable damn timing of any human I've ever seen," Seth grumped. He'd known this was coming, had been preparing for it as best he could actually. He and Gideon had spent an inordinate amount of time on this very topic.
"Thanks," Edward said sarcastically.
"It wasn't a compliment, Eddie," the angel said with an impressive snort when the exasperating human rolled his eyes at him. "Look, I know there are things we need to discuss, but there isn't enough time right at the moment. Let's concentrate on getting through the rest of the night and then I give you my word, we'll talk."
"Fucking great. Why do I have the feeling I'm not going to like what I hear?" Edward asked after he pinched the bridge of his nose.
Seth couldn't help but chuckle at his charge. No one could ever accuse Edward Cullen of being obtuse. Stubborn as all get out, yes, but not stupid.
"Because you won't," the annoying angel said without missing a beat and then disappeared, though it wouldn't be for long.
"Perfect," Edward said with a resigned sigh. He turned to his right and bent down and kissed Isabella quickly on the cheek, having gone much too long without doing so. Just looking at her stirred his ever-present longing and he wanted her...again.
"You hanging in there?" she asked sweetly noticing the dip between his eyebrows had gotten more and more pronounced as the evening wore on.
He leaned in close to her, his warm breath tickling her ear and she had to bite her tongue when she heard the tone of his voice when he said, "I'm just ready to go home. It's been far too long since I've been inside of you."
Isabella instantly squeezed her legs together and practically moaned out loud at the way his voice sounded...low, deep...needy. "Edward," she said on a breathy whisper.
Paying no attention to the others at the table he flicked her earlobe with his tongue. "Isabella," he chuckled darkly. "You're my wife, I love you. I always want to make love to you; it's about all I can do not to throw you down on this table right here and show you how much."
He ran the tip of his finger seductively up and down the sensitive skin on the inside of her arm. "You need to...you're...ah, Edward, stop," Isabella told him, her voice sounding quite torn.
Edward knew he was pushing things, almost to the point of embarrassing her so he backed off...reluctantly. "Fine, Beautiful. Just so you know, we will pick this up at home."
She bit her bottom lip and nodded her head, her eyes alive and bright with desire for him. Edward took a very uneven breath and then tore his gaze away from her only to find Carlisle staring at him, open-mouthed.
Carlisle was stunned as he stared wide-eyed across the table at his son and daughter-in-law. Well, at least the two people looked like Edward and Isabella, but they sure as hell weren't acting like them, his son most especially. Had he ever seen Edward behave in such a way and be so openly affectionate with Isabella? He quickly thought back over the past few years and with the exception of a few instances he could recall seeing them holding hands or him kiss her cheek, there wasn't anything like he'd just witnessed. What the hell was going on? he thought.
He was about to speak when he was interrupted by Emmett. "So, Bella, you ready to get to work on the new project on Monday?" he asked and Carlisle had to wrack his brain to remember what Emmett was talking about. He remembered Emmett going on and on about some new project at CP but he hadn't paid as close attention as he should have so he was a bit lost.
Isabella smiled in excitement at Emmett. She really couldn't wait to get started. She had to admit the thought of working closely with Edward, Emmett, and the others, while doing something to help the company, filled her with a nervous anticipation, but she was really looking forward to undertaking something new.
"I am. I have a list of preliminary authors already and I've made some notes on some others," she answered him, her smile letting everyone know at the table just how much she was looking forward to getting started.
Edward flushed with pride, not for himself, but for her. He couldn't wait to watch her work, to take an idea and run with it. He had no doubt the whole endeavor would be successful. Between her and Emmett, along with Marcus and Alec, there was little chance of failure.
Emmett gave Bella a wide smile. It was fantastic to see that light in her eyes, and he had to admit, not only was he inordinately proud of himself for coming up with the idea and having the guts to voice it, but he was thrilled beyond words at Edward's enthusiasm.
It was a long time coming and he couldn't be happier.
"Isabella is going to be in charge of a project?" Carlisle asked, not meaning to sound like he was questioning the choice, but from the looks on both his sons' faces, apparently he did just that.
Carlisle didn't have much to do with the day to day operations of Cullen Publishing. He sat on the Board of Directors and participated in shareholder meetings, and left the running of the company to Edward and Emmett. He'd never been interested in the business, but his father left him little choice in what he chose for a career. Once William passed away, Carlisle took the opportunity to step back from CP and focus on the things that mattered to him.
He and Esme were very involved in charitable work and sat on the Boards of many worthwhile causes. The Cullen's were an extremely wealthy family, in fact there was more money than any of them could ever spend. There was more money than Jack and Emma's children's children could spend, so he and Esme had set up a foundation. He enjoyed the work, if you could even call it that. Helping people, being a part of doing good works, making things better for people and the environment left him very fulfilled and kept him very busy.
It also kept him out of the loop so to speak as evidenced by his lack of understanding about what Isabella and Emmett were working on.
Edward immediately tensed upon hearing the tone of voice Carlisle used. He barely even registered the fact that not too long ago he had done the exact same thing, but hearing that disbelief from someone else...really fucking pissed him off.
"Yes, Carlisle," Edward said in hard voice, "she is. Perhaps if you ever bothered to do more than make an appearance, you'd know what the hell was going on."
Edward pushed away from the table and quickly ran his fingers down Isabella's cheek and brushed her hair back over her shoulder. "I need some air," he told her and then stormed out the back door before he said something he'd regret.
Isabella sighed when she heard the door slam shut. Damn it, she thought. He'd done so well today, had seemed to really enjoy himself and then, this.
She pushed away from the table, intending to go to him right away when Carlisle stopped her. "Wait, let me. I'm sorry that sounded the way it did. I hope you know I didn't mean to imply I thought you were incapable, Isabella."
She wanted to be angry at him, and she was a bit peeved that he'd unintentionally ruined a perfect day, but she knew Carlisle hadn't meant anything by what he said.
"Of course not, Carlisle," she said as she blew out a frustrated breath. She still stood up and looked out the window, a frown immediately appearing on her face when she took in Edward's rigid stance.
"Let me talk to him, please," Carlisle asked again and though she really wanted to go to him, she knew that this was an opportunity neither of them could miss.
She nodded her head, not taking her eyes off her husband. "I think that is a good idea," she said at last.
"God damn it all to hell," Edward muttered angrily under his breath and when he heard the snort off to the side, as he knew he would, he didn't even apologize for the inappropriate outburst in front of the present company.
"Edward," the ever-annoying angel sighed mightily.
Edward held up his hand and said, "I know, all right? I know I overreacted, I knew it the second the words left my damn mouth, but I couldn't help it."
Well, that was a change, Seth thought with a start. It wasn't often he was surprised, but Edward had surely managed to do just that. Maybe there was hope for him yet.
He was about to speak when he was interrupted. "Edward?" Carlisle asked hesitantly.
Edward glanced quickly at the heavenly being, needing his reassurance. He didn't have time to think about that, but it was a fact nonetheless.
"Give him a chance, Edward, for your sake as well as his. Just...try," the angel implored.
Edward swallowed past the lump in his throat and nodded his head. "You're staying right?" he asked, hating how his voice shook, but he knew he needed Seth close by.
The angel looked at him with a loving and patient glance and said, "Of course, Edward. I'll always be right by your side."
"Carlisle," Edward greeted him in an even voice.
Carlisle approached warily, not wanting to upset Edward any further. He cursed the continual foot-in-mouth disease that only seemed to appear whenever he was in Edward's presence. He had no idea why it seemed like he couldn't ever say the right things. It had always been that way...nothing was ever easy when it came to his relationship with Edward.
"Edward," Carlisle said as he took a deep breath. "You have to know I didn't mean to imply I don't think Isabella is capable of being in charge of a project. I'm sorry it sounded as though I did."
Edward ran a hand through his hair and then looked at him. "Yes, I know. And...well, I'm ah...sorry I overreacted," he stammered out.
The two men stood awkwardly facing one another, each trying to figure out what to say next. When there was so much to say, it was hard sometimes to pick a starting point. Carlisle replayed the words Esme had spoken to him the other day over in his head and he realized that he didn't want things to be the way they were between himself and Edward any longer.
"So, Emmett and Isabella are going to be working on something together?" Carlisle questioned, hoping to break the ice.
Edward recognized at once what Carlisle was doing so he decided to go along with it. Hell, anything was better than standing there staring at each other, he thought with a shake of his head.
"Yes," he answered, "the meetings I had in New York didn't go as well as I'd hoped so we are trying a different tactic. Emmett had a great idea and brought it up at the meeting the other day so we're going to see what happens. I think it will go a long way to help get things turned around. He and Isabella will do a great job and I don't foresee anything but success."
Carlisle couldn't help but notice the way Edward said Isabella's name with pride. Nor did he miss the loving smile that accompanied it. It was certainly a change from past actions, but he was pleased to see it. He motioned toward the patio table and Edward nodded his head. They both took a seat and then Carlisle asked, "Why don't you fill me in on what's been going on?"
Edward looked at him, not trying to hide the surprise on his face in the least.
Carlisle snorted and said, "Edward, CP is important to me, too. You might not believe it, but it is. Maybe I can help?"
Edward stared at him for a few long moments, feeling the angel's unseen prodding. Deciding it really couldn't hurt matters any, he went on to explain pretty much the same thing as he had on Monday at the meeting, expanding on a few points more than before. By the end, Carlisle was blown away by his son's acuity. There was no doubt that William Cullen had taught him well, though Carlisle knew that Edward's success and knowledge was as much natural born as it was learned.
"Well, I have to admit that Emmett's belief that Vincent Sinclair isn't going to know what hit him when he and Isabella get done is right on the money. I think the idea will be a huge hit, Edward. Of course, there are still some areas of vulnerability, as you've already pointed out, but if Emmett and Isabella are as successful as it appears they will be, I think you'll have made it next to impossible for Sinclair Publishing to gain any bigger holding than they already have. In fact, I'd be willing to bet they have some authors and editors jump ship almost from the get go," Carlisle told him with a trademark Cullen smirk.
It seemed as if Edward wasn't the only that enjoyed one-upping his competition.
Edward couldn't help but chuckle at what he had said. "I sure as hell hope so. There are a few more deals that Alec, Marcus, Jasper, and I are working on and as long as they go through without a hitch, the company should be in a good place."
"Your grandfather would be really proud of you, Edward," Carlisle admitted softly after they'd sat in silence for a few minutes. "More than he ever was of me," Carlisle continued.
Edward gasped and quickly looked to his right and was surprised when the angel was looking at him with a knowing look.
"Seems like you both have a few of the same things in common, Edward Anthony. Not that you should be at all surprised by that. You know as well as anyone how difficult a man your grandfather was," Seth said, bracing for what was surely coming next.
He wasn't disappointed.
In the span of about three point two seconds Edward went from surprised to downright enraged...livid.
Time seemed to stop.
"You've been around all this time?" Edward cried out incredulously as he quickly stood up and paced furiously back and forth.
"Longer," Seth answered immediately and waited for Edward to comprehend what he was saying. When Edward's eyes got as big as saucers, he answered, "Yes, Edward, since then."
"How long?" he demanded hoarsely when he came to an abrupt stop and looked at the angel.
"Since before you left Ireland," Seth answered…vaguely.
"How long before I left Ireland?" Edward asked again, anger and fear fighting for dominance.
Seth stared levelly at his very angry and very confused charge and said, "From about the time you were ten."
"But, why are you here now? Why not then?" Edward asked, thoroughly and completely confused, and honestly really fucking angry. "Are you fucking kidding me?" Edward seethed as he clenched his hands into fists so tightly, he lost feeling in his fingers.
Seth waited patiently for Edward to get a handle on his temper, which he was satisfied to see happened quicker than anticipated. "Do I look like I'm kidding?" he asked and unleashed a glare that would make most mortal men cower in fear. However, Edward barely even reacted.
"Edward," the otherworldly being sighed, shaking the trees as he floated to where Edward stood breathing heavily in and out. Seth hadn't planned on discussing this particular aspect of things already, especially not right now, but the door had been opened. He knew Edward would never let this go so it was time to face the proverbial music.
Edward shook his head, knowing if he opened his mouth there was no telling what would come out. Holy hell he was angry...so fucking furious.
"Why?" he managed to choke out, meaning so many different things.
"My friend," Seth said in a much gentler tone of voice. Damn, he'd really been hoping for a bit more time to prepare for this. Sure angels possessed abilities humans couldn't even comprehend, but they were not above feeling immense pain when their subjects were hurt. "Edward Anthony, come sit for a moment," he urged. When Edward stubbornly refused to move he tried again. "Please?"
Jesus, Edward thought. He felt like he was coming apart at the seams, like he'd just been turned inside out and then thrown into a fire. He was shaking from feeling so much.
How?
Why?
What did that even mean?
Edward shuffled over to where Seth pointed and fell into the chair in a boneless heap. He honestly didn't think he could take anymore. It had been one damn thing after another ever since the infernal angel popped into his life. Sure he might have been dead right at that moment if it wasn't for said being...but that didn't make having to deal with all this...stuff any freaking easier.
He repeated the words he said just a moment ago when he said, "God damn it all to hell."
Seth waited patiently, hoping that by allowing Edward a few moments to vent it would make the rest of the discussion manageable. He didn't dare say easier because there was nothing about the forthcoming talk that was going to be easy, not by any stretch of the imagination, but it had to be done just the same.
Edward finally raised his eyes to Seth and the angel had to literally take a step back after seeing the agony in them.
Well, not a literal step since the angel floated and glided rather than stepped, but that was really neither here nor there.
"Edward," he began in as gentle a voice as he could muster. Once the angelic presence was confident in his assignment's attention, he proceeded. "Have you ever wondered, and not since I first appeared either, but before that, why someone like Isabella, one who is as loving and good as she is, could fall in love with a man as difficult and stubborn as you?"
Edward wanted to rail against the insult, but the truth of the matter was he had often wondered how in the hell he ever wound up married to Isabella. He knew full well the miserable person he'd been for most of his life. He also was a big enough person to admit, though it was very grudgingly, that while the events that had happened to him all those years ago had scarred him deeply and were horrific in their own right, he was not the only person to have ever faced such hardship in their life. Didn't make it any easier for him to deal with, mind you, but it was the truth just the same.
"Damn, introspection sure sucks ass," Edward muttered to himself.
Seth waited patiently for Edward to work through whatever was plaguing him at the moment, knowing full well what it was. Self-recriminations weren't pleasant for anyone, for someone like Edward Cullen, they would be positively excruciating.
"I suppose you're going to tell me, or are you going to make me guess?" Edward snapped and then pinched the bridge of his nose.
That same falling apart feeling he'd felt since that cursed plane ride was very much present and accounted for Edward recognized, much to his extreme displeasure.
The angel dismissed his charge's surliness and answered, "Do you think it was just a coincidence that she showed up at the CP offices just as you were in need of an editor?"
The ramifications of what the angel had just said flooded Edward's mind and he paled instantly. "Are you telling me that she was there that day on purpose? What does that even mean? Does she even love me at all, or has it all been against her will?" Edward asked, shocked at the intense pain he felt thinking about such a thing.
Seth sighed, and the sound was as always loud and he was shaking his head before Edward had even finished his litany of questions. "Stop it right this instant, Edward Anthony Cullen," he bellowed. The sound vibrated through Edward as well as the trees around them until the air finally settled.
Edward's mind raced as thoughts of some unknown force pushing him and Isabella unwillingly together swarmed like a school of piranhas attacking its prey.
The exceedingly patient angel pinned him with an intense glare and Edward returned one in kind. After all that he had been through, the thought of Isabella being forced to love him made him physically ill. That there was a possibility that she didn't choose to love him freely was, he thought in an instant, the single worst thing he could imagine
"Whatever you are thinking, you'd best put a stop to boy, before you give yourself an ulcer or worse. Damn, Edward, you sure know how to jump to conclusions," Seth said with a shake of his head.
Edward continued to stew and glare, not budging even an inch, which caused Seth to take a deep, but quite unnecessary breath. Seth made a Herculean effort to keep his voice from registering the abundant frustration he felt at the moment from eking out. He might have been an otherworldly being sent on a mission to help Edward find redemption and ultimate peace, but that didn't mean he was a saint either.
Edward Anthony Cullen was one of the most infuriating humans he'd ever come across, that was for damn sure.
"Are you going to listen or are you going to sit and let what I say go in one ear and out the other like the stubborn ass you are most of the time?" Seth very succinctly asked and waited until Edward relaxed his rigid posture enough to let him know that he was at least going to hear what the angel had to say.
Twinkling blue eyes held the stare of steely, glinting emerald green ones until the owner of the green ones lowered his with an agitated huff. "Edward, listen to me and listen good because I am only going to say this one time," Seth said severely and waited for the curt nod he was offered before moving on. "Isabella Marie Swan Cullen has never been, nor will she ever be, forced to do anything against her free will by anyone of my kind or higher. She loves you fully and completely, all on her own, because you, my frustrating but deserving friend, are her soul mate. Not everyone in this world is as fortunate as the two of you to find their perfect match, but against all odds you found each other. Did we push her in the right direction? Of course we did. Did we force her to fall in love with you? Absolutely not. Did we force you to hire her, pursue her, and then marry her? No, but we sure enjoyed watching," the angel said with a chuckle.
Seth watched a myriad of expressions cross Edward's face as he digested the news. Shock, anger, skepticism, resignation...hope. The angel was quite pleased with the last one, at least that meant he had some hope of making Edward understand.
"You...people." Edward swallowed. "You didn't make her fall in love with me? You didn't do some weird hypnotic, trance thing? She really loves me?" he questioned desperately.
Seth reached out and placed his hands on Edward's shoulders, hoping that he could feel the truth that emanated from his being. "Yes, Edward. Isabella fully and truly loves you. She always has, from the very first moment, just as you have, her. It most definitely is not in our nature to do such a thing and we couldn't, even if we'd wanted to. We guide, Edward, but you humans always have your own free will. Her love for you is real, my friend."
Edward sighed deeply, relieved more than he could express. He really would have been done for if that wouldn't have been the case. He loved her, so very much, and his heart would have been shattered beyond repair if somehow her love for him wasn't real.
"I don't understand," Edward said quietly.
The angel arranged himself in the seat beside Edward and looked at him tenderly. "We guided her to you because you needed her," he answered simply. "I told you, Edward, Isabella was a gift, and I meant it. You've had many hardships in your life, have suffered through traumas that would have slayed most people. Those things made you into the person you are now...scared to trust others, afraid of being hurt by those you love, and it was our hope that once she found her way to you, her love and her faith would give you the courage and the strength you needed to move past all that. That you would finally realize you are worth loving."
"I've wasted so damn much time," Edward said on a sob. His shoulders shook and he couldn't stop the torrent of tears that sprung forth. "I don't want to die, not when I've just come to understand what it means to love her, fully and completely. Not when I've managed to get another chance with my brother and Rose and the kids. Not when I've realized all I've missed. Please? I'll do anything...just...what can I do?" Edward begged.
For the first time since the angel's appearance, Edward was going to beg. He was going to beg and beg...and then beg some more. There had to be something he could do, some promise he could make, anything, as long as it gave him more time. More time to love her, more time to show her how much she meant to him, more time to try to make up for all the times he'd hurt her.
More time...it was all he wanted.
Seth had tried to prepare himself for this moment, for he knew it would come eventually. He was shocked it had taken Edward this long. Edward was used to getting his way, was used to using his commanding presence to bend others to his will.
Unfortunately he wouldn't succeed this time.
The angel moved so that he could wrap Edward in a healing embrace, letting Edward absorb the comfort he was offering him. Neither spoke, there wasn't a reason to. Seth knew that Edward understood what he was asking was impossible, no matter how much he wished it wasn't so. Things just didn't work that way.
After a few more moments, Edward was able to reign in his despair. He took a very uneven breath and then looked toward Seth, wiping his tear-stained face with his hands. "I can't do anything, can I?" Edward futilely asked one last time.
"I'm afraid not, Edward. I wish I could grant you what you wish, but it's not in my power to do so," the otherworldly being answered honestly.
"It seems so unfair to Isabella. To make her see how much I've always loved her, to work to get her forgiveness, only to die and leave her alone."
"Edward, let me ask you a question and then we must concentrate on Carlisle," Seth began. "Knowing everything you do about your lovely wife, how do you think she would have spent the rest of her days if you hadn't succeeded in finding your way back to her. If the end came and she didn't know you truly loved her?"
Edward thought about the question for a moment, but he didn't really need to. He unequivocally knew the answer. "She'd blame herself and be miserable."
"She would, without a doubt. She'd spend every day wishing she had done more, prayed more, tried harder. She'd wonder every day what she could have done differently. Do you really think she'd be better off living like that...or living without you knowing that you two truly loved one another and that the last however many days were spent happily?"
"Obviously the second answer," Edward muttered somewhat grudgingly. "I get it, okay? Of course I don't want her to be unhappy. I don't ever want her to be sad or hurt or unhappy ever again. Isabella has been through enough because of me, she doesn't deserve anymore."
Edward sighed again, really wanting nothing more than to be at home, with his wife next to him in bed. He wanted to feel her body next to his, feel her soft hair between his fingers. He wanted to be able to look into her eyes and see her love for him...and hope she could see the same in return.
He looked around, wondering for the umpteenth time what kind of ability it was that allowed him to be able to speak to the angel while everything around them seemed to stand still. Then again...he didn't really want to know. His eyes fell on Carlisle and he knew they needed to finish their discussion before he had any hope of going home with Isabella.
"Am I ever going to find out how you manage all this?" Edward asked with a wave of his hand, indicating Carlisle's still form and then the two of them.
The smug angel chuckled loudly, the sound similar to cymbals. "Not a chance, Eddie, my boy. Even for one as brilliant as you, it's too much to be able to grasp. I've got your back though, no worries. No one knows any different when I appear and no one will be looking at you like you've lost your mind. Well...at least not because of me," he finished with a sharp clap of his large hands.
"Nice to know," Edward grunted as he ran his hands through his hair.
Shit, he needed a stiff drink, a hot shower, and hours in bed with a very much naked Isabella. He wasn't sure it needed to be in that order either.
Seth looked at Edward, feeling his heart ache for all that he had to have been feeling just then. With the tenderest of voices he said, "Edward, I realize that telling you before how long we've been watching was probably not the best timing, but I feel it's really important for you to understand that we led Isabella to you when we did because it was time. You'd spent far too many years wallowing in guilt and pain and if we'd waited any longer, even she wouldn't have been able to reach you and you would have been lost forever. I know it's hard to comprehend, but you need to know that we are sent to help our charges when it's most necessary."
"I'm having a really fucking hard time understanding that," Edward said evenly.
Seth sighed; he knew to expect that reaction as well. Edward was extremely good at compartmentalizing. "I know you are, Edward, and I expect that we'll have to revisit this topic again in the very near future. My friend," the angel said as he floated and stopped in front of him. "I know right now you are confused, hurt, and probably really angry. I also know that it would be easier for you to tell Isabella first about Liam and Maggie and what happened when Carlisle and Esme took you in before attempting to talk with them. You just need to open the door so that when the time comes, you'll all be ready. I've pushed you to face your past, and it's still imperative that you do so, but telling her first will go a long way in easing your pain."
Edward took a few deep breaths, feeling the frazzled thoughts in his brain calm just a bit as he thought about Isabella. "Isabella is the most important person in my life; I would never talk to them without telling her first. I owe it to her and she deserves to know after everything I've put her through. I might not have ever admitted it out loud, but I've damn sure known all along that we were meant for each other. She's the only thing that has ever made sense."
Seth had been watching Edward long enough to know he was at his limit of what he could deal with. The angel knew he wasn't out of the woods yet, but Edward was liable to put those walls back up if pushed any farther right now. Seth couldn't risk losing him when he'd already come so far so he was going to back off, for the time being.
There was still time.
"You got the rest of this or do you need me to stay?" He would stay by Edward's side as long as he was needed, but he had a feeling Edward needed Isabella more than he needed his presence.
Edward snickered, though he sure didn't find anything funny about the present situation. "No, I'm fine...or well, as fine as I can be. Damn, I'm really fucking exhausted."
"You've had a hell of a day, my young friend. Finish your discussion with Carlisle and then let your wife take care of you. She's very anxious to get you home, too. She needs you as much as you need her, Edward. Never forget that," Seth reminded him and then was gone.
"Damn angel," Edward muttered.
Time moved again.
Isabella stared out the window, watching for the slightest sign of discomfort from Edward. The moment she saw it, she would be out the door and by his side. She was NOT letting anything set him back, not if she had anything to say about it. He looked a bit stressed, but that was to be expected all things considered. There was no way the conversation was going to be particularly pleasant for either of them, but it had to be done. With a heavy sigh, she decided to leave him be for the time being, hoping she was doing the right thing. She didn't want to, but she knew the two of them needed to talk.
She spent the time helping Rose get Jack and Emma ready for bed and visiting with Emmett about the new proposal. She didn't say much to Esme, and while she felt bad about that, she didn't feel bad enough to try to talk with her. Until she knew Edward was going to be okay, she didn't feel the need to try to make nice with her mother-in-law. It wasn't the nicest thing to do, she was well aware of that and it really went against her nature, but when something hurt Edward she couldn't really help it.
He was her Edward.
Edward quickly recalled where his conversation with Carlisle stopped...with William. He couldn't help but shake his head at the whole bizarre way things just picked up, as if the past however many minutes he'd spent with the angel hadn't just happened. Minutes he most definitely would have to think about later.
Carlisle shifted in his seat, as if he'd been in the same position for too long and stared at Edward. He looked quite worn out, he noticed. It seemed like he'd changed right before his eyes.
"Grandfather wouldn't ever admit it, even if he was," Edward remarked, picking up their discussion.
Carlisle was a bit surprised to hear the trace of bitterness that was just beneath the surface. He'd been positive his father and Edward had a solid and companionable relationship with each other. To hear Edward sound so...lonely...tore at his heart.
"He was a difficult man to be sure," Carlisle began. "I don't know how you managed to spend so much time with him."
"It was easier to be around him than the rest of you. I was used to it. You, Esme, and Emmett...I hadn't ever been in a nurturing environment like that, I didn't know how to handle it," Edward said softly.
Carlisle sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly understanding more than he ever had. "But, Edward...you always seemed...I can't say happy...but maybe content...when you were with William," he stammered as his mind raced.
Edward bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees and hung his head wearily. "Carlisle, I know I haven't been exactly forthcoming...hell that's a fucking understatement, and I owe you and Esme an explanation, as painful as it will be. But, for the time being, suffice it to say that my life before you and Esme took me in was incredibly lonely and...hard," he said as he swallowed thickly. "Being around Grandfather, as cold and detached as he was, was easier for me. I could relate to him in a way I couldn't with the rest of you. Was I hiding? Sure I was...but at fourteen, fifteen, it was all I knew. I've just come to understand how much my actions back then hurt all of you, and how they continued to hurt you as time went on. I know we have a lot we need to talk about to get the air cleared, but frankly, I can't do it tonight," he finished, relieved to finally get at least that much out in the open.
Carlisle was stunned, though he had to say not all that surprised. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Liam and/or Maggie had done something, or Edward had been through something, that caused him to act as he had. He suddenly felt very ashamed of himself, and quite honestly his father as well, for not doing more to reach Edward when he'd first come to live with them. Carlisle knew he had as much, if not more, to apologize for than Edward did. Edward was a young teenager when they'd taken him in, he was the adult. He knew without a doubt he'd failed his son, failed to help him overcome whatever trauma had happened to him. He'd let his stubborn pride get in the way of doing the right thing by his newly adopted son.
He wouldn't blame Edward if he never forgave him. He wasn't sure he deserved it.
"Edward, I," Carlisle began then took a deep breath. He shifted in his seat and then began again. "I hope we can find some time soon to talk. It seems as if there is a lot I've misunderstood. If I ever made you feel like you weren't wanted or if I pushed you away, I'm so sorry. If you're willing to talk with Esme and I, I can assure you we'll be here whenever you are ready."
"Thank you," Edward said quietly, letting out a relieved breath. He glanced toward the house and found Isabella watching him from the window, obviously very worried about him judging from the way her eyes connected with his and the way she bit her bottom lip.
He needed her. God help him, he needed her.
"I would like that. It's been a long time coming," Edward said as he stood up, itching to run to her.
Carlisle looked back at the house as well and then back at Edward. "Go, son. She was very worried about you. Thank you for talking with me," he finished, his heart while heavy with regret, a bit lighter with the thought that there was hope for them yet.
Edward flashed his wife what he hoped was a reassuring smile before turning to Carlisle. Not taking the time to think about it, he stepped forward and quickly hugged him. Carlisle gasped in surprise but took an extra second to squeeze him before lightly patting his back.
"Thank you," Carlisle choked out. "We'll see you soon."
Edward nodded and then practically ran back to the house, his body quivering with his need to hold her...and have her arms around him as well.
The second Edward began walking toward the house, Isabella was moving. She threw open the back door and stumbled down the steps in her haste to get to him. As soon as her feet hit the patio, she was engulfed in Edward's strong arms.
"Isabella," he managed to say. He didn't even try to mask how much he needed her. He kissed her, everywhere he could reach. The top of her head, her cheeks, her forehead, before he finally found his way to her soft lips. He kissed her until he felt himself forget about everything except for her.
She clutched at him, hanging on to him as tightly as she could, as if she were afraid he'd slip away if she let go. She could hear him mumbling incoherently in her ear, felt him shake in her arms and she was ready to go home.
"Shh, sweetheart. Let's go say goodbye to everyone and then we can go home. I think we've both had about all the family time we can handle for one day, don't you?" she teased him with a soft chuckle.
He picked his head up from where he had laid it on her shoulder. "As always, Beautiful, you are correct." He smiled at her, thankful that she once again managed to know exactly what he needed. He still felt like he was drowning and he wasn't sure how much longer he could keep his head above water.
So much to think about...later.
She started to walk back to the house when he pulled her to a stop. She turned and looked at him, her eyes growing wide as she took in how nakedly vulnerable he looked.
"Edward?" she questioned with alarm.
"Tell me you love me," he said in a desperate voice. "God, just...tell me you love me...please."
She answered him instantly, not even questioning why he sounded the way he did or why he needed her to say it. It didn't matter. "I love you, Edward. Today, tomorrow...always. I'll always love you."
He exhaled deeply, letting her words wash over him. "I love you," he breathed out.
Isabella felt her heart soar at his words and then she made the mistake, well not really a mistake, of looking into his eyes. It only inflamed the fire that had been burning between them all day. His green eyes blazed...love, want, need...blatant and raw exuded out of them and she wanted him with the same ferocity.
"Home, Edward. I want to go home...with you...now."
He nodded. They quickly said goodbye to first Jack and Emma who had been waiting not very patiently for their Uncle Edward. After promising them both he would see them as soon as he could, Edward and Isabella said their farewells to the others. Hugs and kisses for Emmett and Rose, a kiss for Esme, and an awkward, but heartfelt hug for Carlisle.
The drive home to their house was spent in a charged silence, neither wanting to break whatever spell had surrounded them. Edward parked his car in the garage and hastily opened Isabella's door, pulling her out and up into his arms before the automatic garage door even had a chance to close behind them.
Wordlessly he carried her through the house and up to their bedroom...and laid her on their bed. He moved to lay on top of her but Isabella was having none of that...not this time.
She moved so that she was kneeling in front of him. She reached up and held his gorgeous face in her small hands and said, "I'm taking care of you, my beloved husband." She pulled his head down to hers and kissed him tenderly, running her thumbs over his cheeks.
She turned them so that his back faced the headboard. Reaching down, she gripped his shirt and lifted it off him, immediately bending down to kiss his chest above his rapidly beating heart. "I love you, Edward," she whispered reverently.
Gently, she pushed him down on the bed. She took her time unbuttoning his jeans, savoring the feel of his warm skin beneath her fingertips. She pushed them along with his boxers down his legs. She couldn't help but stare at him, laying there naked on the bed...for her.
He was hers.
She was his.
She quickly undressed, quite enjoying the way his eyes roved her body, hungrily and possessively. She crawled on the bed and covered his body with hers. She kissed every inch of him...along his jaw, down his neck, across his chest, down his stomach, along the inside of his thighs, behind his knees and even down to the tops of his feet, all the while whispering words of love and devotion.
Then, she went back up again, only this time she stopped and took him in her mouth.
Edward was lost...completely gone in a sea of overwhelming sensations. Ecstasy, passion, need...and everything in between, so palpable the room was practically alive with it all.
He closed his eyes, letting himself go completely and surrendered to his wife. As she took him higher and higher until he released in a powerful torrent into her mouth, he thought he'd never felt anything so powerful, so all-encompassing in his life.
He was wrong.
Isabella freed him from her mouth with a kiss and then agilely and effortlessly straddled him and slid down his hardened length.
Connected as they were, Edward looked up into the warm, loving eyes of his amazing wife. His Isabella.
"Mine," he whispered.
As she moved above him, she laid her hand over his heart and whispered back, "Yours."
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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