Chapter 20
BPOV
"Bella, be careful going home, you hear?" Mom calls to me as Peyton and I pull our jackets on and get ready to leave The Breakers. It was a blessedly slow night, the dinner rush didn't last long at all, and now all I want to do is go home, put on a pair of sweats and one of Edward's t-shirts, and curl up on the couch with him and a glass of wine.
The whine and huff from my daughter as she fights with her raincoat tells me it's probably going to be a while before I can have that glass of wine. With the way she's been acting lately, one glass isn't going to be enough.
"Baby, stop," I admonish and try to keep the frustration I feel from her behavior from eking out. I help her straighten out the arm of her jacket and she slides her arm inside. Instead of the sweet thank you I'd get on a normal day I get an eye roll and a half-hearted thanks.
I take a deep breath and count to five before I say something I'll regret, but there's no way she's getting away with that attitude. "Young lady," I begin in my no-nonsense voice, "you really need to watch the attitude. It's been two days and I've had enough. Understand?"
"Sorry, Mom," she mumbles, but at least it sounds sincere.
"Mom, we're going home. I'll see you in the morning," I tell her, looking up before we go out the door.
It's my turn to stay until closing, so besides my mom, Peyton and I are the last ones at the restaurant. It's always somewhat eerie to walk into the parking lot and see just Cherry and my mom's Cherokee left. Now that Edward stayed over a few nights a week, Xavier has stopped bringing me to work. He still comes to have breakfast at least once or twice a week, but things have definitely changed with the start of school.
So much had changed, really.
Looking over at my daughter and noticing the scowl still on her face, I can't help but wonder if things haven't moved too fast. I can't say that I mind, because truthfully, I'm happier than I ever could've imagined being, but that doesn't mean there aren't moments of doubt that creep up from time to time.
I don't doubt my feelings for Edward or his for me and Peyton. I know he loves us. I know he wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him, but it's hard sometimes to keep things in perspective. We haven't been together that long, and honestly, that doesn't really bother me. Time really doesn't mean much when you find the right person. I can't imagine my life without Edward in it. When I imagine Peyton moving from elementary school to middle school, he's there. When I picture my thirtieth birthday, he's by my side celebrating with everyone else. Christmases, Thanksgivings, he's always there.
I don't really even doubt that he's 'The One' or whatever that means. I want him, always. It's been a wonderful, amazing, if scary at times, last few months. The whirlwind, the ups and downs, the discoveries and the sharing of secrets, it's all been so incredible. Things have progressed so naturally but there are times when it seems too good to be true. There are also times I can't help but wonder if it's all too much and too fast. Peyton adores Edward, a feeling he obviously and very proudly more than reciprocates, but it worries me at times if we're confusing her.
He stays, he leaves. He tells us he loves us, but then there are days we see him only briefly and some not at all. As a grown woman I'm okay with that, even if I miss him when it happens, but Peyton's only seven and I know it's hard on her. She misses him and I know she misses the security and comfort she feels when he's in the house.
"Is Edward gonna come over tonight?" Peyton asks when we get on our way.
A crack of thunder and a flash of lightning make me grip the steering wheel so hard my fingers turn white and I let out a deep breath. Storms still scare the everliving shit out of me, but I don't cower in fear anymore the second the first raindrop falls from the sky … I figure I should be happy about the improvement.
I concentrate on the swish of the windshield wipers for a few seconds as I get my bearings and then answer her. "I'm not sure. I haven't gotten a text message saying one way or the other."
She huffs and crosses her arms, staring out the window as we head toward home. We manage to get into the house without getting soaked to the bone. By the time we get changed and Peyton is curled up on the couch watching TV, Edward is knocking on the door before he walks right in.
Peyton is off the couch like a shot as soon as she hears the doorknob, not even giving him a chance to get more than two steps inside the house.
"Hurry, come on, Edward," Peyton whines at him while she pulls on his hand. He stomps his feet to get the mud off his boots and I can tell just by looking at him there's something wrong.
He opens his mouth, then clamps it closed, barely giving her a smile. She doesn't notice that or notice the grimace, the one that appears then disappears so fast it's a wonder I caught it at all. She shakes his arm, wiggling it like it's a piece of limp spaghetti until he flexes the muscles in his arm and holds it still.
"Hey there," I say softly as I approach, a little wary because the tension is utterly shooting off him in every direction.
His eyes are storm cloud gray, as gray as I've ever seen them. He didn't shave this morning, nor when he got back to the boarding house either, leaving him with more scruff than I've seen in some time. He didn't spend the night here last night, and the bags beneath his eyes let me know he didn't sleep well at all. I had a PTA meeting to go to to finalize the plans for the Halloween festival at the end of the month and I knew he was going to spend some time talking to Carlisle. From the looks of him, it wasn't an easy conversation.
He looks like he wants to say something but Peyton is pulling on his arm, clamoring for his attention. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath; I can tell it's to try to relax, but from the way his jaw is clenched, it hasn't helped.
"Edward, I need help with my homework. I waited 'til you got here so you can show me how to do my math; you remember, you helped so good last week. And, after, I want to play Monopoly. Can we make popcorn, too?" She stops pulling but scoots between us and starts pulling on the jacket he hasn't even been able to take off yet.
"P, stop for a second, okay? Please? I just walked in," he tells her. She huffs and he cringes. He runs a hand through his hair and then pinches the bridge of his nose.
He's losing it … fast.
"But, Edward, I want to play Monopoly," Peyton whines again and this time she even stomps her foot at him.
I open my mouth to intervene, but I'm too late.
"I can't do this tonight," he says in a tired, defeated voice. "I'll call you later."
He walks out, slamming the door behind him. He didn't look back, he didn't say when later was, he just … left.
"Mommy?" Peyton's voice shakes. It's been ages since she's called me mommy but hearing her say it now, rattles me.
I look at her and there are tears streaming down her face. She's not sobbing, but her quiet cries break my heart more than if she'd thrown herself down on the ground and was kicking and screaming while she wailed.
I reach out for her and pull her close. I can't do anything except run my hands through her hair and kiss the top of her head. I want to tell her something, anything, but nothing I can think of to say sounds right. I mean, how do you tell a child that the person they want to see most in the world just stormed out of the house without even a second glance.
Finally, when she sniffles, I squat down and push her hair back over her ears. Her face is splotchy and her eyes are rimmed with red. I kiss her forehead and then tell her, "Don't worry, baby. He's not mad at you."
I don't know what's bothering him, but I do know that. I also know he's going to be so upset when he realizes what he's done.
She nods and then goes to the couch and curls up with a blanket. I sigh and then stand up, shaking my head. Oh, Edward, I think. I put the food I'd left out for him away and straighten up the kitchen. I frown when I spy the blackberry cobbler I brought home from the restaurant specifically for him.
I pick up my phone. My hand shakes and I squeeze my eyes closed. I'm so angry at him I could scream, but I'm also very worried about him. His behavior is so out of character for him, it scares me to think of what could have possibly caused him to act that way.
Tapping the phone, I send him a quick text telling him I hope he's okay and we love him.
I know he'll call when he calms down, and I can't help but hope he comes back here tonight.
"Mom? Do you think Edward is coming back?" Peyton asks as she sits down beside me on the front steps.
Her voice is so sad. As much as I want to tell her yes, I have a feeling the answer is no … at least not tonight. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close, rubbing my hand up and down her arm to keep the chill of the early October air away.
I sigh.
I knew he was having a bad day; I could tell the minute he walked in the house and stomped his feet on the doormat. It's been raining, it's cold, he's tired, and Peyton has been, for lack of a better word, a complete pain for the past two days. Add a crabby seven-year-old to a twenty-seven year-old man that has no experience with kids and who's already in a bad mood and it was a disaster waiting to happen.
Not that him slamming the door and leaving is anywhere close to all right.
"I didn't mean to make him so mad," she tells me in a heartbroken voice. She lays her head on my shoulder and we both look toward the driveway as if somehow he's going to magically appear.
Her fingers rub the bracelet that never leaves her wrist. Getting her to take it off for her bath every night is next to impossible. It's her most prized possession - a fact of which she tells anyone and everyone … repeatedly.
I kiss the top of her head and enjoy the sense of comfort the smell of her coconut-lime shampoo gives me. "I know, baby, but you have to learn a no means no. What he did wasn't right, but the fact that you pushed him to the point where he lost his temper wasn't right either."
"He's not going to go away is he? I mean, he still loves me right?" Her eyes fill with tears. She sniffs and it tears my heart open.
I turn and pull her into my lap, wrapping my arms tightly around her. "Of course he does, Peyton. Edward will always love you," I tell her.
"I don't want him to be mad at me anymore." She sniffs once more.
I close my eyes and say a quick prayer that he comes back soon.
We sit outside until there are goosebumps on top of goosebumps. Getting Peyton inside isn't easy, getting her into bed even harder. I have to lay in bed with her a lot longer than normal and she fights closing her eyes with all she has. My phone is between us, her little hand holding it tight and tipping it toward her every few seconds as if just by willing it, he'll call.
"Maybe I should call him again," she says dejectedly, looking at me as if I can somehow see into the future and tell her she should.
"I think it's going to be tomorrow before you can talk to him, baby." She opens her mouth to argue with me but I shake my head. "Enough, Peyton. You have school tomorrow and it's time for bed. He'll call tomorrow. I promise."
I should feel bad for making a promise like that, but I don't. I know whatever is going on with him, he won't intentionally hurt her again.
I kiss her one more time then slowly walk to my room, clutching the phone every bit as hard as Peyton had just done. There is no way I can stomach watching some inane sitcom on TV so I don't even bother going back downstairs when I get changed for bed. Instead, I reach for my journal and start writing, letting the words cover the page.
The phone vibrates, sending a spike of anxiety through me. I throw my journal on the floor and then scramble onto the bed.
"Are you okay?" I ask at the same time I hear him say, "I'm so fucking sorry, Bella."
"Just answer me first, please," I beg him, holding the phone so tight I'm surprised I can't hear it crack.
"No, I'm not okay, but I'm back at the boarding house," he answers. His voice brings tears to my eyes because it's so afraid and so full of self-loathing. I hate it.
I sniff. "Oh, fuck. Bella, baby, please don't cry. I … shit, I didn't mean to walk out like that. I had the shittiest day ever today. I didn't sleep last night because I had a nightmare, I cut my hand, I have a headache, and then Peyton was-" He cuts himself off and takes a deep breath. "I never should have done that; I know I shouldn't have. I promise, I'll never walk out like that again." He sounds frantic and I shush him.
"I won't tell you it's okay, because it's not, but thank for realizing you were wrong. You scared me, Edward, but worse, you scared Peyton. She thought it was her fault you left and was worried you were never coming back," I tell him. I brace for the string of curse words I know is about to fly and I'm not wrong.
The phone is muffled, like he's covering it with his hand or holding it face down, but I hear enough to know if I ever hear him talk like that in front of Peyton, he's getting his ass kicked from here to next week. But, it's what he does when he gets mad, so I wait for him to finish the self-flagellation.
"She hates me, doesn't she? She's got to be so mad at me. It would serve my ass right if she never forgives me," he says sadly.
I get up and walk down the hall, knowing the right thing to do would be to let her sleep, but knowing if I don't wake her up and let him talk to her, he'll worry all night. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but I do have to try to remember he's not used to dealing with issues like this, too.
"Baby," I whisper, ignoring Edward's demand that I let Peyton sleep. "Wake up, P. Edward's on the phone." I shake her a few times but when I repeat his name, she sits straight up. "Here, he wants to talk to you."
I listen to her say his name and the relief she feels from talking to him relaxes the painful twist in my chest. I go to get her a glass of water, giving her some privacy to talk to him. I take a few deep breaths myself and by the time I walk back in her room, she's laying on her pillow with a smile on her face.
"Okay, Edward. Here's Mom. Tomorrow night right?" she asks then smiles even bigger. "I love you, too. Okay. I know. Night," she finishes then hands the phone back to me.
I tuck her in again and then go back to my room, holding the phone but not speaking until I close my door.
"Thank you for talking to her. She'll sleep much better now," I tell him softly as I sit on the edge of my bed.
"Well at least one of us will. I feel like shit for scaring her, Bella, for scaring both of you."
"I know," I tell him … and I do.
We talk for a long time, about what happened, why he felt so overwhelmed, and what his nightmare was about. We talk about nonsense stuff, too, until we are both too tired to say another word. He does get the last word in though, when he says, "I don't deserve either of you, but I'm never letting you go," before I fall asleep, still holding the phone.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~~
Nine o'clock on the dot, just like every night.
"Hey, baby." His voice … good Lord what just those two words do to me.
I let out a soft sigh and roll over to look out the window. There isn't much light; the moon is mostly hidden behind wispy clouds. I suppose it's fitting as tomorrow night is the Halloween Happening at Peyton's school. I pull my knees toward my chest and tug the blanket around me tighter.
"I wish you were here," I tell him, meaning it completely. "I'm cold and it's always warmer when you're in bed with me."
He chuckles a bit, though not as much as he normally would. "So, you're telling me you just need me there as a human blanket, huh?"
"Awww, damn, you found me out." I giggle but then realize he's not laughing with me. "Are you okay? You had a difficult session with Carlisle, didn't you?"
He doesn't say anything. I can hear him shuffle around in his bed and then he spats a low "fucking hell" when I hear a bump.
"Fuck that hurt," he mumbles.
I wait until I hear him stop moving before I ask, "Do you want to talk about it?"
I had a feeling he would spend some time talking to Carlisle tonight. I spent the evening up at the school helping the other moms and dads set up for the festivities tomorrow night. Xavier and Seth were there like always and Rose and Alice dropped off some food for the chili supper. It was great to hang out with Xav and Seth; I've missed them.
He sighs. "Maybe later. Tell me what you did tonight. How's Peyton? I barely got to talk to her before she fell asleep."
I let him change the subject, knowing full well he'll circle back around to it when he's ready. With Edward, I know it's much better to wait than to push. There are times when a push is necessary; this is not one of them. For all his fear that he doesn't know what he's doing most of the time, he's amazingly adept and surprisingly willing to talk about things when they bother him. He's stumbled, case in point his little meltdown with Peyton a few weeks ago, but it's rare when he refuses to talk about things.
Aleksei is the topic that takes the most care when bringing it up, not that Edward wants to talk about him much. After Wayne's visit, it took a while for Edward to put that memory back into the cage where it resides most of the time. Wayne's reminder that Aleksei has never been apprehended, that he's still out there somewhere, has really shaken Edward, so much so that he spent a few more nights at the house and when he wasn't here, he was calling at all hours of the night just to make sure we were okay. Seeing him scared was an eye-opener, and one that wasn't particularly pleasant if I'm being honest.
I shake off those thoughts and answer his question. "She's fine, wore herself right out blowing up all the balloons for the games. Xav kept challenging her to see who could blow them up the fastest. I'm surprised the big idiot didn't give himself an aneurism trying to keep up with her. Then she kept trying to sneak all the candy coins buried in the sand for the treasure hunt. I think Seth found more than she did though."
"I'm sorry I missed it," he says and I can tell he really is. "So everything is all ready for the big shindig? I gotta tell you, Bella, you small town people know how to make the biggest production out of things." He laughs a bit and I let the sound ease the knot that appeared the second I heard the tension in his voice.
I tell him a few more stories about the night and he laughs in the right places, even though I can tell he's not fully listening. I finish telling him some nonsense and he's quiet on the other end.
"I told Carlisle I'm nervous about tomorrow night," he says quietly and his voice is terse, underscoring the truth of his words.
"Oh, Edward," I answer back gently. I won't tell him not to be nervous because he's entitled to his feelings. I wish he wasn't, but I'll do everything I can to show him he has no reason to be.
There's rustling on the other end until he stills once more. I can just picture him running his hands through his hair. More than likely, he has the phone cradled against his ear with one hand tugging on his hair and the other holding onto Peyton's seashell. She's shared plenty of things from her treasure box with him over the past few months, but none mean as much as the seashell she gave him for that first overnight trip on the boat. "Are you and Peyton positive you want me to go with you tomorrow night? I can just stay at your house and wait to see you guys when you're done at school."
My heart clenches. I curl my fingers into a fist beside my face, squeezing them so tightly I can feel my fingernails dig into the center of my hand. I want to be frustrated with him, but I can't be. "Of course I want you with us; we both do. I wish you would stop worrying so much," I tell him, the words slipping out before I can stop them.
"I don't want to embarrass you, Bella. Those people are your friends, and the parents of Peyton's friends. It sucks, but you know what people think about me the first time they see me. It would kill me if anyone said anything to Sprite that was mean because of me. I don't know, I just think it would be better if I didn't go." He sounds so dejected and it just about breaks my heart.
"Fuck them," I say immediately. "Edward," I take a breath and softened my voice, "I love you … the man that is Edward Anthony Masen, not Edward Anthony Masen ex-con. I've told you this before and I know others have, too. Don't let a label define who you are. You make me happy, you make Peyton shine brighter than the star on top of the Christmas tree, and we want you, just the way you are."
"Ah, Bella," he breathes out. "I love you so fucking much, you know that right? I mean I know I don't always show you or tell you the right way, but I really do. I just … I don't know how."
I giggle, though not enough to hurt his feelings. "Really, Edward?" I tease. "I'm pretty sure the smile on my face that I sport daily and the bracelet that never comes off a certain little girl's wrist is a pretty good indication you do."
"Yeah, well, maybe," he hedges, but I can tell he's smiling.
"There is no maybe about it." A gust of wind rattles the window and the bare tree branches scrape along the side of the house making me huddle inside my blankets even more. I yawn, covering my mouth with my hand in the hopes he doesn't hear me, which of course he does.
"I should let you go. You had a long day and tomorrow will be just as long, especially because tomorrow night you won't be sleeping in bed alone." His caramel turtle voice slides over me, making every inch of my body tingle like I've just touched a doorknob after dragging sock-covered feet across the carpet.
I moan; I can't help it. I also rub my thighs together to try to ease the ache that's just erupted between my legs. Damn evil, silky, gritty voice. "You're mean." I pout and the chuckle that floats through the phone is anything but sweet and silly. Instead it is full of dark promises which only serve to fan the flames.
"I'll see you tomorrow night. Sweet dreams only, baby. I love you," he says tenderly and I melt. He's just too much sometimes.
"Love you, too. Be safe." It's what I tell him every time we get off the phone … I won't ever stop.
Sleep finds me quickly which comes as a surprise when I wake the next morning. I figured between thinking about Aleksei, Edward's real but unnecessary worries, and the anxiousness about the festival, I would have tossed and turned all night, but I wake wonderfully rested. Getting both myself and Peyton out the door goes much smoother than I could've hoped; the only meltdown coming when Peyton can't find the red wristbands Edward bought for her costume. We find them, finally, and then we're off.
We rush out the front door, past the pumpkin we carved the week before. The air is crisp, and the leaves that have fallen from the trees crunch beneath our feet as we cross the yard and get into the Blazer. I really could have used Xavier's help this morning getting a few last minute things in the truck, most important being Peyton's costume, but he was needed at the restaurant. Edward isn't far off the mark with his comment of the town making a big production out of this. For a family friendly fundraiser at school, it's a pretty big damn deal. The entire town is involved in one way or another. Sue us … Corea is tiny - we have to get our entertainment somehow.
Driving through town toward school, I can't help but feel a little nostalgic. Pumpkins, scarecrows, hay bales, dried Indian corn, witches, ghosts … a plethora of decorations in front of every house, in every window of every business, and in every front yard.
I drop Peyton off with a promise that I'll have everything ready for her as soon as she arrives at The Breakers after school and head toward the restaurant.
"Bell, did you remember to bring the Eye Black?" Xavier asks as I rush in the back door of the kitchen.
I turn at the sound of his voice and burst out laughing, almost dropping Peyton's costume in the process. "Nice look you've got going on there, buddy."
"Pshhhh, you just wish you could rock the vampire look like me," he quips.
I roll my eyes at him not admitting that he looks damn good. If I did, I'd never hear the end of it.
The morning speeds by as does the lunch hour. Before I know it, it's almost time for Peyton to be done at school. The plan is she will come here, get dressed, and then we'll head back to the school for the fun to commence. I lay out her costume on a table, smiling when I remember how excited she was the week before when she modeled it for me and Edward.
"She's going to look adorable." Alice giggles next to me.
"Watch it, Ali. You better not let P hear you say that," I tell her seriously.
She looks at me. "Please tell me Edward is dressing up, too?" she asks with raised eyebrows and a hopeful look on her face.
I look back at her like she's lost her damn mind. "You're joking, right? I barely got him to agree to come tonight. There is no way I'd even think about suggesting he dress up in a costume."
She pulls a chair out and calls Rose over. Once they both sit, she gives me a stern look and says simply but quite emphatically, "Spill."
I drum my fingers on the table, letting my thoughts roam for a second or two before looking from Rose to Alice. "He's nervous about tonight," I say with a sigh. "He even asked if he should stay home."
Alice gasps. She narrows her eyes, fire shooting out of them fast and furiously. She's fiercely protective of Edward; she gives Peyton a serious run for her money in the defender department. "Please tell me he's still going," she demands.
I nod. "He is. I'm not sure he's really comfortable about it, but he doesn't want to disappoint Peyton."
"Or you either," Alice replies back immediately.
I nod again. "I know that, Al. He tries so hard and he gets himself all worked up."
"He just wants to fit in," Rose says knowingly. She leans forward and says, "It's important to him to be good for you and Peyton and he's always worried he's not." I open my mouth to say something but she holds up a hand, halting my words instantly. "We know he is, Bella, but this is the first time he's going to put himself out there. Here in the restaurant or at Finn's or even when we were at the races was different. Tonight the entire town will see you three acting like a family, or as close to one as you can get, and he just wants to make you two proud of him."
"Rose, we are proud of him," I tell her, though it's completely unnecessary. It's not like she doesn't know.
"Well, if anyone gives him shit, you just let me know," Alice mutters menacingly. For such a small person, she can be damn scary when she wants to be. "I'll slip some hot pepper sauce in their chili or something. No one messes with my friend and gets away with it." She gets up from the table still grumbling to herself leaving me and Rose to just stare at her retreating back with mouths agape.
"She loves him almost as much as Peyton does." Rose smiles at me from across the table.
"She does," I agree quietly.
It's not surprising, really, that Alice and Edward are as close as they are. Their pasts are quite similar in so many ways. Alice's mom died of pancreatic cancer when she was ten and was taken in by her grandparents. Alice's mom had been their only child and her dad had taken off before she was even born. She met Jasper in high school when his parents, if you could call them that, wound up in the same suburb of Dallas as Alice lived in. By the time they were getting ready to graduate from high school, they were practically living together so that Jasper could escape the beatings his dad would give him for the slightest misdeed. Her grandparents loved Jasper, but sadly they were killed in a car accident during the summer after their senior year.
Wanting to get far away from his parents and her memories, they traveled for a bit, completely alone and living on the small inheritance Alice got from her grandparents. They worked odd jobs here and there, searching for something, someplace that would make them happy and where they could call home. Like a lot of people, Jasper saw a show on TV about being a fisherman. He decided to give it a chance and see if his affinity for the water would translate into him loving being on the water all the time and luckily for all of us it did. He and my dad hit it off immediately, same with him and Emmett, and Alice was just happy to have a place where she felt safe and had people around she could love.
Much like Edward.
I'm really happy they have such a strong bond to each other. They both need that one person that understands them, that has been there, done that. I have my own ghosts, my own issues, but I don't know what it's like to be alone, not like they do. The fact that I've been that way the past few years was by choice, theirs was by fate. Even Jasper, for all he hates his family, still has a mother and father. Alice and Edward don't.
Before I can ruminate on those facts any longer, the front door to the restaurant flies open and Peyton rushes through, bringing a swirl of leaves along with her.
"Mom!" she cries out as she weaves between the tables. "I'm so excited!" She throws her backpack down on the ground and then flings herself at me. I haven't had time to even stand up so we're all off balance, and it's a wonder she doesn't knock me off the chair.
"Really?" I tease with a grin. "I never could have guessed. I'm also betting you've already had more than a few pieces of candy, haven't you?"
She giggles and rocks back and forth on her feet, trying to look as innocent as an angel but looking at the gleam in her eye and the way she bites the inside of her cheek is a dead giveaway. "But, Mom, Gabby's mom brought treat bags and Mrs. Watson told us we could have them after we finished our spelling worksheets, and you know how hard spelling is for me so I wanted a treat when I finished and didn't make any mistakes. When can I get dressed? I don't want to be late and I want to get there before Edward does. Do you think he'll want to do the cake walk with me?" She pants as she tries to catch her breath.
Good Lord the girl is going to make herself pass out one of these days if she doesn't learn how to take a breath while she talks.
"P, relax." I smile at her and pull her close for a hug. "Go ask Xavier to make you a snack, preferably fruit or something to offset the sugar pumping in your blood right now and then we'll get you dressed to go, okay?"
She squeaks and then rushes to the kitchen where I hear a happy shout of "Boo!" followed by Xavier's unmistakable booming laugh.
The restaurant is dead since everyone is going to be eating at the chili supper and those that aren't know better than to think anyplace in town is going to be open for dinner anyway. I wipe off the tables and arrange a few things behind the front counter until it's time to get Peyton dressed in her costume. Alice and Rose had left a while ago to help in the kitchen at school, and Xavier left to go help Emmett, Jasper, and Seth in the parking lot for the Trunk or Treat.
Like I said, when we do something in Corea, we go all out.
I am brushing Peyton's hair and getting ready to braid it into two braids when the bells over the front door jingle. My skin tingles and the hair on my arms stands up.
"You're here," I say ridiculously since he's standing in front of me.
Oh God, he looks amazing.
Faded jeans, a black, long-sleeved t-shirt and his boots. Dark and dangerous just like the first time I saw him. I know now what lays beneath all that posturing and gruff exterior … and though he's still dark and dangerous, I know he'd never hurt me or Peyton and that's all I need.
"So it seems." He smirks as he swaggers toward Peyton and me.
He takes his time and I can tell he enjoys the way I can't keep my eyes off of him. The brush I'm holding slips out of my hand and the sound of it hitting the floor makes me jump.
He chuckles. I try to glare, but fail horribly. Peyton giggles when he leans down and rubs his nose against hers.
"You look great, Sprite," he tells her as he straddles a chair and drapes his arms over the back.
I humph because he didn't kiss me hello.
Jerk.
He casually bends over and picks up the brush, holding it until I look at him. I wiggle my fingers and this time I do glare at him when he smirks again in that way he has when he drops it into my hands. I finish braiding Peyton's hair.
"Go in the kitchen and get the bag with the wristbands and the Eye Black strips and come back here so we can get you finished up." I nudge her off her chair.
She scampers off without even looking back, too excited to think straight and will more than likely come back out here having forgotten one thing or the other.
I chance a quick peek at Edward. Mistake number one. Mistake number two comes when I lower my eyes to his lips and then subconsciously lick my own. I hear his chest rumble for about half a second before I feel myself yanked forward. He hooks a heavy boot around the leg of my chair and pulls me toward him, reaching out with his hands to hold onto my seat when I get close enough for him to reach.
He leans forward over the back of his chair. "And, hello to you, too," he whispers huskily as he drags his nose down the side of my face. "Mmmm, you always smell so fucking good." He flicks his tongue against my neck and the warm breath makes me shiver when it reaches the spot where his tongue has just been.
I tip my head to the side as his tongue continues to drive me crazy. Thankfully before I do something that scars my poor daughter for all her remaining days, he kisses me sweetly, dialing back the lust level to something much more manageable. I look into his sea glass green eyes and smile, thankful that they are bright and not clouded with worry.
"Did you have a good day?" I ask and rest my forehead against his.
"Hmmm, I did. It's a hell of a lot better now though." He lifts his hands and cradles my head. "I've been thinking about this all day," he says just before his mouth finds mine. I mold my lips to his, wanting everything he gives me. His tongue sweeps across my bottom lip and then he slowly dips it into my mouth. I hear him growl in the back of his throat and the vibration shoots straight through my body … all the way to the tips of my toes.
"God, not again," Peyton wails when she comes out of the kitchen.
Sadly, Edward and I break apart, though not as quickly as my darling daughter would like judging from the way her mouth is puckered like she just ate a lemon and her arms are crossed across her chest. "You look like Pop did when I went out on a date and he caught me kissing Will McNelly." I laugh.
"Who the hell is Will McNelly?" Edward asks in a steely voice. I try, I do, but I laugh so hard at the way he looks like he's about tear the town down trying to find poor Will.
I grab the bag from Peyton and then turn to him. Bending down, I kiss him quickly on the cheek and say, "Easy, now, tiger."
Peyton giggles at him as she sits in the seat I just vacated and swings her legs back and forth. I hold her arm up and slide a wristband on and hand Edward the other one to put on her other wrist. "Edward," she says in a serious voice, or as serious as she can with her face all squished up while I put the Eye Black strips on her. "Mom only kisses you now, so don't be mad. It's kinda gross if you ask me, but Brody says if a boy likes a girl, they kiss sometimes."
This time the growl is more like a roar. "I really need to meet this Brody punk, Bella. I think it's about time he and I have a talk."
"He'll be there tonight, Edward," Peyton answers thinking she's being helpful when she's pretty much just sealed the poor boy's fate.
"Okay, all done," I tell her.
She hops up and looks from me to Edward. She looks amazing, if I do say so myself. She's dressed in a pair of football pants, and a Tom Brady jersey. We found a pair of Emmett's old shoulder pads at Mom's and with her hair braided, and under her eyes painted black, she's perfect. From the way Edward is staring at her, he feels the same way.
I grab my cell phone out of my pocket and take a quick picture of them looking at each other, totally unaware of everything around them. I smile when I look down at the screen; the picture will look great framed and on the bookshelf in the living room.
We walk to the school, merging with the crowd on the sidewalk. Edward snorts at me as it continues to grow the closer we get to the school. I suppose I'm used to it, but looking at the parking lot full of cars and games, with lines of ghosts, witches, superheroes, and princesses, I can see how it might all look a bit strange.
"Okay, we need a plan of attack here," I tell them as I pull them to the side.
Peyton is barely paying attention and every few seconds someone walks by and says, "Hi, Bella. Hi, Edward," which quite honestly looks like it's freaking him out.
"Do we want to Trunk or Treat, play games, or eat first?" I ask, looking back and forth between them.
Edward's eyes look a bit wild when he glances toward the circle of cars and then to the school where the crowd seems to growing inside the cafeteria. "P, this is your show, what do you want to do first?"
She taps her chin and then smiles hugely. "Trunk or Treat. I see Jasper and Uncle Emmett." She points. We all turn and my eyes about fall out of my head.
"Oh, heavens," I mutter, somewhat in awe and somewhat in embarrassment.
Edward shakes his head and stands between us, taking a hand in each of his. "Don't ever think about asking me to do that, Bella. Not in a million years and not for a million dollars," he says.
I have no doubt he's deadly serious.
"Uncle Emmett," Peyton says as she pulls on the yellow feathers of Emmett's costume. Yes, my brother is dressed like a chicken, complete with a huge head and tail feathers.
He pushes the stuffed head off his own head and looks crestfallen. "How'd you know it was me?"
We all laugh, even the Jack Sparrow wanna-be, Jasper. "You're the only one crazy enough to rent a complete chicken costume for a kids Halloween carnival," I tell him. "And besides, you're standing by Jasper's car. Who else would it be?
"I can't believe Rose and Alice let you two cook up this game," I scold, cringing when Peyton gleefully picks up a grotesque-looking rubber chicken and tries to toss it into the tiny, sand castle-sized bucket.
"What?" Jasper asks innocently. "The kids love it. We've already gone through a huge bucket of candy," he says proudly.
We spend a few more minutes with them before we give someone else a try and make our way around the parking lot. Edward visits with people as we go, cautious but open. No one has looked twice at him and I can see him relax more with each passing minute. By the time we've made the circuit, Peyton has enough candy to last until next Halloween and we haven't even made it inside yet. Her pumpkin bucket is full of candy, little trinkets that won't make it past the weekend, and more pencils and stickers than she knows what to do with.
The smell of chili lures us inside. It takes a few minutes to navigate the crowded hallway until we get to the cafeteria. I hand our tickets for the dinner over and we follow the line to get our food. Once our trays are full we step into the cafeteria and look for a place to sit. I spy my parents and we head in their direction.
The place is packed, but everyone is having a great time. Peyton is so busy pointing out every single one of her friends, Edward barely has time to eat.
"Did you see Em and Jasper outside?" my dad asks with a shake of his head.
I nod and my mom elbows him in the side. "Don't you sit there and try to look like you're embarrassed, Charlie. If I would've let you, you would have been outside right along side them dressed in the gorilla costume you asked Emmett to get when he got that ridiculous chicken get-up."
"Mom, can I show Edward my pumpkin picture?" Peyton asks as she leans forward and looks at me.
I nod and she drags him off, not even letting him finish the spoon of chili he had halfway to his mouth. She not only manages to pull Edward behind her, but a few other friends that quite frankly look more interested in Edward than her.
I gather our trash and throw it all away and stop to refill my glass of tea.
"Hello, Bella," I hear the nails on a chalkboard voice of Trisha Davis.
I turn and try to plaster on what I hope is a passable for sincere smile. "Hi, Trisha. Great turnout," I say as I strive to be pleasant.
Trisha Davis in a word … hates me. Always has, always will, ever since we were in high school. She was one of the girls that followed Evan around like a lovesick fool. She was one of the most vocal people to let it be known how it was all my fault after Evan died.
"Hmmm, there were more people here last year when I was in charge," she answers dismissively with a wave of her hand. "I hear you have a new … friend. Edward is it?" Her tone is nasty, condescending.
I don't answer because it's none of her business for one, and for two, she obviously knows what the answer is anyway.
"How can you feel safe with him in the house, Bella? Or worse yet, with Peyton?" she asks in a sickeningly saccharine voice, pretending like she cares one iota when we both know nothing could be further from the truth. However, hearing her say his name immediately puts me on the defensive.
"Edward is an amazing man and Peyton adores him," I answer simply, not wanting to say anymore.
She looks across the cafeteria, her watery blue eyes appraising Edward. He's surrounded by a gaggle of giggling little girls dressed as everything from a football player to a ballerina. He smiles fondly at who I assume is Lucy if the bright red hair is any indication and nods his head at her. I can hear his deep laugh from where I'm standing and the sound makes what the hateful, small-minded woman beside me thinks, irrelevant.
"He sure is a fine hunk of a man though, Bella, gotta give you credit for that. First Evan and now Edward. Makes one kind of wonder what poor Edward's fate might be someday. He does know what happened to Evan doesn't he, how you trapped him into taking care of you and then it killed him?" Her tone is neutral, as if we were having a conversation about the weather … her words are anything but.
I want to strangle her with my bare hands … or at the very least dump a bowl of chili on top of her bleach bottle blonde hair for disparaging not only Edward but Evan's memory, too.
"You are such a miserable bitch, Trisha. You've always been the most self-centered person I've ever come across, but you truly are in a class by yourself. The only reason you have a problem with Edward is because he won't even give you the time of day. You don't know anything about him except what you see on the outside." I glance in her direction, getting a sick satisfaction out of seeing her face as red as a tomato and her fingers curled so tight they're white. I lean in close, making sure that no one but her can hear my next words. "And let me tell you, what's beneath the clothes is to die for. Too bad you'll never know. Have a good night," I end with and walk toward Edward, not bothering to look back.
I'm a raging mess on the inside. I try to imagine all the cruel things I could do to her, but one look at Edward, who never takes his eyes off me as I approach, makes it all just melt away like it never existed. She's not worth the energy to ever think about again, not when I have much more pleasant things to occupy my mind.
"What was that about?" he whispers as he pulls me close to him. His arm slides possessively around my waist and I love it. I hope every person in the cafeteria can see us together because I'd honestly like nothing more than to stand on one of the table tops and announce it to everyone.
I wave it off because Trisha isn't worth expending the breath to explain.
"I'm so happy you're here," I tell him softly and lay my head on his shoulder.
I feel him press his lips to the top of my head and the fingers of his hand spread wide over my hip and the top of my ass. "I can't think of anyplace else I'd rather be."
The rest of the night flies by in a flurry of games and candy and fun. By the time we walk back to the restaurant, Peyton is asleep on her feet. Edward gets her into the Blazer and we head back to my house, holding hands the entire way. He looks at me when he parks the car, and then leans across the console so close our noses touch.
"I had the best time tonight," he says.
"I'm glad." His eyes bore right into mine and my insides tingle in the most delicious of ways.
We don't say anything for a few moments as our eyes have a silent conversation. The corner of his mouth lifts and he whispers, "Bet I can make you gladder in about five minutes."
I want to tell him gladder isn't a word, but the way his eyes are smoldering pretty much makes me incapable of speech at this point.
It actually takes closer to ten minutes, but that's only because Peyton wouldn't take off her jersey for bed. I spent the night being very, very glad.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
"Mom, hurry. The game's already started," Peyton complains when I park Cherry in front of Carlisle and Esme's house Thanksgiving Day.
"Well, if you'd stop yapping and help me carry some of this in the house, we'll get the car unloaded quicker." I chuckle at her.
We get out of the truck and I load her arms up and shoo her toward the house. My mom and Esme alternate having Thanksgiving at their houses and this year it's Esme's turn. For Edward's sake, I'm glad it is. All week he's been quiet, not withdrawn exactly, but he's certainly been inside his head a lot.
I hear the front door open and Peyton shriek a happy hi as she races past Edward. I watch him walk toward me, and I can't help but appreciate how gorgeous he looks in his dark-washed jeans and white shirt. Dinner is never a dress-up affair, but no one shows up in gym shorts and a ratty t-shirt either.
"Happy Thanksgiving," I tell him as I stand on my tiptoes and kiss him quickly.
"Same to you. I'm so glad you're here. Seth is driving me fucking nuts. I swear he's worse than a hyper puppy." He chuckles as he buries his nose into my hair. "Oh, God, tell me that is what I think it is." He moans when I hand him a tray covered with tinfoil. I smile at him and lift the corner, showing him what's underneath.
"Fuck, I love you," he says in a low, rough voice.
I shut the back door to the Blazer and take a few steps up the sidewalk. "So you just love me because I make you pumpkin squares, huh?"
He blinks twice and then a sexy smile spreads across his face. "Amongst other things," he says slowly. "It also helps that your ass looks fucking amazing in those pants."
Jesus.
He cocks an eyebrow at me when I don't say anything for a few seconds because he's rendered me speechless.
"Bella!" Seth hollers from the front porch, popping my little Edward bubble. Edward rolls his eyes at me as if to say, "see, I told you" before we walk toward the house.
Everyone is already here. Mom and Esme are busy in the kitchen, the guys are already crowded around the television with Peyton happily ensconced on my dad's lap, and Rose and Alice are setting the huge table. Hugs and kisses are given and I go one way and Edward is dragged off the other.
"How's he been this morning?" I ask Esme as we stand around the island. I add another dash of milk to the bowl of steaming mashed potatoes in front of me. Stirring, I look up at her and wait for an answer.
"Quiet, but holding it together." She nods knowingly. "He and Carlisle had their coffee outside this morning."
"Hmmm, that's good," I tell her. "I know today will be hard for him."
"More than likely, but he's doing so well," she says proudly.
I hear him laugh from the other room and my heart swells at the sound. He's doing better than well, at least I think so, but admittedly I'm more than a little biased.
We spend a few hours in the kitchen talking and cooking. I'm laying a linen napkin in a basket for the rolls when my favorite pair of arms slide around my waist. "Is it almost time? I'm starving," he asks against my neck.
"Yep, just about," I tell him, turning my head to kiss him on the cheek. "How are you doing, hanging in there okay?" I ask quietly. I don't want to make a big deal out of things, but I do want to let him know I realize the day, while a happy one, isn't without some sad memories.
"I'm fine. It's … a lot, but having you and Peyton here makes it better," he sighs and says softly in my ear.
"Excuse me," Mom chirps as she sets a casserole dish on the island. Edward stiffens behind me and I can feel his heart hammering in his chest against my back.
I look down at the sweet potatoes, wondering what in the world would cause that reaction from him. I'm about to ask him when he lets go and rushes out of the room, leaving my mom and I staring at each other in confusion.
"What did I do?" she asks, looking crestfallen.
I set the basket I'm holding down and pat the top of her hand. "It's not you, Mom. I'll go check on him."
"Hey," I say quietly, not wanting to startle him, and close the door quietly behind me.
He's staring out the window, not moving. I can hear the sounds of the TV downstairs, groans as someone from one team or the other does something no one likes. The smell of the turkey roasting in the oven mixes with the smell of him that permeates his room. It's the first time I've been here but I don't take the time to look around, instead focusing only on him.
I knew this day was going to be hard for him.
"Do you know," he begins, still looking out the window. "That if I think hard enough, I can still remember how it used to smell in my grandmother's kitchen on Thanksgiving, especially when she made the candied sweet potatoes … you know the kind with the marshmallows on top?" he asks almost absently. He turns and looks at me, his eyes so sad it takes my breath away. "I haven't had them in so long, the shit they served in prison was out of a can and when I saw that Renée had made them it just … " he trails off.
I step closer and slide my fingers between his.
"I miss them so fucking much, Bella, everyday." My eyes burn at the corners, and my heart pounds painfully against my chest, but I just squeeze his hand in mine to let him know that while I know it hurts, he's not alone.
"I know you do, Edward, but you're not alone. I know you'll always love them and you will always miss them but you don't ever have to feel like you don't have anyone ever again. You'll always have me and Peyton." I lift our hands and kiss his calloused knuckles. I brush my lips across every cut and scrape and then tell him, "You have people who love you like Carlisle and Esme, and my parents, and good friends, friends who care so much about you like Alice and Seth, and Jasper and Rose and Emmett and even Xavier. You have Wayne, who you make so proud. You have a family, Edward, full of people who love you." I reach up and hold my hand to his face. "I love you, so, so much. I know it doesn't take away your pain, but you don't have to keep it to yourself anymore either."
He strangles out a very shaky, "Bella," before his mouth is on mine. Hungry, desperate, anguished sounds escape as he kisses me. The muscles in his arms twitch as he holds me close. His heart thunders in his chest and I just hang on and give him what he needs.
"Shhh, it's okay, sweetheart," I whisper as he trembles against me.
"I love you. Christ I love you so fucking much." He rests his forehead against mine and he keeps his eyes closed as he inhales and exhales deeply. I can feel him relax and when he opens his eyes, they are still gray around the edges but my favorite glass bottle green is plenty prevalent.
"Better?" I ask running my fingers though his hair.
He nods and swallows a few times. "I'm going to go help get dinner on the table. Take a few minutes and come down when you're ready, okay?"
I kiss his cheek and lay my hand on his other, taking just a moment to gaze deep into his eyes. I make it to the door before I hear a soft, "Bella?" I turn and look at him, waiting. "Thank you for sharing your family with me."
My eyes burn with tears. It takes everything I have not to throw myself at him, but I know it would be too much for him so I just blow him a kiss and close the door. It takes me a minute to get myself under control and when I do, I head back to the kitchen.
"Bella, is he all right?" Mom asks as soon as she sees me. God, she loves him. I wish he realized how much.
I hug her and then nod. "He's better. It's a hard day for him, you know? He misses his grandparents and feels like he's all alone."
"Nonsense. He's one of us now," she says immediately, making me smile.
"I told him the same thing."
By the time the food is on the table, Edward has come back downstairs and he sits between me and Peyton. The table is covered with food, but what matters is the people sitting around it. I've spent way too long holding myself back, and taking them for granted. Edward had no one. It makes me feel guilty for having so much and not appreciating it while he suffered and no one cared. I find his hand beneath the table and squeeze. He leans over and kisses the side of my head and then does the same to Peyton. I glance across the table at my dad who is watching Edward. When their eyes meet, Charlie nods and lifts his glass in a silent toast.
Edward is definitely one of us now.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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