Chapter 17
BPOV
"Bella, stop giving your man googly eyes and get in the damn car or else we are never going to get out of here," Rose snaps at me.
I wave her off behind my back and, accidentally on purpose, lift my middle finger in the middle of my wave.
"Do you want to tell me why on Earth we decided it would be a good idea for me to ride with the guys and you with the girls?" Edward whines adorably. Of course the words are muffled because he's saying them against my neck.
I can never get enough of him so I press myself tighter against his chest and nudge his knees with mine. "Um, because we're idiots?" I answer as I play with the soft hair on the back of his neck.
In the background I can hear Jasper, Emmett, Xavier, and Seth snickering and Rose and Alice bitching about being late, but I don't care. Pressed against Edward's hard body while his arms hold me close to him makes it damned hard to care about anything else. Who the hell can really blame me?
"I'm so excited to get to spend the night with you again. It's been way too fucking long." His hands cup my ass and when he lifts and then shifts just so, neither of us can help the groans that escape.
I nod, swallowing past the urge to just drag him into the house and say to hell with the spending time with our friends thing and ravish him, repeatedly, until tomorrow night. Peyton is with Mom and Dad for the night, and really, it would be so easy to do.
I look into his faded denim blue eyes and find the same desire swirling. When my tongue sweeps over my bottom lip, that blue turns downright midnight. His eyes widen and his nostrils flare as he stares at my mouth. Because teasing him is just as much fun as enjoying him, I do it again. His fingers dig into my ass and I can feel just how much my teasing affects him against my stomach.
As per usual, being this close to him sets my heart flying and everything that has happened in the last month settles around me like a soft, warm, summer mist, coating me entirely. I've never been happier and it's entirely due to the amazing man in front of me.
"How long is this torture going to last?" he mumbles when he releases the skin he has between his teeth.
I kiss along his jaw, his day's worth of scruff rough against my lips and whine almost in perfect replication of Peyton, "About an hour or so." Suddenly the idea of being apart from him for even that short of a time seems like torture … even if there is a room waiting for just the two of us.
He sighs, squeezes my butt one more time for good measure, and then takes a step backward.
We smile at each other, those big, dopey, roll your eyes when you see people look like lovesick fools kind of smiles and say nothing. My heart swells knowing that I get to spend the night with him. It's not just because of the sex, though that is mind-blowing enough all on its own, but more the fact that when I'm with him, everything just feels so right.
"Guess I better go," he says softly as he curls his index finger around mine and swings our hands between us.
"Mmm hmmm."
He leans forward and brushes his lips quickly across mine, soft and sweet and absolutely perfect. "I'll see you soon," he whispers and then pecks the end of my nose before he jogs off.
"Be careful. I love you," I tell him.
He freezes immediately, halfway back to Xavier's truck. He turns around and we stare at each other, eyes locked, bodies still.
Holy shit.
I replay the last thirty seconds in my mind. Yep, I most definitely just told Edward I love him. So not the way I envisioned saying those words, but I'm not sorry I said them.
"Say it again," Edward demands. His chest heaves, sea glass eyes blazing as intensely as I've ever seen them.
"I love you." I can feel tears slide down my face, the happiest tears I've cried since the day Peyton was born.
"Bella." My name falls from his lips as reverent as a prayer.
Before I can even take a breath, his arms are around me, lifting me so that my legs can wrap around his waist. His mouth covers mine, kissing me with the same urgency as a man that's been given a glass of water after being in the desert for days on end.
"Oh, God, Bella," he says, laying one hand along the side of my face while the other is splayed across my back, holding me close. "I love you, too, so fucking much."
I gasp once the words penetrate through the haze of happiness swirling around in my mind. "You love me?" I squeak, holding his face between my hands, falling captive to the bottomless eyes that stare back at me.
He nods, smiling so big the skin beside his eyes crinkles. "So, so much, baby," he says quietly, but with so much feeling my heart feels like it might just explode out of my chest.
We both sigh at the same time, then laugh intimately even though we're not alone. We could be in the middle of Manhattan during morning rush and it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. He's all I see.
Rose starts honking the horn of Emmett's Jeep and Xavier follows suit, effectively bursting our little 'I love you' bubble.
"I have to put you down now," he says though he doesn't let go of me.
I nod slowly, but don't move.
"I don't want to." He pouts.
"I know, but you have to. The sooner you let me go, the sooner we can leave and the sooner we can get there and go to our room," I tell him, tangling my fingers in his hair. I don't want him to let me go any more than he does, but I lean forward and peck his lips and then let my legs go. I dangle there for a moment, legs hanging like a marionette, before he lowers me to the ground.
"Ed, man, come on. It's an hour trip. I think you can manage to let Bella go for that long," Jasper hollers.
I hear doors opening and shutting, engines turning on, and still we can't take our eyes off each other.
We're acting like fools … but fools that are in love so I don't really give a damn.
"Be careful," I whisper, walking backward so I don't have to stop looking at him.
He smirks and lowers his sunglasses from the top of his head to cover his eyes. I don't have to see them to know they are following my every move; I can feel them as if they were his hands, ghosting over my entire body.
"You, too," he says and laughs at how ridiculous we are being.
It's an hour for God's sake … sixty freaking minutes and we're acting like it's going to be days.
He gives me one more long look, and then waves before he turns around and jogs back to Xavier's truck, flipping them all off when he gets into the backseat. I shake my head in wonder thinking back to remember that guy I first met, the one that was too afraid to say the wrong thing to anyone. When Xav peels out of my driveway, old school rap blaring out of the open windows, Edward smiles as they take off and I smile back. I hate missing any opportunity to spend time with him, but I love seeing him so comfortable with the guys.
I climb into the backseat of the Jeep and we take off as well. Before we can even make it down the street to the stop sign, my phone vibrates.
"Tell me again," my favorite caramel turtle voice oozes as soon as the phone is beside my ear.
"I love you," I answer with no hesitation whatsoever.
"Fuck, baby." He sighs. "I need you."
Rose catches my eye in the rear view mirror and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep the groan that desperately wants to bubble out from his words. So damn sexy, all low and gruff, and sinfully smooth even though no one could ever accuse Edward of having a velvety voice. It's the voice I hear in my dreams now, and it's the voice that sets my heart flying and my blood racing every time I hear it.
"Me, too," I say as I take an uneven breath.
"Tonight, Bella," is all he says before he's gone.
I close my eyes and hold the phone to my ear as if keeping it there keeps him closer to me. Of course, when I open my eyes both Alice and Rose are gaping at me, their mouths hanging open so wide I actually worry for a second they might stay that way forever.
I hold my hand up and sternly say, "Not one word," and cock my eyebrow at the both of them until they nod. I want to savor this, close my eyes and immerse myself in how damned happy I am right this second. I'll squeal and act like one of those girls on Peyton's TV shows later, but at this moment in time, I want nothing but to think of Edward.
My eyes close again and my mind immediately goes to him.
Kaleidoscope eyes that change into more colors than a rainbow.
A smile that makes me throb between my legs, makes my skin break out in goosebumps, but makes me feel as warm as a mug of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day.
Hands that when they touch me, soothe every ache I've ever had, and at the same time make me feel more alive than ever before. Hands that have touched me in ways I never could have imagined. Hands that hold, hands that caress, and hands that though they are calloused and scarred, can wrap themselves around my daughter's tiny ones with a gentleness that makes my heart soar.
Sighing, I lean my head against the window and smile when I think about him getting in the truck with the guys. They all gave him shit. I could tell from where I was standing; they wouldn't be the idiots I adore if they didn't. They have all accepted Edward so seamlessly now that everything is out in the open, and that makes me absurdly happy. Even Emmett's taunts were done with affection.
Thinking of Emmett sends my mind racing back to a few weeks ago.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
Xavier and Seth are spending the day with Edward, Peyton, and me which is weird at first. Sundays are 'our' day, having changed to all day instead of just dinner because it's really the only day Edward can spend a lot of time with us. Today, there's a big soccer game on television. Xavier, Seth, and Peyton are huge Manchester United fans and today they're playing the MLS All-Stars. Edward has been so cute, actually, not that I would ever tell him mind you, wanting to impress both Xavier and Seth with his soccer knowledge. He must have done a ton of research or something, because by the time the game rolls around, he is spouting off everything from Wayne Rooney's height and weight to a history on Sir Alex Ferguson.
When halftime rolls around, Seth, Xavier, and Edward are acting like fools and Peyton is right beside them. Because the game is on later in the day, I've made a huge lunch: roast beef sandwiches, homemade pizza, different kinds of chips, veggies and dip, potato salad, and of course chocolate chip cookies and mint chocolate chip ice cream for dessert. I'm bringing out a tray of drinks when there's a knock on the door.
The weather has been so nice lately and the front door is open, leaving just the screen door to let the warm summer breeze waft through the house. When I look up and see Emmett standing there, my stomach drops and the tray I'm carrying tilts.
"Bella, are you okay?" Edward worriedly asks when he hears me squeak.
He walks out of the kitchen behind me and I know the moment he notices who is at the door because he stops walking immediately and sucks in a sharp breath. It's completely rude and my mom would kick my ass if she found out, but instead of walking right to the door to let Emmett in, I turn around and check on Edward instead.
He looks worried, but I know it's more for me than for himself. Ever since I met him at the boat, Edward's told me that things between him and Emmett, while not anywhere close to being back like they were before Em found out Edward had been in prison, are at least calm enough to be able to work together without Edward worrying about Emmett sticking a lobster down his pants.
I hand him the tray and then stand up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "I'm fine. Will you take these to everyone and let me see what he wants?"
He hesitates only long enough to give Emmett a hard look before he nods then smiles at me. "Tell him what you need, Bella, and if you need me, let me know, okay?"
My heart melts just a bit at his sweet words, but I know it's best to get this over with.
It's time.
I walk to the door and push the screen open. Emmett stands with his arms crossed and his mouth in a thin line. It doesn't seem like he's any more ready to have this discussion than I am, but I suppose I have to give him credit that he's here at all. I'd be willing to bet Rose has something, if not everything, to do with him being here, but it doesn't really matter. He's here and we need to talk. Everyone knows it.
"Uncle Em!" Peyton squeals when Emmett walks past me, kissing me on the top of the head just like he's done for longer than I can remember. It's purely reflex, and my eyes close for a brief second as a huge sense of regret washes over me. He's been doing the same thing for so long it has pretty much lost its significance, especially when you consider how truly far apart we are from each other.
I've never really noticed, not that I'd ever honestly spent a lot of time thinking about it, how distant the two of us are. Watching him hug Peyton and give her a kiss and smile at her almost hurts. I know he loves me, I know he loves Peyton and he would do anything for us if we needed him to, but if I'm being truthful, it almost feels more like obligation than want. I'm probably being too harsh because he really is a wonderful uncle and Peyton adores him unconditionally and I know, even though he makes it so hard sometimes, that if I ever needed him, he'd be there no questions asked. He proved that when I was pregnant with Peyton and has proved it time and time again over the years, but now that I'm finally in a place in my life when I want … and need … to do something for me, something that makes me happy, he can't or won't support it.
I sigh and give Edward a small smile when he catches my eye. Emmett has, of course, helped himself and fixed a plate, piling it high with more food than should be possible for him to eat. For a second I wonder why the hell he even bothered to come by if he's going to ignore Edward and spend all his time stuffing his face instead of talking to me like I thought he'd wanted to.
"Are you okay?" Edward mouths to me and I nod, once, before huffing and walking into the kitchen wondering if I can ask Rose to kick his ass … again.
She didn't really go into much detail about what happened after the whole Em storming out of Mom and Dad's house spewing insults tirade, but the gleam in her eye the next morning at work and the evil smirk on her face when I asked if he was okay gave me a pretty good idea that whatever she'd done or said to him had been sufficiently painful.
After I stare out of the kitchen window mumbling over and over about what an idiot my brother is, I hear him amble in. When I turn around, he's leaning against the counter beside the refrigerator still holding a plate full of food.
"Didn't Rose feed you before you came over here?" I scoff, shaking my head at him.
He shoves a forkful of potato salad in his mouth before he waves the empty fork in air, saying, "She went to Ellsworth with Mom to pick up an order for the restaurant, so I figured I'd come see what you and P were doing. I didn't realize you were having a party that I wasn't invited to." The tone of his voice definitely doesn't match the teasing he's trying to pull off.
I resist, barely, the urge to roll my eyes at the not so subtle message. It's been ages since he's spent a Sunday with me and Peyton, probably since the Superbowl in February if I'm not mistaken. There might have been a few family dinners here and there over the past six months but that's it. He spends his Sundays with Rose; I used to spend mine with Peyton, and now I spend them with her and Edward.
When I don't defend myself, he waits a moment before he says, "So it seems like things with Edward are … going swimmingly." His tone is snide and so disrespectful I'd like nothing better than to slap him upside his head.
"Emmett," I sigh and flop down into a bar stool beside the island in the center of the kitchen, "you can't keep doing this." My voice is tight as I try to hold back a lifetime's worth of frustration.
He looks at me, his blue eyes full of questions. This conversation is obviously years overdue.
I reach out and grab an apple from the fruit bowl, not hungry in the least, but needing to do something with my hands so I don't wrap them around his freakishly large neck and strangle him. It's times like these when I truly realize how much of a saint Rose really is.
"I love you. You're my brother and you always will be, but that doesn't mean you know me or know what's best for me," I tell him and feel like shit when my words reach him across the kitchen.
His shoulders slump, he sucks in a sharp breath, and he literally looks like he might be sick. I feel awful for hurting him, but he needs to finally, really hear me for a change.
He opens his mouth but I hold my hand up to stop the words before he can speak them. I know, or I can hazard a damned good guess at what he's going to say, and it will be more of the same. "Bella, I'm only trying to help," or "Bella, what were you thinking?" or even worse, "Bella, I really think you should …" I don't want to hear it anymore and I sure as hell don't want to hear it in regard to Edward.
I'm twenty-seven years-old and it's way past time for him to stop treating me like I'm still that knobby-kneed, pig-tailed, little girl that used to try to keep up with him when he ran down the beach. I haven't been that girl for a long time. He's just refused to acknowledge that.
I think it's high time he met the Bella I've become.
"You obviously haven't noticed, but I'm not a little girl anymore. I'm more than capable of making my own decisions, even though you seem to have a problem with that."
He scoffs again and sets his now empty plate on the counter beside him. "Could have fooled me, sis. I mean, case in point, Edward is sitting in your living room as we speak, even after you know what he's done and where he's been," he tells me, still stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the facts he knows are true. "What do you think Evan would say about Edward? Do you think he would approve of you and his daughter hanging out and being best friends with an ex-con? An ex-con that was arrested for attempted murder?"
Why that … he knows damn good and well that Edward was never charged with attempted murder, that that charge was dropped when his lawyer accepted the plea bargain! He knows Edward didn't do anything but save that man and sacrificed his own freedom to do the right thing. I rage silently in my head, imagining many different excruciating ways to make him suffer for being such an ass.
I growl and give Emmett a hard glare. "Do you really want to go that route, Emmett? What the hell? Do you want to question what Evan, my best friend, would have thought of Edward or how he would have accepted Edward?"
Emmett just glares back at me and nods his head. Is he really so far gone or did he not know Evan like I thought he did? They weren't best friends and Emmett didn't know Evan the way I did, or even the way that Xavier and Seth did, but I would think that he knew better than to try and make me feel guilty using Evan. He loved Evan like a brother. When he died, a piece of Emmett died that has never recovered, and for him to throw Evan in my face hurts more than I can express.
I cross my arms and take a deep breath. Words are swirling in my head. I try to put them in order so that he truly hears what I'm saying. "Okay, if you really want to know what Evan would think, I'll tell you. He'd be open-minded. He'd listen to EVERYTHING. He'd see that Edward is trying to get his life back on track, after being railroaded into a prison sentence he didn't deserve in the first place. He'd accept that Edward is a good man, because, oh, I don't know, Dad vouches for him and Carlisle has stood up for him. You know, the people he respected most in our town," I spit out angrily as I tick off point after point, still not understanding how he can be so unforgiving and obstinate. I could be wishful thinking as far as Evan is concerned, but I know I'm right. Evan was young when he died, but he wasn't a child. He never would have judged Edward as harshly as Emmett has. Ever.
I push my hair behind my ear and stare at Emmett for a moment before I go on, softer, but even more determined to finish saying what I need to. "He would want me to be happy, which I am. He would be just as accepting of Edward as he was with Xavier and Seth and you know how much he stood up for them when they first came out." I know that every word I say is true. I know that Evan would give Edward a chance to prove himself and would never make assumptions the way Emmett has. I think that is one of the greatest things that Peyton got from Evan.
Emmett is shaking his head. "I don't think you're right, Bella. I think Evan would want Peyton as far away from a felon as possible. He wouldn't want his daughter being around someone like Edward … and he wouldn't want you with him either."
I grit my teeth and have to tell myself over and over a few times that Emmett's my brother and I love him … even though I really don't like him at the moment. At. All. "What makes you think you have the first damn clue you're right? I'm serious, because there are two men out there that knew him WAY better than you ever did, that were his best friends, that confided in him with everything, and they're sitting on the couch, eating lunch and watching a soccer game with him like they've done it a hundred times. Why can't you just be happy for us that we've found a man that wants to be with us? He's a man who loves Peyton completely. Have you seen them together? She loves him just as much if not more as he loves her. She lights up with him, and you know that she's always been a good judge of character."
I take a deep breath before I start crying or screaming. I'm not even sure which one I'd rather do right now.
"You told Edward he was one of you," I say quietly, my voice shaking as I try to get through this. The look of shock on Emmett's face is priceless. "Yes, he told me you told him that. Something else you should know, though he's never said it, but I can read it in his face, is how much it hurts him that you took that back. Do you know anything about his time in prison?" I ask, though it's rhetorical because I don't even give him time to answer. "I'm sure you don't because you won't talk to him, but let me tell you, he kept to himself, didn't talk to anyone unless he needed to, and stayed out of trouble. He took college classes, Emmett. Hell, he even passed the bar exam!" I can't help the pride I feel for Edward shine through as I tell Emmett that. I know it's not something Edward wants to broadcast, in fact he seemed almost embarrassed when he'd told me, but Emmett needs to know how wrong he is.
"He didn't trust anyone, until he came here and met you, Dad, Carlisle, and Jasper. He was so afraid to lose the first friends that he truly felt he had, that he was terrified of telling all of us about what happened in his past, but he did it, and then you stomped on what he thought was a friendship. He made a mistake by trusting someone he thought was a friend, and he's paid a mighty high price for that … a price you can't even comprehend," I finish quietly, my entire body shaking from all the emotions raging through me.
My brother is looking at the floor and I don't know what he is thinking, but I'm not quite done yet. I take a calming breath so I can get the rest of what I need to say out on the table.
"As for me, I care about Edward more than I ever thought I'd care about anyone again and I will stand beside him, even if that means standing up to you. I'm an adult and I'm quite capable of making my own choices. I go to work every day. I take care of Peyton every day. I make the choices that I make with her in mind, every … single … day. She's most important, and she needs Edward, just as much as he needs her. I need him and want him in my life. You need to realize that I've grown up, Emmett. You need to trust that I'm doing what's right for myself and for Peyton. I'm finally starting to let Evan go and realize that his death was just an accident. I want to move forward, not keep looking back. Edward makes me want to look to the future, Em, not live in the past. I'm tired of the guilt and I'm tired of being alone. He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be."
There is a charged, heavy silence as my words settle around us. The game is still on in the living room and when Peyton and Edward whoop and then laugh together, I can't help but smile and raise my eyebrow at Emmett because they've just proven my point.
"I just don't want either of you to get hurt, Bella. I couldn't stand for you to be hurt anymore than you already have been," Emmett tells me while looking straight into my eyes. I can see the sincerity in them. I can tell how hard it's been for him to let go of his own guilt. It's weighed us all down for way too long and it's time for all of us to try to let it go.
"I know, but I need you to trust me on this," I tell him emphatically. I'm not giving Edward up no matter what he says, but I'd like to try to close the gap that is suddenly so glaringly obvious between us. For years we've pretended it wasn't there, but we can't pretend any longer. "Edward isn't going to hurt us. He cares too much about us to do anything that would harm either me or Peyton. But even if he does, it's my life, my decision … not yours and not anyone else's either. Only mine."
Emmett walks over and hugs me tightly. Its been a long time since it felt so right to hug my brother, but I'm cherishing this moment. "I'll try, Bella. I'll try."
He kisses the top of my head and then we both walk back out into the living room. Edward stands up as soon as he spots me and hurries to my side. Peyton throws herself at her uncle and asks if he's staying. I cringe and then instantly feel bad for hoping he tells her no. Even though I feel better airing things that have needed to come out for a long time, I'm not quite ready to pretend like everything is hunky dory. We have some things to mend before I'll be ready for that.
"You okay?" Edward whispers in my ear as he runs his nose down the side of my jaw. His fingers trace lazy circles on the skin just above my hipbone. They dip beneath the elastic waistband of my shorts and everywhere he touches, it feels like he leaves a trail of sparks in their wake.
I nod, swallowing a groan when those wicked, talented, strong fingers curl around my waist and find the swell of my ass. "Evil man," I murmur under my breath and when he nonchalantly shrugs, I elbow him in the side.
"Serves you right." I smirk when he grunts at me.
I hear a throat clear and turn, slightly embarrassed at the fact that as soon as Edward touches me, I have a tendency to forget that we're not alone.
"I'm gonna head out, Bell," Emmett says and then nods at Edward. "See you tomorrow, man," he tells him as he holds his hand out to shake. When Edward takes his hand and gives him that sort of nod, tip of the chin thing guys the world over do, I know everything will be just fine.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
"Bell, are you okay?" Alice asks softly pulling me gently back to the present.
I sigh. I'm not sure Emmett and I will ever be extremely close, but the warm hug and genuine smile he gave me when I first saw him this evening gives me hope that the bridge has definitely been mended.
"I'm fine, Alice," I answer and I am.
Truly and utterly because really, how can I not be? When the car stops at the little bed and breakfast we all decided on spending the night at, Edward will be there.
Edward, who's in love with me and who I love in return, fully and completely.
I giggle. I can't help it and when both Rose and Alice look at me like I've sprouted a second head, I laugh a bit harder, covering my mouth up with a hand while the other flits ridiculously around in the air. I look like a lunatic. I have to judging from the looks the two of them give me … a mix of amusement and shock, which does nothing but make me laugh harder.
It takes me a few deep breaths before I'm able to get myself under some semblance of control, though it's just barely. That giddy feeling of pure joy at the fact that, from the moment I step out of the Jeep, anytime I want to, I can tell Edward I love him.
It's all I can do to keep from hanging my head out of the window and shouting it at every car that passes by.
"I love Edward," I blurt, the words unable to be contained another moment.
Rose throws her head back and laughs, the sound filling the car. When Alice joins in, it becomes even louder. When I do, the three of us laughing along with the music blaring from the radio practically shakes the windows.
"Really, Bella? I never would have guessed you love him," Rose teases once we each get control of ourselves again. Her smile is radiant and there is nothing but support and happiness shining back at me. I feel a momentary twinge, just a sharp, quick pin prick, as the thought that it would have been really damned nice if Emmett had reacted anywhere near the same, appears then recedes just as fast.
I look back and forth between the two of them and my heart literally grows with how grateful I am to the two of them. Alice has been nothing but a bright ray of sunshine since she and Jasper arrived in Corea, and Rose has been my biggest supporter, even more so than Xavier in some ways, almost my whole life. Even when I make mistakes, and there have been plenty of those, and even when I push her away, she's always been there.
Since Edward walked through the door of The Breakers that first time, I've slowly felt myself letting down the walls I've been hiding behind since Evan died. Buried beneath and behind years of guilt, remorse, and regret those walls began to crumble with that very first flash of heat that spread through my body the moment I stared into Edward's storm cloud-colored eyes and every day since, the walls have crumbled a bit more. They're still tall enough to hide behind if I choose to do so, but they aren't anywhere near as thick or as tall as they used to be.
I've found myself peeking out from behind them way more often than not over the past few weeks, realizing that what I've been hiding from really wasn't as bad as I'd always thought.
I've always had friends that loved me, I've had a family that's supported me and wanted good things for me, but it was Edward … tattooed, broken, alone, brave Edward, who made me realize that you have to take a chance. Even when you're scared out of your mind that it will end in utter failure, taking a chance might end up giving you the best reward.
He has every reason to be bitter and angry and he's not. The two of us have spent hours talking about things I'm sure he's never talked about before. What it was like when his grandmother died, the anguish he felt when he wasn't given permission to attend his grandfather's funeral … severing the last connection to the family that he had. How awful it was that he'd been forced to grieve silently and alone, locked inside a ten by ten cage. My heart broke for him when he tried to keep the tears at bay, his shoulders heaving and breath coming in sharp, raspy gasps. He still hasn't forgiven himself for his behavior before he was arrested, cursing himself over and over again at being such a blind, naïve, stupid fool to follow Aleksei so willingly.
Glancing out the window, I can tell we're getting closer to Bar Harbor, which means closer to the Inn, and closer to being with Edward. I can't wait.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
"Sprite, of course I miss you … even though it's only been like two hours since I've seen you." Edward laughs into his phone as I walk out of the bathroom.
We're supposed to meet everyone else downstairs in ten minutes but there is no way I'm hurrying this conversation. I lean against the door frame watching and listening. I swear it's like my heart just keeps growing and growing. I almost wonder how I'm supposed to keep it all inside.
The sun has set, and the room is dark except for the few lamps spread throughout the suite. He's standing next to the windows and lifts his free hand to run it through his hair. My mouth waters when a tiny sliver of toned stomach peeks out and it's hard to decide if the view is better from where I'm standing or seeing it in the reflection of the window. The soft lights bounce off his hair, streaks of gold and red mix with brown to make a color I still can't adequately describe. Even from across the room I can see his eyes crinkle on the sides as he laughs again as Peyton rambles about God knows what. The next color she wants to paint her toenails, why she thinks cheeseburgers are so much better than hotdogs, to informing him she's decided she wants to be a professional surfer when she grows up … and that's just since this morning.
"I'm not sure why green M&M's taste better than all the other ones," he says with a slight shake of his head. His voice is so gentle and as always, as patient as a saint's when it comes to her.
Listening to him talk about the most nonsensical things, but treating each and every one as if they are the most important words he's ever heard just serves to remind me how incredible he truly is … and how alone he's been for so long. Maybe it's the time he spent in prison, trying to survive every day, maybe it's the fact that there's not one other member of his family anywhere out there in the world, or maybe it's just the fact that he's so different from anyone else I've ever met … whatever it is, it's mine … he's mine, and I couldn't be happier about that.
He turns his head just enough to find me in the windows and holds his hand out behind him. I go to him, wanting to touch him so badly my hands shake. I never want to make him feel like he has to choose between me and Peyton. She needs him every bit as much as I do, so I would never begrudge them their special time.
"You were too far away," he whispers as soon as he slides his fingers between mine.
He leans down and brushes the lightest of kisses across my bare shoulder, nudging the thin strap of my tank top with his nose.
"Mmmm hmmm. You're right, sweetheart," he murmurs into the phone in a voice that is completely at odds with the heat and intensity blazing out of his eyes as he looks at me in the glass. Neither of us stop looking at the other and when his tongue darts out of his mouth and swirls in the dip between my neck and my shoulder, I can feel my nipples harden beneath my thin shirt.
Teeth follow tongue and never once do his eyes leave mine. A pinch, then a soothing kiss to ease the sting his teeth make.
"Well, I can't wait for you to show me," he says. I can feel the vibration of his voice against my neck, hear Peyton's exuberant voice on the other end of the phone. I have no idea what they're talking about, but it doesn't matter. Hearing her that happy is all I need to know. "I promise. I won't tell her." Edward cocks his eyebrow at me, smirking when I try to glare at him. He smiles, the smile he gets only for her, and lowers his voice, "Night, P. Sweet dreams only, okay?" His smile grows but gets impossibly softer. "I love you, too. I'll see you tomorrow. Here's your mom," he finishes, handing me the phone.
She's so tired, but she chatters for a few minutes and I try to pay attention as best I can, which is a feat unto itself considering Edward stands behind me and holds me tightly against his chest. His hands inch forward from my hips until they rest, stacked on top of each other, right below my bellybutton. Fingers tug and stretch until my shirt is bunched up and I can feel his fingertips dance across my skin.
"Okay, baby," I say in a shaky voice, "be good for Nana and Pop and we'll see you tomorrow. Love you."
As soon as the words leave my lips, he's rocking his hips against mine, driving me completely out of my mind. His hands separate and fingers spread over my stomach making every nerve ending come to life. A thumb barely grazes the underside of my breast and my head suddenly feels like it's too heavy to hold up. Gently we sway back and forth, almost like we're dancing. I melt even more into him when I feel his tongue behind my ear.
A hand reaches out and plucks the phone out of my hand. I hear him slide it into his pocket but his tongue never stops moving, neither does his other hand. I'm about three seconds away from telling him we're skipping dinner and ordering room service when he stills behind me.
"I suppose we have to go, huh? We're already going to be late." He lays his chin on my shoulder and our eyes meet in the glass in front of us.
I nod, not wanting to leave the room any more than it seems like he does. I watch our reflection, the inky black sky beyond the wall of windows glitters with so many stars.
"She was so happy to talk to you."
This time he nods, but I can tell he feels the same way. "She amazes me more every day," he says and then chuckles, the sound vibrating against my back.
"You amaze me with her," I tell him softly, but it's so true. He looks up again and I elaborate. "You have no idea the difference you've made in her. Peyton's always been happy, or at least she's seemed that way, but since she found you outside the restaurant and declared herself your best friend, she is like a walking, talking little ball of light and happiness and sunshine. She was waiting for you and we didn't even know it until you were here. She loves you so much, Edward." I have to swallow a few times to stop myself from crying.
He spins me around so that we're face to face. His eyes are like slate blue windows to his soul and tell me more than words ever could. In them I see relief, pride, fear, and so much love and happiness I feel like I'm drowning in them … in him. Hands lift and hold the sides of my face and then his lips crash against mine. His tongue sweeps across my bottom lip before it enters my mouth, dipping once, twice … a third time. My arms are around his neck and I press myself tightly against him, groaning when my already hard nipples rub across his chest.
"Jesus, Bella." He pants when he rests his forehead against mine. I open my eyes and his are squeezed tightly shut. I can see his eyes move back and forth beneath his eyelids as if he's searching for something. He grimaces as if in pain and whispers, "Do you have any idea what it does to me when you say that to me? It fucking wrecks me, in the best way." He shakes his head and sighs. His hands loosen their grip on my face and his thumbs move gently back and forth over my cheeks. His eyes open, widen when he sees I'm staring at him, and then soften immediately. "I love you, love her so much. If I knew that someday I'd find the two of you … I would have … there's so much different, I just wish," he stammers and grits his teeth, frustrated because he can't find the words he wants to say.
"But you're here now," I answer, squeezing him even tighter around the neck. "We love you, too, Edward. It's all that matters."
"I'm so scared of fucking this up, Bella. I have no idea how to give you and Peyton what you need. There's so much I want to do for you, with you both, and I'm terrified of doing something wrong or hurting either one of you. I don't know how to do this but the thought of being without the two of you kills me. You both deserve someone so much better than me." His words are earnest but make my heart hurt and my eyes burn with tears.
"Stop," I whisper fiercely, placing a finger over his lips. "We deserve you … we need you, Edward. Only you."
I hold his gaze, not wavering the slightest until he takes a deep breath and nods, just once. I can tell he still doesn't fully believe me, but if it's the last thing I do, I'll make him realize what I said is true. It scares me how hard I've fallen for him, how immersed he is in not just my life but in Peyton's as well. I know he's who I want no matter what he thinks or believes.
I glance at the watch on his wrist and groan, knowing if we don't hurry up someone will come find us. My bet's on Alice; she's been dying to talk to Edward.
He glances at the time as well and nods. "We better get down there. The sooner we eat, the sooner we can come back up here," he says in a low, gruff voice.
"No kidding. Did you see that bathroom or the size of that shower?" I ask, grabbing a room key off the table and handing it to him to put in his pocket.
"I did. I'd like to see you in that shower."
His words make me shiver as I picture him naked, standing beneath the water, muscles rippling, tattoos begging to be traced with my fingers … or my tongue.
"Bella, you okay?" he asks with a smirk when I turn and look at him.
Ass.
He knows damn good and well what I was just thinking about. And now that I've started, I know I won't be able to stop thinking about it until we get back here.
"Let's go," I say shakily, hurrying toward the door.
He snickers behind me but I don't turn around, not even when he takes my hand. By the time we make it outside where a picnic table is set up and our friends are already sitting, I've calmed down … a tiny bit. I still want him, naked, wet, and inside of me, desperately so, especially when we take our seats beside Alice and Jasper and the glow from the lanterns that are spaced out down the middle of the long table highlights the planes of his cheekbones, the angle of his nose, and gets lost in the stubble that covers his jaw.
Baskets of bread, glasses of wine and ice water, bowls of salad, and plates of chicken fettuccine cover the table. It all looks delicious and my stomach growls. I'm starving.
"Took you two long enough," Xavier teases as soon as we get situated.
I pick up my glass of wine and take a sip, savoring the sweet, crisp taste as I swallow. "Peyton wanted to talk to Edward and then I had to say good night," I tell him. I don't miss the blink and you'd miss it flash of pain that crosses his face but I don't acknowledge it either. I don't know what to say to him to make it better and honestly, I'm not sure there's anything I can say.
He smiles. It's forced, but it's a smile, an effort just the same, and I smile back, happy that he understands even if it hurts.
The sounds of forks scraping across plates, ice tinkling in glasses, cicadas in the distance, the ocean even farther fill the air, mix with the voices and laughter of my family and friends. Edward and Alice are deep in discussion, their heads bent close to each other. Jasper, Emmett, and Rose laugh at something, most likely something Emmett has said and Seth and Xavier whisper back and forth, their eyes only on each other. I just watch, enjoying being here with all of them. For so long I punished myself, hid instead of lived, and looking at them all now, smiling and enjoying being together is the most amazing feeling.
Almost as amazing as the feel of Edward's hand on the small of my back. I take another drink of my wine and notice when I move, he moves. I lean to the right, testing, and sure enough he shifts along with me. His thigh stays beside mine, pressing, reminding me he's right next to me. His hand adjusts, settles, never moves off my back. His fingers don't still, they move up and down, around and around, dip beneath the bottom of my shirt. I shiver when a cool breeze floats by, rustling the leaves in the trees and making the flames waver behind the hurricane glass. His arm immediately lifts from my back to my shoulder, his fingers curl around and hold me close.
All without looking in my direction.
And the man thinks he has no idea what he's doing? If he knew any more about what he was doing, I'd be a bumbling, dazed mess twenty-four-seven.
I giggle, which causes him to look in my direction. He looks surprised when he sees where his arm is, like he has no clue how it got there. I sigh and lay my head on his shoulder.
"Are you having fun? You're not too cold are you?" he murmurs after he kisses the top of my head.
I wrap my arm around his waist and snuggle next to him. Ribbons of black and red wind around his bicep. I trace the lines with the tip of my finger and immediately remind myself of wanting him naked and in the shower. I shiver again, but this time it has nothing to do with the wind and everything to do with the overwhelming need I feel between my legs, in my stomach … in my heart.
Discussions go on around me, plans made for tomorrow. A hike, a picnic, a trip to the Farmer's Market, and a dinner cruise before heading home. All of it sounds perfectly wonderful, but all I can concentrate on is Edward next to me and wishing he was in me.
A few minutes later, Edward leans down and whispers, warm breath fanning across my neck. "I can't wait to be inside of you." A brush of his fingertip, no heavier than a wisp of wind is all it takes to push me over the edge.
I'm gone.
I set my napkin down on the table and stand, pulling Edward along with me. "We're going upstairs," I think I say but I'm not sure because I can't take my eyes off of him.
There's snickering, I'm sure there's a fist bump or two in that ridiculous guy code speak, but I couldn't care less.
"Yeah, see you guys in the morning," Edward says, his voice as deep and rough as I've ever heard. I can feel it, between my legs, in the tingles in my stomach, in the way my fingers are already twitching to touch him.
Faster than should be possible, we're standing inside our room, pulling frantically at clothes. I reach for the belt on his pants. He pushes my shirt over my head. The buckle jingles, the sound of the zipper on his jeans so loud in the quiet room. His hands follow mine as I undo my bra and he pushes it down my arms. As soon as my breasts spill out, they're covered with his palms, his thumbs already teasing, exciting.
I push his jeans down over his hips, grabbing a hold of his boxer briefs at the same time so that I can lower them both. I follow them down and kneel before him, sliding my capri pants and panties down as I go. He's so hard already. I lift a hand, wrapping it firmly around his cock, and feel him pulse beneath my fingers.
"Holy fuck. Christ, Bella," he hisses.
I lick my lips and look up. Gone is the gray green I'm so used to, in its place is bottomless black. I don't look away as I lean forward and take him into my mouth. His hips buck, a string of words that make no sense escapes in between gasps of breath, and he winds my hair around his fingers.
I move my mouth up and down, my tongue curls then flattens around and along him.
"So fucking good. Oh my God," he forces out between clenched teeth.
He allows only a few more bobs of my head before he pulls me up and then lifts me into his arms.
"When I come, I want to be inside of you," is all he says before he plunges his tongue into my mouth. Our mouths are fused together, my top lip between both of his as his tongue does wicked, delicious things to me.
He carries me to the bathroom and without setting me down, turns the water on. Steam instantly begins to billow, filling the room. I run my hands through his hair, dragging my nails along his scalp. He lifts his head from my breast and lets go of the nipple he just had in his mouth and says, "I fucking love when you do that. Do it again," before attacking the other nipple with the same fervor.
I do as he asks and scrape my nails along his scalp and feel the vibrations spread through me when he growls against my chest. He steps into the shower and my back is against the cool tile wall before I even realize it. His hands and mouth are everywhere now that he can let go and I can hang onto him. I reciprocate, doing exactly as I envisioned earlier when I dip my head down and run my tongue over the intricate design on his chest. I still have yet to find out what it means, if anything. The tattoo on his chest, the one on his bicep, I trace them both with my tongue then fingers, reveling in the way his muscles twitch and flex beneath my fingers.
"That feels so damn good," he breathes out when I make a line from his chest and up the side of his neck, lapping up water as I go, amazed that it somehow tastes like him. Spicy, woodsy, with a hint of sweet. It's totally intoxicating. "You feel so fucking good," he says as his hand slides between us and finds my clit with his fingers. He circles. He presses, pinches, until I throw my head back against the wall.
"Oh God, Edward." I moan and the sound bounces off the walls. "Yes. Ahhhh, faster, oh please, faster."
"Mmmmm, that's it, Bella. You're so close already, aren't you?" he taunts darkly.
My legs tense around him and I dig my heels into his ass. I grip his arms as tightly as I can and feel my nails dig into his skin. The coil in my stomach winds, twists, climbs as he continues to work me with his fingers. I cry out when two push inside of me and he covers my clit with his thumb.
"Yes, oh God yes." I pant, undulating against the wall.
"Come. Jesus, just fucking come. Let me feel it so I can fuck you." His words send me over the edge and I ride his fingers as the orgasm rocks through my body.
He slides his fingers out and then grips my hips in his hands. "Tell me, Bella. Say it again," he demands roughly as he pins me with his eyes. His cock teases at my entrance but he stands perfectly still as he waits. I can feel him vibrate, from his feet all the way to his head, and I know he's seconds away from fucking me so hard, so good. Taking me, claiming me … needing me.
"I love you," I chant and sob his name when he fills me. My head thrashes against the wall behind me, my back sliding up and down the water-soaked wall.
"Love you. Oh fuck, I love you." The words are choppy, said between thrusts and long, smooth strokes as he moves in and out of me. Over and over again the words spill from his lips, a litany that fills my heart and words that set my whole body aflame.
"Kiss me. Come here and kiss me. I need your lips on mine," he pleads.
In an instant, he's rolled his hips, and I lift higher. The new angle lets him in deeper still, and I do as he asks and kiss him. Our noses bump, breaths shared through pants and gasps, cries of pleasure swallowed as our tongues give and take.
Higher, closer, we soar. In and out. A press of a thumb. A pull of hair. A dig of fingers into my ass. A whimper of a need so great I feel like it might crush me is all it takes for both of us to fall head first over that edge of pleasure so intense it hurts. I come … hard, flashes of white bursting behind my closed eyelids. I shake as he empties inside of me, hanging on until he finally stops moving.
I bury my nose in the crook of his shoulder and catch my breath. His hands rub up and down my back and over my hips and thighs. "I didn't hurt you did I?" he asks quietly, scooting us back under the stream of water.
The warm shower eases my tense muscles and I lift my head so he doesn't worry. "No. Absolutely not. That was … ah …"
"Fucking amazing," he finishes with a sexy, lazy smirk.
"You could say that," I answer back and unhook my rubbery legs from his waist.
They feel wobbly when I stand on them, and when I look up at him, he looks rather like the cat that swallowed the canary … or like a guy that just fucked his girlfriend into oblivion.
He chuckles and shakes the water out of his hair. "Baby, I did say that," he says, totally serious.
I laugh and shake my head at him, not even bothering to comment any further. The man knows perfectly well what he does to me.
"I love you," he says, voice back to its caramel turtle goodness. He pulls me against him and places a soft kiss to my shoulder.
"I love you, too."
We somehow manage to finish showering before the hot water runs out and once we're wrapped up in fluffy towels, we leave the bathroom and get ready for bed. As soon as hair is dried, teeth are brushed, and pajamas, or in Edward's case nothing at all, are donned, we climb into bed.
"I love being with you like this, holding you while I sleep," he whispers into my ear. I can feel his heartbeat against my back, our feet a tangled mess beneath the covers. I pull his arms tighter around me and weave our fingers together.
"Me, too. I miss you when you're not with me." His breath catches and his arms hold me tighter.
"Bella," he says, and his voice sounds pained.
I press my lips together and inhale and exhale a few times before speaking again. I've had the same thoughts running in the back of my mind for days now, ones that became even more pronounced once those three little words were said. "Things are moving so fast, Edward, and it scares me but excites me at the same time. I'm so happy with you," I tell him once I roll over. I lay my hand on his cheek and my thumb brushes back and forth along his bottom lip. "You're not the only one afraid of messing things up, you know. I've been by myself for a really long time and I'm not used to thinking about anyone but Peyton. I want to be with you all the time, but we need to learn how to be together. This is a lot for you," I say honestly. "I know it is and you're liable to have days where it's too much and you need space. I understand that, even though I can't promise I'll be happy about it. I think it's best if we take things slow and make sure we talk about things when they bother us. We'll learn together. I don't want to mess this up any more than you do and I'm as terrified of losing you as you are of losing me and Peyton. I might not know how to be in a relationship with someone but I know I want you. I love you," I finish quietly and then kiss him to show him how much I want him.
"I love you, too," he whispers, cupping my face in his hands. "We're going to be so great together. I know it."
We lay back down, him wrapped around me and I fall asleep, believing the same thing.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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