DaPK Epi - Breakaway

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Epilogue - Breakaway

Bella,

Finally.

I won't even tell you how many tries I had to go through to even start this letter - I think I used up half the notebook. Nothing sounded right, but I can't ever go wrong with your name, so there you go. There's really not anything better to me than the sound of your name … unless it's you, saying my name when I'm inside of you because nothing will ever sound better than that.

Ever.

Can you believe we're graduating tomorrow? Graduating, baby! How fucking awesome is that? This year has been so mind-boggling, sometimes I can't even believe everything that's happened. It's crazy when I think about it. Last year at this time I was planning my summer with Jasper and Emmett, not knowing that a few days later my whole life would change. Every dream I ever had, everything I thought I wanted simply disappeared the second I saw you. I never told you this, but I saw you once before I found you in the woods. (Jesus, that makes it sound like you were lost or something and I came to your rescue, doesn't it? Never mind. Don't answer that, okay?) But I did see you. I was in my car and you were going the opposite direction and I swear that was all it took for me to be completely yours. Thank God for not being able to sleep, right? I would have found you eventually you know, I had to, but stumbling across you in the dead of night just made it that much sooner.

It gave me more time to watch you. More time to want you. More time for notebooks and sugar cookies. More time to love you … though I'm pretty sure I loved you right from the start.

It's been almost a year. A YEAR, Bella, that you've been in my life and I honestly can't remember what it was like before you. I don't want to. I know I did my thing … I played soccer, my piano, and guitar. I hung out with Jas and Emmett and the guys and spent way too much time eating pizza and playing video games. I got dragged to the movies, sometimes even the mall, by Ali and Rose. I went to parties and saw my other friends. I did my homework and ate dinner with my parents, but I can't ever remember being truly happy. Like want to write it in the sky, yell it from the rooftops, happy. I would say run through town naked happy, but I'm afraid I'd only give Emmett ideas and then Rose would kill me. I don't think I'd be very happy if I was dead, do you?

The moon was so bright tonight, did you see? And the sky was full, so full, of stars. Up until last summer I never stopped to really pay attention to them, never had a reason to, you know? But the moon and the stars kept me company all those nights I spent walking to you. One night I'm going to have you walk from my house to yours just so you can see and hear everything I did. I miss it sometimes, is that strange? Don't get me wrong, seeing you every day, being able to touch you and kiss you and hold your hand or twist your hair in my fingers (and damn, I am SO going to miss Spanish class … promise me that we'll take at least one class together when we get to UCLA, please?!) is the best thing ever, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to missing a little bit that sense of excitement I had every night as I walked through the woods to your house. Not knowing what you'd be wearing - you know the Baloo t-shirt is still my favorite - or maybe the Ariel one, though I really loved Minnie Mouse, shit, I'm not sure I can even pick a favorite. I do know the hot pink shorts are definitely on the list - they make your ass look so fucking good - or if you'd play your drums or dance or just sit and read, not knowing if you'd be sad (I never liked that very much) or happy, if you'd read my letter first or wait until I left … if you'd smile at me (always my favorite) … just all of it, I miss sometimes.

Do you ever think about how everything worked out? Not that I have any doubt that we were meant to be together, but really, have you ever tried to picture how we'll tell our kids how we met? Something like, 'well, you know baby girl' … we're having a girl first, did I tell you that? One who looks just like you, but maybe with a little better taste in music, because seriously, Bella, I still can't quite believe that you don't like the Beatles. Anyway, we'll tell her how I saw you one day, couldn't stop thinking about you, then deep in the woods, in the dead of night, I found you and we lived happily ever after. We'll have to skip that whole Creeper part, oh, and the freaking you out part … and probably the watching you part because I mean who in the hell does that? God, it's a wonder you didn't have me arrested!

But you knew, didn't you? Just like me, from the very beginning, that what we have is different, special and something that is just ours. My dad loves my mom, Emmett loves Rose, Jasper loves Ali … Phil still loves your mom, but I swear, Bella, I fucking swear, that no one in the history of ever has loved anyone as much as I love you. We're young, we're just barely starting on our forever together, but I can't imagine there will ever be a day when I love you more than I do right now. Oh, I've heard those speeches that people give in movies, you know the ones, there's some big, fancy, beautiful wedding full of beautiful people, and someone gets up and gives a toast and says something like 'I hope you look back on your life together and today is the day you loved each other the least.' It's a great sentiment, and I get it, I do, but I'm also not sure it's entirely true. I might be wrong, I probably am, and I'm sure at some point in the future you'll pull this letter out and it'll be staring at me in black and white how wrong I was, but it's what I feel right now.

We're starting the rest of our lives together tomorrow, baby. We're going to spend the summer traveling. You're going to cheer me on as I play all over the world, and we're going to eat strange food, meet new people, see things we've only read about in books or seen in movies. We're going to start school together in the fall, we're going to live in our very first apartment together, just me and you. We're going to cook together, watch TV together, go to class (like I said, just one class, promise me, okay?) and study. Take walks on the beach, take lots and lots of showers because no lie, showering with you is really fucking high on my list of favorite things to do with you. We're going to stay naked for entire weekends, we're going to stay up all night talking or my most favorite thing to do with you … make love until we pass out from exhaustion. We're going to see and be and do whatever we want, whenever we want.

Those are just a few of the reasons why I don't know how I can love you more than I do today. We have everything, right now … how can it get any better than this?

I know you're scared about leaving Forks - I am, too, you know. I'm scared you're going to get tired of me. I'm scared I might not be enough for you. I'm scared that I'll fail, that I won't make the National Team and then I won't know how to move past that or find a new path. I'm scared we're going to fight and I'll say something that hurts you that I can't take back. I'm scared you'll get sick and I won't know how to take care of you. I'm scared that maybe, somehow, someway, I'll disappoint you. I know you'll tell me that one won't ever happen and I don't honestly think it will, but there's always a chance for everything I guess.

But back to happy things, we're graduating tomorrow! Did I mention that already? I really can't wait to get you alone, you know that right? The last month or so has been crazy, hasn't it? Getting the apartment set in LA, getting all the travel itineraries in order (you do realize you're going go to be in charge of making sure we don't get lost or miss our planes and buses, don't you? If you leave it up to me, we'll probably end up in some hut in the middle of nowhere) dealing with our parents' incessant talks about being safe and responsible. I mean come on, if I have to hear Dad or Phil tell me one more time to always keep cash … and a condom in my wallet, keep my phone charged, and open the door for you or listen to my mom sniff then tell me she's not crying when she totally is, I might scream. I know they're worried, they wouldn't be our parents if they weren't, but you gotta give it to them, not many parents out there would let their only children traipse all over the world together for an entire summer. I know we'll see them along the way, and that'll be great, and I know we won't be exactly alone since we're traveling with twenty-one other guys, their families and girlfriends, coaches and who the hell else knows, but it's going to be so fucking cool, baby.

I can't wait to get started. I can't wait to start our beginning.

Do me a favor? Wear this shirt under your graduation gown tomorrow. I know we're supposed to dress up, but it's not like anyone will know and besides, what is Principal Banner gonna do, tell us we can't graduate? He loves me which means he loves you, so don't worry about it, just wear the shirt, okay?

I'm going to tell you something, and God help me if you ever tell Emmett or Jasper any of this … I must be an idiot for giving you so much ammunition to use when I piss you off, but I'm stupid in love with you so why the hell not, I guess. When it comes to you, I find that I sometimes do things that no one in their right mind would do. But anyway, here goes … I picked this shirt out for you, Cinderella, because I want to be your Prince Charming. You've been so alone for so long, Bella. You don't have a wicked stepmother and you've never been treated badly or anything, but like Cinderella, you lost your family. I know you've had Phil and Maggie, and they love you, but I want to be your knight in shining armor (wrong Disney movie, I know, but just go with me, okay? This is hard enough as it is!) I want to slay your dragons, I want my kiss to be everything to you, I want to be the one that you ride off into the sunset with.

You're my person. You're only mine and I want it to always be that way. I'll share you with Phil, with Maggie and my parents and our friends. Eventually we'll have our own family and I'll have to share you with our kids, but at the end of the day, when we go to sleep at night, you'll be mine.

Tomorrow is the first day of our fairytale, of our happily ever after, and I hope you're as excited about that as I am.

I'll love you forever, Bella.

Yours Always,

Edward

PS … Will you please, pretty, pretty please, make some cookies for us to take on the plane tomorrow? I promise I'll let you have the window seat, you can even drool on my arm if you need to use me for a pillow. Oh … and sprinkles. Make sure there's sprinkles!

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