~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
Chapter 24 Bonus Scene~
Esme sighed and stared out the window, not really seeing what was passing her by. Santa Claus could go flying by on his sleigh and it wouldn't have even registered with her she was so lost in thought. Snippets of the evening's events played in her mind like a slide show, never staying on one thing too long, but certainly long enough to painfully pierce her heart. A heart she wasn't sure would ever mend fully, no matter how much time passed.
She wasn't sure which was worse or hurt the most, the fact that she had spent twenty years mourning a sister who was not the person she thought she was or the fact that Edward had suffered so much because of hers and Carlisle's misplaced guilt and jealousy. It was one in the same she supposed, and at this point did it even matter? The damage had been done and it was only by some miraculous turn of events, which she had yet to even begin to try to understand, that Edward had forgiven the two of them at all.
Isabella was the catalyst, she was sure of it, though she didn't know how or why, but there was no question that she was. Watching the way Edward drew strength from her, the way she surrounded him with so much love and total faith was astounding to watch...humbling, too, in all matter-of-fact. She and Carlisle loved each other, but not like they did. What Edward and Isabella shared with one another was awe-inspiring to witness, if not a bit intimidating.
Her and Carlisle both, their whole family, owed Isabella so much. It was debt she was sure would never be able to be repaid.
She sighed again and heard Carlisle say softly, "Darling, are you all right?"
Not turning to look at him, for if she did she knew she would surely break down, she merely shrugged her shoulders and gave him some sort of noncommittal sound.
Would she ever be okay? As happy and relieved as she was to finally know everything, she wondered how they would move forward. How they would learn to be a family. How she could ever make up to Edward all the pain and suffering he'd endured because of them. It was like moving on after the death of a loved one, she guessed, though when she was honest with herself, it was like a death; the death of the childlike fantasy of the memory of her sister. What happened to Maggie that made her treat her own child the way, or had she always been so utterly selfish, and Esme just never admitted that?
Questions she wasn't sure she would ever have answers for or certainly not answers that made any sort of sense.
Carlisle was heartbroken as he continually watched Esme out of the corner of his eye. His thoughts were every bit as self-loathing as hers were, perhaps even more so. It wasn't a contest, but if it were, he was pretty sure causing pain due to your own jealousy and pride trumped the loss of a sister.
God, he felt like such a failure...as a son, a husband...a father. Listening to Edward talk tonight as he relived all of those painful moments was pure, unadulterated torture. Each word he spoke, each heartbreaking event that had taken place, Carlisle would think about and remember for the rest of his life. He deserved no less.
What he wouldn't give to go back and time and do everything, every damn thing, differently. Starting with the moment they arrived in Ireland and he first laid eyes on that broken, scared boy. He wouldn't ever forget how Edward looked when he and Esme had walked into that office and found him curled up in a chair, not speaking, and looking so lost and alone. How could he have ever thought he was okay, that he was coping? What a fool he had been, a blind, jealous fool. What kind of man puts his own selfish needs and wants ahead of a child's? After listening to Edward talk about his childhood in Ireland, he knew he was no better than Liam and Maggie...none of them deserved the incredible privilege of having a son like Edward.
The fact that Edward was willing to forgive him was testament to how good a man he was and if it took every day until the day he died, Carlisle vowed to never, ever forget it.
The rest of the drive was spent in complete silence since both of them were too consumed with their own feelings of guilt and unworthiness to try to comfort the other. When Carlisle pulled the car in their driveway and parked the car in the garage, they both sat, unmoving when he turned the car off. The silence that surrounded them was uneasy and tension-filled, so unlike the way it normally felt.
Carlisle briefly wondered if it would ever feel the way it used to again.
"Es, we need to go inside. It's too cold sit here like this," Carlisle said with a heavy sigh and pulled the keys out of the ignition.
She nodded at him and then opened her door, walking with lead feet inside. Normally her house was her refuge, the place she felt the safest, the most comfortable, but walking through tonight, she felt the weight of all her failures. It was in every picture that was displayed, because Edward wasn't in them. There were a few here and there, but not as many as of Emmett, or of Emmett and Rose...or of Emmett, Rose, Jack, and Emma. There were his graduation pictures, from high school and college, a picture of him and Isabella from their wedding, a few formal family pictures, but that was it. There weren't the scattering of spontaneous snapshots like there were with Emmett, pictures of happy times caught forever on film. No, the ones she had showed, in both color and stark black and white just how far away he'd kept himself from his family...because he never felt like he was wanted.
That thought brought her to her knees and she finally let go, sobbing uncontrollably. Carlisle was beside her in an instant, crying right along with her. Where the tears came from Esme wasn't sure because she thought she'd cried them all out at Edward's but they just kept coming and coming in a steady stream. She held onto Carlisle as tightly as he held onto her hoping that somehow, someway he could ease her pain, even though she knew he was hurting every bit as much as she was.
"Car, where do we go from here? How do we make it up to him?" she asked through her hiccups as she tried to catch her breath.
"We love him, Esme, and show him every day how much he means to us, the way we always should have," Carlisle answered and ran his fingers across her tear-stained cheeks.
He got up and pulled her along with him and the two made their way upstairs to their bedroom. They each quickly got ready for bed and in no time were wrapped in each other's arms. Neither spoke for a time, because words weren't needed in order to offer one another comfort. After so many years together they knew each other's bodies and thoughts as well as they knew their own
"I love you, Esme," Carlisle whispered in a hoarse, raw voice.
"I love you, too," she answered back, squeezing him tightly.
"I know it doesn't seem like it now, but we'll be okay. We'll make things right," he promised her with all the conviction he had.
Esme sighed and tightly closed her eyes before she opened them and looked at her beloved husband. He was not a perfect man, she'd always known that, but she loved him with a strength that left her breathless and weak in the knees even all these years later. He was her rock, her protector, and even though he took on that role with a vigor that often bordered on extreme, she wouldn't want him any other way.
The mistakes and failures concerning Edward notwithstanding, of course.
"How, Carlisle? How do we fix this? How do we earn his forgiveness?" she questioned plaintively.
"We try, Es, every damn day, to be the parents we should have been all this time. Me more than you; you've always let him know how much you've loved him, even if he didn't acknowledge it. Me? I've squandered away twenty years that I can't ever get back, but I can make sure to embrace this second chance he's given me and I fully intend to do just that," Carlisle told her as he cupped her cheek in his hand.
Esme would never blame him, just like he couldn't blame her, for the things that happened and the mistakes they'd made, so she didn't. Instead she said, "We owe Isabella so much."
"We do, though there isn't anything we could do that could repay her for what she's given us...or what he has either for that matter. They are two very remarkable people," he sighed.
Again neither spoke for a time and then he whispered, though he was fairly certain she was asleep, "Tomorrow is a new day, my love, and a new beginning for our family. We'll be all right, I promise."
He'd never meant anything more in his life.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
Now...on with TGG~
Chapter 25~
The following morning, Edward woke up with a smile on his face, a heart that was lighter than he could ever remember, and a tangled mess of brown curls tickling his nose.
It was the best way to wake up ever.
When Isabella sighed and then stretched against him as she woke up, rubbing a naked breast against his chest in the process, he quickly amended his previous thought. Though it was still a pretty damn good way to wake up, truth be told. She threw a leg over his and in doing so, the sheet slipped down around her, leaving a very naked and very, very sexy hip and part of her ass exposed. He moaned, he thought quietly, but when he heard her raspy giggle, he knew she'd heard him.
"Sorry, sweetheart, but if we're going to make it to Mass on time, we need to get up and get going," she told him and then when she picked her head up after kissing his chest, she rolled her eyes when he pouted at her.
"You don't want to explain to Father O'Connor and Nonna why we're late, do you?" she teased.
"Hell no. Fine then, you can make me breakfast. I'm starving because someone thought it would be a good idea to keep me up until all hours of the night engaged in... strenuous activity." He smirked at her just a second before he rolled over on top of her.
Knowing that she still had a thing about kissing him in the morning without brushing her teeth first, no matter how many times he told her he loved kissing her first thing, he brushed his lips against hers before moving to the side of her neck. If he couldn't kiss her, nibbling and sucking on her neck wasn't a bad substitute.
At all.
"You know, you actually have to let me out of bed, Edward, if you want breakfast." She giggled when he shook his head, though he hadn't stopped what he was doing.
"Don't want you to go," he mumbled against her skin.
Just then both of their stomachs rumbled and he huffed before he rolled off her and threw himself back on his pillow.
"Fine, go fix us food, woman. Apparently I'm not the only one that worked up quite the appetite," he said with a grin.
She slid from the bed and threw a t-shirt on and without missing a beat, twisted a band around her hair to put it up in a ponytail. She knelt on the bed and leaned over, kissing him quickly on the lips. "Breakfast will be ready in about twenty minutes," she told him and then scooted back before he had time to grab her, which he'd had every intention of doing.
He watched her walk out the door of their room and groaned, loudly, when he realized she hadn't put any panties on. There was nothing that could have stopped the smile that blossomed on his face when he heard her laugh as she went down the stairs.
The woman knew exactly how to drive him crazy that was for sure.
He hopped out of bed and grabbed a clean pair of boxers so that he could take a shower. He had no doubt that there would be a visitor waiting in the chair in the corner when he was through, and when he walked out of the bathroom less than ten minutes later, he wasn't wrong.
"I don't suppose I need to ask how you are this morning, do I?" Seth taunted when Edward walked past him and into the walk-in closet to get dressed.
"Aren't you supposed to know everything?" Edward sarcastically responded a few moments later when he walked out of the closet wearing a pale yellow shirt and a bright, multicolored polka dot tie.
Whatever smart ass retort Seth had for Edward was forgotten the moment he saw what his young friend was wearing. "Eddie, you never do anything halfway, I'll give you that," he said with a loud chuckle that shook the windows.
"Look who's talking," Edward gave back just as good when he looked pointedly at the shoes the angelic being had on.
Seth stuck out his leg and looked admiringly at his choice of footwear for the day. "What? These old things? You telling me you don't like them?" the angel questioned with a twinkle in his ice blue eyes.
Edward snorted as he walked to his dresser to grab his watch and wallet and said, "Not just no, but hell no. I swear I think you wear shoes like that just to see if you can get a rise out of me."
"Hmmm, wouldn't you like to know? Seriously, Edward Anthony, how are you this morning? Last night was quite the roller coaster for you, though I must say again, I am really proud of the way you handled everything," Seth said as he once again became guardian angel instead of pain in the ass angel.
Edward sat down on the edge of the bed and then looked at him. "I'm...good," he told Seth. "Really, really, good."
"Anything you want to talk about?" the angel questioned sincerely.
Quite honestly, poor Seth couldn't decide if he wanted that answer to be yes or no. As much as he had enjoyed and found great meaning in what he'd done to help Edward, he was rather looking forward to watching Edward...just be Edward.
Edward regarded the annoying angel person for a moment while he mulled over that question. There were still things he had questions about and one very important issue he was still struggling with, but for the time being if Seth wasn't going to push it, neither was he.
Apparently, because Seth seemed rather laid back at the moment, time was not of the essence, at least not for today. If that was the case, Edward had much better things to think about. If he was going to be allowed the freedom to do so, he was damn sure going to take it.
There wasn't any way of knowing how many days he had left so he was going to enjoy every one of them to the fullest.
Answering the question from a moment ago, Edward said, "No. I'm okay."
Both of them heard Isabella humming downstairs and Edward couldn't help but smile when Seth sighed as he looked in the direction of the kitchen. The angel didn't fool him for one second; he still ogled Isabella whenever he got the chance.
Turning back toward his charge, Seth rolled his eyes when Edward smirked at him. He didn't say anything, just merely shrugged his shoulders. It wasn't as if Edward wasn't fully aware of how incredible his wife was.
"Are you nervous about dinner tonight?" Seth questioned as he shifted the focus back to Edward and away from Isabella.
Not that he really wanted to, mind you.
Edward finished tying his shoes and then stood up after grabbing his suit jacket. Turning toward the angel he said, "No, not really. I know things are going to be tense for a while and I know things aren't fixed just because we've all said we're sorry. I'm still angry and hurt, but I also know that for my sake, as well for everyone else's, it's best not to dwell on things that happened in the past. Now that everything is out in the open, hopefully we can all learn how to act like a family."
Once again, the normally all-knowing angel was taken by surprise, though in all reality, he really shouldn't have been. Edward was much stronger than Seth had ever realized. Didn't mean Seth wasn't going to annoy him just because he could though.
Really, what kind of angel would he be if he let young Edward off that easily?
"Very well then. Enjoy Mass and then dinner with your family. I'll see you bright and early in the morning. Should be a fun day at Cullen Publishing tomorrow," the angel said with a mischievous grin and then was gone.
"Damn pain in the ass, know-it-all, wife-ogling angel," Edward muttered, though it was done with a smile.
He made his way down the stairs as quietly as he could because he had a detour he wanted to make before he went to find Isabella in the kitchen. He slipped out the back door and was taken aback at the riot of color in the garden. He hadn't been out here in a few weeks and he was amazed at how much it had changed. Between changing the bedrooms, Isabella's birthday and the opera, and then last week when he was in asshole mode, there hadn't been any time to relax back here like he and Isabella had started to do and he was surprised at how much he missed it.
Ever since that night all those weeks ago, and really, it seemed almost like a lifetime ago to him when he stopped to think about it, Edward made it a point to come outside with Isabella at least a few times a week. Sometimes their schedule prevented that, but as long as the weather held out, it was something he really enjoyed. He loved watching her work with her plants and flowers, only because it was obvious how much she enjoyed it. It didn't hurt that she always wore a pair of jeans that hugged her ass just right either he noted with a smile.
Carefully plucking a perfect pale yellow hibiscus bloom from the bush, Edward took one last glance around the garden. He made a mental note to pick up some butter pecan ice cream so they could enjoy eating it outside this week and then hurried back into the house. Silently he entered the kitchen and stepped behind her, handing her the flower.
"It's not as beautiful as you, but I thought you deserved something pretty this morning," he whispered in her ear when he bent his head down. With his nose he nuzzled the side of her neck for a moment and then said, "It doesn't smell as good as you do either, Beautiful."
"Edward," she said breathlessly as she closed her eyes.
She leaned back against him, even though she knew she shouldn't, but it was just too big a temptation to resist. He was all hard muscles and smelled so damn good, and her body reacted unconsciously to being so close to him. She groaned softly when the hand that wasn't holding the flower slid from her hip across her stomach and held her in place as he shifted behind her ever so slightly, but it was just enough so that he was pressed firmly against her ass. She tipped her head to the side when she felt his tongue on the side of her neck and all thoughts of getting to Mass anywhere close to on time were about to be very quickly thrown out the window.
Until he stepped backward and took his hand away.
She stuck out her bottom lip when she turned around to face him, but as soon as she saw the way he was dressed and her smile on his face, she couldn't help but sigh.
He was so, so happy and it took her breath away.
She couldn't take her eyes off him, at least until he chuckled at her. "It's just me, love," he told her softly.
"I know. I plan on keeping this Edward for a really long time," she answered back. "Thank you for my flower."
He stepped forward and took it from her hands and then slid it behind her ear. "Like I said, it's not as beautiful as you, but I thought you would like it," he said with an adorable shrug of his shoulders.
"I love it." She stepped forward and kissed his cheek and then once again stepped back before he could hang on to her. They really were going to be late if she got sidetracked and with him looking the way he did and acting the way he was, it was taking every ounce of willpower she had not to attack him right there in the kitchen.
For so long she'd hoped and prayed that they would get to this place, that he would let her all the way into his heart and share every bit of himself, the good and the bad, with her and now that they had finally reached this point, well, it was a bit overwhelming to say the least. Like Edward had mentioned to Seth, she also knew that everything wouldn't be perfect over night. There was a lot of healing that needed to be done, but the hardest part was over now.
"I love you," he said back and tried to reach for her, scowling when she shook her head at him.
"I love you, too, Edward, but I need to get dressed and you need to eat," she told him in the tone that let him know she meant business.
"Fine, fine, spoil all my fun," he tried to say with a straight face, but couldn't because just then his stomach growled.
He looked toward the table and his eyebrows rose all the way to his forehead, or at least it felt like it when he saw his laptop, already on and open, beside his plate. He looked back toward his wife with his mouth hanging open and before he could even say anything, she laughed at him.
"Sweetheart, I know you have things to check on at the office. I just figured you could do it while you ate, especially because we'll be busy most of the day."
"You...you're, damn I love you," he told her again and then hurried to sit down.
Now that he thought about it, he had a million and one things he needed to check on and was anxious to get to work, even though it would only be for a little bit.
"Eat, read your emails or whatever you need to do, and I'll be down in thirty minutes so we can go," she told him and kissed the top of his head because he'd already started pulling up his email as soon as he sat down.
She chuckled at him when she turned around to walk upstairs. She knew he'd been so focused on other things for the past few weeks and though he would never let the business suffer in any way, he did have a company to run and a snake named Vincent to deal with.
The sooner the better.
Walking into their bedroom, she couldn't help but smile at her husband's pitiful, but very sweet attempt to make their bed. He was as adorable and romantic as he could be, but the man couldn't make a bed to save his life. She quickly straightened out the sheets and the comforter and then put the pillows back in their designated places. She gently laid her flower on the bed and then wasted no time picking out a dress that would match.
While she was showering she thought about what tomorrow at the office would be like. As emotionally draining as the past week had been for her and for Edward as well, she couldn't wait to just move forward, with no secrets, no hidden hurts or memories between them and just be themselves.
She was rather excited and really looked forward to seeing how much better and stronger their relationship would be now that everything was out in the open. In all actuality, she couldn't wait.
While she was getting dressed and putting on her makeup, Edward was still busily going through his emails from work and making notes for the things he needed to take care of when he got to the office in the morning, starting with meeting with Jasper, Emmett, Alec, and Marcus and making an announcement that he would have Jasper draw up the proper paperwork to name Isabella, formally, as his successor. It was something he should have done a long time ago in the first place and it was, as Seth had made abundantly clear, imperative to have a plan in place, just in case.
He knew she wouldn't want a big deal made out of it, but he knew, and he was damn sure that the others would agree, that she more than deserved the recognition and he was going to talk to everyone to figure out what to do for her. Next on the list was tackling Vincent Sinclair and the mess he'd begun to make out of things. Isabella and Emmett's campaign had really taken off and was already the talk of the publishing world. In his in-box there were more messages than he'd been able to get to yet, asking for interviews, appearances, and quotes for numerous newspapers and magazines. With each success and each accolade it seemed like Vincent had spiraled more and more out of control. It would be almost funny if it wasn't so tragic. There was no love lost between he and Vince but that didn't mean Edward relished watching him drive his family's company into the ground and along with it, the careers of everyone associated with him.
Yeah, he had a lot of work to do in the coming days and he was more than ready to tackle it all.
He looked up when he heard the sound of Isabella's shoes on the hardwood floor and thankfully for him, and his laptop, he'd already finished his breakfast or else he would have choked on his food when he saw her walk into the dining room.
"Beautiful...you're just...beautiful," he and then chuckled at his total loss for anything original.
He clicked the touch pad to turn off the laptop and then stood up, instantly taking her in his arms and then proceeded to kiss her until they were both panting for breath.
"We really have to go, Edward," she told him even though she had her arms wrapped around his neck.
"I know," he answered back even though he didn't stop kissing her neck. He was careful not to wrinkle her dress, but he was having a hard time, a really hard time, controlling himself right at the moment.
Finally, he managed to pull himself away from her and when he did, he was able to appreciate seeing her all over again. "Isabella, baby, you really do look amazing," he said, and his voice was a delicious mixture of sexy and sweet and it made her heart race.
He continued to stare at her, taking note and smiling appreciatively when he noticed the flower in her hair. The dress matched the flower perfectly and if it fit her any better, he'd have to seriously consider bringing a baseball bat or something with him to church to beat off anyone that couldn't take their eyes off her, though he had to concede, that would be probably be just about everyone. She had her friendship bracelet on as well as a simple pair of platinum earrings and necklace with a diamond cross pendant. Her hair was down and hung in soft curls and as usual, she wore minimum makeup...because she didn't need it.
Of course staring at him and taking in the way he was dressed might have had a little bit to do with the rapid beating of her heart, or hell, a lot. He sure knew how to wear a suit well, she thought. He was the most gorgeous man she'd ever laid eyes on and he was totally, completely, and irrevocably hers, and he always would be.
With a sigh that indicated how conflicted she was, she told him they needed to go, again, and this time, thankfully, he nodded his head and led them to the car. The drive to meet the family at church was quick and filled with lighthearted small talk and both Edward and Isabella relished the fact that things were so much better, deeper between them. Neither acknowledged it, but both could feel the subtle shift in their relationship.
When he parked and then got out to help her from the car, he couldn't help but give her a sexy smile when she stood up. The weather outside was absolutely perfect, sunny with just the slightest bit of chill in the air and when the sunlight bounced off her hair and the diamonds around her neck, it was almost as if heaven was shining down on her. A totally cheesy thought he knew, one which he blamed the annoying angel person for, but it didn't make it any less true either.
Just as he was about to step forward and kiss her, he heard the sweetest voice, besides Isabella's of course. "Uncle Ebbard!" Emma squealed as she let go of Rose's had and ran to him.
Edward turned from his wife and toward his niece, bending over to swing her up into his arms as soon as she was close enough. "How's my favorite pretty girl today?" He chuckled at her while she squeezed him around the neck.
"Good. Mommy let me pick out my dress today, isn't it pretty?" she asked him and giggled when he pretended to have to think about his answer.
"I dare say, Miss Emma, you will be the prettiest little girl in the whole church today," he answered and then gave her a raspberry on her cheek.
She squirmed as she tried to get away from him and then held his face in her tiny little hands and very seriously said, "I missded you."
Well, that melted Edward's heart and kind of made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world, which he pretty much thought he was anyway. "Missed you, too, angel. Want to sit with me during Mass?" he asked, not wanting to let her go.
"Can I Mommy?" Emma asked when she turned toward Rose.
Rose rolled her eyes and tried to stop from smiling at how utterly adorable Edward was with her daughter but failed...miserably.
"Of course you can, baby girl. I see how it is," she teased.
Every member of the Cullen family had arrived and everyone that passed by couldn't help but smile at the group of them. They did indeed make quite the spectacle as they stood and talked with one another. It wasn't done on purpose of course, but that didn't mean it wasn't true just the same.
Charlie and Reneé looked on as they waited for the rest of their suddenly much closer family to join them before they made their way inside the church. Charlie watched, with a huge, proud smile on his face as Edward interacted with his family. He couldn't believe the changes in him; he seemed like a totally different man than the one he'd met all those years ago. And his daughter? Happy didn't even begin to describe her.
It did his heart good to see them so much in love.
The Swans greeted the Cullens warmly, though Carlisle and Esme were welcomed with a bit less enthusiasm than Emmett and his family. Charlie was still trying to come to grips with everything he'd heard last night and he had a lot of questions, though he would do as his daughter asked and give Edward time and space. Their relationship was such that he knew if Edward needed him, he would let him know.
Charlie couldn't even begin to describe, and he'd tried plenty to articulate it to Reneé, how much it meant to him to have gotten as close as he had to Edward over the past month and a half. It honestly felt like it had always been that way, not just a recent development. It was one he hoped would continue to get stronger over time.
The impressive group finally made their way into the church and filled up an entire pew. Charlie proudly led the way, followed by Reneé and then Nonna. Isabella sat beside her and Jack was happily between her and his Uncle Edward. Emma of course wouldn't let go and took her spot prominently on his lap. Esme scooted closer to Edward to leave room for Carlisle, Emmett and then Rose.
Father O'Connor smiled from the altar when they'd all taken their seats. He'd been inordinately pleased when Edward showed up at Mass a few weeks ago with Isabella and he noticed as each week went by how much happier Edward seemed. He was a bit shocked to see Edward's family along with the Swans, especially since he couldn't recall seeing them since Emma was baptized.
Emma had fallen asleep contentedly snuggled up on her Uncle Edward's shoulder and didn't stir until they'd all stood up to leave once Mass was over. Sleepily, she reached her tiny hand out to touch the flower in her Aunt Bella's hair saying softly, "So pretty."
Isabella smiled at her and reached up and pulled the bloom from behind her ear and slid it behind her niece's ear. "It looks prettier on you than me, Sweet Pea," she said lovingly as she kissed her on the forehead.
"I'd beg to differ with you, love," Edward whispered to his wife with a smile.
He placed his hand on the small of her back so they could make their way outside. Jack had yet to let go of her hand and to anyone looking at them, they looked like a wonderfully happy and loving family. While that was true, it wasn't entirely accurate either, because Jack and Emma weren't their children and that thought caused Edward's heart to lurch almost painfully in his chest.
Oh, he'd come such a long way, cleared so many hurdles in the short time since the annoying angel person first appeared but the pain of all the regrets he had hadn't diminished at all. That was the thing about regrets Edward had come to know so well, they never went away, you just merely learned how to live with them.
He pushed those melancholy thoughts to the back of his mind as they walked out the doors and met the rest of the family outside. Charlie, Reneé, and Nonna were chatting with some friends and Father O'Connor was speaking with his parents and Em and Rose.
"Edward, Isabella, it is so wonderful to see the rest of your family with you this morning," the vivacious priest greeted them as he hugged them both.
"Thank you, Father," Isabella said, and Edward noted she blushed, just like she always did whenever she spoke to the good-looking priest.
It was a fact that Edward and Charlie had laughed about more than a few times because both Reneé and Nonna had the same reactions whenever Father O'Connor was around them. The Irish priest was a charming man; even Edward had to give him credit for that.
"Well, I see you've reacquainted yourself with my parents and brother and sister-in-law, but let me introduce you to the other two members of my family," Edward told him and shifted Emma in his arms.
"Pretty girl, can you say hi?" Edward asked her softly as she picked her head up. "Father, this beautiful little girl is my niece, Emma, and this is her brother, Jack," he finished and laughed when Jack stuck his hand out to greet him properly.
"Well, aren't you two the best-looking of the whole bunch?" he teased and then proceeded to shake Jack's offered hand before rubbing his hand on Emma's back.
"Edward, my son, I must say, you look very comfortable with that beautiful little girl in your arms, perhaps you and Isabella will have at least one of your own soon."
The comment was meant to be lighthearted but Isabella couldn't help but frown when she saw the devastated look on Edward's face. It was gone almost before she could register what she'd seen, but she did see it and would be definitely asking him what that look was for.
Edward chuckled, somewhat nervously, and responded, "Well, we can always hope, can't we?"
The awkward moment seemed to pass when Charlie thankfully approached them all to say goodbye.
"Charlie, Edward and Isabella are coming to our house for dinner this evening and we would love it if you all could join us as well," Esme said once Father O'Connor walked off.
Esme had noticed both last night and this morning how at ease Edward was around Charlie, Reneé, and Nonna. Admittedly, she was both happy and a bit hurt by that at the same time, only because it just reinforced, in her mind at least, how distant Edward had truly been from them. It was easy to see how much Isabella's family loved Edward and as she vowed to Carlisle last night, they would be doing everything in their power to do the same, to both Isabella and Edward.
Reneé had stepped up beside her husband and linked her arm in his. She looked at Esme and gave a genuine smile. Like Charlie, she had many questions for Edward and her daughter, but would wait until a bit more time had passed before pressing for answers. She appreciated the gesture of being asked to dinner, but she intuitively knew Edward needed some time with his family. Isabella didn't get her gift of perception just from her father or her Nonna.
"Thank you, Esme, for the offer," she said before Charlie could say anything, "but, Charlie has promised to help me at the art studio this afternoon and then he's taking me to dinner, so perhaps we can do it another time. It was wonderful to have you all here with us today. We would love for you to come again."
She meant it, too. Like her daughter and her husband, there were some lingering feelings of disappointment, she supposed was the right word, as well as a bit of anger toward Esme and Carlisle for hurting Edward, but based on the fact they were all together this morning, she assumed there had been a resolution to most of their problems the night before. If that was truly the case, she wanted to do all she could to turn over a new leaf and move forward.
They were all family after all.
"We would love to, Reneé," Esme said gratefully.
There was still so much to work through and to come to terms with, Esme thought with a heavy heart, but it certainly appeared as if everyone was willing to let bygones be bygones. There weren't enough words to describe how grateful she was for a second chance to show Edward how much he'd always meant to her.
After a round of goodbyes and promises to get together soon, the Swans left and the Cullens headed toward the parking lot. Emma still hadn't moved from her spot in Edward's arms. Jack, now he was a whole different story. Before Charlie had left, he'd reminded Edward and Bella of the upcoming soccer game and when Isabella asked Jack if he'd like to go with the three of them, the poor boy looked like he was either going to faint or explode right there on the spot. Edward and the others couldn't help but laugh at his excitement and if he had looked at his Aunt Bella like she was the coolest thing ever before, now she was right up there with his love for the White Sox which meant he reallllyyyy loved her!
Edward got an idea while they walked to the parking lot and called for his brother, "Hey, Em. Why don't you trade cars with me and let me and Isabella take the kids for the afternoon? We'll bring them back when we see you at dinner later."
Jack nodded his head enthusiastically and Isabella voiced her wish to do the same. Emma, well, since she hadn't let go of her Uncle Edward in over an hour now, it seemed like she was of the same opinion as her brother.
Emmett looked at Rosie, who had the same astonished look on her face that he assumed he had on his. First, Edward never, ever, let anyone drive his car. He assumed Isabella had occasionally, but it sure as hell wasn't something Edward ever did unless it was completely necessary. Second, Emmett was positive that Edward had never volunteered to babysit for an entire afternoon before and third, he would get a few hours of completely uninterrupted alone time with his wife, an opportunity he was most definitely not going to pass up.
"Hell yeah, man, that would be...I'm sure the kids would love it," Emmett said and then winced when Rose slapped his arm.
"Em, you're still at church! Watch the language!" she said with a huff and then turned to look at Edward and Isabella.
"If you guys are sure you're up for it, I think it would be great for the kids to spend the day with you," she told them both sincerely.
Luckily, Rose was one of those moms that was always prepared, so the kids had a change of clothes in the car so they weren't spending the day dressed in their Sunday clothes. After she and Isabella took the kids into the bathroom, Edward and Emmett traded keys. Emmett couldn't help but lick his lips when he eyed Edward's car. It wasn't often that Emmett got the chance to indulge in his love of driving fast and he had every intention of doing so the moment he got behind the wheel of that fine-looking piece of machinery.
"Just get it back to me in one piece, please," Edward said somewhat nervously as Emmett snatched the keys from him and dropped the keys to his Mercedes SUV into his brother's hand.
"Yeah, yeah," he said, not taking his eyes off the car.
Edward turned when he heard the sounds of the kids pulling Isabella by the hand toward the car and he slapped his brother on the back. "Have a good day, Em. We'll see you at dinner."
Emmett managed to tear himself away from staring at the car long enough to kiss his kids once they were buckled in their car seats and then hugged Isabella quickly. "You guys have fun today, and thanks, Bella."
"You're welcome, but this was all Edward's idea," she told him and then the two of them turned and smiled at each other as they watched Rose give Edward a list of instructions for the day.
"He's just...he's...I can't believe..." Emmett struggled to find the words to say and Isabella wrapped her arm around his waist and said softly, "I know, Em. He's incredible."
"You're not so bad yourself, sis," he told her as he kissed the top of her head.
There was a lot he wanted to say to both of them but it wasn't the time or the place, especially when he had a fucking kick ass car to drive and a hot wife to...well do things to he shouldn't think about standing outside a church.
"Babe, kiss the kids and let's roll." He smirked as he shook the keys in his hand and laughed heartily when he saw Edward swallow nervously. "Don't worry, bro, I promise to get it back to you in one piece."
"You'd better or it's your ass," Edward teased and then reached for Isabella's hand, sighing as soon as her fingers entwined with his. "You kids have fun, now," he told Em and Rose with a wink and then led Isabella to the passenger side of the SUV.
Once he got in his seat and adjusted the mirror, he heard Emmett peel out of the parking lot like a teenager and instead of growling, he laughed at his younger brother.
"You are a brave man, my husband," Isabella told him with a smile as they took off. "Spending the day with Jack and Emma and letting Em drive your car, it's like a whole new Edward."
"Actually, love, it's just the real Edward...finally. Hope you like him," he said quietly as he reached for her hand. His tone was teasing, but there was most definitely an undercurrent of uncertainty mixed in there as well and Isabella couldn't help but laugh tenderly at him.
"Oh, Edward, believe me, you have absolutely nothing to worry about in that department; like doesn't even come close to describing what I feel for you. However, I have a feeling that I'll have to fight the women off even more than I already do at the office tomorrow," she told him with a bit of a huff.
He chuckled at her, though he couldn't deny how much her words affected him. Not the part about the women at the office, because he never really paid attention to stuff like that anyway, but the part about what she felt for him. That stuff he did pay attention to, always. If she felt what he did, and he knew she did, they would make everyone sick by lunchtime with how much they felt for one another.
He kind of couldn't wait for that.
It was really pretty fucking amazing, he thought as he held onto her hand and listened to the kids chatter in the back seat, how much different things seemed to be, pretty much overnight. Granted, he'd changed the moment the infernal angel popped into his life. It also kind of went without saying that he wouldn't be driving in a car on a sunny Sunday morning with his beautiful wife and niece and nephew if the annoying being hadn't saved him in the first place.
And he truly did mean saved in every sense of the word.
One look out of the corner of his eye was all it took to realize just how much he owed Seth. The past few weeks had been the best of his entire life, but when he woke up this morning he couldn't help but hope the following ones, no matter how many they consisted of, would be even better. To finally be at this place was more than he ever dreamed, but it was no less than what Isabella deserved.
"What do you think we should do today?" Edward asked with a grin.
"This was your idea, sweetheart, what did you have in mind when you asked Em if we could keep the kids?"
Adorably, he shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea to be honest with you. I just...I thought it would be nice to spend the day with you and them. It's such a pretty day outside," he trailed off, sounding almost embarrassed.
Totally unlike the Edward Cullen everyone else knew.
Thankfully, Isabella had a few ideas, starting with having lunch. "Why don't we take them to that pizza place where we can eat and then let them play some games. Then we can go the park and have some ice cream before we head to your parents' house."
Edward sucked in a breath at the mention of the word parents , but he recovered quickly. It would take a bit to get used to referring Carlisle and Esme as Dad and Mom, as his parents, even though they had been for more than twenty years now. Now that he'd let go of his past and was working on letting Liam and Maggie rest in peace, he had a feeling lots of things would be changing. He wasn't sure there was anything wrong with that.
"Sounds perfect, Beautiful. Do you think I can keep up with them?" he asked with a wink as he pulled in the parking lot of the pizza restaurant.
"I think number one, you can do anything you want to do and number two, it's good practice wouldn't you say?" she teased and then caught that same crestfallen look pass quickly over his face, and again, it was gone almost as quick as it came.
He flashed her a quick smile and then they made their way inside the very crowded restaurant and Isabella didn't have time to think about anything other than making sure Jack and Emma didn't get lost amongst the crowd of people in the game part of the family restaurant.
They spent almost two hours there, eating and playing and Edward had never had more fun. Well, that was not quite true and he still couldn't play video games worth a damn, but he did enjoy just letting loose and enjoying himself.
Finally, they managed to wrangle the kids away from the games and got them buckled in the car and they headed for the park that was back in Evanston. The ride would take almost an hour, because Edward would be sure to drive as close to the speed limit as he could and before long, both kids were asleep in the back.
Edward and Isabella could have filled their time talking, especially because there were still many things to talk about, but instead, they spent most of that time in a comfortable silence. The kind that only came from being totally secure and safe and loved.
Edward reached over and took her hand, taking a moment to run his finger along the friendship bracelet on her wrist and said, "You're my best friend, Isabella. I hope you know that."
He had no idea where that thought came from or why he said it after they hadn't said anything for at least twenty minutes, but the moment the words were out, he was happy he'd said them, especially when he saw the brilliant smile on her face.
"You're mine, too," she answered him back and lifted his hand to her mouth so she could kiss the back of it.
They didn't say anything else for the rest of the ride to the park and by the time Edward parked the car, both Jack and Emma woke up from their short nap and were raring to go. The park was the same one where Jack played baseball, so both kids took off running without even looking back once they got out of the car.
Edward grabbed Isabella and pulled her against him, keeping his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulder. In turn, she wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked toward the playground where Jack and Emma were already playing. There was a bench off to the side and Isabella started to walk toward it but Edward shook his head at her and then led her to the swings.
"Come on, love," he said with an irresistible grin as he held the side of a swing out to her so she could sit.
Isabella gaped at him but couldn't help but giggle at how utterly adorable he was. He'd taken off his suit jacket and tie, he'd shed them before they'd even had lunch, and had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, leaving his very sexy forearms uncovered. The sun was shining brightly and as he stood there and the sun bounced off the riotous mess of bronze hair on his head, she was almost rendered speechless by how beautiful he truly was.
Inside and outside.
The swing set was situated in a pit of soft sand so Isabella kicked off her shoes and sat down on the proffered swing. She glanced quickly toward the play structure and laughed at Emma trying to chase Jack across a rope bridge. They would be occupied for some time, she was sure, and before she knew it, could feel Edward begin to gently push her forward.
Neither spoke for another few moments, each totally lost in the comfortable peace and contentment that surrounded them now. Isabella gave way to the gentle swaying back and forth of the swing and enjoyed the feel of the warm sun on her skin. Fall would be approaching soon and days like this would be nonexistent until Spring. More than enjoying the beautiful weather, she enjoyed Edward's soothing and calm presence. If someone would have told her some six odd weeks ago that she would be here, that they would be at this point in their marriage, she would have looked at them like they'd had two heads. She could admit now, now that they had come together as they had, that there was a part of her that always feared Edward would never be able to face his past or that he would be able to love her as freely and openly as he did now.
And oh, Lord, how he loved her.
She was positively giddy on the inside and found herself overtaken by butterflies in her stomach more times than she could count when she thought about how much he loved her. Little things, like the flower this morning, or the sweet text messages he would send her throughout the day, and even the briefest of touches sent her heart soaring and her mind spinning.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.
He'd been watching her the entire time he'd been pushing her and when the small but very sweet smile graced her beautiful face he felt a smile spread across his as well.
She looked up at him, squinting against the sunlight and said simply, "You."
Edward felt his lips form into the sexy, lazy smirk that his wife loved so much, even though at times it aggravated her to no end, and then said, "There could be worse things, I suppose."
The words were spoken casually, but inside Edward couldn't deny how much her words affected him. Though there was little these days that Isabella did that made him not want to bust out and sing cheesy love songs from the top of his lungs.
"Hmmm," she said back and then giggled when he growled behind her.
They each looked up when Emma's unmistakable peal of laughter floated through the air and when the beautiful little girl waved at them both, they each laughed at her.
Isabella was immediately reminded of what happened earlier in the day and was about to ask Edward about it when he asked, "Does it make you sad that we don't have a child?"
His stomach twisted painfully and as soon as the words left his mouth he wished he could take them back. Well, that wasn't one hundred percent honest, but he'd never intended to broach the subject blurting out a question like that seemingly from nowhere. The question had been weighing heavily on him though, there was no doubt about that. All morning at church as he held Emma in his arms, he couldn't help but picture a little girl with a head full of curly brown hair and eyes as green as his or a little boy that had his hair but Isabella's bottomless coffee-colored eyes.
Now that the question had been thrown out there, his mind raced as he fought the conflicting feelings that suddenly appeared. On the one hand, he wanted it with an almost alarming intensity. He wanted to share himself with Isabella in the most profound and intimate of ways and on the other...well, there was that whole he could die at any time thing going on.
He had been warring with himself for weeks now; at night when he held her sleeping form in his arms as he absentmindedly kissed the top of her head or during the ride to and from work on the days Peter drove him, even during meetings that seemed to go on and on, he thought about it. Having a child with Isabella was something he'd never allowed himself to want, but want it he did.
Desperately so in all matter-of-fact.
And therein lay the problem. Wanting it like he did, and he wanted it more and more every day, made him feel so incredibly selfish. How could he possibly justify having a child with Isabella, no matter how badly they both wanted it, not knowing if he'd even be alive when the baby was born? Time was an ever-elusive concept for most people under the best of circumstances; in his, well it was literally like a ticking bomb, one that could go off when he least expected it and rip him away from everything and more importantly everyone he loved.
Isabella.
She was the center of his universe and like he'd told her innumerable times, his everything. There wasn't anything he wouldn't do for her, nothing he wouldn't give her if it was within his power to do so and if she wanted a baby, how could he refuse her? No matter how uncertain his future was, could he really deny her the gift of a baby, one that was a perfect mixture of him and her, even if he wouldn't be around to enjoy it?
The answer, of course, was a resounding, unequivocal no.
Not just no, but hell no.
All of those thoughts took barely more than a few moments so when Isabella answered, "Sometimes," Edward realized he hadn't even stopped pushing her on the swing.
She heard him suck in a sharp breath and she turned her head quickly. "Edward, stop," she told him when she could practically see his mind whirring and she could definitely see the furrow in his brow.
He looked so sad at that one word that she knew she needed to explain her answer and fast. She reached up and grabbed his hand and pulled him around so that he could sit on the swing next to her. A small part of her recognized how strange it probably looked for them both to be sitting on swings meant for children, but she didn't have time to dwell on it.
"Beautiful, I..." Edward stammered, having no idea at all what he was trying to say.
She reached for his hand and slid her fingers in between each of his and he immediately took a deep breath before he faced her. "That was probably not the best answer I could have given you even though it's true," she told him once she looked at him. At the pained look on his face she squeezed his hand and then said softly, "Sweetheart, how could I not want a baby with you? You are the love of my life and I want nothing more than to have a family...our family. Up until very recently, no matter how badly I wanted it, have always wanted it, it just wasn't possible. You were in no way, shape, or form ready for such a thing and it would have been wholly unfair to pressure you or even ask you to bring a baby into our lives."
"And now?" he questioned in a voice that was just a hint above a whisper.
"We are in a much better place, wouldn't you say?" she asked just as softly.
He pulled their joined hands until her swing moved next to his and then he held her there. "I want to give you everything, Isabella. I just don't..." he said and then swallowed.
"Edward, I'm not telling you I want to have a baby tomorrow, but things are so much better between us now. I can't imagine not starting a family with you," she told him and then reached up and ran her fingers through his hair with the hand he wasn't holding.
He didn't want to do it, but he knew he had to ask the question that had been plaguing him for weeks now. If he didn't there wasn't any way he could even think about having a baby, no matter how much he wanted it. "Can I ask you a hypothetical question?" He was skirting that gray area of not being honest with her, but there was no way he could do anything but be somewhat vague. "If something happened to me, say while you were pregnant, and I wasn't able to be with you, would you still want a baby?"
Isabella's eyes went as wide as he'd ever seen them and he saw them frantically search his face for some hidden clue. After a moment when she'd came to some silent conclusion she answered him. "I can't...don't want to think about something happening to you, Edward. I can't even picture my life without you in it; it hurts too badly to even imagine such a horrible thing," she said shaking her head and tried to keep from bursting into tears at just the merest thought of somehow being without him.
"Love, I'm sorry," he tried to backtrack but damn, he really...REALLY needed her to answer that question.
She took a deep, shuddering breath and realized he was asking for a reason. She assumed it probably had something to do with that mysterious plane ride all those weeks ago so she should answer his 'hypothetical' question as best she could, no matter that just thinking about it made her sick to her stomach. "But, to answer your question, yes, I would still want to have your baby, even if some cruel twist of fate took you away from me. I would always have a part of you with me that way," she said and practically choked on the tears that she tried to keep at bay.
Edward couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face and it only fell a bit when he saw how upset she was. Trying to lighten the mood, he pulled her even closer to him and bent forward to nuzzle the side of her neck below her ear. "Does that mean, Beautiful, we can start practicing? Because, you know," he whispered in a silky smooth voice laden with need, "I'm a total believer in the old adage of practice makes perfect."
She couldn't help but giggle at him. "Yes, I'm quite sure you are."
They both looked up when Emma called for her Aunt Bella because she had to go potty and after telling her to wait just a second, Edward slid off the swing to his knees so he could put Isabella's shoes back on. Once he buckled the second shoe he pulled the swing forward before she could get off it and pressed his lips to hers.
He didn't give it a second's thought that they were in the middle of the park or that it was the middle of the day; all he could think about was how much he loved her and needed her and wanted her...and...and...and...a hundred other things.
His tongue obviously missed being inside her mouth because it had been hours by this point and it tangled and swirled in her mouth like he hadn't kissed her in days or weeks instead of just hours. He groaned in the back of his throat and the vibrations made him grip her hips and pull her even closer. He was about to wrap her legs around him, dress be damned when Emma's sweet voice penetrated through the thick haze of lust he currently found himself in.
"Practice, lots and lots of practice," Isabella panted as she tried to catch her breath.
"I love you, so fucking much, Isabella," he told her as he stared into her eyes.
She gazed back at him, looking deep into his eyes, and then whispered, "I love you, too."
He stood up and dusted off his knees and then helped her up before he kissed her one more time on the lips and then swatted her ass as she walked toward the kids to take them to the bathroom.
As he watched them all walk away, Isabella in the middle holding each of their hands, he smiled.
He hoped there was enough time, because if there was, they were going to have a baby.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
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