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Chapter 24~
Edward sighed; he really didn't expect much else from the man that claimed to be his father. He'd lived this long without one anyway, and besides - he had Charlie. He honestly figured he was ahead of the game in that respect.
There wasn't anyone he knew that was a better man.
"Well, now at least I know where I stand," Edward began, relieved to be beside someone he knew loved him with all her heart.
"Edward, please...wait," Carlisle implored as he reached out and grabbed Edward's wrist. "You don't understand," he said and then frowned when Edward shook his head at him.
Carlisle recalled that conversation like it was yesterday, even though it had been so, so long ago. Esme had been almost beside herself because she was so riddled with guilt that she couldn't even speak and he'd done what he'd always done when it came to his beloved; he wanted to protect her as only he knew how.
"I'm not stupid, Carlisle. I know what I heard and judging from your reaction, it's obviously what you said, so let's not pretend that you didn't say it. I get it, you never wanted me, so now that I know that, we can just...shit I don't know, ignore each other or some fucking thing," he trailed off.
He didn't raise his voice or anything like that, but the bitter and defeated tone he did use was even more painful for everyone to hear.
Isabella started to get up and lead him away because honestly, if she didn't leave the room, she was very likely to say something she most definitely would NOT regret.
Carlisle stood up and faced his son. "Edward, you didn't hear the whole conversation. Please let me explain," he begged anxiously.
Carlisle knew that if Edward wouldn't even listen to him, wouldn't let him explain what he'd said all those years ago, there was no hope to repair their relationship. He was painfully aware of how hearing what he did had affected Edward, twenty years of distance more than proved that, but there was so much he didn't understand.
Huffing, Edward reached for Isabella's hand, needing her touch more than he could express and then bit out, "Fine."
He wasn't sure there was anything Carlisle could say that would make him understand what he'd heard, but for the sake of at least making one last effort, he'd listen.
Carlisle let out the breath he'd been holding and began to pace in front of everyone. Much like Edward felt earlier, he struggled with how to begin, but out of respect for how courageous Edward had been with all of them, he decided it was well past time to lay it all out there, so that was what he was going to do.
His family deserved it.
"When we arrived in Ireland and I saw you for the first time, you were so scared, so withdrawn, and my heart just broke for you. We'd learned enough from the police to know that things had been bad, though we had no idea they had been as horrific as they were. I don't mean this to sound like an excuse, but son, when we took you in, your mother and I were both still inexperienced when it came to being parents and neither of us had any idea how to help you. The best thing I thought we could do for you was get you out of that place as soon as possible, whatever it took. I even asked my father for help. Looking back on it, I can see, especially knowing what I do now, how traumatic and just plain terrifying that all must have seemed to you. You didn't know us because Maggie had cut off all her ties with Esme and the rest of her family. You'd just lost...your parents," he struggled to say.
Lord knew neither Maggie nor Liam deserved the description, but that was a conversation Carlisle would have to save for another time. Explaining to Edward and earning his forgiveness was all he cared about at the moment.
"You'd just lost Liam and Maggie," he amended. "We whisked you away from the only home you'd ever known, from the only place you'd ever lived without even thinking about what it was doing to you. You'd barely spoken for days by the time we arrived so no one really understood how much you'd been through. Seeing you so completely broken kept us from pushing you for answers because we didn't want to upset you any more than you were already. I know we both figured when you were ready, you'd come to us, never thinking it would take twenty years."
Carlisle paced back and forth, trying to keep himself from falling apart. Facing the avalanche of mistakes both he and Esme, as well as William, though he wasn't here to see the ramifications of what he'd done, had made was the most agonizing thing he'd ever done. Mistake after mistake after excruciating mistake flooded his mind and he was almost brought to his knees by the weight of all the guilt he felt.
And, he wasn't even done yet. Not even close.
"Edward," Esme said in a raw, thick voice. She waited for Edward to look at her before she began. As much as she loved her husband and was grateful for him stepping up to the plate so to speak, she wasn't going to allow him to do it alone. She had as much, if not more, to be sorry for, to beg forgiveness for, as Carlisle did. Like Carlisle, she was more than ready to face whatever consequences her actions brought. Edward had suffered too much to let it go on any longer.
She prayed that he would allow them to be a part of his life, but she was leaving the decision solely up to him.
"Darling," she began again slowly. "Like Carlisle said, when we arrived in Ireland, all we wanted to do was help you, and just so you know, it's never been because we felt like we had to, but because we wanted to. I may have been estranged from my sister, may not have known a thing about her or her life, but that has never meant that I haven't loved you from the moment I knew you were born. You're a part of my sister, which makes you a part of me.
"Finding out she was dead, that she had killed herself, though I didn't know the reasons back then, was devastating. I blamed myself for not trying harder to stay in contact with her, for letting her distance herself from her family, from me. I had convinced myself that if I had only done more, I could have somehow saved her. You came into our lives under the most awful of circumstances, but neither Carlisle nor I have ever regretted it, Edward. Not for one minute," she said as her chin quivered.
Edward exhaled through his nose and squeezed Isabella's hand. She was grinding her teeth together, he could hear it, and judging from her rigid posture beside him, he knew she was every bit as frustrated as he was. The explanations were needed and they did give him a clearer picture of what it must have been like for Carlisle and Esme all those years ago, but there were still so many answers he needed.
Honestly, he'd been so focused for so long on his own hurts and anger, he'd never really stopped to think about what was like for two of them when they took him in. He'd been difficult, he could admit that, and so very different from Emmett, that it was no wonder they'd been at a loss as to how to help him. It didn't really excuse the fact that they hadn't tried very hard though, but it did help explain...to a degree anyway.
"That still doesn't explain what I heard," Edward retorted, refusing to acknowledge anything else that was said, at least until he got the answers he wanted and needed.
A heavy sigh escaped Carlisle's mouth, one that was full of regret, and he sat down beside his wife on the couch. He wrapped an arm around her slumped shoulders, holding her tight. "Son," Carlisle began with some hesitation. "Esme is the love of my life and I would do anything to protect her and keep her from harm. When she is sad, it breaks my heart. Your grandfather didn't make things easy for us, in fact he did his damnedest to make things as difficult as he could. My whole life was spent failing to meet his expectations, but never more so than when I chose to marry Esme. I'd already disappointed him so much by not embracing Cullen Publishing the way he wanted me to, and then to marry someone that couldn't give him the heir he so desperately wanted, made him...well an even more heartless son of a bitch it seemed to me. By the time you came into our lives, I'd spent so much time trying to protect her from my father's cruel words and harsh demeanor, it was second nature to me to come to her defense, for lack of a better way to say it. It wasn't your presence that I upset about, Edward, it was watching her beat herself up and the fact that not only could I not do anything to help her, I knew that no matter how happy we were that you were here with us, it only served as a daily reminder to her that she'd failed her sister...or so I knew she believed."
Edward felt every ounce of air leave his body in one fell swoop, leaving him feeling lightheaded. His breath was coming in short, sharp bursts and all the blood had rushed to his head...or at least it felt like it.
"Oh, no," he heard Isabella mutter beside him and he sagged against her.
"Beautiful...I...all this time...how could I?" he whispered to her, though everyone heard him.
Isabella turned and faced him and placed her hands on the sides of his face. "Sweetheart, stop. You had no way of knowing about Carlisle and Esme's difficulties with your grandfather. How could you? You'd only just met them and were still dealing with so much. You didn't do anything wrong, Edward," she told him, meaning it completely.
He may have misunderstood, but there wasn't anyone that could fault him for that.
"But, I shouldn't have...I could have," he disagreed and shook his head.
The look of total devastation on his face about broke her heart, if it was even possible for it to break any more, but what could she tell him? The realization that something as seemingly innocuous as a comment not meant for anyone but Esme could have started the whole snowball effect of systematically destroying their family was almost too much to take. Apparently everyone else thought the same thing, judging from the looks on all their faces.
Isabella scooted closer to him, as close as she could get and reached for his hands so she could pull them into her lap. She was sure that Carlisle and Esme each had things they needed to tell him, but they were going to have to wait. She wasn't inclined to be too accommodating anyway. Not before and certainly not after what she'd just heard. She knew she was going to be testing the limits of her faith and her belief in forgiveness as she came to terms with everyone that had done so much to hurt her Edward. It was a test she wasn't all that sure she could pass, especially as she looked at Edward. He was shaking his head and pulling on his hair in frustration and it killed her to see him have to suffer blow after blow after blow.
She knew she was a strong woman, but even the strongest could only endure so much and really, she was pretty sure she had taken about all she could take by this point. As for Edward, she was afraid he'd passed his limit long ago.
"Edward," Carlisle called to him while he still held on to Esme. When Edward turned toward him, he gasped at how haggard he looked, but Carlisle knew they needed to go on and get everything out in the open. "So that is why you pulled away even more, because you thought we didn't want you?"
Edward slowly nodded his head and in a scratchy voice said, "After living with my...with Liam and Maggie, I was so afraid of doing anything to upset either of you. Esme was crying all the time and I felt bad about that, like somehow it was my fault, then hearing you say what you did, I just figured you would send me back as soon as you could. I guess..." he said as he swallowed painfully, "I guess...I thought if I stayed out of everyone's way, I could stay. I didn't want to go back to Ireland...at all...and staying where I thought I wasn't wanted was better than that."
"Sweetheart," Esme said with a shaky voice. "We always wanted you and any guilt or unhappiness I felt was due to my own mistakes and had nothing to do with you."
Edward had leaned forward and rested his elbows on his thighs and he snorted in agitation. "Pardon me for saying so, Mother, but that's bullshit. I may have misunderstood what you two were talking about but neither one of you ever tried to really get to know me. You left me alone. You didn't try to talk to me or help me. You just...ignored me...just like they did," he trailed off as he fought all the thoughts and feelings rushing through his mind.
"Edward, son...no! If you'll remember, almost as soon as you arrived, you and William started spending a lot of time together. You still didn't talk much but you seemed...I won't say happy, but maybe content?" Carlisle tried to explain.
"I wasn't happy or content, Carlisle, but spending time with Grandfather was better than nothing. I didn't think you really wanted me here; I had already upset Emmett, and I wasn't used to being in any type of family environment. William may not have been the easiest of people to be around, but at least he acted like he wanted to spend time with me. After being starved for any sort of attention from my parents, him showing an interest in me was...welcome. At fourteen, fifteen, and even as I got older, I probably didn't really realize what I needed or was doing, but now I can look back on it and I know I was just...searching for some sort of connection...to anyone," Edward said quietly but in a tone that certainly conveyed his anger and hurt.
He didn't want to hurt anyone, but he had promised himself and Isabella he would be honest and he intended to do so.
Seth and Gideon looked at one another as they watched from their corner of the room. Hearing Edward admit, out loud to both Carlisle and Esme what he'd held inside for so long was as rewarding as it was painful. There was so much guilt floating around the room, the otherworldly beings, with their supernatural abilities could almost see it. Like everyone else in the room though, they most definitely could feel it. It was like being in quicksand...every time you moved, you just got sucked farther and farther down...or maybe like being in the middle of the swamps of Louisiana where the humidity was so thick you could feel it every time you struggled to breathe. It was like an oppressive weight had settled over the Cullen family and right at the moment, neither Seth nor Gideon was at all sure how things were going to proceed.
Carlisle once again felt the painful lance to his heart as he processed Edward's words. Guilt was eating away at him. The more he heard from Edward, the more the insidious emotion obliterated him. He'd never felt like such a colossal failure as he did just then. Sure he'd known he'd made mistakes before, but to hear that Edward had been so starved for attention he'd latched on to the first person to show an interest in him made him positively sick.
He decided, once and for all to say everything, to tell Edward all of what caused him to act the way he had. "Ah, Edward, I wish we could go back and start over, but we can't. Things between my father and I had been strained for so long that by the time you became a part of our family, we barely tolerated each other. I wasn't the son he wanted and he let me know that at every turn. I wanted him to accept me for me, not for who he wanted me to be. I think, when you arrived, he saw in you the child he always wanted. You were so smart, so willing to listen to him, that he took you under his wing so to speak. You and Emmett have always been so different, not that that is a bad thing, but for my father, Emmett's...exuberance just rubbed him the wrong way."
"Ain't that the truth?" Emmett said immediately. "That old man was one mean son of a bitch."
"He was. He was harsh, demanding, and unforgiving, and it saddens me more than you will ever know that I left your well-being to him, rather than to your mother and me, which is where it should have been. I was so...relieved," Carlisle shamefully went on, "that the two of you were spending time together while at the same time hating myself for feeling that way. I was relieved because as selfish is this is, it made it easier for Esme not to feel so guilty when you weren't in the house all the time. I wanted you here, but I wanted Esme happy, too. The longer it went on, the more...resentful and jealous I became, then the guilt would set in and then the vicious cycle would start all over again."
"I don't...understand. Why would you...be jealous...of me? I was only a kid for fuck's sake," Edward angrily asked.
Sighing and feeling his stomach twist in knots Carlisle faced his son. "Edward, I had spent years failing to live up to my father's expectations and in the blink of an eye, it seemed like he'd replaced me...with you. A part of me was jealous of the way it seemed you two had bonded. At the same time, I welcomed the fact that you spent so much time together because that lessened the guilt Esme felt by being around you. Admittedly, I must also say that though I now know this is very wrong, I assumed that if you didn't want to spend so much time with him or you needed us in any way, you would have said something. I've made so many mistakes, Edward. I don't even know what to say anymore because I'm sorry seems so damn inadequate."
Edward stood up and looked first toward Emmett, trying to let him know that his anger wasn't directed toward him. Turning, he faced Carlisle and Esme. "What do you want me to say, Carlisle? That everything is okay now that you've apologized? The hell with that!" he yelled and then pulled at his hair before going on. "I was fourteen fucking years-old...fourteen! I had just watched my mother die right before my eyes and just days before that found out that my father had been murdered more than likely. I get here and I'm in the middle of some sort of fucking situation I have no idea about. Everyone was dealing with all this shit and no one even talked about it. You were angry because Grandfather paid attention to me, but did you ever once stop to fucking think about what it felt like for me to have someone, finally, act like they wanted to be around me? Em, you were too young really to understand much of anything, but you two?" Edward accused as he glared at them, "what excuse do you have? I know you didn't know what my life was life before my parents died, but so what? You didn't try to find out, not once. I seemed like I was okay," Edward mocked as he repeated Carlisle's words, "so you both took the easy way out and just let me flounder. Can't you see?" he questioned with a shaking voice. "I had spent the first fourteen years of my life being completely ignored by the two people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, then I get here and one of the first things I hear is how much you hated that I had to come here? What the hell else was I supposed to think? I didn't need hugs and kisses; I wouldn't have known how to act with all that affection in the first place, but I needed to feel like I was wanted and I just...didn't. Not ever," he finished and hung his head.
Esme's not so soft cries filled the room and though Edward felt a moment's guilt at making her cry, he was too angry to offer her any comfort...at least just yet. When he'd shared what his childhood had been like with everyone, he was cognizant of trying to lessen the harsh reality of just how horrible it had been, tried to spare everyone from being more upset than they needed to be, but now? Now, when it was time for him to get the answers he'd been denied for so long, so far it felt like all he'd gotten was excuses.
He was well aware of how cold and aloof a man his grandfather had been, more so with the others than with him, but to his way of thinking, that really didn't justify their actions. The strain between himself and Emmett he could understand and was willing to take some if not most of the blame for. Emmett had been so young when Edward had arrived in Chicago, what could he possibly have known or done to help? By the time he'd gone off to college, Emmett was just barely starting high school and Edward was already being groomed to take over CP when the time came. The pattern of going through the motions and such had been long established by the time they were both old enough to know better, and Edward didn't blame Emmett in the least for not making more of an effort as far as he was concerned. He'd shut him out and pulled away enough times it was a wonder Emmett had been willing to offer him the second chance he did.
It was one he definitely wouldn't squander.
Carlisle and Esme were a different matter altogether, he thought with a heavy heart. He knew he had to forgive them...as much for himself as for them and for the sake of repairing their family. He was still very hurt and even more angry now that he allowed himself to feel and acknowledge things he'd kept buried for so long, but he knew that if he didn't forgive them, all hope was lost. The words Seth had told him so many times since he'd appeared kept playing over and over in his head and it was his hands the fate of his family rested in.
"Your whole family's ability to lay the ghosts of the past finally and fully to rest lies with your willingness to forgive Esme and Carlisle for what they did and didn't do. You also must come to terms with the behavior of your parents and forgive them as well. As much as I would love to grant you the peace of mind I know you want by telling you all this can be done, I'm afraid I can't do that, Edward. Only you can decide if you've had enough and are ready to move forward with your family by your side."
Somehow, on some level deep inside his subconscious, he'd always known that it was up to him to fix things. He wasn't sure why and up until the appearance of the annoying but very loving angel, he never wanted to think about what that meant, but since the very first moment Seth made his presence known Edward knew what was ultimately going to need to be done.
The Edward Cullen that Seth first encountered all those weeks ago wasn't the real him...not even close. It was a persona developed over time to protect himself from getting hurt...again. From feeling like he wasn't wanted or needed. From feeling like he wasn't worthy.
He wasn't the cold, distant man most people assumed he was. He wasn't uncaring or unfeeling. He wasn't arrogant or selfish and he was tired of people thinking he was all those things and more. He was ready to show the world who the real Edward Cullen was and now that there were no more secrets, nothing standing in the way, he was going to do just that, with Isabella rightfully by his side.
He had no idea how much time he had left, but it didn't really matter. One day, one week, month, year...or fifty years or more...it didn't matter. He was going to live each day loving his wife and his family and being the man he was always destined to be.
As soon as that thought entered his mind the feeling that he'd experienced on the plane flowed through him again, the same warmth, the same peace, the same sense of love and joy, only it was magnified many times over. Again, he had no idea what it meant or why it was happening, nor did he try to figure it out. He simply closed his eyes and let it fill him, let it work its magic and heal all the scars and hurts buried deep within him.
He was ready to be the real Edward Cullen.
Seth and Gideon looked at each other and smiled. As heavenly beings they were able to see the power of forgiveness and grace and as they watched it heal Edward, Gideon patted Seth on the shoulder.
"I have never been more proud or more in awe of you, Seth," he told him. "You've saved him."
"Edward saved himself, as well as the rest of them. There is still work to be done, but the hardest part is over," Seth said as he beamed at Edward.
"You okay?" Seth asked him when Edward finally opened his eyes and looked in his direction. He knew Edward couldn't see Gideon, but he had to ask how he was doing.
"I will be," Edward answered with a smile.
"Yes, you will," Seth answered with a nod of his head.
"Thank you," Edward said, and hoped the angel knew how much he meant that.
"Believe me when I say, it's been my greatest pleasure...and well, kind of my job, too," the cheeky angel replied with a twinkle in his eye.
Edward hung his head and chuckled, deeming that comment not worth a reply. When he looked up, Seth was gone and he muttered a quick, "Damn angel," before turning toward his parents.
"Edward, son, do you think...will you ever...can you forgive us?" Carlisle asked as soon as Edward looked at him.
Edward walked to where Isabella was still seated on the ottoman and sat down beside her. He took her hand in his and linked their fingers together. He reached his other hand up and cupped her cheek, brushing his thumb across her skin reverently while he stared into her eyes. Then he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss of thanks to her forehead before turning toward Carlisle and Esme.
"I've been offered a second chance by Isabella to be the husband she deserves," he began in a rough, but sure voice. "I've been offered a second chance to be the brother and brother-in-law Emmett and Rose deserve," he continued when he flashed the two of them a smile. "I've been offered a second chance to be the friend Jasper, Alec, and Marcus deserve as well, so it would be incredibly hypocritical of me not to offer you both the same consideration. I've made my own mistakes and I'm sorry for them, so if you'll forgive me, I think it's time to lay the past to rest and start acting like the family we are. It's going to take some time to get past everything, but I want to, I'm ready, if you both are, too."
"Oh, Edward, thank you!" Esme cried out before she sprang up from her seat on the couch.
Edward stood and hugged her when she threw her arms around him and sobbed against his chest. "Shh, Mother," he told her after a time.
"I love you, Edward, so much," she told him as she looked up at him and held his face in her hands.
"I...I love you, too," Edward choked out. It had been so long since he'd said those words to her, but he meant them nonetheless.
Carlisle approached warily, but very grateful. "Edward?" he questioned when he stopped beside him.
Edward released his mother and turned to face his...father. Carlisle held his hand out, hoping that Edward would take it. Edward stared at the offered hand for a second before shocking both himself and Carlisle by ignoring it and pulling him in for a hug instead.
"I'm so damn sorry, Edward," Carlisle whispered as he squeezed his arms tighter around his son.
"Me, too," Edward answered back.
Both men continued to stand there for a few more moments before Carlisle pulled back. "I love you and I'm so proud of you, I've always been. I hope one day you'll know how much," Carlisle told him before pulling Edward's head down. He kissed the top of his head and then turned toward Isabella.
"You have shown all of us what the true meaning of unconditional love is. I hope one day you can forgive me as well. I'm sorry for not being the father-in-law you deserve but I hope you'll allow me to do my best to make that up to you. I'm honored to have you for a daughter, Isabella, and am so proud to have you as a part of this family," Carlisle told her and didn't try to stop the tears that came once more.
Isabella stood up and stood beside her husband and looked at both Esme and Carlisle. "Like Edward said, it's time to move forward, together, as a family," she said to them both.
"Thank you, dear," Carlisle responded gratefully. He stepped forward and waited until she moved forward as well before he gave her a tight hug. "I love you, both of you, so very much. I promise to show you every day and earn your forgiveness."
"Carlisle, you don't have to earn it, it has already been given," Isabella said as she stepped backward out of his arms. "There has been enough of people feeling unworthy going on in this family to last a life time. Let's just work on healing and going forward without anyone feeling like they have to do anything. Love is given, it's not earned."
He nodded at his oh so wise daughter-in-law and wrapped an arm around Esme. Emmett and Rose had joined the circle and Carlisle couldn't help but smile at everyone. "This, this is what you've given us, Edward. Thank you," he told his amazing son, hoping he could hear the sincerity in his voice.
"So this is what a family group hug is supposed to feel like. Huh?" Emmett said after a moment and everyone groaned and then laughed at him.
"Emmett, only you, brother," Edward said with a shake of his head.
Emmett had been very quiet during the evening as he tried to absorb all he'd heard. He had no doubt that once he was home with Rosie, everything he'd held inside would spill out, but he wasn't leaving until he said something he'd wanted to say all night. "I love you, Edward. I know I may not have acted like it very much over the years, but I'm so thankful you are my brother."
Unlike with Esme and Carlisle, there was no hesitation at all when Edward stepped forward to hug Emmett. "I love you, too, Emmett, so fucking much. I'm so sorry for pushing you away for all this time."
"It's okay," Emmett told him as he sniffed to keep from crying. "You are the strongest man I know, Edward. I'm looking forward to getting to know you all over again."
"Me, too. I couldn't have asked for a better brother...or friend," Edward said quietly and kissed him on the cheek before stepping back beside Isabella.
"It's been a long, emotional night for you, son, and I'm sure you'd like to be alone with Isabella, so I think it's time that we left," Carlisle said after he cleared his throat a few times to rid it of the lump that had formed while he watched his two sons embrace. "If it's all right with the two of you, I know your mother and I would like it if you two would come for dinner tomorrow night. If it's too soon, I understand but," Carlisle stammered but Edward saved him by answering.
"We'd love to. We have Mass in the morning but we are free for dinner."
"Can we...would you mind terribly," Esme tried to say and Isabella answered this time.
"Yes, Esme, we'd love it if you went to Mass with us."
"Can we come, too? Jack and Emma would really love to see you both," Rose asked and smiled when Isabella nodded right away.
"Of course, Rose." She chuckled and then it was her turn to step forward.
Poor Rose looked like she couldn't decide if she wanted to cry or laugh and Isabella wanted to let her know she knew exactly like she felt.
"I'm so sorry I haven't been a better friend and sister," Rose whispered in her ear when Isabella gave her a hug.
"It's okay, Rose. We'll just have to spend more time together making up for lost time now, won't we?" Isabella asked after she kissed her cheek. She meant it, too. She understood Rose's reluctance to get too close to her, but she did hope that changed in the future.
"Absolutely," she answered with a grateful sigh.
Edward was suddenly...well not really suddenly, but he did just realize how fucking spent he was. He pulled Isabella next to him and gripped her hip with his hand. He wanted to be alone with his wife...badly.
"Okay, then, we'll say goodbye and let you two get some rest," Carlisle said and pulled Esme toward the door.
There was another round of hugs and kisses, though this time both were blessedly short and sweet and then finally Edward was able to close the door, leaving just him and his incredible wife.
As soon as he turned around, Isabella flung herself at him and he lifted her into his arms. When her legs were wrapped around his waist and their chests were pressed tightly together, he was finally able to do what he'd needed to do all damn night.
Wasting no time, he covered her mouth with his and kissed her with an almost reckless abandon. Everything he felt for her, everything that she meant to him, he tried to pour into his kiss. "I love you," he finally managed to say once he was forced to take a breath.
"I love you. I'm so proud of you," she told him back, resting her forehead against his.
"Can we go upstairs now?" he asked with a sexy smirk and a raised eyebrow.
"If you're ready," she teased back and then shifted against him.
She needed him, needed to feel him against her, on top of her, inside of her. She needed to know that he was okay. She needed to show him how much she loved him.
"Oh, Beautiful, I've been ready," he told her. His voice had changed into that rough, needy tone that sent shivers down her spine and caused her stomach to clench, as well as parts down below.
He didn't let her go, not that she would have let him anyway, as he carried her up the stairs. She continually ran her fingers through his hair, over his forehead and cheeks, across his shoulders hoping that he could feel how much she loved him, needed him just through her touch. When she leaned back to look in his eyes and they locked intently onto hers, she knew he did.
They walked into their room and Edward kicked the door closed behind him, never once taking his eyes off his beautiful wife. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much so, that the only thing he could do was not speak at all, because nothing he could say would ever be enough to adequately describe everything he was feeling. Instead he would show her.
Silently, he laid her in the middle of the bed and covered her body with his. Normally he tried to keep most of his weight off her but this time he didn't. He wanted to feel her body as close to his as he could get it and because she immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him, she obviously wanted that, too. He let his body settle against hers and felt every part of himself come alive as soon as he did so. He groaned, lowly and loudly in the back of his throat a moment before his tongue slid into her mouth. He curled his fingers in her hair and began to slowly rock against her center, smiling through his kiss when the softest, sexiest of little whimpers escaped her sweet mouth.
His tongue played with hers. Flicking, swirling, dipping, in and out until he was practically panting.
"I need you," he whispered huskily into her ear and then used his teeth to scrape along the tender, sensitive skin along her neck.
"I'm here," she whispered, arching her back against him as she felt him grow harder beneath his jeans.
"Isabella," he said, her name sounding like a desperate plea or a heartfelt prayer...he wasn't sure which...but it was probably a mixture of both.
"Isabella," he said, her name sounding like a desperate plea or a heartfelt prayer...he wasn't sure which...but it was probably a mixture of both.
"Edward," she breathed out and stared at him.
His eyes never left hers as he reached up and grabbed the back of his shirt with one hand, pulling it quickly over his head. He tossed it off to the side and then proceeded to do the same to hers, pushing it up over her stomach until it was gone, leaving her in just her bra from the waist up. He pressed his chest against hers and felt her heart beat almost in time with his. Neither was racing, they just beat in slow, steady rhythms that seemed to speak a language they both understood.
The pace with which he rocked against her increased and with it, so did his need for her. He slid his hands down her sides, relishing the way her skin felt beneath his fingers. Satiny smooth and warm, so much so that he took his time, trailing his fingers over every part of her he could touch. He lifted his chest from hers, chuckling when she growled her displeasure but then the growl turned to a soft moan when his fingers traced the lines of her collarbones, down the center of her chest, over the lace of her bra, to the outsides of her breasts, along her ribcage and across her stomach. He easily pushed her skirt down over her hips and thighs and used his own feet to push it the rest of the way once it was past her knees until it fell to the floor.
"Pants off, please," she begged.
He reached down between them and undid the button on his jeans, the sound of the zipper sounded so loud in the almost silent room and he smiled at her when she giggled at the noise. She helped him push his jeans and boxers over his hips and with her heels, pushed them down his legs so that he wouldn't have to move. Just the brief second he had to raise his hips so that they could get the jeans down his legs was too long.
Finally he was naked and she was almost, the only thing separating them was her thin lace bra and her barely there panties. A fact which Edward planned on remedying immediately.
Slipping his hands underneath her back, he deftly undid the clasp of her bra and then pushed the straps down over her shoulders and arms before lifting it from her body. The moment her naked breasts were exposed he covered them with kisses. They were so full, so soft, and fit perfectly in his hands, and he couldn't get enough of them. Lips, teeth and tongue all took turns lavishing attention on the smooth skin of her breasts and the pebbled skin of her nipples. Back and forth, from left to right, he continued until he had his fill and until Isabella was writhing beneath him.
Her legs squeezed him tightly as she tried to get the friction her body was screaming for. Her feet pressed on his ass and she raised her hips off the bed in order to rub against him. She ached for him, yearned to feel him inside of her and she swore, silently, if he didn't do something to alleviate the almost painful throb between her legs, she would scream.
"Oh, God, please...Edward, just..." she panted between heavy breaths.
"Shhh, love. I know, I feel it, too. It's okay. I'll make you feel so good," he promised in a sinfully smooth voice.
With nimble fingers he pushed her panties down over her hips and then slid them down her gorgeous legs. When they were both fully naked and lying skin to skin, he shifted his hips with just the smallest of movements but that was all it took to be buried deep inside of her. When she completely engulfed his length and he could feel her slick heat surround him, he held himself completely still, savoring just being connected with her in the most intimate of ways.
Isabella had tipped her head back and squeezed her eyes shut, reveling in feeling Edward's body covering hers. There wasn't a breath of space between them and as far as she was concerned, if he never wanted to move it would be all right with her. She loved feeling him surround her, feeling that there was no way to tell when one of them began and the other one ended.
"Isabella, baby, open your eyes and look at me," he commanded after he'd watched her for a few moments.
She immediately did as he asked and though his eyes burned into hers, his smile was as soft and tender as she'd ever seen and it immediately brought tears to her eyes.
"Hey, what's all this?" he whispered and used his thumbs to wipe the moisture from beneath her eyes.
Isabella continued to stare at him, marveling at the fact that even though the evening wasn't anywhere close to what one could call enjoyable, he looked as peaceful and happy as she'd ever seen him. He was a beautiful man, she'd always thought so, but without the secrets and the hidden hurts and the bitterness he'd carried around for so long, it was almost like looking at a different person. One that still looked like him, but hadn't lived through all the pain that he had.
He watched as her eyes traveled over his face as if she was searching for some hidden clue or something before her brown eyes found his again. She was biting her bottom lip, something that never failed to turn him the hell on, and he could tell there was something she wanted to say, but was having trouble finding the words.
"Beautiful, please tell me," he asked her quietly. He dipped his head down and peppered her forehead, eyelids, cheeks and then her lips with kisses, hoping that he would soothe whatever had brought on the tears.
He'd seen enough of those to last...well however long he had left and then some.
"It's just...I don't know how to explain," she huffed in frustration and tried really hard not to think about the fact that he was still fully inside of her.
"Try, please," he pleaded and like her, tried to focus on what was troubling her rather than how fucking good she felt beneath and around him.
"You're...you," she said and then huffed when he raised his eyebrows and then smirked at her.
"Well, I certainly hope it's me that is currently...um...kind of attached to your body," he teased and then immediately stopped when she'd closed her eyes again and was frowning.
Hating to do it, he slid out of her and the laid down beside her, pulling her to him. She went willingly and immediately buried her nose into the crook of his neck. She sighed when she inhaled his scent and relaxed even more when he'd wrapped his arms completely around her. She felt safe, needed and most of all, loved beyond measure.
"Love, talk to me. You're killing me here," he said, and though he was kind of teasing, he really kind of wasn't either. He'd wanted and needed nothing more than to make love to her, but seeing her upset was putting quite the damper on things.
"It's just...I've waited so long to get to this point, you know?" When he started to apologize, again, she placed her fingers over his lips. "No, Edward, please don't apologize anymore. I understand, really and truly I do. Of course I wish you'd shared everything with me much sooner, but I'm so happy we're where we are right now. I know there are still hurts to heal and scars that will never really go away, but we...we...I mean, it's just me and you now, with nothing between us. It's all I've hoped and prayed for," she said quietly and laid her head back down on his shoulder.
Edward didn't say anything for the longest time, he just held her in his arms and drew nonsensical patterns on her back and shoulders with his fingertips. Every now and then he would kiss the top of her head or run his fingers through her hair, but for the most part they just laid there, each lost in their own thoughts.
He was pretty sure they were both thinking pretty close to the same things, but he wasn't positive. It didn't matter anyway, not really. What mattered was that his heart wasn't hidden away deep inside any longer. No, sir, he'd metaphorically ripped that sucker right out and handed it over to her. It was hers anyway, always had been, only now he wasn't afraid of what she would do with it.
Once he heard her sigh, he maneuvered them so that they were facing each other while they laid on their sides. "Isabella Marie Cullen," he said and had to clear his throat a few times so that he could talk once he'd swallowed the golf ball-sized lump that suddenly came out of nowhere. He reached out and pushed her hair behind her ear and rested his hand on her cheek. He let his thumb brush across her lips a few times, after he'd pulled the bottom one out from between her teeth, and then said, "I love you more than...well a whole fucking lot. I don't even know if there are enough ways to tell you how much I love you or why I love you. I just...do. La mia ragione, Beautiful, and I've never meant it more than right at this moment. Everything, every fucking thing about me is due to you, for you. A very wise and kind of a pain in the ass...person," he smirked and then chuckled at the confused look on her face, which he patently ignored because...well he had to, "told me not long ago that you were my greatest gift, and after these past few days, there is no doubt about that statement at all. You make me complete, make life worth living, and there is nothing I want to do other than to spend every day making you so blissfully happy that when people pass by you on the street, they can't help but smile because if I have anything to say about it, you will always have a smile on your gorgeous face."
"Oh, Edward," she said and then, well, she smiled at him. A huge, beaming smile that lit up her whole face and made her eyes twinkle in the moonlight. "I love you."
"Love you, too," he whispered and then rolled on top of her and settled between her legs once more. Once he found himself in the same position as earlier, he looked down at her, and waited until her eyes found his so he could say the last thing he needed to before he let his body talk for him. "Thank you for waiting for me, Beautiful."
"I'd wait for you forever if I had to, so thank you for not making me," she told him as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.
After that, there were no more words said.
They weren't needed.
~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~
