DaPK Chapter 14 - The Drumroll

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Chapter 14 - The Drumroll

BPOV

My phone vibrates with an incoming text message and I peek at the clock. 12:00 on the dot. Edward, Rose, or Emmett? My heart skips a beat as I turn my cell over. Edward. Of course it's him. The girliest giggle ever squeaks out as I read his message.

Midnight on the dot, how's that for timing? Happy Bday baby. It's going to be a most excellent yr, I hope I can make all your dreams come true. ILY!

Sighing, I hold the phone to my chest and I can feel my cheeks lift from my smile. I kick my feet because there's so much inside of me I feel like I might explode. Sometimes it seems too good to be true - he seems too good to be true. He loves me. So much. Like bigger than Mt. Everest and taller than a California redwood and wider than the Grand Canyon loves me.

It's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

I roll over and look at the clock, the bright red numbers no longer taunting me as they once did. There are days when the restlessness gets bad, and times when I feel like I can't get enough air in my lungs, that I still escape outside, needing the space, and just for a little while, to be free. They are fewer and farther between. It's a good thing and immediately on the heels of that thought … it's the worst thing ever. I gasp and that thought slams into my chest like a wrecking ball. I pull my knees closer to my chest, curling myself into the fetal position. I don't want them to be less because then ... then ... that might mean I've accepted what's happened to Mom, that I'm okay with it.

I'll never be okay with it.

But a little voice whispers in the back of my mind … I'm getting there.

I know I am.

A little bit more every day.

My skin may still feel too tight for my body sometimes, and the need to play to help ease the crushing pain and bitterness still makes my fingers twitch, but I know deep down that things are changing.

I curl a little more and squeeze my eyes a little tighter and take a few deep breaths. Now is not the time for this. Tomorrow, or later today, is going to be hard enough for me and Edward. I shouldn't dwell on things I can't change today. I read his text message again and the knot in my chest loosens enough that it doesn't feel like my lungs are being squeezed in a vice. In and out a few more times, and I stretch and roll onto my back. Staring up at the ceiling, but not really seeing anything, I let my mind wander and smile when it, as always, finds its way to Edward.

Always Edward.

I rub my chest, right above my heart and I swear I can feel it get bigger when I think about today. While introducing him to Mom is going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, I can't help but look past that to what the rest of the night might bring. He's been a giddy fool all week, worse than Emmett when he has a joke he's just dying to tell. It's adorable.

Thinking about him makes words form in my head, and behind those words, I hear the beat of his song. He can't fool me. He hasn't mentioned it for weeks, hasn't asked one time about it, but there's no way he's forgotten. It's done. I haven't told him so because I'm saving it for the perfect time. It's his after all. I don't know when that will be, but I'll know it when it comes. I grab my iPod and turn on some music, letting my thoughts meander like a clear stream over pebbles. Edward, or some connection to him, is in each one so I do the only thing I can, I reach for his notebook and the silly pen that never fails to put a smile on my face.

Rolling over onto my stomach, feet crossed in the air, I bob my head to the song. As I start to write, I wonder for a brief moment if he's also writing in my notebook. I smile. I know he is; he wouldn't be Edward if he wasn't.

Hey Creeper,

Guess what? It's my birthday! Guess what else? You were the first person to wish me Happy Birthday! You beat Emmett by about thirty seconds and Rose was right behind him. Ha! She'll be so pissed!

I'm glad you were the first.

I'm glad you're going to be the first for lots of things. OMG I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's the truth. You're the first person I've ever loved like I do, you're going to be the first person I've ever introduced to my mom and well, you're the first guy that's ever seen my boobs. (btw … they say hello and um … they kind of miss you.) And that other first, the one we talk about but don't really talk about? Yeah, I'm super glad you're going to be that first, the only first.

I love you so much, Edward.

Do I tell you that enough? Idk, sometimes I'm not sure I do. Do I tell you often enough that you're the most amazing person I've ever met? Do I tell you that I'm so very glad you found me in the woods that first night and kept coming back again and again and again, even when I was so scared and unsure? Do I tell you enough that you've changed my whole life and made me happier than I ever dreamed I could be?

If I haven't, well, now you know.

For the longest time, well, since Mom's accident, I've been dreading this day. It's always seemed like, or I guess I'd built it up in my mind that the moment I turned 18, there would be some instantaneous change, like the flip of a switch … and I'd be all alone. But that's not really the case. Because of you, I've gotten closer to Phil and Maggie. I have amazing friends who I know would do anything for me. I have your mom and dad … and best and most important of all, I have you. I never, ever, imagined there was a "you" out there for me. I was too scared to hope, too bitter to dream, but then one night you found me in the middle of the woods and didn't give up on me.

Because of you, I think about things like college and traveling the world and doing things with my life. Because of you, I'm not so afraid of the future … even though I'm still not ready to let my mom go. Because of you, I go to bed at night and wake up in the morning not dreading the day, but instead excited to see what will happen. Because of you, I have someone that makes me happy and loves me, for me.

In case I forget to tell you later, thanks for making my birthday one I'll never forget. I don't need to make a wish when I blow out my candles (I do get candles on my cake, don't I?) because I've already got the best gift ever. You.

I love you, Edward. With all my heart.

Yours always,

DG

Closing the notebook, I roll out of bed and head for the kitchen. I glance at the plate on the center of the island. I can't help the laugh that starts in my belly and bubbles up my throat and bursts out of my mouth. He's going to shit his pants when he sees these cookies. Guess I shouldn't tell him I wasn't planning on sharing with him. Poor thing, he'd be devastated. I wrap up the plate and scoot out of the side door. The second my feet hit the top step, there's such a sense of peace it takes my breath away. All-encompassing, soothing … and most of all, living and breathing. It's because of Edward. He's coming. I can feel him. My body reacts like it always does - lighting up from the inside and every inch of it tingles. If I didn't know better, I'd swear he was already out there watching, waiting, but I do.

I know my Creeper. He loves to watch me, and I certainly enjoy when he does, but there's no way he'd stay hidden while I'm here. First, I have cookies, and second, he loves kissing me, touching me, too much to stay so far away if he doesn't have to. But I do need to hurry if I don't want him to see me. Somehow I think that would spoil things … just a little bit.

Smiling, I leave his notebook and cookies on my stool. I squeal just a little, another momentary indulgence to that giggly girl who seems to want to come out to play more often these days, and my tummy flutters when I think about what he might have written to me tonight. No doubt something guaranteed to make me cry and smile and feel like I want to fly one second, then, tackle him to the ground and make him say "please" the very next.

Oh, my, definitely more tingles now, especially down there.

Hurrying toward the house, I have to stop and look back one more time at the forest. He's in there, somewhere, coming closer. Coming to me. Because he loves and needs me every bit as much as I do him. Presents, dinners, and surprises are sweet and all, but there's nothing on Earth I need more than Edward. I look up to the sky and whisper, "Thank you for sending him to me. I'm going to love him forever," before I slip inside and make my way to my room where I know dreams of him are only minutes away.

The annoying God-awful hum of my phone vibrating beneath my pillow rouses me from a sound sleep. Blindly, I reach for it, thinking it has to be Edward or Rose.

"'Lo," I mumble and swallow a few times so that my words don't stick to my throat like peanut butter.

"Bella. Happy birthday, sweetheart!" Phil's voice floats through the phone.

I can't help but smile though I groan when I crack my eyes open and see what time it is. Ugh, eight is way too early to be up on a Saturday, especially when I didn't go to sleep until late.

"Thanks," I manage to croak, and I wince. My voice still sounds like I've chain-smoked cigarettes for months on end.

He chuckles. "I thought the big to-do was tonight, not last night, or did you start celebrating early?"

I roll over and sit up, scooting backward until my back rests against the headboard. I yawn, and I hear him snicker again.

"Ha ha, no, dinner and stuff is tonight. I uh … went to the football game with Edward, Rose, and everyone else last night. I didn't fall asleep 'til late," I tell him as I pick at imaginary lint on my comforter. "Besides, you know it's only eight in the morning, right?"

"Oh hell, Bella, I'm sorry. I always forget the time difference."

I smile. He's in New York City for a playoff game, so it's no wonder he forgot. "Yeah, it's almost lunch time where you are while for me the sun's barely had time to come up." I'm exaggerating, but I really do want to crawl back under my covers and go back to sleep for an hour or four.

"I wish I could be there to celebrate with you," he says softly and my breath hitches at the emotion I hear in his words.

"Me, too," I answer, meaning it fully. Our relationship is in a totally different place compared to last year. "But, you'll be done soon … though hopefully not too soon."

He laughs a little bit. "Sometime mid-October would be just fine with me. I'm not getting any younger you know. I don't have much time left to win the big one."

There's silence for a few moments and it's a little awkward, but only because there's so much to say but not really enough time. I surprise him quietly with, "Edward's going to meet Mom today."

There's no missing the sharp intake of his breath. I can almost see him, staring at the phone, mouth agape and eyes wide open.

"That's … ah … damn, sweetheart." He struggles for another few beats then says, "You must really care about him a lot."

I chuckle and then lay my hand over my stomach because thoughts of Edward, today of all days, have the butterflies inside swooping and fluttering like crazy. "You could say that. I can't wait for you to meet him; he's so amazing."

Phil doesn't say anything and then I hear him take a deep breath. "I'm so happy for you, Bella. Everytime I talk to you, you sound more and more like the girl that used to sing and dance in the kitchen and beg me to watch scary movies with her on the weekends, even though you spent more time hiding behind your hands than looking at the television. I've missed her, missed you. It's so good to see you so happy. It's all I want for you."

I sniff.

Then the tears come when he says, "Your mom would be so proud of you."

I smile though through the tears. Maggie's told me the same thing, Rose, too, even Edward has, but hearing it from Phil means so much more. He knows Mom in a way no one else does. "I know."

Thankfully we don't dwell and he begins talking about his upcoming game and we make plans for after the season is over. "You tell that boy that I'm looking forward to meeting him soon."

"I will. I think Emmett and Jasper are even more excited to meet you than Edward. I'll warn you now about Emmett, if you don't come bearing gifts like signed jerseys and baseballs, he's liable to cry … and believe me, no one wants to see that." I shake my head just thinking about the big softie.

"You got it. Your friends sound great. I can't wait to come and spend some time with you." I know he means it. My heart clenches just a little bit and I have to take a deep breath. I know when he comes we'll have to make some decisions, ones I'm not sure I'm ready for.

But not today.

"Good luck today. I hope you have a great game. Kick some Yankee butt," I tell him as I sit on the edge of my bed, ready to begin the day.

"Thanks, sweetheart. Have fun, and try to enjoy being the center of attention for a change. You deserve it. I love you, Bella, and I'll be thinking about you. We'll talk soon, okay?"

He's so sincere, so sweet, it's all I can do to keep from completely breaking down. "I love you, Phil. Thanks for calling."

He gasps at my easy and immediate words of love. Guess that surprised him, which is a little sad and something I definitely need to work on in the future. When we hang up, I smile and that fluttery feeling from before comes to life again. I scoot my feet along the floor and find my flip-flops, slide them on, then redo my ponytail. My hair's a wild mess and as I walk to my door and then down the hall toward the kitchen, I start thinking about how I want to fix it for later. Up because Edward loves it that way so much, or down because I want to dress up a little bit. It's dinner at his house, with his parents and our friends, and I want to look pretty.

And then those mysterious plans after dinner … who knows what Edward has up his sleeve?

I sigh at the thought. It doesn't matter what it is, it's going to be wonderful.

"Smells good in here, Mag," I greet her with light, breezy words. I feel good, so good, this morning. Phil's phone call, being with everyone later, seeing Edward soon, whatever it is, I welcome it. Even the what-I'm-sure-will-be-painful introduction of Edward to my mom doesn't feel like it's going to be that bad.

"Since I'm going to miss your dinner, I decided we'd celebrate together over breakfast. Happy birthday, honey."

She's cutting up the most delicious pineapple, my favorite, and adding it to a bowl of fruit. The colors explode inside the glass bowl and my mouth waters just looking at the rainbow. Bright yellows, greens and reds, the sweet smell of melon and banana and berries mix with the tang of pineapple and oranges. There's yogurt and granola to mix with it, along with chilled orange juice in glasses all waiting on the island.

"Maggie," I say on a sigh, feeling very overcome, very lucky, and very loved.

"Hush, girl. Now scoot your little tush outside. I know you're dying to see if that boy of yours left you something to start your day off with a smile, then we can eat some breakfast before you get busy," she says with a sparkle in her eyes as she waves a knife toward the door.

My mouth falls open. "How did you …"

"Oh please." She chuckles. "He might not need to sneak around anymore, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's stopped altogether does it?"

She winks and I'm speechless. Stunned. Holy shit.

"I … well …" I splutter and her grin is a mile wide.

"You can't fool this old lady, sweetstuff. Now, go. I'm hungry and I want to give you your present."

I wait a beat and stare at her in wonder. Today is definitely starting out way better than I ever could've imagined. I smile. I hope it's a good omen for the rest of the day. Hurrying outside, I open the bay doors. No reason to keep them closed during the daytime. I bounce on my feet, nervous anticipation racing through my veins.

He came.

I knew he would.

I love him. I love him so, so much.

Unable to wait even a second, I rush forward and pluck my notebook off the stool. I flip through the pages, my heart in my throat until I find his letter … and then it flies right up to the sky. How he always knows the perfect thing to say I'll never know, but you will never hear me complain about it either. It's just one more reason to add to an already long list of reasons why he's the most perfect boy in the whole wide world.

Maggie laughs, one that shakes her entire body, when I walk back inside. "I won't say I told you so, but I told you so."

"He's just … I … yeah." I sigh. I mean really, what else can I say at this point?

"Let's eat. You have a big day and he'll be here before you know it."

I help her carry the bowls and glasses to the table and once our plates are full she looks at me. "So do you feel any older? This is a big milestone … or I think it was, I don't remember that long ago."

My eyes roll at her. "Pffft, whatever, Mag. You are not old, not even close. And, yeah, I guess I feel a little different. I'm not sure how or why, but I kinda do."

She glances at me and then casually remarks, "This year's much different than last year, huh?"

I blow out a breath and my stomach knots a bit. "You could say that. I can't even believe sometimes that we're here, that things have turned out like they have, that Mom's still like she is. So much good mixed with so much sad. It's hard to figure out how to be happy sometimes, and to not feel guilty about laughing and enjoying myself."

Reaching for my juice, I take a drink. It's bitter, though I'm sure that has more to do with the emotion churning inside of me rather than the juice itself. Freshly squeezed and very sweet, I'm sure it's delicious. I just can't concentrate on that right now.

"Bella," Maggie begins and sets her spoon down. "Your mother would be so proud of you, so happy for you. You've found something here in Forks that's filled an empty space inside of you. Something that was missing even before what happened to your mom. I didn't know you or your mom before we met last year, but I've seen pictures, and they don't lie. You've needed Edward, needed these new friends for a long time and your mother would do nothing but encourage you to embrace it all. The good, the bad, the scary, the new, and everything in between, all of it, and make a new life for yourself."

I sniff. My throat's tight, straining as I try to keep a huge ball of emotion from rushing out of my mouth. Tears burn in the corners of my eyes and it hurts to breathe.

"I miss her. Every minute of every day. I want her here with me. I don't know how to be by myself," I whisper, staring at the table, too afraid to look at Maggie.

"That's so not true, sweetheart."

There's rustling and when I see a bright shiny blue bag overflowing with lime green and hot pink tissue paper and curlicue ribbons of every color under the rainbow spilling down the side I look up with a question in my eyes.

"Happy birthday, Bella."

The abrupt change of topic has me reeling, but there's a present in front of me and as much as I sometimes complain about receiving them, inside I like them every bit as much as the next girl. Sliding my hands through the crinkly paper I close my fingers around something cool, smooth, and hard. Pulling it out, I gasp. My fingers shake as I open the two-sided picture frame and when my brain catches up with my eyes, the images in front of me blur.

"Oh, Maggie," I breathe out, painfully and with effort.

On one side, there's a picture of me and Edward, from the day he came over and met Maggie. She must have taken it as soon as he walked in the door. His hair's a riot on top of his head, his cheeks are pink, either from running up the front porch steps or from smiling so much - probably both. Then there are his eyes. Oh, God his eyes. Vibrant, shining, Jolly Rancher green. My stomach feels like a hot air popcorn popper, bursts of fluttery feelings, one after the other, after the other. He loves me so much, and the way he's looking at me, like I'm his whole world; as if there's only one thing he's ever wanted in his entire life, and finally … finally … he has it, makes me the luckiest girl ever. I stare at myself, and see the exact same look on my face, the exact same shine in my eyes and the same smile.

My Edward.

My heart.

My gaze slides to the picture on the other side, and this time my shoulders shake and hiccups accompany the breaths that are getting harder and harder to take. Somehow Maggie found a picture of me and my mom, one I remember being taken but haven't ever seen.

"This was our last trip together," I say softly and look over at Maggie. "Mom had been going on and on about wanting to go to Hawaii, something about needing authentic lava rocks for some project she wanted to start, and when Phil's season was done, he surprised us both with a trip over Thanksgiving. It was so much fun."

Tears still flow, but the searing pain from just a moment ago is now just the ever-present dull ache. "Mom had wanted to try one of those touristy bicycles-built-for-two and Phil wouldn't do it with her. Mom wasn't known for her balance you know, so I did it. I remember Phil taking this picture of us waving as we rode by him, but I've never seen it."

"He told me that, when I asked him for a picture of you and your mom. He wanted you to have this one because he said it always reminds him of the best things about the two of you, how much fun you had together, and how much you loved each other. He says he has the same one at his apartment in Seattle and it's on his phone, too."

Maggie's words stun me, though looking at the picture again, I suppose they shouldn't. It's a beautiful picture.

I use the tip of my finger to trace over the image of my mom, so alive, so free, and I can feel the happiness she felt that day spread through me. Instead of making me sad it fills my heart with good things, the best things … a memory of a perfect day where all we did was laugh and smile and have fun. "He loved her so much and she was so happy with him."

"Bella," she begins, her voice soft but full of so much emotion. "You're not alone, not anymore. Look at that boy." She grins and points toward the picture of me and Edward. "That smile, that look on his face, is there because he loves you. Not just a little, not just kind of, but loves you with every bit of himself. It's so rare to see someone look at anyone else that way, but trust me, you will never, ever be alone as long as that boy has a breath in his body. You have me and Phil, too, always, no matter what happens, and now you have Edward and his parents and your new friends and you have a life. You have this new, exciting, sometimes overwhelming and, I'm sure, scary life, but there's a whole world out there waiting for you to experience it." She reaches over and lifts my chin so I'm looking into her eyes. "Don't ever let me hear you say you don't know how to be by yourself, because you do. You're strong, so much stronger than you think you are, you hear me? You could do it if you had to, but you don't."

I gulp, trying to suck in a huge breath but Maggie's arms around me squeeze it right back out. She lets me cry, though I don't feel all that sad. It's a strange mixture of relief … and hope. Of course the pain of not having my mom … or my dad … is there, as it always is, but there's so much more now. Things I was afraid to let myself feel or wish for, but are right there, waiting for me.

"Thank you, Mags."

She pats my back, knowing my thanks is for much, much more than a picture frame.

"Anything for you, my girl. I love you." She kisses my cheek and then stands to busy herself by clearing the dishes.

I smile at her. She's trying to be all sneaky, which she might be able to pull off if she didn't keep lifting her shoulder so she can wipe off her cheek … or if she stopped sniffing every few seconds. I go to her and stand on my tiptoes so I can reach her cheek.

"I love you, too, Maggie," I tell her softly before scooting out of the kitchen, a huge smile plastered on my face and feeling happier … lighter … than I think I've ever felt.

The feeling lasts all day.

About five o'clock my phone rings and I'm sure Edward can see my smile from his house. Before I can even say hello …

You say it's your birthday

It's my birthday too-yeah

They say it's your birthday

We're gonna have a good time

I'm glad it's your birthday

Happy birthday to you.

I laugh. "Are you going to ask me for my panties now?"

Dead silence. "Holy shit, baby … give a guy a warning would you before you say the p word!"

"You gotta admit, that was pretty good."

He snorts. "Yeah, it was. My girl's up on her 80s movie trivia, who knew? I'm way cuter than the geek though and you are definitely hotter than Molly Ringwald … with or without panties on."

"Nice to know you think so."

I hear him sigh and when he starts talking again, his voice has lost all measure of teasing. "I'm on my way, are you ready for me?"

"Yeah, I am. I can't wait to see you. I've been thinking about you all day."

I'm in my room and Maggie's gift is already on my nightstand. I let my gaze still on the pictures and that same sense of light and happy is as present as it's been all day. "Wait until you see what Maggie gave me, it's just … it's so perfect."

"You sound … you sound lots better than I thought you would. Are you okay?"

I reach out and touch the picture of my mom and I can almost hear the way her laugh sounded that day. "I really am. Hurry, okay? I miss you."

"Be there in less than five. I love you, Bella, so much."

I glance at our picture. I can see how much in bright, vivid color.

"I know. I love you, too."

I end the call and hurry to the bathroom so I can fix my hair and brush my teeth. He's been a busy little bee all day, or so he's told me through the numerous text messages he's sent every few minutes. The tease. He hasn't told me much about tonight, but he's been dropping hints all week, even more so today. I know we're having dinner at his house. I know that everyone will be eating with us. I have no idea what we're having or what the plans are for after dinner. All I know is what Rose told me. "If you don't kiss that boy all over his face at the end of the night, you seriously can't call yourself a girl ever again. He's getting major swoonage points, Bella. His stockpile's going to be so big, he'll be able to use them for a long, long time, like even after your honeymoon. Trust me."

Her sky blue eyes twinkled like I'd never seen them and I swear she even sighed. Rose never sighs. Ever.

My stomach flutters just thinking about it. I place my hands on the edge of the counter and let them support my weight as I stare at myself in the mirror. I look … happy. So, so happy. And content. And so very loved.

How can I ask or want anything more?

A quick inventory - black skirt that makes my legs look pretty damn good, cute shirt just tight enough to drive Edward a little crazy, hair down, straight and shiny, and smelling like peppermint, a few brushes of mascara, then lip gloss, a spray of perfume in all the right places and I'm as ready as I'm going to get.

Perfect timing, too, because just as I turn around to walk back into my bedroom, I hear the doorbell.

"Deep breath, Bella. You can do this," I murmur to myself as I head for the front door.

One more breath, in then slowly out before I turn the doorknob and there he is. Smiling so big, arms already open and waiting for me. I don't make him wait, not even a second.

"Happy birthday, baby," he says as he kisses my cheek then slides his lips until his mouth is on mine. The kiss is deep and not anywhere near long enough. "I've been waiting for that all fucking day." His eyes widen in appreciation when he steps back and looks down then slowly up. "You look fantastic. Wow."

I give myself a silent high-five for changing my mind from the pants I'd put on first to the skirt I have on now. Especially given the way Edward's eyes linger on my legs. When his eyes find mine again, my knees feel a little wobbly from the intensity of his very heated gaze. Like he'd like nothing more than to gobble me up with a spoon right here, right now.

Oh, my.

My cheeks are warm, they have to be, because I'm hot all over. Edward keeps staring which isn't helping at all. His eyes darken and his mouth lifts in a smirk that is anything but sweet. It's naughty and sexy and it makes me want things like his fingers and his tongue on every part of my body.

He reaches for my hand and slides his fingers between mine. And just like that, the mood has shifted. Not that he doesn't want me, not that I don't want him just as much, but when he gently rubs his thumb back and forth on my hand, it's as if without saying a word we tell each other that as fun as flirting is, and it's definitely high up on my list of the most fun things ever, we'll have to come back to it later.

It's okay. I'm ready.

"Thank you for coming early. This is really important to me," I tell him when I look up from our joined hands and into the eyes that are always full of so much love for me.

"I know it is and you don't have to thank me, Bella. I'll always do anything for you." He runs a hand through his hair. "I'm nervous," he answers back with a hesitant chuckle.

His immediate and unabashed honesty melts most of my nerves away. "There's nothing to be nervous about. Come on," I say as I pull him into the house. "Let's do this and then get to your house. I'm dying to see what all the fuss has been about."

He cocks his head to the side like he can't quite believe I'm teasing right now. "I'm fine, promise. Today's been great so far, and tonight's going to be even better."

"I hope so. I just wanted to make today one you won't ever forget."

"Having you in my life makes it the best one ever, everything else is just icing … on my birthday cake … hopefully cream cheese frosting; you know it's my favorite."

He chuckles again. "Bella."

"Edward." I grin right back.

I lead him down the hallway and I'm sure he's looking at everything. We stop outside of Mom's door and he squeezes my hand. I sigh … the things he does for me.

"You don't have to do this if you're not ready," I tell him, staring at the dark wooden door in front of me. I can hear the whooosh, pffft from inside. Never has opening this door felt this way, as if it's the first step toward a future I didn't even know was out there for me.

That sense of peace and light settles again and instead of being afraid of opening the door, like I've thought all along I would be, instead, I can't wait.

"Bella," Edward leans forward and whispers in my ear. "Show me. Share her with me. I'm ready. I want to do this."

He pinches my hip, just enough to make me jump and then my hand's on the door, turning the knob, and letting Edward inside.

Mom looks the same as always. Still, so very still, covered in blankets from her chest to her toes. Eyes closed, arms along her side, her mouth set in a perpetual almost-smile. I swear, sometimes, and I know it's only wishful thinking on my part, but when I tell her something, usually about Edward or Phil, I can almost see the corners lift, ever so slightly. It's a dream, I know it is, but my heart always feels a little better when I let myself believe.

"Hi, Mom," I say softly as I move to stand beside the bed. I reach for her hand. Cold as always. The skin so translucent it shows every blue vein beneath. Soft, still so soft, but these aren't my mom's hands. There's no dirt from her garden or paint from whatever project she's just started. No, they're clean, with perfectly filed brittle nails.

"Edward's here. I told you I'd bring him, even though it's taken me longer than it should have to introduce him to you."

"Hi, Mrs. Dwyer," Edward says in a shaky voice. He steps up beside me and I can't help but watch. His eyes bounce everywhere. Mom's face, her hand in mine, the machines beside the bed, around the room, from one thing to the next.

He holds his breath, then lets it out in a long, drawn-out exhale. The fingers of the hand that's not squeezing mine curl then stretch. He's nervous. Or uncomfortable. Neither is unexpected.

"She looks like she's sleeping," he whispers then clamps his mouth shut, looking at me with wide eyes as if he's said something wrong.

I let go of Mom's hand and push her hair up off her forehead. "She does."

"I asked my dad what I should expect. He tried to explain, but I didn't … I mean," he stammers and I tug on his hand until he faces me.

"Hey. There's no wrong or right way to talk to her, you know. Your dad tells me to keep talking to her, but I think that's for me a lot more than for her. He just doesn't want to say what everyone else keeps telling me; that no matter how much I want it, she's gone."

"Bella," and for the first time, I can really hear how sad Edward is for me, how much this hurts him.

I can't say anything because I know if I open my mouth, I'm liable to start crying. I don't want to cry anymore today. Not about Mom.

"I still think somehow, some tiny part of her can hear me. Maybe it's just her spirit or whatever, but she has to be able to hear me because I can hear her when we talk. All the little things she's always told me. That it's okay to eat chocolate for breakfast because there's never a bad time. She swore if you made a wish on the first star you saw at night, it would come true, no matter what it was. And that I could do anything I wanted to, even if what I wanted was to sell cotton candy at Disney all day or become the first drum playing female President." My chest hurts, it's hard to breathe, and tears begin to fall. I shake my head, a little embarrassed to let Edward see me so nakedly vulnerable. "I'm sure you think I'm just being foolish, but I know what I feel."

Edward's arm is around my shoulder and he pulls me in close. "Baby, no. Your mom sounds amazing and she loved you so much. I've been in this room only a few minutes and I can feel it, Bella. I can."

I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my head over his rapidly beating heart. "I loved both of my parents so much. They were such amazing people. It's not fair that I don't have them, Edward. I want them back."

"I know, baby. It's not fair. And I'd give them back to you if I could," he whispers as he kisses the top of my head.

"I'm going to have to let her go, too," I say, choking back a sob.

"I know."

"I don't know if I can."

He sighs and his arms hold me tighter. "I know that, too."

We stand together for a few minutes, each of us lost in our own thoughts. A wayward memory flits in my mind and I chuckle. I feel him smile. "Care to share?"

"I was just remembering this one time Dad took us all camping, even Mom. She complained the whole time, it was too hot, it was too cold, too many bugs, just on and on and on. Until it got dark and Dad made her her first s'more. She ate so many she got sick, but then begged him to make her one for breakfast."

"I wish I could have met him. Do you think he would have liked me? Oh shit, he had guns, didn't he? And probably knew all the best places to hide a body. He'd have probably taken me camping and dumped my ass in the middle of the desert with the rattlesnakes and scorpions and mountain lions." He gulps loudly and I can't help it, I laugh until there are happy tears sliding down my cheeks.

And just like that, all the heaviness is gone.

He huffs and narrows his eyes at me. "Why are you laughing? Rattlesnakes, Bella."

"Well, considering we're not in Phoenix, my dad's been gone for a long time, and as far as I know, Phil's terrified of anything that slithers on the ground, I think you're safe."

I smile at him and his answering one lights up the entire room.

We spend the next few minutes talking quietly. He asks questions, I answer as best I'm able. I think seeing her has helped him understand me and this whole situation a lot better. I'm glad for that.

"You look so much like her," he says after a few minutes of silence.

"I've always thought so. Growing up everyone always told me I looked just like my dad. I think it was the hair, but once it was just me and Mom, I didn't see much of my dad in me anymore."

Edward finds the picture hanging on the wall beside Mom's bed of my parents and me on our last trip to Disney. "It's the eyes. You have his, but your smile, that's all your mom."

My heart fills so much I swear it might just fly away.

"I love that you said that, thank you."

"Thank you for sharing this with me. I know it's not easy."

Silly boy, doesn't he know that with him, everything is easy?

"Are you ready to go? I don't want to keep everyone waiting," I turn toward him and ask.

"They can wait. We'll stay however long you need."

And again, I wonder how it's possible to love him any more.

I turn back around and kiss Mom's cheek. "We're going to go now, Mom. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, okay? I love you."

When Edward steps around me and leans over, my heart stops. Gently, so, so gently, he kisses her forehead. "I'm going to take such good care of her, Mrs. Dwyer. You don't have to worry about her ever again. I promise."

My voice has disappeared, but as soon as we walk out the front door, without saying goodbye to Maggie, I fling myself at him. Arms around his neck, legs around his waist, as close as I can possibly get and I kiss him so long and so hard, showing him everything I only wish I could say.

Thank you

I love you

Because of you, I'll never be alone again.

When we come up for air, Edward's eyes are a little wild. "Um … not that I'll ever complain about you using me as your personal tree and by all means, you can kiss me like that whenever the urge strikes you, but what the hell was that?"

I shrug my shoulders and grin. "Just felt like kissing you is all."

His eyes burn into mine and I have no doubt he knows exactly what that was … and why I kissed him. He knows every part of me.

"Well, like I said, feel free to do it again." He kisses me quickly on the cheek. "And again." He slides his lips to my neck, scraping his teeth along my skin until he bites down on my earlobe. "And again." And this time it's his tongue in my mouth leaving me breathless and dizzy.

"Come on." He laughs as he pulls me down the stairs and toward his car. "We gotta get the hell out of here before all my hard work is ruined … or Emmett starts eating without us."

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

DaPK Chapter 13 - Assist

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

Chapter 13 - Assist

EPOV

"Say hi to Phil for me and I'll call you later to say good night, okay?" I ignore Jasper's snort and flip him off as I start the car.

"Love you, too. Bye." Emmett coughs "pussy-whipped" into his hand and I slam on the brakes, grinning when his head bounces against the headrest. Fucker's lucky the seat belt kept him from kissing the dashboard. On second thought, the dashboard's probably luckier.

I keep my foot firmly pressed on the brake and look from Em to Jasper. "I'll be happy to go to Port Angeles by myself if you two assholes don't shut the fuck up. You're both ten times worse than I am when it comes to Rose and Ali and I've had to listen to you both for a hell of a long time, so what's it going to be?"

Neither of them is brave enough to speak after my outburst, but they do nod. It takes about two minutes, maybe less, before Emmett starts laughing, which causes Jasper to join in, which of course makes it impossible for me not to as well.

"Dude, you totally sounded like my dad just then with your 'so what's it going to be?'" Jasper says once he stops laughing. "He used to say the exact same shit to me and Peter when we were younger."

"Well …" I huff, and still try to sound pissed off, which is stupid, because I wasn't even pissed off in the first place.

"Man, chill. You know we just like giving you shit. Bella's awesome and it's pretty fucking cool to see the two of you so happy with each other. Granted, if you two could stop sticking your tongues down each other's throats every five seconds when we're all together, I'd really appreciate it," Em says, shivering like he just got a chill, but the smirk on his face lets me know he's not nearly as bothered by mine and Bella's PDA as he says he is.

I raise my eyebrow in challenge and he grins back, shameless and proud. Dude knows there's no contest. He and Rose beat everyone, hands down; it's not even close.

In the five minutes it takes to get to the highway, Emmett tries to change the stations at least three times. "My car, my radio - you know the rules," I say, flicking his hand when he tries to change the station for the fourth time.

"You listen to the weirdest shit, I swear, man." Emmett huffs and slouches in his seat.

I roll my eyes. "The Violent Femmes are not weird, they're classic. You just have no taste."

We bullshit for a little while, talking about the soccer team, which girl Alec's trying to get with this week, and the big test we have in Pre-Calc next week. It feels normal. I love hanging out with Bella, but I miss spending time with Emmett and Jasper, too. The closer we get to Port Angeles, the more nervous I get, which is totally ridiculous considering all I'm doing is picking up Bella's birthday present and checking on the arrangements I've made for Saturday night. I can't help it though; I want everything to be perfect. My fingers drum on the steering wheel and I sigh.

"Edward, she's going to love it," Jasper says from the back. He's not looking at me; in fact, he's playing a game on his phone.

God, I fucking hate it when he does that shit.

He must hear the grunt I make because he lifts his head and catches me looking at him in the rear view mirror. And then that damn eyebrow rises. I swear, one night when he's sleeping, I'm going to sneak into his room and shave that fucker off. I hate that thing. I mean, I don't really, but it's so annoying sometimes how Jasper always knows what's going on with me … even when I don't always know myself.

I sag in my seat and run a hand through my hair. "I sure hope so. Bella's not one for presents and she doesn't wear any jewelry besides earrings. I just wanted to give her something special."

"Trust me, she'll flip."

He sounds so certain, and I want to believe him. I mostly do, but with Bella, you can never quite know for sure.

"So, Mama C's making plenty of food, right? I'm dying to pig out on some Esme's cooking. Fuck, my mouth's watering just thinking about it." Emmett groans and I'd be scared of the sounds coming out of his mouth if he weren't sitting right next to me.

"There will be plenty." I chuckle and shake my head. Food and Rose - they're pretty much all Emmett thinks about.

He rubs his hands together and I figure he's thinking about food, but he's not. "I'm glad you're doing something for Bella, Ed. She deserves to have a day just for her. She needs to have fun and act like a teenager every now and then, and she definitely deserves to be spoiled a little bit. Shit, when I think about her being at home, by herself … it makes you stop and think, you know? I don't know how she does it, I really don't. Sometimes it pisses me off and others, it just makes me fucking sad."

I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. His eyes are narrowed and he's frowning. I know how much he cares about Bella and the feeling is mutual. She and Jasper get along great and it's always amusing to watch them tease each other or debate some obscure musical fact or another, but her relationship with Emmett is very different. Maybe it's Em's size or the way he's so protective of everyone around him. I don't know for sure what it is, but it's very plain to see that he has an exceptionally soft spot for my girlfriend. He adores Alice and Angela, but Bella is special. Of course I already know this, but I'm glad she has Emmett … and Rose. It's good for her to have solid friendships and people she can feel comfortable with besides me. No one can ever know her like I do, but she needs her own friends to talk to and vent to when she can't talk to me. I might not like it at times, but I do understand.

"Yeah, me, too," I answer him quietly.

The car is silent except for the music thumping from the speakers. After a few minutes pass we start talking about soccer and our game next weekend. Things worked out perfectly - we have a weekend off, but things will definitely be picking up after right after. Not only do I have club games, but I also have a mandatory Regional Team practice the weekend after that. My Regional Team schedule was in my email last night. I need to talk to Bella about what's coming up. I'm going to be out of town a lot over the next few months and then with high school soccer starting right after Thanksgiving with tryouts and the season starting after Christmas, things are really going to be picking up. I really need to start making some decisions. Coaches from all over the country have started sending me emails; I get a few every week seems like. I've been putting off thinking about everything, but I can't do it for much longer.

Even if part of me wants to pretend like I can stay in Forks forever.

Pushing those thoughts to the side because I really can't think about them now, I spend the rest of the trip just joking around with my two best friends.

"She's really going to love it," Jasper says as he stands next to me in the jewelry store thirty minutes later. I nod and nervously watch the salesgirl wrap Bella's present.

"I fucking hope so. I know you've done this shit before, but this is a big deal for me," I tell him as I bounce on my feet.

My whole body vibrates. I want her to like her present so much. It's nothing really … I mean, it is, but it's not like I got her diamond ring or anything. Not gonna lie, I did look at them, I couldn't help it. There was even a brief flash where I pictured sliding one on Bella's finger at some point in time in the very distant future, but for now I just want to give her something that will remind her of me and how much I love her. She's not much of a jewelry person, but seeing as how I've never given a girl a birthday present before - not counting gift certificates or bath stuff for Rose and Ali - I want Bella to be the first. The only, if I have my way. So, I spent an entire Sunday afternoon two weeks ago picking out what I hope is the perfect present. I hope she doesn't think it's too cheesy. I don't think she will. I had to special order part of it so that's why we're here on a Thursday night picking it up. That and the fact that if I'd gotten it two weeks ago, I probably would have caved and given it to her already. Her surprise Saturday night is one thing, mostly because that's as much for me as for her, but I'm horrible about giving gifts. I hate to wait.

Finally, I have the perfectly wrapped box in a bag and I feel a hundred times better for some reason. I guess maybe because now all that's left is to see Mr. Molina about the arrangements for Saturday night. Rose is the only one I've talked to about my plans for Bella after we're done with dinner at my house. I needed her advice … and her help. It's not that I don't trust anyone else, though Em and Alice both have a hard fucking time keeping secrets, but much like our notebooks and her building, I want Saturday night to be only for her, for us.

"Hey, why don't you go get us a table at the restaurant and order our food. I'll catch up with you guys in a few minutes," I tell Jasper as we leave the jewelry store.

He quirks that damnable eyebrow at me but I hold his gaze. I know he's trying to figure out what I'm doing, but I also know he'll drop it, too. He'll wait for me to tell him. He always does. Emmett opens his mouth to argue but when Jasper tells him they can get potato skins while they're waiting on me, he's off like a shot. "You owe me," Jasper drawls before he jogs to catch up with Emmett.

I take a deep breath and turn toward the music store. A little bell jingles above me when I open the door and Mr. Molina's head pops up from behind the counter.

"Ahhh, Mr. Cullen, I've been expecting you," he greets me.

I smile and I can feel my stomach bouncing around inside of me. I have no idea why. I'm not doing anything but verifying that everything is set, but it's one step closer to Saturday. One more thing I can cross off my mental list of what I need to do to make Bella's day the best ever.

"We're still good to go on Saturday night?" I ask, drumming my fingers on the glass case.

"Sure, sure. Felix will be expecting you about nine o'clock or so and you'll have two hours before he has to move to a different building. That still works for you, yes?"

I nod, my stomach now turning flip-flops instead of just bouncing. It's like a party in there, or a mosh pit.

Jesus.

I try to swallow. My throat's dry and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth, but finally I'm able to force the words out.

"Thank you, sir, so much. You have no idea how much I appreciate this and all your help. I never would've been able to do this without you," I tell him sincerely.

Thank God for Rose. When I told her my idea, she suggested contacting Mr. Molina about what I wanted to do. Once I explained, he remembered me buying the drumsticks for Bella way back at the beginning of summer.

"Not too many people come in and stare at the drumstick display … all five options of them." He'd laughed good-naturedly. "Seems like this young lady is a bit more than a friend now, son," he teased and I felt the tips of my ears burn hot, thanking the stars that he couldn't see me through the phone.

I sort of coughed, choking at the same time, and answered back, "She's much more than a friend, sir. She's everything."

The words. Forever true and as always, so easy to say, even to a virtual stranger.

He chuckles and brings me back to the present. "Well, you should be all set, Edward. Just make sure to find Felix when you're done and that's it."

We shake hands and I turn to walk out the door. He calls to me and I look back over my shoulder, my hand on the door handle and the little bell above my head jingling once again. "Next time you come in, bring the girl, okay? I'd love to meet her."

"You got it, Mr. Molina. I'll see you soon."

Leaving the store and walking to the restaurant, I can't help but imagine Saturday night. I hope it's a night neither of us will forget.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

I smile as I set my phone down on my nightstand after sending Bella a text. 12:00 … and a few seconds. It's officially her birthday.

A knock on my door. I'm tired, but sitting in bed, sleep pants and a black wife beater on with Bella's notebook on my lap. I close it, but leave it where it is.

"Come in," I call and smile at Mom when she pokes her head in.

"You busy?"

I yawn and shake my head, which makes her chuckle.

"It's late. I figured you'd crash as soon as you got home from the game." Her eyes dart toward the notebook and then back at me.

"I'm going to bed in a little bit. Too much soda at the diner I guess, so I'm not really all that tired."

She grins and rolls her eyes. "Bet you had some apple pie and ice cream to go with all that soda, didn't you?" I don't even have to answer, she already knows I did. "How did Bella enjoy the game? Did she have fun?"

If I didn't think it'd make me look like a lovesick fool, I'd sigh. Instead, I nod. "Yeah, she really did. It took her about twenty minutes to completely relax, but once she did, she was cheering just as loud as anyone. She even led the cheer for Emmett when he sacked the quarterback."

Mom laughs. "I wish I could have seen that!"

A quick flash and I can still see her standing in the bleachers, clapping and laughing with Rose and Alice, the tip of her nose red, her cheeks flushed and her eyes big and bright and shiny. She was so pretty, so happy, and I'd spent more time watching her than the game … not that I'll tell Emmett. He'd be crushed to know I missed his tackle.

Mom waits a few moments, I think to let me indulge in my thoughts a little longer. "Are you excited about tomorrow?"

This time I do sigh. "I am, nervous, too, a little bit. I hope she likes everything."

"Oh, sweetheart, you know she will. Try not to worry so much. She'll love everything you've planned just because it was you who made it all possible."

"Well … I just wanted to do something nice, special for her, you know? She told me that last year she spent her birthday in the hospital, by herself and that's just … I get it, but I hate it. I hate that she was alone."

I have to swallow a few times because thinking about Bella sitting beside her mom, with no one around, no one to tell her happy birthday, hurts. I know Phil didn't let the day go by without recognizing it, but no one else mentioned it. No family, no friends, no one but Phil. It makes me want to hit something because it's just so wrong.

"She has you now, Edward, and your father and me, and your friends. She's not alone anymore," Mom says quietly and I hang my head and nod.

My hand spreads on top of Bella's notebook and I feel the words written on the pages flow through me.

"She'll always have me." I speak the words without any embarrassment or hesitation. It's the truth, totally and forever. I know it. I feel it. It's scary and big, so big, but it doesn't change the fact that I believe it with all that I am.

"I believe you." I look up at Mom. She's staring at me and her eyes, while not worried per se, are full of emotion and it makes it hard to breathe all of a sudden.

"Is that for Bella?" she asks and points toward the notebook in my lap.

"Yeah … we … ah, we write to each other sometimes. She has one, too, for me, so we trade back and forth. It's kind of our thing." This time I feel the tips of my ears burn, but it's only because anytime I talk about Bella, especially about this, it makes me hot all over. Damn it all. Stupid bodily reactions. I don't mind it most of the time, but sitting with Mom, late on a Friday night, it makes me feel a little silly.

She clears her throat and I brace myself. I know that sound; it means to get ready because she's about to say something that I probably don't want to hear … or that she's nervous about saying.

"Writing letters is a nice way to get to know someone," she begins carefully, as she watches, waiting for my reaction.

This is it, I know it is. The moment I can answer those unasked questions I know have been burning ever since Bella came to the house for dinner. Mom and Dad have both been mostly silent. There have been a few veiled questions and some that haven't been quite so subtle. I've managed to skirt them. It's not that I want to hide anything, well a few facts I do, but really the thing that's kept me from answering what they both want to know is the chance that they might tell me I'm making a mistake.

I know they love Bella, how could they not, but I'm not stupid either. What Bella is dealing with is some heavy shit. It's hard and painful and anyone close to her is bound to get caught up in the tidal wave when it comes. And it will come. I know it and more than that, she knows it. She lives every day in an agonizing holding pattern, clinging to the past but wanting so desperately to move forward. Hopefully with me. God, please with me. And logically, objectively, what parent really wants their child subjected to something like that? Parents want their kids to be happy, mine tell me that all the time, so the fact that I'm purposely, even for someone like Bella, putting myself in a position to possibly get hurt … I know it makes them worry. I honestly don't think they'd ever ask me to turn my back on Bella, they love her too much for that and they know I do, too, but that doesn't mean they don't wish things were easier for her … and for me.

Since Dad's quiet but pointed questions a few weeks ago and the talk Bella and I had after school last week, I've done a lot of thinking, planning … dreaming about the future. I have decisions to make, goals to achieve, places to go, but I want Bella with me. Always. I wasn't lying to her when I told her every vision I have of five years, ten years down the road always has her by my side. Some dreams I have are fantasies, silly nonsense wishes, but others like going to college and graduating, making the World Cup team, playing in the MLS or even better, the English Premiere League, all include Bella.

I want forever with her.

"Sometimes it's easier to write things down than to say them out loud. Writing gives you a sense of freedom because it lets you be yourself," Mom says in that quiet, knowing way she has.

She's not blind and she misses nothing. I know she's seen me carrying around the notebook; she's seen me writing in it plenty. She's never asked, but I've always felt like she's known the whole time I was writing to Bella.

"I tell her things I can't tell anyone else, or I guess things I don't want to tell anyone else. We've talked about a lot the past few months," I say and watch her eyes as recognition dawns.

"Hmmm," she hums. "Do you want to share how that came about? I'm trying not to pry here, but I'd really like to know."

My stomach's a mess, all twisted and knotted, but it's not in a bad way, at least not wholly. I want her and Dad to know and see how much Bella means to me … and has from the very beginning. So I tell her, leaving out things they don't need to know like the time of day when the watching took place or the fact that seeing Bella in those tiny shorts and tight t-shirts made me want to do very, very bad things to her … those good bad things that kept me a crazy mess most of the summer. Yeah, I'm definitely keeping those facts between just Bella and me.

"I don't know, Mom," I say as I stare down at the notebook in my lap, flashes of shared words flickering in my mind like a slide show. "She needed someone … and I wanted, needed it to be me. She was so sad and in so much pain and it just hurt so much to see her that way. I can't even explain it, from the very first time I saw her, I just knew I wanted to help her."

"Oh, Edward," she says and sniffs. "So you started leaving her notes? She must have been quite shocked the first time?" She's fishing but I only smile.

I've shared pretty much all I'm going to share. The specifics? Well, those I might tell her someday … after Bella and I are happily married and she and Dad no longer have the power to ground me until I'm thirty.

But I do say, "It took a little time before she felt like she could trust me, but in the end, I think things turned out pretty damn perfect."

She pats me on the knee in that way only moms can do and I can't help but smile. That went so much better than I thought it would. I mean, I've always pretty much known that by leaving out a few facts while explaining how Bella and I met, even if it wasn't exactly run-of-the-mill, it's not all that shocking either. A little out there, yes, but like I just told her, it all turned out okay.

"Bella's going to introduce me to her mom tomorrow," I blurt after a few moments. I don't know why, but I do.

My words are met with silence. My heart slams against my ribs and my stomach is twisted so tightly, it makes me want to bend over.

I look at Mom and she's as still as a statue … everything but her eyes, which are staring out of my bedroom window. I have no idea what she's looking for or what she hopes to find but I wait, silently, for her to say whatever it is she needs to say. "Are you prepared for that?"

I shrug. "I have no idea. All I know is it means a lot to Bella, so I'm going to do it."

"Son …" Mom begins then coughs a little, though I know this is only because it's hard for her to get words to come out right now. "That's just … wow, I'm not sure what to say."

I laugh, but it's a nervous one and I kind of want to hurl to be honest. When Bella first mentioned it earlier in the week I was fine with it, but now, with the whole thing just around the corner, I don't know what or how I'm supposed to feel. Meeting Phil the next time he's in Forks will be one thing, but this … meeting her mom is huge.

Gargantuan.

"She's going to have quite the weekend, isn't she?" Mom wonders aloud and not for the first time do I ask myself if it's all too much for Bella.

The football game tonight, having me meet her mom, the dinner at my house with everyone, her present, then my special surprise … holy shit.

"She's going to freak, isn't she? She is, I know she is. Shit. I knew it was a lot, but it's too much isn't it? Damn, damn, damn …" I mutter and then hop up out of bed and nearly topple Mom over in the process.

I pace. I pull at my hair. I freak out.

Son of a bitch.

All my plans, my wish for a perfect day for her … poof … gone, just gone.

"Hey," Mom says and I jump when I feel her hand on my shoulder. "Edward, stop, you silly boy." She smiles and shakes her head and now I kind of want to crawl under my bed and stay there for oh … I don't know … a week maybe.

She laughs softly again and the lifts her hands and places them on my cheeks. "If Bella has asked you to meet her mom, it's because she's ready. She didn't have to say yes to the football game tonight, but she did. She knows we're having a special dinner and she's fine with that and I'm going to assume you've at least let her know you have one other thing planned for her and she's agreed to that, too, so just relax. It's a lot, but I don't think it's too much, not at all. In fact, I think it's all just perfect for her."

I take a deep breath. "Yeah?"

She nods once. "Yes. Trust yourself. You know Bella better than anyone else. You'd know if it was too much."

I want to believe her. I do. When I don't agree with Mom right away she pinches my cheek. "Knock it off and stop overthinking. I swear you're just like your father that way." She rolls her eyes and then grins impishly. "So romantic, but you drive yourself crazy just getting to the big event. Stop. Breathe. And then think about the smile on her face tomorrow. You're going to give Bella a memory she'll be able to keep with her forever. When she has a bad day or she's missing her mom, she can think about being surrounded by all her friends and her family and it will make her smile. Trust yourself, sweetheart. I'm so proud of you and so, so happy for you. I might not fully understand what happened between you two, but watching you at dinner with her, listening to you talk about her and how much she means to you, and seeing all the effort you put into making her day one she'll never forget, it's a beautiful thing to see, Edward."

I swallow my tongue. I can't speak. I have to take a few deep breaths so that my heart doesn't beat right out of my chest and run away.

"Family?" It's the one word that's bigger than all the others.

Mom runs the back of her hand down my cheek. "Of course family. That amazing girl is stuck with us now."

I open my mouth. I close it. I open it again. "Sometimes I feel so guilty, Mom."

The words are barely louder than a whisper but in my head they're as loud as thunder as they roar and rumble. "I have you and Dad and she has no one. I mean, yeah, she has Phil and he loves her and she has Maggie … but they're not her family, you know? She doesn't like to talk about it, and I try not to bring it up, but I get really scared thinking about what might happen if her mom, you know, dies, and we're still in high school."

Suddenly Mom's arms are around me. Ripe peaches and the subtle scent of the coffee I know she and Dad had with dessert a few hours ago fill my nose. Mom's hugs are warm and comforting and so strong. I shake as she holds me. I can't believe I just told her that. I've held those feelings so close to my heart because it hurts so much to admit them. I don't ever, ever, want to make Bella feel like I'm pitying her. It's the one thing I know with one hundred percent certainty she loathes more than anything.

I sniff, not quite crying but pretty damn close.

"Oh, sweetheart." She pulls back and her eyes are just as glassy as mine. This is so not how I planned on spending my Friday night. "You have such a big heart and you love her with every bit of it. I see it. I feel it. I know it's hard to watch Bella suffer and be sad, but all you can do is love her and be there for her. We all will. No one knows what will happen; we just have to have faith that whatever, whenever something does, we're all there to love and support her. I know it may not seem like much, but believe me, Bella knowing you're there for her gives her more comfort than she can explain to you. Trust me."

I narrow my eyes and tilt my head and think back to the moment in the kitchen a few weeks ago between Bella and Mom. I don't ask, but I know that Mom is telling me something without telling me everything.

"You're okay?" Mom asks as she takes a step back. I nod. She pats my cheek, kisses my other one and looks at me for just a moment.

"I love you, Edward. Now, get some rest. Tomorrow's a big day."

I gulp and swallow over the lump in my throat. "Love you, too, Mom. Thanks for … well, just thanks," I mumble the last little bit, because that shit's just awkward as hell, but I want her to know I appreciate her talking to me … and for everything else, too. She's a pretty fucking awesome mom.

She turns to look back for just a brief second and then she walks out.

"Holy shit," I breathe out as I flop onto my bed.

Bella's notebook bounces beside me and I hear the pages flutter as it falls back to the bed. Suddenly, just sending her a text isn't enough. I need her and since I can't see her or touch her, I do the next best thing.

Our thing.

Hey, Baby ...

It's after midnight, so I can officially tell you Happy Birthday. I already sent you a text so hopefully mine was the first wish … gotta beat Rose and Em you know. I am the boyfriend, I get dibs. Besides, while they may love you, they sure as hell don't love you like I do.

It scares me sometimes how much I love you and how much I want you to always be mine. Is it wrong of me to want that? I don't think so, it feels right to want it, so that has to mean something, doesn't it? Does it ever scare you, this thing between us? I'm probably not making sense, but you should be used to that by now. It's just that Mom and I were talking earlier. Don't freak out, okay, but I kind of told Mom about what happened over the summer … I know what you're thinking, so stop right now, Drummer Girl. Everything's fine. I didn't tell her all of it, just the basics, only enough to show her how important you are to me.

Because you are … so very important to me - the most important person to me. You know that, right?

When I think back to those very first nights watching you, it's almost like you're a whole different person now. Still as gorgeous, still driving me just as crazy, but baby, you've changed so much since then. I know you still hurt, and God that fucking kills me. I know you still get scared and angry and sometimes it probably feels like the world's going to crash down around your feet some days, but I will always, ALWAYS, be right beside you to protect you. Do you remember when we started talking, you know when I was being my totally charming, to-die-for self that you couldn't resist? Well, I was reading back through some of our old letters to each other (damn we're some wordy people, do you realize that?) and I noticed something … something that I need to correct right the fuck now.

I told you, a lot, that I wanted to be there for you, and that hasn't changed in the least in case you were wondering, no, that's just gotten stronger, if you can believe it. I also talked a lot about being whatever you needed … that hasn't changed either. But what I didn't say and should have said from the very beginning is how much I need you.

I need you, Bella.

I need your smile. I need the way you look at me. I need the way your nose scrunches up when you get excited and the way you sound when you laugh. I need the way your breath hitches in your throat when I kiss you. I need the way you feel in my arms and the way you move against me, so good and so perfect that I feel like I might go crazy.

I need the way you love me and make me feel like I can do anything.

I need you to be mine. Always.

Forever.

Beautiful girl, I hope I can make today the best day ever. Not because I want to make up for anything. Not because I feel bad for you. Not because I want to take the place of anyone else. I want it because, for one day, I want you to feel like the center of the universe, that there is no one, anywhere, as special and amazing as you. I think that about you every day, but today is all about showing you that it's not just me who adores you. Today is about celebrating you.

I know it's going to be a hard day for you in lots of ways, but I hope that even though you're missing so much, you'll see that you have a family that loves you.

I love you, Bella … with all that I am.

Edward

Before I can talk myself out of it, my clothes are changed, my shoes are on, and I'm down the stairs and out the door. The moment I step into the woods, there's this pull, the one that always happens whenever I go to Bella, and my chest expands as my heart fills with her. Always her. My steps are slow, even though I want nothing more than to be in her place, our place, so that I can feel closer to her. It's been too long since I've traveled this familiar path and for some reason I want the walk to last. The night's clear when I look up. I stop and get lost in the glittery stars sprinkled in the inky black sky. I wish on one, feeling a little foolish, but I can't help it.

"I wish for Bella to have the best day ever," I whisper into the night.

I move again, closer, closer to her. Leaves rustle overhead and beneath my feet, twigs snap deep in the darkness, and the sounds of animals, small and smaller, fill the air. The night is cool, traces of the warmth of the day linger, but when the wind blows, I shiver. My feet go faster the closer I get to her house. Slivers of silvery moonlight slip between the branches above me casting shadows on the ground. I move through them, from light to dark and back to light again.

Always closer, always to her.

Light shines in the distance. Her building. Our building.

I pass my tree and I can't help but brush my fingers along the rough bark, finding the worn grooves with ease, even in the dark. I don't stop though. Never again do I have to be that far away from her. Not gonna lie, I miss watching her. I still dream about it from time to time, those first nights that seem like forever ago. The want, the pull, the desire to be near her. That hasn't stopped. God, I hope it never, ever stops. It's just morphed, because now I know she's no further than a phone call away and it's never any longer than a few hours until I can touch her, see her, kiss her again.

And kiss her.

And kiss her some more.

She gives the best damn kisses. Slow and soft but hot and wet all at the same time and when she does that little squeak/moan thing, I die. And then I want to throw her down, rip her clothes off, and slide inside of her and never move again.

I don't slow as I reach the driveway. The doors are closed, of course they are, so I move to the side, find the key beneath the little plant beside the door and go inside. Bella. Peppermint and sugar cookies, my favorite combination in the whole world. There's a little light, it's barely enough to cut through the dark, but it's enough to keep me from tripping and busting my ass as I make my way to her drum set.

My skin tingles and the twisty turny thing in my stomach explodes to life, like one of those magical flowers that goes from nothing to full blooms with the flick of a wand. Warmth spreads, filling every part of me. She was here. Not long ago, maybe just minutes. The air is full of her, all sweet and delicious and electrified.

I smile.

She was just here.

She knew I'd come.

Of course she did.

My notebook is on her stool and fuck me running … a plate of sugar cookies.

My girl's fucking amazing.

I laugh this time, every worry evaporating in an instant.

Today's going to be a very good day.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~