DaPK Chapter 20 - The Perch

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

Chapter 20 - The Perch

BPOV

"She would have loved this," Phil says softly as he lays an arm over my shoulder. His arm is heavy, sturdy, and right now so very needed.

I blink back hot tears, but they fall anyway. It feels like they've been falling forever, but I nod despite the fact that I want to throw myself down on the ground and curl into a little ball.

"She would," I whisper hoarsely.

I don't even know how the words can come out, my throat is so raw, like it's been rubbed with sandpaper. My head hurts, my fingers throb from keeping them curled and clenched for so long - my heart aches.

She's gone.

I take a shuddering breath and Phil squeezes me tighter. I rest my head on his shoulder and we stand there silently, each lost in thought, as we stare out across the Arizona desert. We've been in Phoenix for two days and today we said the final goodbye to Mom. The ceremony was simple, just like she wanted. A few close friends, her family, wishes to rest in peace, and then her ashes scattered in the wind.

Without meaning to, or really wanting to, I smile, and then a quiet laugh slips through my lips. "Could she have planned this any better?" I ask and then shake my head.

Phil chuckles beside me, kisses the side of my head. He leaves his mouth there, and I close my eyes. "You know your mom, always so sure that things happen for a reason," he says after a breath. There's a slight, quiet laugh from him as well. Neither of us really wanting to smile, but the memory of Mom, the pull of her spirit, make it impossible not to.

"Yeah," I say with a sigh.

I have to admit, everything turned out pretty perfect. I mean, if you're going to die and ask that your ashes be spread, you couldn't really pick a better place and time than Arizona at the end of February. Sunny and clear, a brilliant cobalt blue sky full of fluffy white puffs of cotton clouds, the temperature a pleasant seventy degrees and it's like Mom hand-picked the perfect day. Knowing her, she probably did. The woman didn't think about things like medical power of attorney, but her funeral, yeah, she had that planned out to a tee. Go figure.

Even her passing away happened like it'd been scripted for a movie.

Once the new year started, Phil spent a lot more time in Forks. It was as if he were preparing me for the end, and I guess in a way he was. We had dinner together almost every night along with Maggie and Edward. More often than not, Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rose would join us as well. When we were really lucky, Carlisle and Esme would come, too. A house full of laughter and people, it was everything I'd always wanted. Esme and Maggie would flit around the kitchen, Phil would hold court for the guys, and Rose, Alice, and I would watch and laugh, occasionally throwing in a comment or two just to mix things up.

It was comfortable and easy … it made me feel like we were all a family.

Each day that passed, with every bump of a hip while Phil and I did the dishes after dinner, and every joke about Phil's horrid taste in television programs - I mean really, how many shows about tow trucks and pawn shops can one man watch - has brought us closer together. Some nights it would be just the two of us, sitting on the sofa, talking - really talking. We talked about Mom and our time in Phoenix. We talked about Edward and about the future. And every day brought me closer to being able to say goodbye to Mom.

There wasn't any one thing. No dream at night where she talked to me, no great epiphany where all of a sudden I knew everything was going to be all right, not even one of those Lifetime moments where time stands still, the clouds part and the sun shines down, and all the answers become clear. No, instead, it was a slow but steady calm that spread through the house, through Phil, and through me until one night, in the wee hours of the morning, the hours that I used to spend outside trying to escape the guilt and the anger and the fear, Mom spared us all and slipped quietly from the here to the someplace else.

It was beautiful in its simplicity.

Peaceful, silent, and without a big fuss … and she was gone.

Within minutes, the house was full. Edward and his parents, our friends, the paramedics that arrived to take Mom away - there was a flurry of activity, showing that even in death, life goes on. Edward worried, Esme fussed, and Carlisle watched over us all, but really, he didn't need to.

It hurt. It was the hardest thing I've ever done to kiss Mom one last time knowing I'd never hold her hand again or be able to lay my head on her chest, but it was time. With Edward on one side of me and Phil on the other, I watched Mom be wheeled away from a house she never saw, never made her own, and one that I wasn't sure I would ever, truly, be able to call home.

At this point, I'm not even sure where home is anymore.

Before that thought has too much time to burrow, I feel, before I see, Edward approach.

"I'll go talk with Carlisle and Esme for a bit," Phil says softly as Edward slides his fingers between mine. Strong and tender, he hasn't been far from my side since it happened. "Love you, sweetheart." Phil kisses my cheek, pats Edward on the shoulder as he walks by, leaving me and Edward alone.

There hasn't been much time for that over the past few days.

I know behind us Maggie is here. Emmett, Jasper, Rose, and Alice, too. Our old neighbor, Mrs. Hinojosa, a few of the wives and players that Mom and Phil were close to from when we lived here. I wonder if I should be sad that there are so few people. I think maybe I should, but my dad and I were my mom's whole life, and then it was me and Phil and I know that's what made her happiest, so instead of being upset, I smile. I was so very lucky. All the love she had to give and it was focused on me. How can I be sad about that?

Phil doesn't often flaunt or use his money to his advantage, but in this case, he went all out. Before I knew it, he'd chartered a private plane to bring all of us to Phoenix, booked suites for us to stay in while we're here, contacted the funeral home and took care of the practical details that I tried not to and didn't want to think about, and in general, was just all-around amazing. From the way he took charge and got everything arranged so quickly and easily, I know he's had a plan in place for some time.

Just another reason why I love him so much.

"It's really something," Edward whispers in my ear as he moves me in front of him. "I can see why you love the desert so much and why your mom wanted this to be her goodbye."

His arms wrap around me and I lean back against him, knowing that he'll hold me up even if it feels like I'll fall. He's been my strength and support, my rock, for days … and really ever since the very beginning.

"I love it here. Mom did, too. She didn't come camping with me and Dad very often, but when she did, we always had the best time," I tell him and take a deep breath at the instant tug in my stomach those memories cause. "I miss her." Tears burn in the corner of my eyes again and my throat tightens. I swallow past the bubble of emotion and take a moment to try to relax against Edward. I really don't feel like crying anymore.

He kisses the side of my neck, his breath warm, his lips soft, and says, "I know."

Neither of say anything for a few minutes. The sun continues to shine, the breeze carries just the slightest bit of cool, and the horizon seems to stretch on and on and on. Not everyone loves the desert. It surprises me that Edward does. He's lived with lush, wet, and green everywhere he looks his whole life; the Arizona desert must seem like another planet to him. Dry and brown, dotted with scrub brush and cactus, hardly any color anywhere to be found, but still, I love it. Not that I don't love the soaring trees and the dense forests of Forks, because I do, but here in the desert, there is beauty, too.

"Tell me something, a story, about coming here with your mom and dad," he whispers against my cheek. He trails kisses up and down, light and gentle, but filled with so much love. "I have a hard time picturing you in this place. Help me see."

My breath catches, my heart swells, then stops, then fills so much it might just keep going out of my chest and up to the sky. For so long I've kept every happy memory, every good thought, locked in a box inside of me, too afraid to open it, almost as if sharing my past, the memories I have of my parents would somehow take them away from me. I've known all along that's not how it works, but letting go, letting Edward all the way in, has always seemed like such a huge step. Standing here together, right now, I can't remember why it felt like it would be so hard. I should have known it would be as easy as everything else has been.

I pull his arms tighter around me and weave my fingers with his. I stare at our joined hands, two big enough to carry so much all the time, the other two wishing for nothing more than to stay entwined forever. I lift our right hands and kiss the back of his once, twice, then a third time. I wish, not for the first time, that I was as good with words as Edward. So many things I want to be able to voice so that he truly understands how profoundly he's changed my life … changed me. Big ways and small ways, sometimes in ways I don't even realize until it hits me. So I think for a moment, going back in time in my mind, to find something I can share to show him the Bella I used to be … and maybe still am but have just forgot about for a little while.

"Okay, well, this isn't about the desert, but it pretty much personifies Mom and Dad," I begin and I have to squeeze Edward's fingers to keep myself from falling apart as the memory from that time starts to bloom clearer and clearer in my mind. "I was almost eight, it was the summer, and we'd just moved into the new house. Dad had been promoted and Mom wanted a house with a bigger yard; she said she needed the space for her workshop." I have to stop for a moment. Remembering Mom as she bounced from new project to new project, never truly finishing one before a new whim would catch her fancy and she'd be off in another direction makes it so I can't speak, the picture of her so vivid in my mind.

When I start again, my voice is lighter, my heart more at peace. "Anyway, they found one they could agree on, which actually meant Mom found exactly what she wanted and Dad gave it to her because that's what he did. At the time, I didn't realize how gorgeous it was, but picturing it now, it was such a great house. Two stories, with a wide front porch. Plants everywhere in pots and baskets. There were so many windows. My dad tried to tell her they'd be a pain to keep clean, that dust would get in the house, but she just waved him off. She loved the natural light."

I get lost in my head for a moment, swept away by the pictures of Mom and Dad moving furniture, arguing about where to put the couch, the television. I can almost smell the sugar cookies Mom used to bake in the wide open kitchen as the ever-present Arizona sunlight streamed through the windows. I can hear my dad laugh as he moved the Christmas tree from place to place around the living room before always, always, winding up in the first spot Mom picked.

"Tell me more," Edward whispers in my ear.

Another deep breath. Calmer now, happier, too, I keep going. "One day after everything was unpacked and we were eating breakfast, Mom looked across the table at me and my dad and announced we were going to the nursery to buy a tree. The neighborhood we'd moved into was brand new, so the landscaping was pretty much non-existent except for grass. Mom said that a house wasn't a home without a tree, and because Dad never argued, at least not about the things that were important to Mom, we spent the day picking out the perfect tree."

I laugh at the memory, seeing it, remembering it clear as anything. "Hours, Edward. It took almost all day for her to pick out that silly tree. Either it was the wrong kind, the leaves were the wrong color, the bark was too dark, too light. Tree after tree after tree she looked at, looking for something only she knew. Finally, after I'd whined all day and Dad was losing his infinite patience, she clapped, pointed, and yelled so loud everyone in the entire city could hear her, 'This one! This is it.'"

Edward chuckles in my ear, his chest rumbles against my back and I can feel it all the way down to my toes. Deep and low, it makes my skin prickle in the best way. I melt against him, and let his warmth seep into my shirt, my skin, all the way inside of me. He presses his cheek against mine. It's smooth because he shaved this morning, and it's soft and smells spicy and clean.

He turns and gives me a quick, sweet kiss then asks, "What kind was it?"

"An Ash. I later learned it was a Raywood Ash, but for the longest time I didn't know the difference. You should have seen it."

"I bet it was something else after she looked for so long."

I shake my head. "No," and a true, full laugh bubbles out of my throat. "It was pathetic, Edward. Think Charlie Brown's Christmas tree. It was misshapen, only had a few branches with these wilted, yellowish brown leaves on it. The thing looked half, if not mostly, dead. I thought Dad was going to have a fit right there in the middle of the nursery. He spluttered and shook his head and Mom just stood there with her hands on her hips and tapped her foot and said over and over, 'Charlie, this is it. I want this one.'My poor dad, he kept looking at my mom like she'd lost her mind, but of course he gave in and bought it. Since it was summer and stayed light outside until late, there was plenty of time to plant it when we got home. We'd picked up pizza on the way and she made us eat it outside on a blanket, with the poor tree in its bucket right next to us.

"She went on and on, talking about what the tree would look like, how it would change colors in the fall and winter. Her words were so emphatic, like she couldn't talk fast enough or say enough of them to get her point across. That happened sometimes, when she was really passionate about something. She used her arms and hands, waving them, spreading them wide to emphasize how big the tree would grow."

"You do that, too, you know, when you go off on one of your wild tangents," Edward tells me and I can feel him smile against my cheek. I want to disagree with him, but I know I can't.

"I love that I'm like my mom that way," I tell him, and hold that thought deep inside to come back to later. "Dad and I couldn't even get a word in, she just kept going on and on. But what I do remember, or well, I'd forgotten but now I remember, is that she talked about roots and the importance of having good, strong ones so that the tree could stand the test of time. Phoenix weather might seem tame, but it's not. It's hot and dry and then the wind and the sand are brutal sometimes. Plus there's hail and even thunderstorms and lightning."

I stop for a second and put my thoughts in order. Everything's swimming around like water going down a drain, swirling and spinning. My heart races, blood sings through my veins as I think about her words that day and how perfect they are to remember, today of all days. "Anyway, she said to me, 'Baby, the tree and it's roots are like my love for you and your dad. It grows and grows, bigger, stronger every day. It might start out small, it might not make sense to anyone else. There might be times that the tree bends, maybe even breaks a little or loses its leaves and some might say it's ugly, but as long as the roots are there, as long as it's watered and cared for and loved, it'll thrive and grow until nothing, not even wind or rain or lightning can tear it down. Kind of like the way I love you and Daddy. Always and forever, no matter what happens, whether Daddy forgets to take his boots off and tromps mud all over my clean floors or if you forget to hang up your towel after your bath or make a bad grade on your math test, I will always love both of you.'"

Warm tears stream down my face, but they're happy ones as I silently remember watching, and helping in the way a seven-almost-eight-year-old could, my dad dig the hole and wrestle the scraggly tree into the ground. Once it was in, crooked but Mom was convinced it was straight, we all stood there, together. Mom on one side of me, Dad on the other, a family, admiring our first tree.

It was a perfect moment and one I haven't thought about since.

"I sat under that tree every day during the summer and when school started, I usually ate my snack there. It grew so fast, just like Mom promised, and by the first fall when the leaves turned, exactly like she said they would, then came back in the spring, it was almost big enough for Dad to put a tire swing on. I watched that tree, every day, until we left and went to Forks."

Silence stretches and with each second that passes, I feel more and more at peace. "We'll plant a tree like that one day, Bella. I promise." Edward's words, so simple and true and they paint a picture of a future I want more than I've ever wanted anything else.

"I can't wait." And, oh God, I can't.

When I finish talking, it's as if not only Mom but Dad, too, is here, all around … everywhere. A gust of wind, this time warm and gentle, almost like a hug, swirls around. The sun's just begun to set, brilliant beams of golden light spread over the ground. Majestic Saguaro cacti sprawl across the landscape like sentinels standing at the ready, guarding the desert, with arms high and wide in the air. The sky is streaked with pink and purple, the clouds almost gray against the pale blue sky. I can hear the low murmur of everyone behind us, but Edward's arms around me, his warm breath against my neck, are the only things I can really concentrate on.

"I wish I could have met them," Edward says as he rests his chin on my shoulder.

I turn and kiss his cheek, rest my nose in the dip between his shoulder and neck. His long-sleeved t-shirt is soft and feels so good against my skin … it smells even better. Like fresh air and warm sun and all him. No one dressed up for today; Mom never would have wanted that. She was definitely more a jeans and bare feet girl. The woman wore a bright red peasant skirt, a loose, flowy white blouse with ruffles and flip-flops when she and Phil got married, so she definitely wouldn't have wanted anyone wearing dresses, heels, or suits and ties for her final hurrah.

"They would have loved you so much. Dad would have tried to be all big and bad, but his bark was always so much worse than his bite. Granted, at ten it's not like he had to try to scare away any boys or anything." I giggle and holy hell does it ever feel good to talk about him and remember and smile and let my heart be happy while doing it. "And Mom," and my voice catches, but it's okay. I turn and face him, raising my arms to wrap them around his neck. My fingers twirl in the ends of his hair. His eyes are so warm, so bright and glittery and most of all filled with love … for me. He's been worried, and I hate knowing that, but he wouldn't be my Creeper if he didn't worry at least a little. "Mom would have loved you almost as much as I do," I tell him.

"Bella," he breathes and now, I need to kiss him.

I stand on my tiptoes and press against him. I pull him closer and tilt my chin, lips ready and waiting. He can tell what I want because he tightens his grip on my hips and tips his head to the side. And then, his mouth in on mine and I don't care that there are people behind us, don't care about anything but him and his lips and the fact that it feels better than anything has in a long time. The kiss is slow and deep and just what I want, what I need. With every twirl of his tongue and every breath that passes between us, I feel my heart get lighter and lighter. It pounds inside my chest, the beat as loud and hard as my bass drum. Edward must feel it as it hammers against his chest, it's beating so hard and so fast, but it's the good kind of hard and fast. It's life and love and letting go … and most of all, moving forward.

"I love you. So, so much," I murmur when I have to take a breath. "Thank you for being here with me."

"Oh, baby," he sort of chuckles. It's a little rough and raspy, there's a lot of emotion brewing inside of him, I can tell. His lips move to my ear, his hands to the small of my back, and says, "I'll always be with you."

And it hits me.

He will be.

Always.

It's not like I didn't know that, but now, standing in the middle of the desert, I truly know. Forks, California, Timbuktu, or anyplace else that we may go, I know it'll be together. The future used to scare the hell out of me. Not knowing where I'd be, where I'd go … who would be there, but now, because of Edward, I don't ever have to worry about any of that ever again.

My spine tingles and I shiver.

"Are you cold?"

I shake my head. I pull back and smile at him, a smile so big his eyes widen and his eyebrows dip. He stares at me and I can tell he's worried I've completely lost my mind.

"Bella?"

Poor boy, he's about three seconds from freaking out.

I giggle a little, and now I know I must sound and look like I've completely lost it, but if anything, I'm more sure of him … of everything, than I've ever been in my whole life.

"We're going to be okay," I say happily.

"Ummmm," he stammers, swallows. His mouth opens, snaps shut, the opens again but he doesn't say anything.

I throw myself at him and wriggle, trying to climb him like I'm a monkey and he's a tree, until he gets with the program and helps me up. My legs wrap around his waist, my arms tight around his neck and all I want to do is laugh and kiss him until he's dizzy. Probably not the best idea seeing as how I'd wind up on the ground with a sticker in my ass, but I throw caution to the wind and kiss him anyway.

He might be wondering what in the hell is going on with me, but that doesn't stop him from kissing me back. We do manage to stop before the dizziness sets in, but the happiness - the completeness - oh yeah, that's more than there.

"I love you." I sigh once again and rest my forehead against his.

"Ah, baby, not that I'm ever one to complain about having you throw yourself at me, but who are you and what the hell have you done with my girlfriend?"

He looks so adorably confused. He wants to smile but he's not sure he should. "Can't you feel it, Edward?" I ask and hold his face in my hands.

"All I feel is you rubbing up against me, which feels fucking good in case you couldn't tell." He lifts and holds me tighter, closer. "What am I supposed to be feeling exactly besides turned the hell on in the middle of a desert?" He's trying so hard to keep up with me, which I know at the moment is impossible.

"I can't describe it," I say breathlessly. There's so much, and I don't know where to start.

He kisses me again, lips first, then each cheek. "Try, please. You're killing me here, baby."

I take a deep breath, and let the calm fill me once more. Regretfully, I unwind and unwrap and put my feet on the ground. Needing his touch, I grab his hand and tangle our fingers together. I glance around, trying to find a place to sit and then pull him toward a big, smooth rock.

"Okay." I huff, once we're situated next to each other on the warm, flat surface. "It's like now, there's nothing holding me back, holding us back. I want to be with you. I want to go to college and travel and have sex in the middle of the afternoon and walk on the beach and someday," I swallow, but it feels like I've swallowed a big ball of sunshine, "someday, we're going to get married and have babies and plant trees and take our kids camping in the desert and to Disney World and maybe our daughter will play the drums like me or soccer like you and our son will look like my dad and smile like my mom and we'll just …" I take a breath because I feel a little lightheaded. "We're going to live happily ever after. Together."

He gasps, or gulps, then he sort of squeaks and kind of moans all at once. "Jesus Christ, I fucking love you." He pulls and I'm in his lap. "Whatever, wherever, it'll always be me and you, Bella. Always."

"Promise?" I don't really need to ask, I just like to hear the answer.

"You bet your sexy ass I promise." He growls, grins, then smashes his lips to mine and kisses me senseless. Once we come up for air, the night has gotten decidedly cooler and I know we need to back to the hotel for dinner. "Are you ready to leave?" he asks, his voice sweeter, softer as if he doesn't want to remind me we have to go.

I stand and pull him up with me, glance over my shoulder at our friends and family still standing and waiting. I look back out over the desert, memorizing it, not that I'll ever forget. Leaving here, leaving Mom will be hard, but it's time. "Yes," I whisper.

"You okay?"

I nod. I am.

"Let's go home," he says as he starts to lead us toward everyone.

I pull him to a stop. "Home is wherever you are," I tell him, meaning it with all I am.

"I swear, one day you're gonna kill me with that sweet stuff, Isabella Marie Swan someday Cullen."

His stomach grumbles loudly and I giggle. "Not if you die of starvation first," I tell him with a grin.

We take a few steps, hands clasped, and I look back, whispering, "Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad."

Edward hears, he squeezes my hand but he doesn't say anything. He doesn't have to. He already knows that the only place I want to be is beside him, always.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

DaPK Chapter 19 - Score

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

Chapter 19 - Score

EPOV

A buzzing sound from far away, then closer, closer until I realize it's my phone. Eyes closed, I fumble past my alarm clock, a half-full bottle of water, and the plate with chocolate chip cookie crumbs from my late night snack to find the source of the noise.

"Bella?" I ask, after I peel my eyelid off my eyeball and see her number lighting up the phone.

A sigh, then a quiet, "Sorry, I know it's late, but I can't sleep."

I blink a few times to get some moisture in my eyes and scoot up in the bed until my back is against the headboard. I fluff the pillows and wiggle to try to get comfortable. Bella giggles when I grunt because I get tangled in the sheet. Bright red numbers on my alarm clock glow one forty-five, but I don't even think about the fact that I have to be up in five hours for school. Sleep can wait, Bella can't.

"What's wrong? Everything's okay with Phil, isn't it?"

He had to leave to go back to Seattle. According to Bella he didn't want to, but he had meetings scheduled he couldn't change. Selfishly, I'm glad. I know they've needed the time to talk and get over what happened, but this weekend is ours. We need it. I need it.

She sighs, but it's not the kind that makes my dick hard. Instead, I curl my fingers around the phone, ready to listen to whatever she has to say. "Talk to me, baby."

I hear her rustle in her bed, and I try to focus on the fact that there's a reason for her call and try not to imagine what she looks like all rumpled and warm, hair tangled, cheeks pink, and dressed in nothing but a t-shirt and underwear. It works ... at least partially. I tell myself I'll see it up close and personal in less than twenty-four hours. It can't come soon enough.

"I had a bad dream," she whispers.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" I ask, wishing more than anything she was next to me so I could kiss it all away.

She waits a few seconds. I can picture her chewing on her bottom lip while she twists the sheet in her hand as she weighs the pros and cons of telling me. It's not that she tries to hide anything - she can't even if she wants to; she knows I can always tell when there's something wrong. Even through the phone.

"It was just the same stuff as always. Something happens to Mom, I'm not here, and then she's gone." Her voice is even, monotone, and that has my mind racing more than if she were crying.

She's been upset far too much lately.

I swallow, fighting the urge to placate her with things I can't promise.

"Bella." I sigh.

She scoffs and I know if she were in front of me, she'd roll her eyes, too ... hell, she probably is anyway, I can feel it. "I know, I know. I can't spend all my time worrying about what if."

I roll over and stare at the ceiling, not really seeing it. Instead, I see the way she looked when I walked into her building Saturday night and found her alone and upset ... and needing me. I know she's worried about leaving her mom for two days; she's been upset about it all week. Between the fight with Phil, spending Sunday with him because he rushed to Forks as soon as he could get away, and then school on top of our plans for this weekend, it's a wonder she even knows which way is up.

She wouldn't be my Bella if she wasn't thinking about every scenario possible.

I settle into my pillow and hold the phone close to my ear. "We don't have to do anything this weekend. You know that right?"

"Don't you want to?"

I snort and groan a little because just mentioning this weekend has me semi-hard. "You don't even have to ask. Of course I do. The chance to see you completely naked has played a starring role in my fantasies ever since I first saw you. I just don't want you to think that this weekend is only about us having sex. You've had a hell of a week, you know? I'm a guy, so I'm never going to turn down getting busy with you, but I'm not a dick either."

She huffs, annoyed, through the phone when she says, "Of course you're not a dick, Edward. I never could have made it through this week without you."

As much as the comment makes me feel like a super stud, I scoff. "Yes you could have, baby. You're so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and you're way too fucking hard on yourself, too. You're allowed to be pissed and scared, Bella. The whole situation sucks."

She doesn't say anything for the longest time and I don't force her to talk, I just wait, listening to her breathe. I could listen to her do only that all night. I mean, I am her Creeper after all ... but it's the truth. Just knowing she's there makes me feel things I can't even put into words.

"Can we … ?" she begins then stops abruptly.

"Can we what? Anything. You know I'll give you or do anything you want."

My heart, my body, a head-to-toe massage, as long as we can do it naked. Hell, at this point I'd even be willing to sit through The Notebook, twice.

When she hums and then starts talking, barely above a whisper and in that soft, breathy voice that never fails to make my skin break out in goosebumps, I have to close my eyes. Jesus Christ, do I ever love her. "Can we not talk about Mom or Phil or school or soccer or anything else heavy this weekend? I only want to think about us. I want this weekend to be about you and me and nobody and nothing else. Please."

"Of course," I answer back, because really, I want exactly the same thing. "Two days of prime Edward and Bella time sounds pretty fucking awesome if you ask me. Anything else you want?"

"Just you," and holy hell the twisty turny thing in my stomach roars to life.

"You've got me, baby. Forever."

There's no sound for a few minutes, each of us lost in thought, and hopefully thinking about the same thing. I haven't been able to think about much else. Bella's breakdown and the aftermath has been front and center for the past few days as she's struggled to come to terms with the harsh reality of Renée's condition. Barring a miracle, the chances of Renée ever waking up are zero. Deep down I think Bella has known it all along, she'd just convinced herself that by hoping and praying and believing that somehow, someway, Renée would come back. And as awful and as hard as it was to see Bella in so much pain after she lashed out at Phil, some good did come from it. Phil is no longer letting Bella shoulder all the responsibility concerning Renée. No decisions will be made until after the holidays, Phil has promised that, assuming no unforeseen complications medical-wise that is, but after the first of the year, I don't think Renée will be with us much longer. It's not good for Bella or Phil, and as gently as I've been able to, I've told Bella I don't think it's good for Renée either. From everything Bella has told me about her mom, I can't imagine that seeing Bella hurt and struggling every day is anything she would have wanted.

My girl's the strongest person I've ever known, but she can't keep going like she has been.

I won't let her.

The episode with her mom was as big a wake-up call for me as it's been for Bella and Phil. Seeing Bella's reaction to Renée having a fever for only a day, really brought home just how hard it will be on her when the time comes and Renée is gone for good. Bella always tries so hard and so much to keep things to herself, but I hope after what happened last weekend, she'll realize that we're all going to be here for her. Not just me and Phil, but my parents and our friends, too.

"It's gonna be harder than hell keeping my hands off of you tomorrow, you know that, right?" I ask after the silence has lasted too long.

"And that's going to be different from any other day, how?" she teases right back.

We laugh and suddenly everything but just us is gone.

"I can't wait to have you all to myself," I tell her, yawning and trying not to think about the fact I have to be up in a few hours.

"I can't wait either."

She yawns and I ask, "Are you going to be able to sleep now? You need your rest for what I have planned for you, you know."

"You're such a pervy boy, all you think about is getting me naked." She giggles.

"Um, Bella, have you met me? Of course I think about getting you naked. As often as I can as a matter of fact."

We both yawn this time and she says softly, "Thanks for staying up with me. I didn't mean to wake you up."

I snort. "Whatever. You know if you need me, I'm there. Now tell me you love me so I can go to sleep and dream about you naked."

"Love you. See you in the morning."

"Love you, too, baby." There are a few beats of silence and just before she hangs up, I say, "Hey, Bella, just think, this time tomorrow night you'll be here, with me, and I can give you a good night kiss."

"Mmmm, now that's something to give me sweet dreams."

I hang up, knowing my own dreams are going to be anything but sweet.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

"You're sure you'll be okay?" Mom asks as she buttons her wool coat. Dad chuckles behind her and I shake my head. She's only asked me this question, or some variation of it, at least twenty-five times - just since I got home from school.

"Dear, we left him alone for a month over the summer; I'm pretty sure he can handle two nights. Besides," he grins as he drapes an arm over her shoulder, "there's a jacuzzi with our names on it in our very expensive hotel room in Seattle."

I groan. Oh no he didn't.

"Dad," I whine and squeeze my eyes shut to keep that image from even trying to form in my head. Dad smirks at me, like he knows what he just said has me thinking things I most definitely don't want anywhere in my head. Think of Bella naked I urge myself silently and then I have a whole other problem. Fuck. I cough and try to adjust without touching my now-awake dick and when Dad catches my eye and grins, I swear he knows exactly what I just did. Knowing him, he probably does.

"Just part of life, son." He smiles and raises an eyebrow.

Mom giggles - giggles - leaving absolutely no doubt about what they'll be spending some of their alone time doing and it makes me want to rip off the top of my head and dump in a gallon, or five, of bleach. It's cool my parents are so crazy about each other but still, I don't really need to know it and I sure as hell don't need to see it.

Mom steps forward, arms out, and squeezes me while she gives me a kiss on the cheek. "We'll see you Sunday afternoon, okay? There's a pot of chili in the refrigerator and cornbread muffins in a Ziploc bag on the counter. I also made a batch of brownies and there is still some chicken and dumplings leftover from dinner last night."

I resist the urge to lick my lips, because hell yeah, Mom's chili is fucking awesome, so instead I kiss her back. "Thanks, Mom. I'll take your chili over pizza any day."

"There's plenty for Jasper and Emmett, too, because I'm sure they'll be here at some point."

Not if they want to live.

"Sure, thanks."

Dad chuckles softly and I can't even look at the man. Jesus. If he gives me the birds and bees talk, I swear I'll tell Mom about the extra big slice of chocolate cake and the glass of chocolate milk I saw him carry into his office last night after she went to bed.

"Carlisle, hand me the keys and I'll go warm up the car." She kisses me again and then she's out the door.

For a second neither my dad nor I can say anything until he quirks his mouth and gives me a hug. "I know you'll be careful with her, son. She's had an emotional week."

I gulp. It's not that I didn't think he'd know Bella was coming over, it's just I didn't really think he'd say anything, but I suppose I should have known better. This is Dad we're talking about. "Yes, sir," I answer and try not to cringe when I say it.

We lock eyes for a few moments - words aren't really necessary.

"Be safe," is all the words of advice he leaves me with. "I love you, son. Say hi to Bella for us and we'll see you Sunday, okay?"

I slap his back as he hugs me. "Love you, too, Dad. You and Mom have fun ... but not too much fun." I smirk when I step back.

"You could learn a thing or ten from your old man, kid. We'll call you when we get there."

He gives me one last look, one that says so many different things, and I'm struck silent as I realize just how much he and Mom trust me. It's kind of a shock really, and for just the briefest of seconds I wonder if I should just shelve the whole weekend but as soon as the thought comes, I dismiss it. Nothing is getting in the way of being with Bella for the next two days, and based on what Dad's just told me, he and Mom obviously trust me enough to take care of Bella and not hurt her. Not that I ever would, but knowing they understand even if I'm pretty sure they're not a hundred percent happy about the situation makes me feel better.

There are some things best left unsaid.

He smiles one last time then turns to walk away. He takes a few steps before I call out, "Hey, Dad." When he turns, I rush forward and hug him again, taking us both by surprise. "Drive carefully," I whisper.

He kisses the side of my head then walks to the car without saying another word. I stand on the porch and watch as they drive off, red taillights swallowed up by the dark. Once they're out of sight, I stand there and breathe in and out for a few minutes.

In just a few hours Bella will be here and I can't fucking wait.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

I watch the clock as I stir the chili and go over a mental list in my head.

Clean room, clean sheets, check.

iPod loaded and charged, check.

Condoms, check.

Ready to make love to my girl over and over and over again. Check, check, and triple, hell yes, check.

I have to take a few deep breaths and I wipe a sweaty palm down the front of my jeans. Glance at the clock again, groaning a little when less than two minutes have gone by, and it's still more than an hour before Bella is supposed to be here. I should probably feel bad about her lying to Maggie about where she's going this weekend, but I don't. Rose is the only one who knows - I didn't even tell Emmett or Jasper. I'm not taking the chance of anyone barging in. It would be just my luck for one of them to open their big mouths about my parents being out of town and the next thing I'd know, I'd have a house full of people. No fucking way. Bella belongs with me and I'm not going to feel bad about it either. After graduation, we won't have to worry about sneaking around or lying to anyone and that's just the way it should be.

Again, visions like ones I've had before flash in my mind. Us cooking dinner together, doing homework at the library, watching TV in bed, her wearing my t-shirt and boxers or even better than that, completely naked and wrapped around me. Early morning breakfasts before class, talking late at night after my soccer games, walks on the beach in the moonlight because there's no way I'm going to school in California - which is looking more and more likely every day - and not living by the beach.

I push the thought of college away. I promised Bella no heavy stuff this weekend, though I have to say, imagining Bella in the California sunshine, short shorts and a tight tank top, or a tiny bikini, tanned and smiling is enough to make me want to sign my letter of intent to UCLA right this second. I stir the chili again then turn it off, and wonder if I should set the table. Looking around, I start to second-guess myself. Maybe I should have bought her flowers or ordered something special for dinner? Shit. I start to pace, over-thinking every damned thing. I do not want this weekend to feel forced or scripted. Whatever else happens, well besides the making love part because there's no chance in hell it won't, I want to be easy and comfortable.

It's not like I know what goes on in this kind of situation seeing as how I've never been in one, and it's not something I can ask Emmett or Jasper about.

Fuck it, I decide. Bella doesn't need any of that stuff. She's Drummer Girl, I'm her Creeper, and things with us have always been no muss, no fuss, just simple and honest and that's the way this whole weekend should be, too.

And thank Christ for that. I think I used up all my good ideas for her birthday.

Feeling better, I run upstairs to change my clothes. Can't have my girl seeing me in baggy sweats and a ratty t-shirt, though it might make the taking off part a little easier. Sweats are definitely quicker to get out of than jeans, but oh well. By the time I'm dressed, after changing my shirt four times, only to wind up in the first one I put on, it's just about time for Bella to be here.

My heart starts thumping, my stomach rolling and flipping. I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my life, but then I think about being able to wake up with Bella beside me, and all the nerves fade away, leaving only the sense of excitement that I finally get to have her all to myself for two whole days. Even without the sex, this weekend's going to be one I'll never forget.

Of course when I see headlights sweep over the window and then hear a car door slam shut, the nerves are out in full force again.

I don't even wait for her to knock, I hurry to the door and open it. I wait and watch as she pulls her bag out of her car and lifts it onto her shoulder. Too late, I realize I should be carrying it for her, but I can't move. All I can do is keep my eyes glued to her as she walks toward the front steps. She must feel me watching because when she looks up, she's already smiling.

God damn, she looks good.

Tight jeans, snow white sweater that hugs her in all the right places, hair up in a high ponytail, and not one speck of makeup on her gorgeous face.

"Someone is excited to see me, curb-service and everything," she says as I finally take the bag from her. "I must be someone special," she teases with a huge, bright smile.

I wrinkle my nose and shrug. "Eh, you'll do I suppose."

"Jackass." She huffs as she bumps my hip.

"You make it so easy. Any trouble getting away from Maggie?" I ask as we walk through the front door.

She shakes her head then stops and looks around, not saying a word. "It smells good in here," she says once she turns to face me again. She glances at me for only a few seconds before she turns away, nervous and awkward.

"Hey," I say softly as I reach for her hand. "Relax, okay? I'm not gonna jump your bones right here in the entryway. Not that you don't look good enough, because, baby, you look fucking incredible, but I'll at least feed you first."

"Oh God, Edward." She giggles and that sort-of tense, slightly uncomfortable feeling that was just in the air is gone.

Thank goodness.

A few more steps in the house and then we stop again. "Do you want to eat now or wait a little bit? It's ready so whatever you want …." I trail off, and now all of a sudden I'm the one at a loss for words.

Finally we look at each other and both laugh. It's a little forced, but it feels almost natural, almost like us.

I roll my eyes; this is ridiculous. "Come on, let's go take your bag upstairs and then we can eat, maybe watch a movie afterward."

She nods, though we both know what else will be happening tonight. And with that thought, my mind starts racing ahead.

Walking up the stairs - well more accurately dragging Bella - feels surreal. I know she's here and I'm taking her to my room, but Jesus. My heart's slamming inside my chest and my legs feel like rubber.

I grin when I get to my room and then squeeze her hand real quick before I open the door.

I cleaned, not that it was all that messy to begin with, but it's not like I want her seeing my dirty socks. Doesn't make for the most romantic of settings you know.

We take a few steps forward and I feel like an idiot, not knowing what to say. The truth is, I don't really. It's not like any other girl has been in here. The last time she was here, my parents were downstairs and I didn't know that at some point in the very near future, we'd be having sex.

Definitely not the same thing.

Not even close.

She walks toward my desk, looking everywhere but at me. She's nervous. She keeps opening and closing her right hand and with her other, she pushes her hair behind her ear.

"Holy shit." I chuckle nervously and run a hand through my hair. I have no doubt my cheeks are red, the tips of my ears, too, more than likely, and I'm really glad I'm wearing a navy blue t-shirt because I know I'm sweating like a mofo. "You're here, in my room," I say, and even to my own ears I sound like a fool, but I don't care.

She giggles and I drop her bag on the floor at the foot of the bed.

It looks good there, not even gonna lie.

"I've been in your room before you know."

I nod. "You have, but not like this." I swallow. My throat's dry, raw, and my tongue feels like it's grown about three sizes.

We're staring at each other and there's this hum in the air, like the low buzzing sound of a fluorescent light. Crackles and pops, the energy bouncing between us positively sizzles.

"Edward," she breathes, and that's it. It's time.

All my plans for later - out the fucking window. She's here and I want her and I don't want to wait another goddamned second to have her.

I take a step then stop. She gasps, a little squeak slips out and her eyes widen.

She knows.

She toes out of her shoes then stands up straight, waiting.

Jesus, she's so beautiful … so mine.

With a few steps from each of us, we're standing in front of each other and then it's all mouths and hands and tongues and grabbing and lifting. Sloppy kisses that make us laugh a little bit, noses that bump into each other. Forehead against forehead, she smiles, shy and kind of nervous. "This is … oh God, we're really going to do this, aren't we?"

"Hell yes we are."

Her sweater, my shirt, off. Then my arms around hers, holding her close.

"Fuck you feel good," I mumble against her mouth, licking and nibbling along her bottom lip. Hands pressed on her back, I fumble with the clasp on her bra.

She laughs softly and I pull back, tip my head, as I look at her. "I had this planned so much differently." She grins and takes a deep breath. "I even had this sexy little nightie to wear to bed tonight."

I groan, imagining what she'd look like. "You can show me later. I need you. Right now."

She nods and her fingers dig into my arm. "Later, yes, later."

"Oh, baby," I moan once her bra is off. I want to lick and suck and spend hours with my mouth just on her perfect tits. I walk us toward the bed, stumbling, touching, kissing … wanting.

I follow her down, shifting and maneuvering until she's in the center. Push my fingers into her hair, slide the elastic off, and then spread her hair out. It looks even better than I pictured.

"I've wanted this, you, right here, for so long," I whisper against her skin as I lick a trail across her collarbones.

"I've wanted it, too. I've thought about this so much, what it would be like with you." Her body moves against mine, needy, like she can't get close enough.

Her hands are everywhere, around my biceps, on my back, in my hair, on my ass. She ghosts her lips wherever she can reach - my chest, along my arm, my chin. She spreads her legs, making room, and I settle between her thighs. Even through two layers of denim I can feel how hot she is. I swivel my hips, angle my cock so it presses right against her. She thrashes her head and the groan that bubbles up from her chest makes my dick swell to the point that it hurts.

"Mmmm, that feels good." She gives me a sweet but sexy smile and I love that she can tell me and show me what she likes.

My hand glides over her stomach to the button on her jeans. Kissing her, our tongues tangled and twisted, I manage to get the button undone and the zipper down. My fingers dip inside her panties and find her clit. I circle and rub, just how she likes it.

"Yes, Edward … oh … ahhh." She bites her lip and then locks her eyes on mine. They're clear and bright and there's not even the slightest hint that she doesn't want me as much as I want her.

I rock against her hip, my cock aching.

"Touch me, Bella, come on," I urge and raise my hips so she can get at my damned jeans. I knew I should have left the sweats on. Her hands shake and she has to try a few times to get the button undone. She gives me a shy smile.

"I'm not very good at this," she says with a slight shrug of her shoulders and a roll of her eyes. Unbuttoned and unzipped finally, it takes a few tugs and grunts, and we both laugh a little when my feet get stuck as I try to wiggle out of my jeans. I definitely should have kept the sweats on.

"Fuck," I mutter and I kick my legs until my feet are free and the jeans fall to the floor. Next, hers come off and then there's only my boxers and her underwear between us.

I take a moment to drink her in then crawl over her, fingers and lips touching every place I can reach.

Skin, there's so much soft, sugar cookie-scented skin.

"Oh, yes," she almost purrs as I travel over and around all the sweet spots on her body. The hollow of her throat, the center of her chest, her shoulder, the sensitive, silky skin between her belly button and the top of her underwear.

Her fingertips run up and down my chest, then stop when she gets to the top of my boxers.

"Baby, I'm dying here. Touch me, please." I want to fuck her, but this part, the touching and kissing, feels too good to stop.

Her legs fall open more, knees bent, and my whole hand is inside her underwear. She's so slick and hot, her breath coming in choppy bursts as I continue circling her clit. Her fingers finally, finally, wrap around my cock and I sigh into her mouth. Messy kisses, all tongues and teeth, muttered curse words asking for more and a few 'fuck yeah's and we're both panting, grinding against each other.

She starts whimpering, making that one sound she always does when she's close to coming.

"More, Edward. I'm gonna come." She stretches, wanting, needing. She's so close. Chest flushed pink, beads of sweat between her tits, strands of hair stick to the side of her face, her forehead. Eyes shining, lips swollen and red … she's everything I want and so much more.

"Jesus, Bella. You're here, with me, in my bed." I buck into her hand, her strokes awkward and out of rhythm, but it still feels fucking incredible.

"Faster, please. Oh … yes, just like that." Now she finds a rhythm, matching mine, and we're both breathing hard, heavy, on the brink of coming. With a groan, because God I don't want her to stop, I shift my hips so I'm out of her reach. I'm seconds from exploding and there's no way I'm doing that before I'm inside of her.

"Hurry, baby, come, so I can have you," I prod, needing to get her ready.

A few more circles, a press of my thumb as I plunge two fingers inside of her, and she's almost there. In and out, stretching her, even though I know it won't be enough, she whimpers and moans. I swallow them as I kiss her, my tongue matching my fingers, swirling inside her mouth while my fingers work her closer and closer to coming.

"You're so fucking beautiful," I whisper, breathing against her neck.

My cock is still hard, and I grind against her. Her legs go around my waist, my mouth finds her nipple. I lick and suck, pinch. Her hands move to my face, her thumbs brush across my cheeks.

"Edward, oh God, baby. Feels so good." She lifts her head, presses her lips to mine. "I can't wait to feel you inside of me," she says as she stares into my eyes.

I groan, her words making my dick throb even more. "I want you so fucking bad." My fingers move faster, faster until she throws her head back and comes, hard.

"Yes," I say as I watch her fall apart. "Holy fuck, you look so hot when you come." She grinds against my hand, her pussy clenched around my fingers.

"Oh God, oh God," she says over and over and her body shakes every time I touch her.

I lean down to kiss her again, and pull my hand out so I can get her naked. I kneel between her thighs and drag her panties down her legs. Once I have them off, I toss them over my shoulder, unable to tear my eyes away from her.

"Bella." Her name is a whispered prayer, a plea, and suddenly, I can't even find the words to tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me. How much I want her, in all ways, forever.

I stare at her for a few moments, memorizing the way she looks right now. "I love you. So much," I tell her, too much emotion bubbling in my throat makes it almost impossible to talk.

"I love you, too. Make love to me, Edward. Please." She reaches for me. Her hands shake as she presses them to my chest, the tips of her fingers right above my heart. I feel it all the way down to the bottom of my feet and to the top of my head. Warmth and want and need and an overwhelming sense to simply have her, keep her.

I lean forward and rest most of my weight on my forearms. Stretched out over her, we're skin to skin, everywhere, for the first time. It's already almost too much and I haven't even gotten anywhere close to being inside of her yet.

"Oh … it's just ... please," Bella whispers, clutching my arms so tightly it feels like she's hanging on for dear life.

"Shhh, I've got you," I murmur and I cover her mouth with mine and kiss her. Slow and deep, even though every part of me wants fast and hard.

We kiss until I get dizzy and have to pull back to take a deep breath. I run my fingers through her hair, down the side of her face. The tips of her fingers do the same, across my forehead, over my cheeks, along my lips. So soft, featherlight, and it feels fucking amazing. Our eyes lock on each other, breaths matching, bodies primed and ready for the next step. Without a word, I reach beneath my pillow and grab a condom. She watches, eyes wide, tongue licking her lips as I put it on.

"Are you ready?"I ask, and my voice shakes. I'm not nervous, not really, but this is Bella and we're finally going to make love and it makes my head spin.

"Yes," she says, sure, and I have to kiss her again.

I lift my hips then stop right at her entrance. "Hang on to me, okay? I'll try to go slow."

"I want this, Edward, want you. It's okay, it's gonna be perfect," she says as she moves a little to get where she wants to be, needs me to be.

I lift and then let myself push inside of her, just a tiny bit. "Oh, fuck, Bella," I moan, because even barely inside of her feels fucking incredible.

Slowly, I move, pushing inside a little more with each thrust. She groans, and it doesn't sound quite like it feels all that good. I stop and look down at her. I kiss her, letting my mouth, my tongue soothe away the hurt.

"If I could make this not hurt, I would." But oh God, she feels so good around me. Hot and tight, my cock throbs inside of her. I dip my head, swipe the flat of my tongue across a hard nipple. Sucking it into my mouth, she arches her back. I slide even deeper inside of her. Almost. She's stretched so tight around me and it feels like nothing I've ever imagined.

"Me, Bella. Look at me," I pant. Our skin slick, muscles taut, it's taking all I have to keep myself from letting go and sinking fully inside of her, but I wait.

Her eyes find mine and though I can tell it hurts, she gives me a smile.

"There it is," I murmur and brush my lips across hers. "You ready? Just a little more and then I'll be all the way inside of you."

"Oh, Edward," she breathes, though it's unsteady.

"I know, baby. I know. You feel so fucking incredible." My hips move a little, slow, because I know she's hurting.

"Move, Edward. It's okay." Her voice wavers and her fingers slide up my arms, into my hair.

My arms shake and burn from holding myself up, but I can't move. All this time, all the waiting, and I don't want it to be over. I know as soon as I really start moving it won't take but a few thrusts until it's embarrassingly over.

She feels so, so good.

She wraps her arms around me, holding onto me tighter, and whispers in my ear, "Now, Edward. I'm ready."

"Jesus, Bella. I didn't know, I can't," I moan as I relax and let go, sinking deep inside of her. "Oh yessssss." I breathe deep, in and out, against her neck, afraid to move, afraid not to.

Her breath catches, a painful gasp squeaks out, and she's so still. I snap my head up and push her hair back off her forehead. Her eyes are squeezed shut, mouth in a tight, flat line, teeth firmly embedded in her bottom lip. "Bella?"

She takes a few deep breaths, her fingernails dig into my arms. I don't move. I kiss her cheeks, her eyelids, the tip of her nose. "Are you okay? Do you want me to move?"

My legs are on fire, my chest so tight I can't breathe. Sweat pours down the side of my face, my neck.

"I'm okay, it hurts a little."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I whisper over and over again, but she feels so good I can't help but lift my hips and push inside of her.

In and out, in slow strokes, I move until her grip loosens and her body melts into the bed. "Oh yes," she pants and that's when I know it's better.

I watch her face, kiss her wrist when she lifts her hand to my cheek. "Edward," she whispers, and I can't say anything, not a word. All I can do is keep moving. I don't want to ever stop. "I love you," she says softly, her eyes saying everything else she can't find words for.

Nothing has ever felt this good.

I'm close already. I want her to come first but I don't think I can wait.

"Shit, Bella, I'm gonna come. Are you close?"

Heavy breaths fill the air around us. Skin slaps against skin, soft moans from each of us as I continue to move in and out of her. Fast and then slow, my body responds to every sound she makes, every touch.

"Oh, mmmm … oh yes," Bella breathes as she arches her back and wraps her legs tighter around my waist.

My fingers grip her side, I slam my hips against hers. Frantic, faster, wanting to hold off, but unable. "Bella, fuck, I'm so close, baby."

"Do it, come, Edward."

I press my mouth to hers, my tongue sliding against her lips, dips into her mouth. "I love you," I whisper hoarsely.

Every muscle in my body tenses, and then with one final thrust, I pick up my head and watch her eyes as I come inside of her for the first time.

In that moment, as I pulse inside of her and she clamps down around me, I know I'll never, ever want anyone or anything as much as her.

Panting as I try to catch my breath, I collapse on top of her, my cock still inside of her. Her hands glide up and down my back, she kisses the side of my face, then I feel fingers run through my damp hair.

"Holy hell," I mumble against her shoulder. "That was …."

She giggles a little and it makes my cock twitch inside of her. "Yeah, it was."

I lift my head, lick up the side of her neck and then close my mouth over hers. Kissing her, I shake in her arms as the reality of what just happened settles over me.

"Are you okay? Was it good?" I ask as my hands touch her everywhere, checking for … I don't even know.

"It was perfect," she answers immediately.

I brush my lips across hers and then gently bite on the bottom one. "Liar." I chuckle. "But I promise the next time will be better."

I finally slip out of her and then roll to my side, sliding the condom off and tossing it into the trash. "Come here," I murmur and pull her to me as we settle back on the pillows.

I know we need to clean up, I know there's probably a little blood and that can't feel good, but I don't want her to move just yet.

I run my fingers through her hair, feel her heart beat against my chest. I'm sure mine's beating just as hard, as fast. "I know that probably wasn't the best, but I'll make it up to you, don't worry."

"I'm sure you will." Her voice is rough and husky and it really makes me want to roll over on top of her and make good on my word right this second.

She chuckles a little and both of us just lie there, letting the intensity of the moment fade away a bit. Another few minutes pass while we don't say anything and then her stomach rumbles. I do roll over now, and kiss her soundly on the mouth. "Let's get cleaned up, get some food in that stomach, and then well … we'll see what I can do about showing you I do know what I'm doing when it comes to having sex with you."

"Shut up, it was perfect. I promise." She smiles and lifts her head, her mouth beside my ear. "Though I definitely won't complain about doing that again and again," she licks my neck, then nips at my earlobe, "and again."

"Fuuuuuck, baby," I groan, pressing my hips to hers. She's still warm, wet, and it really would only take a few seconds for me to get hard again with how good she feels.

Her stomach grumbles again. "That's it." I laugh as I reluctantly roll off her and stand up. I slide my fingers in hers and tug, until she stands up, too. "Bathroom, then food, then more of that." I tip my chin toward the bed, the rumpled, still warm sheet and blankets making me feel hot all over.

"Christ, I just … I love you so much," I say and shake my head. I look her up and down, she still looks the same, like my Bella, but I know everything's changed now. "You're so hot," I say with a sigh because she's naked and it's true.

She dips her head and tucks her chin into her shoulder, her cheeks pink. "You just got lucky, you don't have to butter me up." She giggles when she turns to look at me after she takes a deep breath.

We stare at each other for a few seconds, and I know if we don't move, I'm dragging her gorgeous ass right back into bed.

Once we're cleaned up and she's dressed in one of my t-shirts and no panties per my request, and I'm in a pair of loose basketball shorts, commando, because the less clothes the better, we go downstairs and eat.

It's perfect. No awkwardness at all, but there is lots of quiet talking, and plenty of touching and kissing, not mouth to mouth though, because chili breath is not sexy - at all - not even on Bella.

And then, after dessert and a movie and brushed teeth, we slip beneath the sheet and blankets and I cover her body with mine. "More, Bella. Let me make love to you again. I'll make you feel so good," I whisper against her lips.

We do, and it is better this time. And when she comes, a long time later, shuddering beneath me, I follow right behind, knowing I'll never get enough of her.

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~

Tree branches scratching against the side of the house as they are buffeted by the wind wake me up. I'm warm, almost hot, and I realize it's because I have long, silky brown hair draped over my bare chest, a soft, smooth leg laid over my thigh, knee in the perfect spot to cause all kinds of problems - both good and bad - and lips that every so often brush against my side. I lift the blankets and look, admire, burn the vision of her perfect ass, her sexy legs, her gorgeous face onto my brain.

Bella. Is. Naked. In. My. Bed.

Holy shit.

I almost laugh out loud. I do make this crazy weird combination snort-sigh sound that makes her cuddle closer. She lets out this adorable breathy sigh when I run my finger up and down her back and I watch and wait as she settles back to sleep. Mind reeling, body sore in all the right places, I relax back into my pillow. In other words, I'm as comfortable as can be and have no intention, no desire to ever, ever, move.

Why the hell would I want to?

A few more minutes pass and I spend them touching her, listening to her breathe, and telling myself over and over again that it's too soon to wake her up again. Not that I don't want to, because hello? Bella is naked in my bed, but I know she has to be sore and I'm not that much of a greedy bastard to push for a third time. Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I am, but I can wait. Bella will need a nice, long, hot and steamy shower and considering some of my very favorite times imagining what finally having sex with her would be like, it seems rather fitting that the next time I have her is in the shower. Talk about dreams coming true.

I drop a kiss on the top of her head, run my fingers through her hair, and smile in complete and utter contentment. The wind continues to whistle through the trees, and I watch as the moonlight casts shadows along the floor and up the walls. Every now and then the light will shine just right and make Bella's skin practically glow. She's so beautiful. Having her next to me in my bed is a hundred, a thousand times better than I even imagined. I shift a little beside her so that I can look at her face. The urge to kiss every inch of her is so strong. I can't help but nuzzle my nose along her jaw, her cheek and then to that one spot that always smells so fucking good right behind her ear. She sighs and when I pull back, there's the sweetest smile on her face. I want to wake up to that smile, right there, every day for the rest of my life.

I groan quietly, not that I don't mean it, because holy hell I've never meant anything more, but instantly I get my dad, Jasper and Emmett, too, in a way I never have before. The way they feel about Mom, Alice, and Rose, I understand every sappy word they've ever said, every time either Jasper or Emmett has blown me off to spend time with Ali and Rose. I even get the way I find my dad just watching, smiling at Mom, even when she does the simplest things. It's about being complete, having that one person to love that makes you feel like no matter what happens, they will always be by your side.

Reaching across Bella, I grab her notebook and a pen, needing to write, to tell her what I'm feeling right at this moment.

My pen scratches across the paper. Bella's soft breaths, the nighttime sounds of the house that I never pay attention to but now, somehow, I can hear every one as I write, fills the air. Words pour out, and I let them. I have no idea if I'm making any sense, it doesn't really matter if I am or not, Bella will understand what I'm trying to say. I fill the page. Words that used to scare me like love and forever and heart and need and again and everything are repeated more than a few times. There are a few fucks thrown in there, too, because well, I'm me and I can't help it.

Some time later warm, soft fingertips ghost over my knee.

"Hey." Her voice is thick with sleep, her hair tangled both from my fingers and the fact that she's a wiggler in bed. There's a wrinkle on her cheek from her pillow, her lips are swollen from my kisses, and she's never looked sexier.

I brush the back of my fingers down the side of her face and lean to kiss her because she's right here and I can.

"What are you doing?"

I tap the pen against the page and then close the notebook. "Talking to you," I tell her with a shrug.

"Edward." She sighs. I toss the notebook and pen back on the desk. She can read it later, hopefully without me anywhere around. I mean, I don't get embarrassed telling her anything, but still, I'm a guy - there's only so much sap I can stomach, even when it's my own.

I lay back down on my pillow and we're nose to nose.

She swallows then licks her lips. I want to lick her. Again. Everywhere.

"Did we really?"

I grin and nod. Totally pleased with myself because holy shit it was fucking incredible. I can't wait to do it again. "Yep. Twice."

She giggles.

I love that sound.

I love her more.

"Wow," she whispers, breathless and raspy and it makes my dick hard.

I reach for her and slide my leg between hers. Hand on her ass, the other buried in her hair. "You can say that again. Are you okay? Sore?"

Her cheeks flush pink and she dips her head beneath my chin. Fucking adorable as shit. I squeeze her ass and run my nose along her neck. She smells so good. Like peppermint and sugar cookies and sweat ... and me.

"I'm perfect, never been better," she whispers then kisses my chest.

We settle back into the pillows, completely wrapped around each other. "Fall asleep with me, Edward, just like this," she murmurs softly, sleepily, and I kiss the top of her head.

"I can't think of anything better," I tell her and then shake my head when she laughs at me. "Fine, I can think of a few things, like time number three in the shower, but holding you while we sleep is pretty fucking awesome, too."

"Mmmmm, shower huh? I think that can be arranged." Her words are slow and garbled, she's barely awake.

"Sleep, baby." I kiss her temple, then her cheek.

"I love you," she says so softly I can barely hear her. "Forever."

I pull her closer, and whisper in her ear, "You bet your sweet ass forever. I'm never letting you go."

~~~~OOO~~~~OOO~~~~